New Lyrics: "Kong Monkey" (Patreon)

Here ya go -- a spoiler-free rundown of the dustup, just in time for its release in theaters snd on HBO Max. Sing along, you know the tune!

Kong Monkey get up, get moving,

Kong monkey got no plan,

Eat bananas, fight with t-rex,

Fall in love with girl Ann.

Carl Denham wants to make a movie but

Monkey gets enraged.

Gets knocked out by the stupid gas bombs,

Brought to Broadway stage.

Kong monkey breaks free from chains of chrome steel,

He Grabs Ann, begins to climb

To the top of the Empire State,

Kong monkey falls down to his fate.

It wasn't the airplanes,

Carl says it was beauty killed the beast,

Kong monkey very simple ape,

Big warm fuzzy secret heart --

Kong monkey deceased.

Kong monkey got greased.

Godzilla in the North Pacific,

Sleeping in ocean floor,

Gets woken by atomic testing

In Nineteen Fifty-Four.

Godzilla crushes several villages,

Bringing fear and death,

Destroys metropolis of Tokyo

With atomic breath.

Godzilla is finally beaten this time, but

May someday rise again,

Godzilla is big metaphor

For dangers of nuclear war,

Godzilla gets sequels,

Godzilla gets merchandising too,

Godzilla king of monsters --

But Kong monkey also king

So what else can we do?

But make films with these two -- a lot!

Kong monkey was first big monster,

Godzilla maybe best.

Now we have to decide a champion,

Only one way to test.

They could play checkers, go or ping pong,

Maybe Jeopardy,

Instead they're gonna have a wrestling match

On a town or three.

They did it back in the nineteen sixties,

But it was really not so good,

Now the CGI's awesome to boot,

But I kinda still miss man in suit

Kong monkey, Godzilla

Throw down to see real king is who,

Both titans very simple guys

Big screen monster spectacle,

King of the Kaiju.

King of the Kaiju!

Music: "Code Monkey" by Jonathan Coulton