Chapter 179: Recovery (Patreon)

“Careful. Don’t force it.”

“I know, I know. I’m just gonna- Ouch!”

Zixin flinched as a jolt of sharp pain shot through his left leg the moment he tried putting more weight on it. He instinctively pulled it back, only for the sudden movement to throw off his already shaky balance. He stumbled backwards and felt himself losing the ground beneath his feet.

Then, just as he was sure he was going to fall, two hands firmly clasped around his shoulders, holding him in place.

“Thanks.”, he stuttered, turning his head as he carefully tried to steady himself, making sure not to put too much weight on his left leg.

Qiao nodded, a careful smile showing on her face.

“Everything alright?”

“Just the leg again.”

“I told you to be careful with it.”, she stated, as she slipped underneath his arm to support him.

“Yeah.”, Zixin admitted. “You did.”

He slowly hobbled alongside Qiao as she guided him back to the wall he had leaned his crutch against. She grabbed it, but didn’t hand it to him, instead continuing to prop him up herself.

“I think you should rest a little for now. You’ve made good progress.”

“Yeah, I’m now able to walk a whole three steps without that stupid piece of wood before falling over. I’ll be on the level of a drunkard at the edge of stupor in no time.”

Zixin said, trying to make it sound like a joke.

“Zixin.”

The genuine worry in Qiao’s voice confirmed his suspicion that his statement had come out with a lot more bitterness than he had intended. He sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I just… don’t want you to hurt yourself any more than you already did.”

The remained silent for a while as they made their way back across the hallway to his quarters. Shelves filled to the brim with books and scrolls lined the walls, reaching up to the ceiling. There was an unthinkable amount of knowledge stored in them, but barely anyone ever came by to read it. They were historical records, maps, travel itineraries and descriptions of distant places – not the kind of thing most sect members would take interest in.

Zixin himself would have much preferred to be placed in a section storing martial arts or cultivation techniques, to be honest. Everyone knew the stories of people stumbling across heavenly revelations hidden in a tattered scroll, carelessly stashed away in some innocuous corner. Finding something like that would really help him out right now.

“Look, I know it’s difficult.”, Qiao picked their conversation back up as they reached Zixin’s quarters, trying to sound cheerful. “But there is no deadline you need to meet. You can take it slow.”

Easy for you to say. You’re not the one falling behind.

Zixin immediately chided himself for his thoughts. That wasn’t fair, not at all. Qiao was just worried about him – justifiably, considering she’d just had to stand by helplessly and watch as he’d spent a whole month in a coma. She was even getting herself in trouble with her family, taking time off her training just to be here as often as she could.

Besides, she was right. As Zixin had so elegantly proven just now, he did indeed need to take it slow. If she hadn’t been there to catch him, Zixin would have fallen again, and while a fall like that wouldn’t have been too serious for him, it certainly wouldn’t have helped his recovery either.

Zixin knew that it was silly, being as anxious to get back to his training as he was. Healing wasn’t something you could force, and in the grand scheme of things a couple of weeks wouldn’t matter much anyway. Still, with every day that he spent laying in bed, unable to properly cultivate or improve his swordsmanship, he couldn’t help but feel like he was falling behind even more.

Qiao was already progressing faster than him and Chonglin, she had already reached the Core Formation Realm well over two years ago and here they were, still working to complete their Body Reformation.

Zixin had practically given up on trying to surpass, or even rival Qiao by now. He knew she was better than him and that no amount of hard work would change that, because she was working just as hard. What he hadn’t given up on – what he, if he was being honest with himself, was desperately clinging on to – was keeping up with her.

He was painfully aware of just how unlikely their difference in status made their friendship already. Qiao was the favored child of one of the Pillar Families, the leading genius of her generation, a genuine rising star of the Lunar Peaks Sect. He and Chonglin, in contrast, were ordinary disciples with no background to speak of. Even just becoming inner disciples had been a stroke of luck. Chonglin had at least managed to qualify for the sect-tournament and made a good showing there, Zixin had nothing like that. So if he was left in the dust in cultivation as well, what basis was there to keep their friendship alive? What if he was left behind, just a brief memory on her path to greatness?

That was the one thing Zixin couldn’t stomach, the thing that kept him going even when his muscles were screaming at him to stop. The fear that made every moment spent stagnant feel like burning pain. If Qiao was to make her way to the top, he wanted to stand at her side, or at least at her back, as she did so.

Zixin turned to his friend. She was still supporting him even as they had come to a stop inside his room. He wondered what she’d think if she knew those thoughts of his. Would she call him childish?

Qiao wasn’t looking at him, but he could still see the troubled worry for him in her eyes. Her bright, blue eyes, shining like polished sapphires. She was beautiful, even looking as worried as she did…

Zixin was suddenly very aware of how close her face was to his. Against his will, his heart began to beat faster.

She’s just helping you stand. Stay calm.

Zixin took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. Qiao, noticing his prolonged look, turned her head to face him. Zixin’s heart skipped a beat.

“Is everything alright?”

“Y-yes. O-of course.”, Zixin stuttered. “I was just- just lost in thought.”

He felt the heat rising into his face, even as he was desperately trying – and failing – to get his barreling heart to calm down.

“You don’t look too well.”

Her voice was still filled worry even more worry than before. Zixin took a while to realize he was supposed to answer something.

“Yeah, I’m… pretty tired, to be honest. I- um- I’m gonna rest up now.”

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down…

Forcing himself to move slowly and deliberately, Zixin took his arm off of Qiao’s shoulder and sat down on his bed.

“…Okay. You sure everything’s good?”

“Pretty sure.”

Zixin tried for a tired but confident smile. He wasn’t quite sure what expression his face actually produced.

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it. I’ll have to get going or my instructors will murder me, but I’ll tell Chonglin to check in on you later.”

Zixin nodded, having regained a little calmness.

“Thanks again… for catching me, cheering me up and everything. See you.”

Qiao smiled.

“See you.”

As soon as she had left the room, Zixin let himself fall onto his bed, starring at the ceiling. What in the world was that?

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t gotten close to Qiao before – they’d been sparring for well over half a decade by now, after all. So why had he suddenly…

Zixin felt even more blood racing into his head. It was a miracle it wasn’t giving off steam at this point, with how hot it felt. Maybe he should become a fire cultivator. If he wanted to produce excess fire Qi, he just needed to get close to Qiao for a moment, and…

Zixin laughed in exasperation and kicked his feet, only to wince in pain at his left leg’s violent protest to the sudden movement.

Heaven’s above, what is wrong with me?