Dark Legend of Potter: Chapter 74 (Patreon)

Lupin had experienced a great deal of nerves and terror in his life. He well remembered his first werewolf transformation, which had been accompanied by indescribable agony, followed by his body twisting and rebelling against him, as his mind was locked away in a gibbering corner of his soul as the demon within took control. 

He half-wondered if he could just do that again instead of what he was about to undergo. 

“Look, just relax,” his pet dog told him, adjusting Lupin’s bowtie and clapping him on the shoulders. “Andy and Ted love you! You’re just popping over for a cuppa, and to ask a small question you already know the answer to!” 

“It’s not a simple question!” Lupin sputtered. “What if they tell me I’m too old for her!? I’m 12 years older than she is!”

“Dora is 21, Remus. That’s plenty old enough to make her own choices. Besides, you’ve been shagging her for half the year, bit late to pull out now, eh? Though I do hope you’ve been doing that,” Sirius said amicably. 

“You’re a proper bastard, you know that?” Remus grumbled. 

“What my old man always claimed,” Sirius said with a wide grin. “Now, go get ‘em! I’d come for moral support, but…”

“But someone needs to make sure Megumin doesn’t blow up the castle,” Remus said gloomily. 

“-someone needs to make sure Megumin doesn’t blow up the castle. Again,” Sirius agreed.

“Bloody hell, you don’t think she’ll do it this year, do you?” Lupin said with a shudder. 

“You’re just delaying now,” Sirius said, and pressed the bag of floo powder into Remus’ hands. “Now, off you go!” 

“Tonks Residence!” Lupin declared and was enveloped in green flames. 

He stepped out of the fireplace into Ted and Andy’s dining room, shaking a bit of soot off on the welcome mat. 

“Remus! Welcome,” Ted Tonks said, coming over to enthusiastically shake Remus’ hand. He was going grey at the temples, but he was still a broad-shouldered wizard who worked as a healer at Saint Mungos.

Remus gave a weak smile, but managed to return the handshake firmly. “Thanks, sir.”

“Don’t sir me, Remus we’ve known one another for years,” Ted chuckled. 

“Is that Remus?” Andy called, sticking her head in from the kitchen. “Ah, there you are! Be right in with the tea.”

A few seconds later, Andy Tonks came in. She was obviously Sirius’ cousin, the same Black nose and jawline, though her hair and eyes were a much lighter brown than Sirius’. She set the tea down on the table and smiled broadly at Remus, then took a seat across from him with her husband, the two of them holding hands. 

“Well, Remus, you said you had something you wanted to speak to us about?” Andy said somewhat breathlessly, though Ted was looking rather stern. 

“Yes, well, ah, I do,” Remus admitted. “But, er, first…there’s something you should…know…”

“Oh shite, Dora’s not pregnant is she?” Andy muttered, which caused her husband to elbow her. 

That made Remus cough in embarrassment. “Er, no, or, ah, not so far as I know…”

“Let the man talk, Andy,” Ted said firmly, and Remus noticed that Andy was practically vibrating with excitement. 

“Well, it’s like this,” Remus managed. He straightened his back, took a deep breath, and said, “I want to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage. She’s a wonderful, kind, beautiful, and strong woman. But, first, you need to know something…”

“And that is?” Ted prodded, though Andy was frowning now. 

“I…I’m a werewolf,” Remus admitted, and tried to keep himself from cringing. 

“Ha!” Andy said, and poked her husband in the ribs. “I knew it! I told you! I told you that was the case!” 

“Yes, you’re very clever,” Ted sighed. “Guess I should have known better.”

This was not the reaction that Lupin had anticipated. Disgust and horror were more like it, actually.

“She’s not tried to have you…you know. When you’re in your wolf form, right?” Andy asked, which made her husband let out a strangled, “Andromeda!” 

“What? You were thinking the same thing,” Andy sniffed. 

