New Song: "Show Me On The Doll" (Patreon)

I’m an American manly man,

I do manly things whenever I can.

I drive a four wheeler, I shoot squirrels,

I do Pabst-Blue-Ribbon thirty-two-ounce curls.

But now one of the things that I enjoyed

Has been tainted, fouled up, demeaned, destroyed,

I simply cannot wrap it round my head,

And this is what the E.R. attendant said....

“Show me on the doll where Taylor Swift hurt you,

Show me where did your machismo desert you

Show me the damage Taylor Swift did to your soul....”

I tune in to see humongous guys

Fight for a ball, but what a surprise.

They showed her for forty-four seconds total,

Over three short hours, I was rendered immotile.

I couldn't keep her off satellite antennas,

Now she’s burned into my retinas,

Can't take a breath, can't even cough, can't

Shake it off... shake it off...

“Show me on the doll where Taylor Swift hurt you,

Show me where the pop star tried to concert you,

Show me how her crowd is two times the Super Bowl....”

By Travis Kelce we’ve been betrayed,

She's thirty four, practically an old maid

There's nothing to recommend her, and

She'll write a song about you when you're no

Longer her old man....

I need more anti-Swift therapy,

I pray for the day I no longer see

A talented hot blonde billionaire

In the skybox cheering her favorite player

My life will never be the same

Since she destroyed my favorite game,

This'll probably lead to a Special Hell --

Hockey with Lizzo and Adele.

“Show me on the doll where Taylor Swift hurt you,

Show me how her big ol’ smile did pervert you,

Show me how you aren't doing this just to troll....

“Show me on the doll where Taylor Swift hurt you,

Show me where did your machismo desert you

Show me the damage Taylor Swift did to your soul....”