348 - Hollywood: Winner Takes America (Patreon)

348 - Are You Quitting Too?

When Nolan announced that every Angels cheerleader would get her own photo book, the women reacted in very different ways. Belinda whistled. She seemed even more eager than he was to see hers in print.

Jacksonville had photographed her for its game-day programs, which were handed out free. She had never seen an extra dime from those pictures. This was a different proposition.

Most NFL squads took promotional photographs every year. The more popular ones also sold calendars, and Dallas, Miami, and San Francisco usually led that market. Nolan had heard the Cowboys' previous calendar had moved more than two hundred thousand copies at $14.99 apiece.

A glossy magazine could sell far more copies at a lower cover price, though distributors took their share. Nolan had been studying those numbers. He wanted to charge more than a calendar and give each woman a book of her own. Nobody could tell him what individual volumes would sell.

Profit was not the only point. The books would tell people that the Angels' squad meant to do more than appear at games, hand out calendars, and attend charity events.

"Dallas went to the Caribbean, the Gulf Coast, and Hawaii this year," he said, thinking aloud. "Miami shot in the Bahamas. San Francisco went back to Santa Cruz."

The photographs could blur together: sun, sand, swimsuits, and little else. What concerned Nolan was how far to take that formula.

A collection so modest that it could have come from another decade would miss its intended audience. He knew some buyers wanted more than a souvenir, whatever they might say about appreciating the photography. He wasn't going to pretend otherwise.

But he also knew the difference between selling a provocative image and letting it define the squad forever. Once they crossed that line, walking back would be difficult.

The league would have its own limits, and Nolan had no intention of pushing McKenna into a shoot she didn't want. He had to decide what the Angels' image should be before anyone booked a camera.

"Where are we going?" Belinda asked. "I'm ready to suffer for art."

She sounded ready to make a name for herself by showing as much skin as the project allowed. Kristen frowned. Rachel watched Nolan. McKenna had gone pale.

"I might consider it," Rachel said, surprising them all. "If my share is bigger. Are we sure the league won't shut the whole squad down?"

McKenna still said nothing. Kelsey wasn't at work that day; otherwise she would probably have delivered the proposal herself.

Nolan gave Rachel a second look. 'I didn't expect that from her.'

He thought of all the grand pronouncements people had made about desire: philosophers separating mind from body, churches preaching restraint while their own history exposed plenty of hypocrisy. Nolan had heard a crude joke or two about the supposed origins of the missionary position, but he wasn't going to mistake a joke for history.

America had held on to Victorian manners well into the twentieth century. Then the Kinsey reports, Playboy, and the postwar boom made private appetites harder to keep out of public view. Hugh Hefner had turned that shift into a business.

The sexual revolution had also given women more room to say what they wanted for themselves. Nolan liked that part. His own interest was hardly disinterested, and he knew it.

"The style stays in line with other NFL squads," he said. "We'll start at $29.99. After costs and taxes, thirty percent goes into a fund for the squad's development, thirty percent goes to the club, and the remaining forty percent is yours to divide under the agreement."

"And how many copies do you think we'll sell?" Belinda muttered. She had been hoping this might help her buy a place in Los Angeles.

"Short on cash? Come to me. My interest rates are excellent," Nolan said.

A less businesslike repayment crossed his mind. He kept it there.

"No thanks. I couldn't afford to owe you anything," she said with a laugh.

"What if I never asked for it back?"

"Then I'd owe you even more." Her answer came without hesitation.

"So when do we shoot?" Kristen asked. "We're away this week and next."

"This week. You'll train with our guests next week. As for the location, we'll use the resort in Mexico. Rachel's been there, so ask her if you want to know what it's like."

Rachel seemed to have been somewhere else in her thoughts. She blinked, then nodded.

Nolan remembered the resort from an event with the Dallas cheerleaders. The beach would photograph well, and its staff could help arrange a shoot on short notice. The Angels' schedule left little time to scout somewhere new.

"Who's the photographer?" Belinda asked. "Don't tell me you'll hold the camera yourself and call it club business."

"That's an idea. Come to my office later and we can try it." He let the joke sit a moment too long. A locked door and a camera offered possibilities he had no business treating as part of her job.

Her smile stiffened. "I was kidding. Besides, you don't know how to take pictures."

