May I Enjoy My Life: Entry 39 (Patreon)

Entry 37, Day 81

You ever wake up and feel like you slept through the most important day of your life? Or at least, everyone else moved on without you. The last time that happened, fucking Bobby slept with Marisa, who had been my girlfriend right up until the two of them got wasted at a party. I mean, I got wasted too, it was when we were sophomores in college, but I didn’t fucking sleep with another woman. Being roommates was hella awkward for the rest of the year, which was thankfully only two months. Thanks a lot, Bobby.

Anyway, this was a lot less stupid drama and heartache and a lot more “holy shit everything has changed.” I mean, I had tried teaching Sussurro how to use my arts. She’d never been able to figure them out. None of the other doctors had. 

“You’re telling me Lisa showed you how to use the Miracle Arts, and now you’re cured of Oripathy!?” I said, sitting down for once at Sussurro’s hospital bedside instead of her sitting beside me. 

“Not quite so loud,” Lucia whispered, but she couldn’t keep the stupid grin off of her face. “But yes. It was like…she was the key. She opened something in my soul, and I was able to use your arts. I just…understood. It was like learning a new language. Only, I’ve forgotten it now. Even if I was still Infected, I don’t think I could use the arts.” 

“Huh.” I sat there for a moment, holding Sussurro’s hand and pondering that. “So, you’re completely cured?”

“Not to the same extent that you cure people. I’m at .09 u/L and 0% cell integration. That’s normal baseline for a Terran who isn’t actively exposed to originium frequently.”

“On the low side, really. What you’d expect on a little kid who lives in a practically sterile environment,” I said, shaking my head wonderingly. I gave her a big grin. “That’s fantastic news, though! If we can repeat that, everyone could cure their own oripathy!” 

“Maybe, I…I'm not sure. I already know how to use healing arts, so I don’t know that anyone could use this,” Sussurro admitted. “Without my medical knowledge and expertise, I don’t think I could have sung the song Lisa showed me.”

“A song?” I frowned at that. “I’ve always seen it as schematics, not music. It’s like…coding, really. You know, using a programming language. You just…find the errors in the code, and fix them.”

“That is because your cold American heart has not the passion of Siracusa in it!” Lucia laughed, then squeezed my hand to show it was meant affectionately. 

For my part, I lifted my leg up and nudged her with my toes. When she raised her eyebrows at me, I told her, “Hey, now you’re the one abusing Weird Alien knowledge, not me.”

That made her blush and splutter. “It, it is not the same! You as my American, that is just a pet name! No one would know what it means!” 

“Half the time people don’t know what the hell I’m babbling about either, but you still kick me,” I chuckled. 

“And the other half you are talking out of your il culo and calling Oripathy Super Cancer or some such thing that no sane Terran ever would,” Sussurro sighed. 

“I…huh. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else use that particular turn of phrase here,” I mused. 

“Yes, which is why you are needing a good kicking every once in a while, James,” Sussurro sniffed, then hesitated. “That is not…that is, I am not bullying you too much when I do that, am I?”

“No, I do need the reminders,” I admitted. “You should probably kick me if I’m just being rude too, otherwise I won’t even notice.” 

“As is the duty of a wife. Or, ah, girlfriend,” Lucia said, flushing again. 

“No spoilers,” I told her, which made her roll her eyes. “Anyway, I should go check on our resident pair of idiot lupos and make sure they’re fine. Uh, anything I should know about Lappland?”

“Yes. The stupida wolf has no regard for her own health, or Oripathy! You must cuff her upside the back of her head and tell her how stupid she is for continuing to take such poor care of herself! I haven’t seen her charts yet, but I promise you that her oripathy is even worse than when I last saw her at Rhodes Island!” Sussurro huffed in righteous indignation. 

“I was thinking more about her being an unemployed serial killer.”

“What!? No, Lappland is perfectly pleasant. She’s never killed anyone that I know of,” Sussurro said. I gave her an incredulous look, then she hastily amended, “Well, anyone at Rhodes Island. She’s been on plenty of combat ops and killed lots of mafioso, but that doesn’t count.”