As Tonks had done exactly that, multiple times, and did, in fact, seem to prefer Lupin when he was in his wolf form…there was absolutely no way in hell that Remus was ever going to admit it. “Er, I know that wouldn’t be safe…though, ah, my condition is a bit…different.”

“I’m sure you’re on the potion,” Ted agreed. He sighed. “Well, Dora does seem to love you. So, I suppose we’ll have to consent.”

“Wait, hold on. What do you mean, a bit different?” Andy asked, soliciting another sigh from her husband. “Ted, this is our only daughter! We have to make sure it’s a good match!” 

“It’s not polite to inquire about someone else’s medical condition, Andy! It’s confidential,” Ted said, sounding slightly frustrated now. He turned to Remus. “Look, I always knew that Dora would end up with a werewolf. Half worried she’d try to infect Charlie Weasley when they dated…”

Wait, what? 

“Uh, well, I don’t mind showing you,” Remus said, taking off his jacket. “If, er, you don’t mind, I just need to take my shirt off.”

He hastily undressed as Andy and Ted watched in curious fascination, then, taking one more breath, he shifted. “It’s been this way every since…why are you laughing?”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Andy roared, nearly falling out of her chair as she hooted with laughter. Ted had his head in his hands and was groaning. 

“You’d damn well better marry her, Remus,” Ted sighed, massaging his temple with his thumbs. “Eris knows that Nymphadora would never forgive you otherwise. Bloody hell. This is Chris’ fault somehow, I just know it.”

Remus coughed, and hastily turned back, hastily putting his shirt back on. “Er, you’re both taking this rather well…”

Andy finally managed to get a hold of herself, dabbing at her eyes with a hankie. “Remus, Dora has been mad for werewolves since she was 12. She’s always reading Claws of Desire, or Bound By Moonlight. Frankly, I used to be rather worried she’d insist on finding one to bite her.”

Actually, she’d already tried to get Lupin to do so on more than one occasion, to his utter horror. Then again, to him, he found it to be one of her most charming qualities. Most people were horrified by his condition: Tonks was positively thrilled. 

“You’re not worried that I’m so much older than she is?” Remus asked despite himself.

“She’ll need an older man with his head on straight to keep her from doing something too silly,” Ted sighed, lowering his hands. He smiled at Lupin, then stood and extended his hand. “I look forward to calling you son, Remus Lupin.”

“My baby girl’s all grown up at last!” Andy said, then picked up a cup of tea. “So, you’re sure she’s not pregnant?”

“Positive,” Remus assured her. But his future mother-in-law didn’t have to look so disappointed. 

Back at Hogwarts, Tonks wiped some bile from her mouth after she’d finished upending her stomach. “Oh hell,” she groaned. “And I’m four weeks late…I knew I shouldn’t have skipped that dose of The Potion…”

A week later, it was the Easter Holidays. Megumin was going home to be Someone Else’s Problem, which meant that the professors all shared a hearty sigh of relief. 

Tonks and Lupin, meanwhile, were disembarking from a ferry onto the Isle of Man. Lupin had booked a quaint little cottage up the coast, along with renting a motorbike on the advice of Chris. He did know how to drive one, Sirius having had one on Maui that he liked to ride about, which had necessitated Lupin being the ostensible owner. 

“Ooo, fancy,” Tonks said as Lupin wheeled the bike over after checking it out. He passed her a helmet, which made her laugh, before putting his own on. 

“Can’t be too careful,” he pointed out. “Plus, it’s the law.”

“Pff, it’s fine. I’ve survived broom crashes. Just put a few cushioning charms on your clothes and you’re practically invincible,” Tonks said, but she put on the helmet anyway. 

As they rode, both of them were quite nervous. Tonks had determined she needed to tell Lupin she was pregnant, and Lupin had a ring in his pocket he’d purchased at the Silver Thimble in Diagon Alley. Both of them were quite nervous about their secret, and neither were considering the possibility that the other had their own troubles. 

