Airlock (Patreon)

(Warning: NSFW [language])

Your typical social media page is much like a party in your house. Your friends come in, they talk... not all agree on everything. But, for the sake of propriety, everyone is pretty polite, to each other at least. When they're not... well, it's the host's job to do something about it.

As a result, we've all become more familiar with the Block function on Facebook the past couple of years, primarily used to get rid of people, "trolls", who simply will not behave themselves. David Gerrold (yes, THAT David Gerrold, the award-winning SF author) and Jim Wright are two of my very favorite bloggers. They are eloquent, heartfelt, and outspoken... which means they often attract trolls.

The trolls don't tend  to last long.

David's metaphor for the Block function is the Trebuchet, which is wonderful for flingin' stuff. Jim's is even more dramatic: an airlock. Like that on a naval vessel... or a space station. Hope you brought your breathing apparatus.

Anyway, a recent rash of people who got "airlocked" for hilarious reasons got several of us thinking of songs, and... well, here ya go.

(My own metaphor for the Block is the Ban Hammer. And the phrase, "Buh-bye.")

If you spend any time on Facebook you’ll know what I mean

There’s always one guy buttin’ in and saying things obscene

He’s callin names and layin blame and getting in your face

The only thing that you can do is launch him into space

He’s out the airlock...

Out the airlock,

Find his name and set for Block, give him one big hella shock

He’ll find someone else to mock, out the airlock, out the airlock

He’s determined to impress you with his wit and fire,

Thinks he’s Oscar Wilde, but he’s more like Oscar Meyer

Sticking to his talking points with arrogance and gall,

Pretend that he’s a Gallic cow and send him over the wall

With the Trebuchet...

Or the Trebuchay...

You can say it either way, French or English, that’s okay.

He’s still met his judgement day, Trebuchet, trebuchay.

A Facebook page is like a party with all of your friends,

But some folks think that they’re the place the party starts and ends.

They’re peeing in the punch bowl and then waiting to be thanked,

It’s past time to inform them that they’re permanently spanked.

So if you’ve got a commenter who’s always doom and gloom,

His every conversation sucks the air out of the room,

He hates on everything you love and tells you why you suck,

Shove him out without a suit and let him try his luck

Out the airlock...

Out the airlock...

Send him somewhere else to squawk, find somebody else to stalk

Brag about his monster cock, out the airlock out the airlock

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Image from the motion picture Gravity, © Warner Bros. Used without permission. No challenge to copyright is intended, nor should such be construed.