“I sort of think it does. In fact, I’m pretty sure having a favored target makes her more of a serial killer, not less.”

“If that were true, half of Siracusa would be composed of serial killers,” Sussurro laughed. Then she frowned. “Actually, that might be true. My fellow countrymen have a depressing habit of killing people over some foolish feud or other.”

“Uh, you’re not secretly a yandere, right?” I said, only half joking. 

“Only if you make the mistake of cheating on me. Then I may just turn into one,” Sussurro told me, showing her little fangs ferociously. 

“Damn, that’s fucking hot,” I told her, and she laughed as I kissed her. “Right, I’m going to check on Texas first.”

I found Texas in a hospital bed two doors down from Sussurro’s, looking torn between being annoyed that she was being forced to sit in a hospital bed and her tail wagging because Sora was the one keeping her there.

“Doc Bones!” Sora said, jumping up from her seat at Texas’ bedside when she saw me. Goddammit, Exu. I’m never escaping that stupid nickname. “You’re alright! I can’t thank you enough for keeping Texas alive and safe.”

“Uh, she’s been the one keeping me alive and safe for the most part,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck and giving the pop star a sheepish smile. 

“That’s not what I’ve heard,” Sora said, and turned a disapproving frown on Texas, who blushed and looked down at her lap. “I heard that she gave herself oripathy and very nearly got herself killed more than once.”

“I mean, she did, but that was keeping my ass from getting fragged,” I pointed out. “Come on, bro, back me up!” 

“...” Was Texas’s only response.

“She very much didn’t pick a fight with her oldest friend to keep you safe,” Sora sniffed.

Texas looked up, her ears drooping. “I-”

“And don’t tell me you did it to keep me safe either, Celinia!” Sora huffed, turning around and planting her fists on her hips. “You could have called or texted me, you know! Instead, you turned your phone off and went on some mad vengeance quest!” 

“...thought you were in danger,” Texas mumbled. 

“Give our poor autistic Moon-Moon a break. She did it because she loves you,” I said to Sora, coming to Texas’ defense.

“I… autistic Moon-Moon?” Sora asked, looking up at me in obvious confusion. 

“...never mentioned it,” Texas mumbled. “Wasn’t important.”

“Texas, I figured out you had Autism when you nearly had a fit that I didn’t keep all my shoes perfectly lined up, and I didn’t fold all my dirty clothes before putting them in the laundry hamper,” Sora said with exasperation. “But what’s a Moon-Moon?”

“Er, it’s a Columbian joke. It was a thing where you found the name of your…spirit animal. You know, first name is based on the month of your birth, the second on your last name or something. Well, the person who made the test had ‘Moon’ on both, so someone commented that their spirit animal was Moon-Moon, and had to be the joke of all the other spirit animals. So someone posted a picture of wolves with one being a dope, and captioned it with ‘dammit, Moon-Moon!’ It’s been a bit of a meme ever since.”

I left out the part where there was that laughing wolf meme with Texas, Red, and Lappland, and Texas was usually cast as the exasperated Moon-Moon having to deal with the other two’s shenanigans. 

“Huh, I’ve never heard that one, but it certainly fits my Celinia.” A slow grin spread over Sora’s face. “How do you feel about me calling you Moon-Moon, dearest?”

“I like it,” Texas said instantly. 

“You’d like anything she suggested,” I snorted, finally picking up her chart and looking through it. “Well, at least you didn’t take Amp-X this time. Lisa did a pretty good job fixing you up, too. Clean bill of health, though your originium levels are up to .05 u/L.”

“If they’re up to that, then she’s doing fairly well, isn’t she?” Sora asked nervously. “My last checkup had me at .12 u/L, and I try to be really careful.”

“No, that’s perfectly fine. It’s just that when I rebuilt her circulatory system, I had her down to .00 u/L.”

“But…but that’s impossible. I mean, I’m not a doctor, but…” Sora trailed off and put her hands to her mouth. “You really are the Savior!” 

“No, that’s Amiya, I’m just a doctor. Not The Doktah, just a doctor.”