What will Remus say about the baby? Will he want to keep it? I do want a child with him, but having a baby now would really derail my career, Tonks thought, squeezing Lupin’s chest tightly. What if he breaks it off? I was on the potion, but I switched formulas because the other was giving me nausea and bloating. I should have talked to dad about it, he’d have told me the new one wouldn’t have worked with me being a metamorphmagus, but how the bloody hell was I supposed to tell my father I needed to be on the potion!? Oh, hell, he’s going to think I baby-trapped him!

For his part, Remus’ mind was running round and round about the prospect of Tonks saying no, and inventing reasons for it. What if she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with an old codger like me!? What if she’s ashamed I’m a werewolf!? What if she doesn’t want to have a child with a monster like me?! What if she says no…

Thus, the pair of lovestruck idiots were making themselves perfectly miserable simply because neither of them had the bright idea of just telling their partner instead of stewing in their own juices. 

They had dinner at the local pub, though Tonks excused herself from drinking any alcohol by claiming indigestion and simply having soft drinks. She blushed deeply at that and glanced at Remus, but he failed to notice that she didn’t want a couple of pints. 

After that, they found the cottage all set up for them, and it being still light outside, Remus stammered out that they should go for a walk to get the sea air, and Tonks, full of nervous energy herself, agreed, though she was having a terrible time keeping her hair color the same. She’d had to wear a hat at dinner to keep the muggle patrons from noticing that she was a venerable kaleidoscope at the moment. 

They walked along grassy windswept hills above the sea, large patches of heather waving merrily in the breeze as the sun moved towards the horizon, painting the sea the color of gold. They came to a small gravel beach strewn with driftwood and tide pools, and Tonks edge close to Lupin, who put his arm around her as they watched the sunset. 

At last, Lupi suddenly turned to Tonks, sweat on his brow despite the rapidly cooling air. “Tonks…Dora…I…I have something to tell you.”

“I…I have something to tell you as well,” Tonks blurted. 

“Well, I just…I wanted to say…you’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met,” Lupin said, going through the script he’d composed, and even gone so far as to write down and put in his pocket. “You’re beautiful, and cheerful, and all together lovely.” He finished by going down on one knee in front of Tonks, his hand going to his jacket pocket.

“And pregnant,” Tonks blurted, still unable to control her mouth.

“And-” Lupin paused, blinking. “What?”

“I’m six weeks pregnant!” Tonks admitted, getting down to kneel in the wet gravel with Lupin, her hands gripping his arm. 

“But, you’re on the potion,” Lupin said, his mind racing away. Oh hell. And I told Ted and Andy she wasn’t last week…they’re going to kill me. 

“I know! But the formulation I was using was making me feel bloody awful, so without consulting a doctor, I switched to a different one! Only, I had to wait a week for the ingredients to make it because I sure as hell wasn’t telling Snape of all I people what I was doing, and then it turned out the new formulation doesn’t work on metamorphmagi, so, now I’m pregnant! I’m sorry! I only just found out for sure three days ago when I worked up the courage to go see Poppy!” Tonks finished, tears in her eyes. “Please…please don’t be mad…”

“Why would I be mad?” Lupin laughed, and suddenly hugged Tonks tightly. “That’s brilliant! Only, we’ll have to move the wedding up, unless you don’t mind showing then.”

“Wedding?” Tonks asked, her turn to be confused. 

“Oh hell,” Lupin groaned, then hastily got out the ring. He hadn’t even got it open before Tonks started laughed and kissed him. 

“Yes!” she gasped, her tears going from sorrow to joy.

“I haven’t even asked yet,” Lupin pointed out.

“Oh, right!” Tonks hastily stood and brushed off her knees, then grinned down at Lupin, her hair going bright yellow from sheer joy. 

“Nymphadora Tonks, will you do me the honor of marrying me?” Lupin said, and held out the ring.

