344 - A Line They Couldn't Cross

After a brief silence, Sanders looked at him. "Did I hear that right?"

"Yes. I asked if you have any weed." Adrian looked exhausted.

"You've been strange for days. Something's always wrong, but when we ask what, you can't tell us. Whatever we do, it isn't good enough. Ask what would be good enough, and you can't tell us that either. Now you're asking me for weed." Sanders sighed. "Wake up, Adrian."

"I'm awake, Sandy. A few minutes ago, I was completely trapped in the role." Adrian sighed. "That's what's been wrong these past few days. It's why I need some weed."

"If you need something to calm you down, we can go to a hospital and see about medication," Sanders suggested. "Or you could make an appointment with a therapist."

"Prescription stuff would be more addictive. Weed would suit me better." Adrian clearly had his answer ready. "I don't have time for a therapist. Besides, I need to hold on to this state. Don't worry. I'll be fine."

"You'll be fine?" Sanders sighed. "You hardly ever smoke. You don't even like it. Since you came to Los Angeles, you've barely touched it unless friends offered it to you. Now you're asking me to get you some, and I'm supposed to believe you'll be fine?"

"Trust me, Sandy. I'll look after myself. Martin and the others are right here. If something goes wrong, they'll stop me, just like they did today." Adrian wouldn't let it go. "I want to get this part right. I've made several films, but this is the first role that's made me want to give it everything, whatever the consequences. I don't want regrets. Even if something better comes along and I've used up so much of myself that I can't do it."

Sanders was silent for a moment. "Is it worth it?"

Adrian met his eyes. "This is my career."

It was. Filming had been torment lately, particularly today, and he never wanted to feel quite like that again. One moment, he'd wanted to take a stick and smash everything that irritated him. The next, he'd been struggling to tell himself it was wrong. It was like being trapped in a nightmare, fully awake but unable to control the thoughts racing through his head. It had been awful.

He still wanted to continue. Deep down, he wanted to achieve something like Hughes had.

They had plenty in common: women, money, films, compulsions. Adrian had always been better at keeping himself in balance. His company was another matter. It couldn't compare with a man who had acquired RKO and made Hell's Angels, an impressive production for its time. Neither could his wealth. His accountant's preliminary estimate put his net worth somewhere between two and three hundred million dollars. He'd accumulated it almost without noticing, but a dollar in Hughes's day had bought far more than one did now.

He couldn't build aircraft either, and that had been Hughes's great passion. There was one thing Adrian could at least try to do better than anyone: act.

Matching Hughes didn't mean repeating his achievements one by one. It meant reaching the top of the field he loved.

What did people think of first when they heard the name? A playboy? A billionaire? Perhaps. But anyone who really understood Hughes thought of the word that gave this film its title: aviator.

Adrian wanted something like that. Whatever the general public might think of him, he wanted anyone who knew his work to recognize him as the best actor of the century. One of the greatest of all time, perhaps, but certainly the best of this century.

That was what he wanted now, more than anything. He'd started taking extra work simply to survive. Over the past two years, he'd tried different kinds of roles largely to prove that if he set his mind to something, he could do it well. Taking on Hughes had settled it. He wanted to take acting as far as he possibly could.

If someone could pursue countless women, make outstanding films, and excel at the thing he loved, why couldn't Adrian? In a few years, he'd gone from nobody to major star and built a production company that was doing well. Why couldn't he go further? The destination was different, that was all.

Hughes had been human too, however thoroughly people had turned him into a legend. Biographies, news stories, documentaries: so many had polished the image. Some might have made the man himself rise from his grave to complain. The dead couldn't answer back, so American culture could make what it wanted of him. Even Scorsese's film followed Hollywood's instincts, investing him with freedom, the American dream, and resistance to powerful, authoritarian interests. The final scene of the script made that particularly clear.

None of that meant Hughes hadn't been an astonishing, gifted man. Adrian understood why people admired him. But if a human being had done it, someone else could aspire to something comparable. Perhaps not in the same field. In another, who could say?

Adrian knew that even reaching his own limit wouldn't make him Hughes's equal. Not every kind of achievement carried the same weight. Why shouldn't he aim for it anyway? Perhaps the desire had always been there. He'd passed on The Bourne Identity and Pirates of the Caribbean, carefully avoiding blockbusters and superhero films. Now he was giving Hughes everything, even if it left him with lasting problems afterward.

"I can get you some," Sanders said at last. "But promise me you'll keep it under control."

"Don't worry. I know you all depend on me for a living." It was a lousy joke. Realizing it, Adrian changed the subject. "How's the press conference looking?"

"With the production behind us, we should be all right here. But the reporters may turn their attention to Katie."

Adrian frowned. He'd had enough trouble lately. Getting too deep into the role had left him constantly on edge, and now reporters had photographed the dinner with Katie: her angry departure, then his pursuit. The media, hungry for a new story about him, had made plenty of it.

Headlines about Adrian Vale having a new girlfriend were ordinary enough. But some reporters claimed Katie had caused his breakup with Nicole. That set off a chain reaction. Diehard fans of both Adrian and Nicole attacked Katie. Reporters began digging into her past. Her parents called to demand an explanation.

She'd immediately told them there was nothing between her and Adrian. They were only getting to know each other; they'd merely gone out to dinner. How she'd explained the published photographs of them embracing, Adrian had no idea. She hadn't given him the details. Somehow, she'd gotten her parents to accept it. In the process, though, she'd lost the chance to tell them about the relationship. By the time she realized that, it was too late, and she'd been miserable about it for quite a while.

It was the old reflex of denying everything when a parent caught you doing something wrong, whether or not they had proof. Katie so often made decisions by instinct that her response didn't surprise him.

"Don't worry. There'll be another chance," he'd told her. From his perspective, and under the circumstances, the longer they put off meeting her parents, the better.

That had only been the beginning. Next came claims that Adrian and Katie had been dating all along and Nicole was the interloper. The supposed proof? They'd made Donnie Darko and Phone Booth before Cold Mountain. People could invent anything. Worse, some believed it, because Adrian was forever being linked to his leading ladies.

Soon another rumor appeared: Adrian, currently playing Howard Hughes in Scorsese's new film, was involved with one of his co-stars, Cate Blanchett.

Scorsese neither made a spectacle of starting a film nor tried to hide it. The press had known The Aviator's cast since production began. At first, coverage had been routine, apart from a few sour remarks about Adrian's luck. A second film with Minghella last year, a place in Scorsese's cast this year. His future certainly looked bright.

It hadn't drawn much attention then. A new Scorsese film was news, but reporters still needed material, and a production just getting underway offered little unless the filmmakers chose to release it. The breakup with Nicole had changed that. Once the photographs with Katie appeared, stories about his love life were everywhere. The Cate rumor sent the coverage into overdrive.

Adrian had intended to ignore it and concentrate on his work. Now he was angry. Furious. Everyone had something they wouldn't allow other people to touch. The press could take as many shots at him as it wanted. What star didn't have detractors? He could get used to that. But he would not tolerate them attacking Cate like this. That was a line they couldn't cross.