“Uh, ok. Well, as long as Texas is in good health,” Sora said nervously. 

“Well, I’m going to perform a thorough exam. And, uh, for that…I’ll need to ask you to step outside,” I said.

“She can stay,” Texas said. 

“If you’re sure?” I said, and Texas nodded. 

“I don’t mind, Celinia,” Sora said, reaching for the door.

“No. Stay. I don’t want to lose sight of you,” Texas said, and held out her hand. Sora took it, blushing and grinning at her lover. Texas gave her a small smile back, then nodded to me. 

I did a full exam of Texas, running my hands over her chest and abdomen, which were the places that originium would gather first. I also got a pretty good idea of how much blood she had in her, and wasn’t surprised to see it was a rather low. Lisa had done a bang-up job of fixing the trauma, and probably made a few units of blood, but Texas wasn’t in tip-top shape. They weren’t pumping blood into her, no need for that when a few days of bed rest would help her, but I wanted Texas ready to rumble. 

“I’m going to make a small incision and make you some blood. You’re not in any real danger, but you’re still about 20% short of where you should be. Uh, actually…Can I get you to make the incision yourself? Still got the shakes,” I said, holding up a scalpel in my trembling hand. 

Texas nodded and made a small cut near her vein in her arm. Sora gasped as it started to bleed rapidly, but I stuck my finger in there and was soon pumping Texas back up to full. It took a couple of minutes, but then I sealed the cut as I pulled my finger out.

“That’s…that’s incredible. Just like the arts Lisa and Dr. Sussurro used, only…more,” Sora murmured. 

“Hey, you use healing arts, don’t you?” I said, frowning at Sora.

“Um, yes?” she agreed nervously. “I’m no doctor, though.”

“Could you hear a song when I did that? Here, try holding my hand. Texas, cut yourself again,” I instructed.

“Doctor Bones!” Sora gasped in horror, but Texas obligingly did cut herself. I took Sora’s hand and healed it, then looked at her questioningly. 

“Um, n-no, nothing. Please, don’t do it again!” Sora begged.

“Ah, too bad. You’re not an Elder race, then. Too bad, I don’t seem to be able to teach Ancients,” I said. “You’re, what? A pero? Lupo? No? Vulpo?”

Sora and Texas both stiffened, and Texas looked suddenly murderous, gripping the scalpel and glaring at me, nostrils flaring. “Bones,” she warned. 

“Um, it’s alright, Celinia. I…I’m retiring,” Sora said softly. 

Texas’s head whipped around. “Retiring? Why? Did someone threaten you?”

“No, I just…I’m being…I’m being called Home,” Sora said with a shuddering breath. “A…a Conclave has been called. Boss…talked to me. I think…I think I need to go.”

“All the way to Rim Billington?” I said, remembering tiny bits of lore. 

Texas growled, and I raised my hand in surrender, but Sora shuddered and took my hand, guiding it to the side of her head. “No, Doctor Bones,” she said quietly. 

I frowned, feeling under her hair, which she had loose about her shoulders. “Huh…that’s…where a horn would be. So…dammit, what’s the name…caprinae? Or minos? No, wait, forte, right?”

“No,” Sora whispered, even as Texas cut the wires and tubes off of herself and stood up in her hospital gown. 

“You can tell no one,” Texas hissed. 

“I…I’m going to be telling everyone soon, Texas. Kazdel has need of all her children now. Even a useless pop star like me,” Sora whispered, tears in her eyes. 

Kazdel… I blinked in surprise, then felt at the horns more closely. “Wait, you’re-”

A scalpel was at my throat in an instant. “Do not say it.”

“I am Sarkaz. I…I was named Alice Springs, because that was the town I was born in. But my mother…my mother always called me Aliza. I cut off my horns when I left Rim Billington, and used my arts to disguise myself as a cautus. No one questioned that, and…and everyone treated me better. Except…except for Texas,” Sora, or, well, I guess Aliza whispered. 

