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The Eighth Warden Book 3 - Prologue and Chapters 1 to 3 (Patreon)

Published:
2020-05-25 23:24:05
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Hi, folks! Here's the early draft of the first three chapters for Book 3. Please let me know if you have any feedback.

I'll be writing Book 3 while I revise Book 2 into an ebook. Don't forget that the Book 1 ebook is now available!

--Ivy

Comments

Ferrum1

Throughly entertaining! I would have liked 30 chapters in this installment, but I guess I'll have to take what I can get. Overall, it read well and I didn't see any glaring issues. I'm not a fan of all the jumping around, visiting characters in far flung places, each getting a chapter or a couple paragraphs in a chapter. Maybe it's a personal pecadiloe, but I like sticking with one group for multiple chapters, building up the smaller arc before jumping to another character and their small arc. It's a trivial matter, I guess, but one of those things that always irks me in a tale. Of course, that's magnified by the fact that you're writing a wonderful story and I want to get into it as much as possible.

ivyveritas

Thanks for your feedback! At this point, I can't really change the style for this story -- it comes down to having too many point-of-view characters, and trying to place each scene in chronological order. I've learned some lessons from writing this story though, and in future stories, I'll have fewer point-of-view characters, and will attempt to not change point-of-view as frequently.

Ferrum1

No worries. I haven't been ruined by the experience and am sure there are other fans who will say it's awesome and makes for a fun read. To my mind, having several POV characters isn't problematic in and of itself. The issue is constantly jumping back and forth, especially when one character is thousands of miles away. I'm reminded of Tolkien's work. He had a lot of characters, but he broke up the tale into very large chunks so you'd spend days and weeks with one group before checking in to see what the other group was up to.

wclark57

"For all that he was only a farmer, Devlin had been a good man, and his death from infection had been difficult to take." The "For all that he was" confused me here.

ivyveritas

Thanks for the heads-up on this one. There's a phrase "for all that" that means, roughly, "in spite of" or "despite", but I'm trying to google for it to find examples of appropriate usage, so I can check my wording to see if it's okay, and I'm not finding a whole lot of examples. Also, "was" is probably the wrong verb tense, but "For all that he'd only been a farmer" sounds awkward. So maybe I need to just simplify the whole sentence -- "Devlin had only been a farmer, but he'd also been a good man, and his death from infection had been difficult for her." How does that sound?

wclark57

I think that makes it better. The "that" in "For all that" usually refers to something already said, or thought in this case. It's hard to make it fit if the "that" refers to the next thought. I imagined you intended to say something like " For all of the despiriting struggles a farmer must endure, Devlin was a good man." But even that doesn't seem to be the point of it. Being a farmer doesn't necessarily make one a bad person. So I had trouble placing it in some realistic context.

DavidJ

"For all that..." is proper English, if a bit dated. While I understood your meaning clearly, many people may have problems with it because few people outside of history professors would use it in common speech, It's more of a storyteller's device, which means it fit perfectly here. :D