“Only if you promise to never call me Nymphadora ever again. I’m changing my name to Tonks Dora Lupin, and hexing every idiot who calls me Nymphadora. And we’re naming our son something that isn’t utterly stupid, like John or Edward.”

“Son?” Lupin said, gently touching Tonks’ abdomen. 

She lifted up her jumper, and he put his ear over her belly button, though obviously, at that stage the baby was the size of a bean, and there wasn’t even a noticeable bump. 

“Poppy told me. Asked me…if I wanted to keep it,” Tonks admitted, biting her lip. “Do…do you…?”

“Obviously yes!” Lupin said, standing up and hugging Tonks before kissing her thoroughly. He paused, then managed to ask. “Do you? This will completely derail your career…”

“Stuff my career. I’d rather have you, and our son,” Tonks laughed. She paused, then asked hopefully. “Think he’ll come out a werewolf?”

“Gods I hope not,” Lupin said with a shudder. 

“You could bite me. Make sure he does,” Tonks suggested. 

“Why do you keep suggesting that?!” 

“Because it would be dead sexy. Besides, don’t you want to see me as your fuzzy lover?”

“Your parents are right. You have read too many of those books.”

“You talked to my parents?!”

“Tonks, I had to ask their permission.”

“Oh, right. Well, mum is going to be thrilled. She’s never been obvious about it, but I know she wants grandchildren.”

“Uh, I did tell them you were positively not pregnant last week.”

“Well, in fairness, last week I didn’t know for certain either. 

They stood together on the shore for a bit, as the sun finally sank into the sea, and darkness fell.

Then they headed back to the cottage, because as Tonks pointed out, it wasn’t as though she could get pregnant again. 

GODS BLESSING ON THIS WONDERFUL SCHOOL!

“Let me get this perfectly straight,” Dumbledore said, adjusting his spectacles before staring over them at what appeared to be two contrite young women squirming in the chairs before him. “You, Miss Eris, are, in fact, the Goddess of Fair Fortune.”

“Um, yes,” Eris admitted. Dumbledore had already figured out she was actually his former student Chris, but as Eris had entreated him not to reveal that to her companion, he had elected to keep that to himself for now. 

“I see.” Dumbledore turned to the second person, who smiled at him in a fashion exactly like that of a student who had been caught out of their dormitory after curfew. “And you, Miss Mizu, are also a Goddess, this time of Water.”

“Well, I’m also a Muse of the Arts,” Aqua pointed out.

“Specifically what?” Dumbledore asked curiously. 

“Um, Comedic Poetry, but I’m pretty good at all of them,” Aqua said, giving Dumbledore a guileless smile, during which he thought he could see the back of her skull through her eyes.

“And here I was given to understand that was the domain of Thalia,” Dumbledore said, stroking his beard thoughtfully. 

“That’s her full name, Thalia Aqua, but she prefers to just go by Aqua,” Eris said helpfully. 

“Ugggghhh, I hate that name,” Aqua moaned, dragging her fingers down her cheeks and distorting her eyelids. “And before you ask, no, Zeus isn’t my dad, and I didn’t marry that douchebag Apollo! Zeus is more like my uncle. I was born of the purest spring waters, to bring joy and laughter to humanity!” 

“And your origins, Miss Eris?” Dumbledore inquired, turning to the other goddess. 

“Um, well…” Eris glanced at Aqua nervously, who had suddenly puffed up with pride. 

“She used to just be an ordinary human thief! What was your name? Tina or something?”

“Christina, you know that perfectly well,” Eris snapped. She looked at Dumbledore pleadingly. “I was a mortal woman, but, I ascended after killing my world’s Demon King, though I guess you’d call him a Dark Lord, and a cult sprang up around me. Aqua and I were besties by then, so, she helped me fill out the paperwork, and I achieved apotheosis.”

“There’s paperwork involved in becoming a deity?” Dumbledore said, mildly surprised by this revelation. 