Texas lowered her scalpel with a trembling hand, then dropped it to the ground with a ping. She wrapped her arms around Sora, who cried on her shoulder. “I will always love you, Aliza. No matter what. You’re everything good in my life.”

“Even if I am a devil?” Sora gasped. 

“No. I am a devil. You are an angel. Your hands heal. My hands kill.”

They parted, and Sora wiped away a few tears with her left hand, holding Texas in her right. “I…I regret cutting my horns now. I don’t know what my fans will do, I feel so guilty, but…but Boss has told me what’s happening. Speaker Wisadel has called all Sarkaz home. Not for a war. But…but because the cure for Oripathy has been found. You…you won’t forget the Sarkaz, will you, Doctor Bones?”

“No,” I assured Sora. “Honestly, I’m probably the one person in the whole world, well, aside from Ivan and Ash and those other guys, who is 100% never going to be racist against the Sarkaz.”

“That’s good to hear, and I hope it’s true. Even we Sarkaz hate each other, and ourselves,” Sora said bitterly, touching her horns’ stumps. 

“He is an alien,” Texas said quietly, meeting my eyes. I nodded to her, feeling slightly relieved.

“Uh, what do you mean, Texas? I wasn’t going to ask his race, that’s rude, but…I’ve heard he might be Sarkaz too?” Sora said hopefully. 

“No, I’m an Earthling. I’m not even from Terra,” I admitted. 

Sora blinked at me. “Wait, so you mean…”

“He’s an alien,” Texas repeated, though she did elaborate, “He doesn’t hate the Sarkaz.”

Fresh tears entered Sora’s eyes, and she let go of Texas long enough to give me another hug. I patted her gently on the back, though I did glance at Texas. She seemed not to be in a murderous mood anymore, which meant she probably wasn’t the jealous type and trusted me with Sora. Sussurro would probably be fine with it too, seeing as how Sora was in lesbians with Texas. 

Not that Sussurro had anything to worry about, I was firmly committed to her path, but, well, Tsunderes, am I right?

“You…you can heal anything, right?” Sora asked, reaching up to touch her horns again. “Could…could you heal me?”

And just like that, Texas the Murderbot was back, her expression utterly cold. “Did Lappland hurt you?”

“No, Texas! I mean, my horns!” Sora laughed nervously, patting Texas’s arm reassuringly. 

That calmed poor Moon-Moon down, and she nodded. “Ah. Good.”

“You…you wouldn’t mind…me having horns?” Sora asked nervously.

“No. They are a part of you. I love you. I love your horns,” Texas stated matter-of-factly. 

“Well, before we get all excited, let me see if I can even do that,” I said. I touched Sora again, this time with the intent to heal. And, sure enough, I could feel where her horns should be. It was a part of her blueprint, so to speak. The body didn’t really care that the horns were gone, but Sarkaz horns aren’t just dead tissue: they have a living core. 

“Must have hurt like hell to cut these off,” I murmured to myself, feeling where the living bone had scabbed over. It seemed like they had been cauterized somehow.

“It nearly killed me. I had it done in a back alley. I remember bleeding so much and screaming with pain, then I blacked out when the doctor began cauterizing the wound,” Sora whispered.

“Hmm, well, if you’re sure, I can probably restore them, though they might not be the same. It’s been years since this was done,” I said.

She nodded, closing her eyes. “Do it.”

“Alright, but I’m going to do this properly, in an OR. Let’s just book one first. I’ll numb it up so you don’t pass out in case it is painful,” I said, and I paged for a nurse and explained what I wanted when she got there. 

“You want to…regrow severed Sarkaz horns? Why? The poor devil is better off,” the nurse scoffed.

That was as far as she got before Texas broke her nose. 

“You will prepare an OR. You will have the medication. Or I will wake Lappland Salluzzo, and we will burn this hospital to the ground,” Texas growled, crouching over the nurse who was clutching at her bleeding nose and staring wide-eyed at the rabid wolf above her. 

“Ub, yes!” the nurse agreed, then scrambled off before I could fix her nose.

“You didn’t need to break her nose,” Sora said in a tone that indicated that she very much appreciated Texas doing that.