"I could learn." Nolan sounded more enthusiastic than he meant to.

He saw that she wasn't amused and let the performance drop.

Sarah Douglas, the fashion photographer he knew in Britain, would have been his first choice. She was too far away, too expensive, and too busy for tomorrow. In Los Angeles, one professional contact made more sense.

"You're borrowing a photographer from Playboy?" Belinda said. Her eyes went to McKenna.

She was beginning to see something of Hugh Hefner in Nolan. He was younger, fitter, and, in her opinion, much better looking, which did nothing to make the comparison more reassuring.

They settled the timing. The squad would leave the next afternoon. Nolan would have liked to go, but after the loss to St. Louis, another defeat could put the playoffs out of reach. He stayed to train.

Once he left the practice room, nobody felt much like rehearsing. The women gathered to talk.

"McKenna, what's wrong?" Belinda asked. She had been quiet through the entire meeting.

McKenna had dated Nolan for three years in college. That history gave her a place in the squad that no newcomer could miss, though her shy manner made Belinda want to look out for her.

"Nothing." McKenna pressed her lips together and looked down.

"This is about Nolan, isn't it?"

Kristen, seated between them on the floor, sighed. The room went still.

"He may be a good boss," another cheerleader said softly, "but I don't know if he'd be an easy man to love."

"Depends on the woman," Belinda replied.

She had met several of Nolan's partners. Katherine, the club's vice president and chief counsel, was formidable. Grace, another vice president, could charm a room without giving anything away. Kelsey was pregnant with his child and still seemed to run every detail of the squad, from choreography to costumes.

McKenna had none of their armor. She was an Alabama girl who had traveled little before Los Angeles. Belinda wondered how long it had been since Nolan had spent real time with her.

"Dress up tonight," Belinda advised. "Find him before you leave and ask about the shoot. Tell him what you've been feeling. You might even have a drink together if you want to."

"It's not that." McKenna blushed. She had been raised in a conservative, religious home; having the conversation in public was hard enough.

"You can't keep waiting for him to notice," Belinda said. "Sometimes you have to ask for what you need." She wished McKenna had taken that advice earlier.

"I'll talk to him now." McKenna stood. "But not about what you're thinking. It's something else."

Nolan had just ended a phone call when she opened his office door.

Grace was perched on the edge of his desk. She turned, saw McKenna, and waved her in.

"There you are. It's been ages. You look wonderful. Nolan mentioned you the other day. Come by more often." Grace crossed the room and drew her inside.

Then she covered her mouth and whispered, "That man wears me out. I'd welcome some help."

McKenna twisted the hem of her shirt and said nothing.

When she finally looked up, she spoke to Grace. "I need to talk to Nolan."

"Alone," she added.

Grace glanced at him. He nodded, and she stepped out, closing the door softly.

McKenna took the chair opposite his desk. She had never been in his office before. Unsure where to begin, she asked about the photo shoot.

"Playboy called. They're willing to lend us an experienced woman photographer and her team. They even found a printer and offered to distribute the books with us. The terms still need to be settled, but it could save us a lot of work."

"Oh." McKenna nodded.

"Rachel and Belinda are new to the club," Nolan said. "I can have Kelsey move you forward in the formation and give you more of the opportunities."

"I want to leave," she said.

"The shoot?"

"The Angels' squad."

"I know I haven't made enough time for you. The team is new, and every day there's another fire to put out." He faltered.

McKenna stared at him.

"You have been busy with the team, haven't you?" she asked.

"Of course." Nolan nodded a little too quickly.

"Rachel, Belinda, Kristen, and Kelsey are professionals. I can't even keep up with the new women. My steps are late, and they have to make room for me. I don't want to hold them back. This is your team."

That, not resentment, was what had brought her here. She had joined from a college cheer squad without the years of dance training some of the others had. She feared she was hurting the squad and, through it, Nolan.

'What have I been missing?' He rubbed his face, ashamed of how quickly he had made the conversation about himself.

"My father called too," she said. "He found a high-school teaching job for me in Birmingham. Dance."

Education had been her field in college and graduate school. She had told Nolan more than once that she loved working with children.

"How is your father?"

"He's well."

"Still with the medical center?"

"The clinic where he worked was sold to a private company. He's been out of a job for three months."