Both goddesses groaned and shook their heads. “So much paperwork!”

“I had to fill out miles and miles just to use my vacation days for this!” Aqua said plaintively. “Signing up a new goddess? Ugh, I never want to do that again!”

“I can still feel my hand cramping up from how many times I had to sign my name,” Eris said with a wince. “And I got to use the expedited form since I already had my own religion!” 

“I see.” Dumbledore pondered this for a moment, then leaned forward. “And what, pray tell, does this have to do with Miss Potter, Miss Dursley, and the Crimson Demon Clan?”

“Uhhhhhhh,” the deities stammered. 

“I see. So, you are responsible for that particular madness that afflicted Lily Evans,” Dumbledore said, steepling his fingers thoughtfully.

“I mean…she sort of did most of that on her own,” Eris said with a shrug. 

Aqua nodded sagely. “The chuunibyo lifestyle chooses some, rather than them choosing it.”

“Middle school sickness? What a queer name,” Dumbledore mused. “Though I suppose it’s appropriate given Miss Evens and her daughter’s shared eccentricities.” 

“In Megumin’s case, it’s genetic,” Eris explained. “This isn’t even that bad. It’s way worse when it’s reinforced culturally.”

“And so, you orchestrated Megumin’s birth so that someone would arise to defeat Tom Riddle at the height of his power?” Dumbledore asked. 

“N-” Aqua began, but Eris clapped her hand over her senior’s mouth and nodded frantically. “Yes! That’s EXACTLY what we’re doing! Trying to save magical Britain and prevent the rise of a demon lord!”

“Hmmm,” Dumbledore said, regarding Aqua with hooded eyes, though she was now grinning and nodding fervently as well. He sighed. “And I suppose you didn’t just do it because you thought it would be amusing.”

The contrite looks on both goddess’s down cast faces and the fact that neither of them could meet Dumbledore’s eyes told him everything he needed to know. 

“Well, I suppose that's in line with what I know of pagan theology at least,” Dumbledore sighed. He reached into a jar beside his desk, and pulled out three wrapped candies. “Gumdrop?”

“”Yes please!”” the goddesses chorused, and both delightedly accepted the sweet like a small child would. 

“So,” Dumbledore said, once he’d finished his own gumdrop. “I suppose that leaves me to ask why a goddess is teaching my history class?”

“So I can hang out with my buddies and have fun at Hogwarts, duh,” Aqua said instantly, which made Eris wince. 

“We’re uh, on vacation,” Eris added. “This is…sort of what we do for fun. You know, incarnate ourselves, and live a mortal life.”

“And have awesome adventures where we defeat Dark Lords and then party!” Aqua cheered. 

Both suddenly bowed deeply in a decidedly Eastern fashion. “”PLEASE DON’T FIRE US!””

“Well, so long as you do not cause further disruptions to the decorum of this school, and Miss Aqua fulfills her duties as a professor as outlined in her contract…I will have no reason to do so,” Dumbledore said with a grandfatherly smile.

“”THANK YOU, SENSEI!”” Aqua and Eris chorused. 

Dumbledore sent both women off with a handful of candy, the two of them happily chatting. 

“Just think, next year is the Triwizard Tournament!”

“Ooo, I hope they come up with new challenges! The old ones would be interesting to see, but I really want to see something that will actually challenge Megumin!” 

“You really think she’ll be champion?”

“Pfff, if Crouch doesn’t impersonate Moody and put her name in, I’ll do it myself!” 

Dumbledore very nearly had a heart attack about that one, but carefully wrote it down in his journal. Then, he pulled out the Ming Vase. After transcribing a very complex protective circle, he set the vase at the center, then intoned a spell to lift the lid off.

“AT LAST! AFTER 10,000 YEARS, MOI IS FREE ONCE MORE!” a deep voice boomed, and a dark cloud that formed into a black and white mask with glowing red eyes lifted up out.