“I did,” Texas affirmed. “She is lucky I didn’t do more.”

“Damn, and here I thought you were a kuudere, not a yandere,” I chuckled.

“Lappland is the yandere,” Sora said with a snort. “Texas is definitely the kuudere.”

“And what are you?” I asked curiously. 

“Deredere,” Texas said before Sora could say anything. “The best kind.”

An OR was reserved for us, and to my delight, Lucia met us there.

“Hey, they let you out already?” I said, giving her a kiss. 

“They told me you were going into surgery, and I told these ciarlatano that there was no possible way that you were operating without your hands,” Lucia said. 

I felt tears come to my own eyes, and I picked her up and squeezed her tight. She let out a little gasp of protest, but her tail started wagging so I knew she was happy. “Thanks. We’re a team, you know that? They might think I’m the messiah or whatever, but you’re the one who saved me.”

“So long as I can keep this head of yours from becoming too swelled,” Lucia said, gripping my short sideburns and kissing me. 

I set her down, though her tail was still wagging happily. “So, you know what I’m doing?”

“Something about healing Sora? The nurses seemed rather frightened. Which deficiente made the mistake of hurting Texas’ girlfriend?”

I quickly explained, and Sussurro’s jaw dropped open in shock. “She’s a Sarkaz who cut her horns!? That’s an incredibly dangerous and stupid cosmetic procedure! But…she wants it reversed?”

“She said something about W calling all Sarkaz home. Didn’t realize the Roach had that much pull.”

“She is the Speaker of Kazdel and effectively the head of their government, James.”

“Oh. Uh, wow. They put that crazy person in charge of Kazdel?” I said, feeling a bit dizzy at the prospect. 

“Don’t be racist, James. But yes. The lunatic is running the asylum, I suppose. Though I always figured that Wisadel just told everyone she would kill anyone who ran against her.”

Based on what I knew of Sarkaz politics, which was admittedly little, that sounded pretty plausible. Though she was probably also some kind of hero to the Sarkaz since she’d served Theresa and ended the Military Commission in Londinium. 

The OR was prepped and ready, with Sora lying on the table. There was one person who normally wouldn’t be allowed in: Texas. She had her swords back, and while she wasn’t wearing her armor, she wasn’t wearing scrubs either, though she did have on a face mask. 

“Ah, Doctor McCoy…we couldn’t get her to leave,” a different and rather nervous nurse said, nodding to Texas. 

“It’s fine, this procedure shouldn’t be painful,” I said. “But we’ll numb you up, just to be sure.”

Sussurro used lidocaine, or rather, Dimethcain, but it worked the same way and, from what I could tell, was synthesized in a similar fashion from xylidine and chloroacetyl chloride, though slightly differently to account for Terran biology. 

Then, I put my hands on her head while she was still conscious, don’t want to go knocking out patients for a cranial surgery, and regrew her horns. I couldn’t restore them to their full glory: similar to someone missing a limb and me not being able to replace it, I couldn’t fully restore the horns. Instead of curling or ending in points, she had two black nubs sticking out of the side of her, just above and behind her ears. They were about an inch in diameter and about an inch and a half long. Sora felt at them gingerly when I was done, then blushed. “Um, t-there is one other thing…m-my tail. I…I cut that off as well…”

“Well, what would a girl be without her tail?” I said seriously. “Flip over, and I’ll see.”

There was indeed a very small tail nub, which was right on Sora’s tailbone. I touched it gently, which made Sora tremble and groan slightly. Right. Sensitive. Texas didn’t seem to care, but Sussurro was stone-faced. 

“Not much I can do here, sadly,” I said, after pouring some arts into it.  I managed to give her another inch and a half of tail, which would probably be more of a bother than anything else. “You’ll probably have to wear a prosthetic. I’m sorry: even I can’t work miracles.”

“No, you’ve done so much. Thank you,” Sora said, and Sussurro produced a mirror, which Sora held up and stared into. Her horns were just visible above her hair now, and she stared at them, rubbing her fingers over first one, then the other nervously. 

