New Lyrics: "I'm Just The House" (Patreon)

The whole Kevin McCarthy foofrah is just hilarious. This, of course, is to the tune of "I'm Just A Bill" by Dave Frishberg.

Boy, it sure is easier to get into Congress without the metal detectors. But what's with that sad branch of Congress over there?

I’m just the House,

Yes, I'm only the House,

And the only thing I can do is grouse

About the

Battle for the speakership that's going on,

The Republican majority is too far gone

But I’ll be a branch of Congress someday,

At least I hope and I pray that I will,

But today I am still just the House.

Gosh, House, I don't understand.

Aren't you already part of Congress?

Well, yes and no.

Y’see, the very first thing the House of Representatives has to do is elect a Speaker.

Until they have that recognized leader,

They can't vote on any legislation, they can't get paid,

They can't nothin’.

And the front runner for Speaker is somebody no one likes or trusts,

So he can't get enough votes to win.

I’m just the House,

Yes, I'm only the House,

And the nominee for Speaker’s a mouse

Who first condemned Trump for that whole insurrection thing,

Then went down to Mar-a-Lago to kiss his ring.

And he's sure that he’ll be Speaker someday,

At least he hopes and prays that he will,

But today he is still just a shill.

Listen to those Congressmen arguing!

Is all that discussion and debate about you?

Yeah, they can't decide whether I should live or die.

Die!?

Yes, of embarrassment.

Their nominee keeps giving up more and more power to a radical fringe of seditionists pretending to be responsible lawmakers,

And they keep voting and he keeps losing.

Isn't doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

the definition of insanity?

Oh yes!

I’m just the House,

Yes, I'm only the House,

And whoever's Speaker will be a louse

But till they get two hundred eighteen votes, nothing gets done,

Wouldn't it be hilarious if Jeffries won,

'Cause someone's got to be the speaker someday,

At least I hope and pray that they will,

'Cause until then I’m ill, doing nil

Well, can't the minority party do anything?

Why should they? They’ve spent years watching these crazies mess up everything, with obstruction and insurrection and just plain denial of reality. They're unified behind their candidate, so they can munch popcorn and pass the Schadenfreude. To be honest, I really miss Nancy. I’m beginning to think I may never again be a functional part of the government.

At least I hope and I pray that I will,

But today I am still just the House.

Up and at ‘em, House!

Vote number twelve is in just fifteen minutes!

Oh, no!