Nolan hadn't known. Her younger sister was still at home, her mother didn't work outside it, and the family had a mortgage. The financial strain had to be real.

"He wants you back in Alabama."

McKenna's expression told him he was right.

"I want to be near them too. I grew up there. People on the West Coast are different from us." She said it carefully, as though apologizing.

Los Angeles was home to Nolan. To her, it was still unfamiliar.

"Your parents raised you. I understand why they don't want you so far away."

"Exactly." She had expected him to argue.

"And my life isn't simple," he said. "I know it puts pressure on you. Maybe you haven't decided whether you can live with all of it."

Her lip trembled. She fought not to cry.

"I care about you, Nolan. I fell for the way you looked out there on the field." She smiled through tears.

"But it feels as if we live in different worlds now."

"Do you think separating would help?" he asked, not sure he wanted the answer.

She fell silent. Clearly, she didn't want that either.

"I wish we were still in school," she said. "But we can't go back."

"We could, if that were what you wanted." Nolan smiled faintly.

She stared at him. "You'd give all this up?"

"Why wouldn't I? But I don't want to choose between everything we have. I'd rather find a way to make room for both."

"You want to teach? Then teach here, if you decide Los Angeles can be home. The squad needs a youth program: classes, camps, maybe competitions. That could be yours to build."

Sports education was part of the business too. Dallas had youth camps; the Angels would need their own eventually. McKenna's training in education made her a better candidate than anyone Nolan had in mind.

"And if your father is interested, I'd like to speak with him about leading our medical staff. Your family could move here together."

"Really?" She had considered asking, then worried that she would put Nolan in a difficult position.

"He treated me. I trust his judgment. We'd still have to talk about the job properly."

"Then we wouldn't have to live apart." Her smile reminded him of the girl he had met on campus.

"Come home with me tonight if you'd like. Katherine and Kelsey are there, and there's room for you. Unless your father has forbidden it?"

"How did you know? He did. That's why I said no last time."

Nolan could see the problem. McKenna had always taken her father's wishes seriously.

"But I'm in California now," she said, smiling. "I can make some decisions for myself. He'll come around."

When Belinda knocked a while later, she found McKenna curled against Nolan. She gave her a discreet thumbs-up. The quiet girl from Alabama had surprised her.

"Boss, since you're such good friends with Playboy, could you do me a favor?"

"If you're asking me to make you a Playmate, I can't."

"Oh." Belinda's face fell.

"The league wouldn't want an active cheerleader doing that either," McKenna said, one arm around Nolan's neck. "And close your zipper before a player walks in and forgets his playbook."

'After I was the one giving her advice,' Belinda thought.

"I know how to behave around the players. Nolan's the boss, though. Are you the only one allowed to flirt with him?"

"And I have two sizes on you." To annoy McKenna, Belinda tugged her zipper a little lower.

Nolan tapped McKenna's arm. "Go lock the door," he said.

McKenna pretended to stand. "You wanted to be famous. Perhaps Nolan can help."

"All right, all right. I surrender to the two of you." Belinda backed toward the door. "You really do deserve each other."

"I only dress like this for one man," McKenna called after her. "You're selling pictures to thousands."

'At least I'll earn my own money and decide for myself,' Belinda thought.

The door shut with a thump. "Was that too much?" Nolan asked.

"She'll be fine. She talks big, but she's kind." McKenna's hands had begun to wander.

"The door isn't locked," he murmured.

"Who comes in here besides the women?" She brushed his face, her breath warm against his neck. Players took their problems to the coaches, not Nolan's office.

"Someone could see us."

"Perhaps I want them to." She caught his collar and pulled him into a kiss.

When the door opened a moment later, McKenna covered herself at once. Her confidence had limits after all. Nolan looked up. This visitor had no reason to be here.

"I can come back," Rachel said, already closing the door.

"No. Come in."

Rachel blushed. Twice now she had walked in on him at the wrong moment. She hoped he wouldn't hold it against her.

"What is it?" Nolan asked, keeping an arm around McKenna. "If it can wait, we'll talk later."

"It's important." Rachel hesitated.

'Not another resignation,' he thought.

"You said you could lend Belinda money. Did you mean it?"

He had offered in passing. Rachel, apparently, had been listening.