Texas came over, then kissed Sora right on her horns, one after the other, which made Sora gasp.

“You…you still love me, Celinia?” Sora whispered. 

“With all my heart. Are you really retiring?” Texas asked.

Sora nodded sadly. “I’ll try to find another career in music, but there isn’t any demand for a Sarkaz idol. Boss says the world is changing, and I agree, but that won’t change. Either way, he negotiated an end to my contract with Monster Siren.”

“Then the stipulation on relationships is gone,” Texas stated, and Sora smiled and nodded. “Good.”

Then Texas got down on one knee and produced a ring from her clothes, which had Sora gasp in astonishment and cover her face with her hands. 

“Aliza Springs. Sora. I love you more than life. Will you be my wife?” Texas said, and her voice actually shook with emotion. 

Sussurro let out a happy yip of delight, and her tail started wagging furiously. Sora was obviously speechless for a moment, and I could see Texas’s courage waver. 

“Yes!” Sora finally cried, falling into Texas’s arms and crying with joy. 

Texas obviously relaxed and hugged Sora back.

BANG.

Instantly, Texas was up, swords out, a snarl on her lips. Then she froze at seeing the source of the noise that made me jump three feet in the air.

FWWEEEEEEWWWW! The noisemaker extended fully from Lappland’s mouth, then flipped back. Lappland pulled it out from her mouth, her sharp fangs barred in an enormous grin. “Brava, brava! Allow me to be the first to congratulate the happy couple! Auguri!”

Confetti was still spinning through the air as Lappland applauded, and Sussurro and I hastily clapped as well. The nurses nervously applauded as well, though they were doing so as they made for the nearest exit. 

“I…thank you,” Texas said, sheathing her swords and flushing. 

“You just have to let me be your best man, eh?” Lappland said, elbowing Texas. “Do not think you can get me to wear a dress: you know I detest them nearly as much as you do! See, this is why you and I could never have married. Who would be the bride?”

“Both of us,” Texas said, frowning. “I will wear a wedding dress. It is what is proper.”

Lappland looked at Texas aghast, while Sora laughed. “She’s worn dresses for me in the past, Lappland. Only on dates, and only with a short skirt.”

“The wedding dress will not have a short skirt. That is not traditional,” Texas said firmly. 

“It’s your wedding, Texas, you can wear whatever you like,” Sussurro said, coming over to kiss both Texas and Sora on the cheeks. 

“You will be my Maid of Honor,” Texas informed Lappland. “You do not have to wear a dress. James is my Best Man. He is a man. You are not.”

“What about Exusiai and Croissant! They have to be in the wedding too!” Sora declared. “Oh, when we get back to Lungmen-”

“No. Before that,” Texas said firmly, and Sora paused, looking concerned. 

“Before?” Sora asked nervously. 

“Has to be soon. Storm is coming. James has changed things. Kal’tsit is concerned. Acting oddly. Need to get married soon. Before the war,” Texas explained. 

“Well, I hear Palermo is a great place for weddings this time of year,” I said, then winked at Susssurro. “Maybe they do double bookings.”

“Do not be saying such things when you haven’t even proposed yet,” Sussurro said, and kicked me, but very gently. Her tail was wagging too hard for more than that. 

“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about inviting my parents,” Sora said with a nervous laugh. 

Texas nodded, looking mournful. “I wish I could have met them. Your stories make them sound kind.”

“They were. They gave me everything before…” Sora swallowed. “I wish I could have been there. But, miners always die of Oripathy. Especially Sarkaz miners. And…and mom didn’t tell me until it was too late how bad she and dad were…”

“You don’t have any other family?” Sussorro asked, and Sora shook her head. 

“No. I had an older brother who became a mercenary. He died in Bolivar. My little sister was…well. She was caught in a bad part of town and was guilty of being Sarkaz.”

That brought about an awkward silence, and I coughed. “Well, maybe let’s let Sora get dressed in something that isn’t a hospital gown. Personally, I’m starving after that. Usually am after I use arts. How's the hospital food here?”