Dumbledore glanced at his watch. “Actually, you’ve been in that vase for just slightly over two hours, Monsieur Vanir,” Dumbledore said politely.

“Ah.” The form of the demon in an old-style suit with long tails coalesced from the smock, resolving itself into a pint-sized Vanir, seated atop the open vase. “Well, moi perceives time differently than you do, O mortal man who has a life full of successes that he views as a string of failures.”

“Ah. That one is quite near the mark. Well played,” Dumbledore said, nodding to Vanir, who inclined his head in return. “However, I do seem to have you at a disadvantage.”

“Mmm,” Vanir kicked at the side of the circle, but there was a blue flash of light, and he was unable to pass through. “Oh, how moi utterly loathe dealing with experienced and competent wizards. Thou hast the habit of being so annoyingly prepared at every circumstance. Pray tell, can moi tempt you into an act of hubris?”

“No, I merely wish to ascertain if you mean any harm to my students or staff,” Dumbledore explained. “You make quite excellent drinks, and Miss Wiz was rather distraught that I had bound you. For an ancient and powerful undead creature, she is rather charming.”

“MWAHAHAAHA! Yes, for a race known as the Lords of Death and the Masters of the Malign…she is charmingly ineffective and innocent. An unliving contradiction!” Vanir cackled.

“She saved many lives during the Wizarding War,” Dumbledore said gravely. “I have not known Wiz to have a single malicious bone in her body. Which leaves the question of you, Vanir. You attempted to steal the souls of four of my students.”

“Pah, they are already owned by those pesky and annoying goddesses, whose stench one already detects in the air here,” Vanir said, pinching his nose and waving one hand as though he smelled a latrine. 

“Some would say that the gods are the proper keepers of men's souls.”

“Some are a bunch of stuffy old fools who have no sense of commodity.”

“I will not engage you in witty repartee, amusing as that might be. No, instead, I have drawn up a contract. You will find it simple and straightforward,” Dumbledore said, retrieving a parchment from his desk and tapping it with his wand so that it unrolled itself and hung before Vanir in the air.

Vanir looked it over and sneered in disgust. “Moi will not attempt to solicit nor accept the possession of the souls, spirits, bodies, or lives of any students or staff of Hogwarts, or the souls, spirits, bodies, or lives of any persons visiting or guests of Hogwarts, for so long as Albus Dumbledore is the Headmaster, and will immediately attempt to renew this contract with whomever the new headmaster is!?”

“You may, of course, solicit such off of Hogwarts premises, provided the individual you so tempt is not affiliated with our school,” Dumbledore pointed out. 

“And you will not simply attempt to imprison moi for 10,000 years?”  Vanir huffed. 

“No, the staff have grown quite fond of your skill as a bartender, myself included. And this wouldn’t be the first time Hogwarts has employed a rather more infernal individual on our staff,” Dumbledore explained.

“Hmph. Give moi pen and ink, and moi will sign,” Vanir said.

Once the contract was completed, Dumbledore used the toe of his fluffy bunny slipper to smudge the circle. Vanir stepped out and full size, and shook Dumbledore’s hand. 

“A pleasure doing business with one who knows his business, even if moi does not enjoy the terms of the contract,” Vanir said with a chuckle.

“And I look forward to your Drunk Dragons. They are most excellent,” Dumbledore said. 

Vanir laughed again, then showed himself out.

Dumbledore sank down into his desk, and rested his head in his hands.

“Why did the gods have to turn out to be real?” he murmured plaintively. “And be so very silly.”

At last, he raised his head, and retrieved a glass and a bottle of brandy. He poured a glass and raised it. “Well, better a comedy than a tragedy.”

Then Dumbledore made plans to go visit Bartimeus Crouch and find out why on earth his old friend would impersonate Mad Eye Moody and put Megumin’s name in the Goblet of Fire. That would be a pure disaster and no mistake.