342 - A Warning Bell

Adrian had worked hard to play Hughes, and he had plenty to show for it. He'd captured both the playboy's charm and the anxiety behind the compulsions. But other people were putting in the work too. Cate had lost weight to look more like Hepburn, even if he thought it made her less attractive.

He wasn't going to pretend otherwise. The period clothes suited her, and she had as much presence as ever, even in the more masculine outfits. But her hollow cheeks made her cheekbones too prominent. Combined with that vivid lipstick, the effect struck him as garish. He couldn't understand why people of that era had found it so appealing.

Half a century separated their tastes; perhaps that was reason enough. People differed too. Cate's look might not appeal to him, but Kate's did. The other Kate, the English actress. He'd only met her once and exchanged a few words, but she really was beautiful.

That wasn't the point. If Cate was working this hard, he couldn't afford to fall behind. He'd been doing well, but he wasn't about to let her outdo him.

Call him a chauvinist if necessary. How else was he supposed to keep the upper hand with Cate? And without it, how could he keep their relationship going?

Besides, it gave them something worth discussing in private. Their time together was always limited and never seemed enough. Beyond the intimacy, he tried to make every minute count by talking with her as much as he could.

He liked that. He liked discussing acting, life, relationships, all of it. Working together on The Aviator was the best subject they had at the moment. Both characters had things in common with them. There was plenty that resonated, and plenty they had to skirt around. It made for absorbing conversation.

Cate did remind him, though, that however worthwhile it was to get inside a character, he also had to be able to get out.

"It may seem harmless at first. But spend too long living as someone else and it can change the way you think. The two ways of thinking start fighting each other. You can get terribly agitated. I've seen it happen. People end up relying on medication to get through it, and taking too much can be dangerous." She was serious. She really was worried about him.

Adrian made the appropriate noises but didn't take the warning to heart. He knew all this. John Harrington had stressed it in the very first class he'd attended. He'd be fine.

Underestimating a problem had a way of costing him, though.

"What is wrong with you?" Katie put down her cutlery hard and glared at him. "I only asked why you were arranging the peas like that. What are you getting so angry about?"

"I'm not angry. I raised my voice a little." Adrian was annoyed too. "Could you stop being so sensitive? And you didn't just ask. Could you ask before touching my things?"

"For God's sake!" She pressed a hand to her forehead. "What's happened to you, Adrian? You're like a different person. You're on edge all the time. Everything has to be done your way or you get upset. And can't you stop talking in that strange voice? Dragging out every word?"

"Come on, Katie. Haven't I always talked and acted this way? I thought you were used to it. Now it sounds strange? Could you think before you say something like that?" There was a mocking edge to his voice.

Katie said nothing. She stared at him, lips pressed together, and her eyes slowly reddened.

"Fine. If that's how it is..." She sniffed, struggling to keep her voice steady, then stood and walked out of the restaurant.

Only then did Adrian's own anger subside. He rubbed his head, puzzled, and looked down at the three neat rows of peas on his plate. Understanding finally came.

With a rueful smile, he summoned the waiter and handed over his credit card. Then he hurried after her, watched by a roomful of curious, startled diners.

"Katie, wait! Katie!" She was already some distance away and seemed to be wiping her eyes. He caught up, caught hold of her, and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Let go of me, Adrian! You bastard!" She struggled, her voice thick with tears.

"I'm sorry, Katie. I'm sorry. I..." He sighed. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have done that. Please believe me. I didn't mean it."

"What do you mean, you didn't mean it? I'm just a doll you can sweet-talk, aren't I? I don't think about other people. I don't care how they feel. I do whatever I want. If you hate me so much, why did you even come after me?" She sniffed, striking his chest with her fists, some blows harder than others.

"Listen to me, Katie. Please." He patted her back. "I'm sorry. I mean it. This was all my fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I was being an idiot."

This wasn't the time to explain what had happened, he decided. First he had to calm her down. Taking all the blame was a reliable way to do that.

"I never say please. All I do is complain. Everything has to revolve around me..." Katie wasn't finished.

"Sweetheart, how long have we been together? When have we ever had a fight?" he asked.

That stopped her. Her eyes were still red, but she tilted her head and thought about it.

"I don't think... we have?" she said uncertainly.

"Not once, darling. Not once." He emphasized it. "We've always gotten along. This is our first fight."

That much was true. To keep a relationship going, he thought, it helped to keep something fresh about it. A little distance was the easiest way.

Distance kept some things out of focus. Not being together every day made certain faults much easier to miss.

When Katie had rejected his hints about moving in together, afraid of her family's reaction, he hadn't raised it again. As far as he was concerned, the arrangement had its advantages.

"Then..." Her attention had shifted, and now she looked dejected. "This is awful."

Apparently, she felt she must share some responsibility for the fight.

Adrian finally smiled at the worry in her face. That was good. Over their two years together, he'd often deliberately given way, and she could be temperamental. But at least he hadn't indulged her into thinking everything revolved around her.

He rested his forehead against hers and gently stroked her cheek. "It's all right, sweetheart. No couple gets along perfectly forever. An occasional fight can be a good thing, as long as it doesn't go too far."

"You're sure?" She wasn't entirely convinced.

"Of course. Don't your parents ever argue?" He winked.

"Don't compare us to my parents!" Something seemed to occur to her. Her cheeks flushed as she scolded him.

Realizing she'd given something away, she changed the subject. "Anyway, what's been going on with you? You've been so strange lately."

Adrian sighed. "I think I've gotten a little too deep into the part."

"Too deep into the part?" Her eyes widened. She didn't seem to understand.

He glanced around and took her arm. "It's a long story. Let's go home, and I'll explain."

Katie wasn't especially interested in what he meant by getting too deep into a role. Even as an actress, she might not understand the explanation, and understanding the words wouldn't mean she knew the feeling. He wanted to explain anyway, mainly to give her a convincing answer. The fight really hadn't been her fault.

If she also came away impressed, even without quite understanding him, so much the better.

The argument did make him examine the way he immersed himself in a character. He had to admit that what felt wonderful during a performance could be miserable in everyday life. Yet he couldn't bring himself to set it aside. Before this, his strongest experience of that kind of acting had been on Phone Booth.

Cold Mountain had felt good too, using a similar approach, but not as intensely. On Phone Booth, it had been as though half of him had risen above his body, watching from a distance and calmly directing the half caught up in the frenzy.

This time, playing Hughes in The Aviator, he'd begun carrying the character's traits into his life before he even noticed. From an actor's perspective, it was a state many people dreamed of reaching. He imagined De Niro must have experienced something like it on Taxi Driver or Raging Bull.

He wanted to stay there a little longer, to understand that inner world better and improve the performance. He'd been confident he could handle it. Living two lives had given him an unusual aptitude for acting, as he'd thought before. He understood what it meant to become someone else better than most people, or most actors.

Even the greatest actor in the world hadn't experienced that. Adrian was unique. It was why he could handle The Talented Mr. Ripley, Donnie Darko, The Believer, or even a commercial film like The Fast and the Furious with such ease.

He'd assumed that even if he became completely immersed one day, he would have no trouble getting out. The date with Katie had sounded a warning bell. The trouble was, he still couldn't stop.