“Rubbish,” Lappland said, then shrugged. “But it is a hospital. As those go, it is not so bad. Rhodes Island’s is much worse.”

“Hey, I take offense to that,” I said as Sora and Texas exited the OR. Lappland made to follow, but I put a hand on her shoulder. “Oh no, you don’t. I just had to fill up Texas’s tank. You can put a hospital gown on and put yourself right back in here, Missy, because I bet you're half exsanguinated, too.”

Lappland raised an eyebrow at me, but then laughed. “Oh, very well. But why bother with a gown?”

Then she stripped right then and there in the middle of the OR. I blushed and looked away, while Sussurro growled and her tail stood on end.

“Like what you see?” Lappland teased, and from the corner of my eye, I saw her flaunting herself for Sussurro. “I do like the short feisty ones. And the big tall ones! If you both are ever bored-”

“Then we will watch television. I am not sharing my bed with anyone but Sussurro,” I said firmly. 

“Ah, too bad. Well, there. I put on the gown. Now you fix me up, eh?” Lappland said and flopped on the bed, her hospital gown barely covering her up. 

I ran my hands over her, then nodded. “Dr. Sussurro saved your life, but how the heck are you on your feet? You’re still half exsanguinated.”

“Bah, I do not let a little dizziness and fatigue keep me in bed. Besides, then I would have missed darling Celinia proposing to her lover! And that would have been such a shame,” Lappland chuckled. A wistful look stole over her, and she suddenly grabbed Sussurro’s hand. “Lucia…Texas…you think she will be happy with Sora? I do not care she is a Sarkaz, I would have fucked her brains out if Texas hadn’t gotten her first, but…well. I do care for Celinia. If she cannot be happy with me…then another must make her so.”

“I do, Lappland,” Sussurro said, stroking Lappland’s arm gently. “Do we need to check you for venereal diseases again?”

Lappland cackled. “I have been in the wilds with nothing but a pack of wolves for playmates for most of a year! So yes. Who knows what sorts of diseases Signori dei Lupi have, eh?”

Despite our masks and attempts at professionalism, Lappland pretty clearly saw the reactions of shock and horror Sussurro and I had because she laughed and winked. “Oh yes. How do you think I tamed Zaro so thoroughly? First, I proved him his master in combat, and then in the bedroom. You should try it on this one, Dr. Savior. I think Dr. Sussurro  would like it.”

“I’m not here to discuss either of our relationships, Miss Saluzzo. Only yours as relates to your medical history,” I said, and did another pass. And…yep. Lappland had chlamydia. I could only hope she hadn’t gotten it in the way she’d described. Because…ew. I know it’s not technically bestiality, because the Signori dei Lupi are fully sentient and consenting…but just…ew.

“Well, I can’t cure you of that, but we’ll get you a prescription for antibiotics,” I lied to her. “Now hold still, we’re going to refill your blood bank.”

That was over in a few minutes, and no sooner did I take my hand off of the incision than Lappland sprang out of bed, and her gown for that matter, causing me to mutter something distinctly unprofessional under my breath and Sussurro to snarl something even choicer in not-Italian. 

“Ah, I feel like a million florins! Ah, this is more like it!” Lappland laughed, grinning at us and still in the buff. She bowed as though a performer on the stage. “Well, I shall have to find a way to repay the both of you. Tch. I do suppose I will have to do what that boring little bird wants. Ah, well. Now, let’s go see with dearest Celenia and her bride are up to!” Statching up her clothes, Lappland stuffed herself into her shirt and pants, then bounded out of the OR.

“Is she…always like that?” I whispered to Sussurro as we headed out ourselves.

“No. Sometimes, she’s much worse,” Surrurro hissed back. “She molested me once, actually, until I made it very clear that I was not interested in women. Though I do admit, if I’d been a little drunker, I might have been tempted. She is very… exuberant. Get that look off your face, James!”

“What?” 

“I know what you are thinking! The answer is no!”

“Sussurro, even if I were to suggest a threesome, it sure as fuck wouldn’t be with a jobless lupo who has the clap,” I groaned. 

“I…Yes. Do you think she actually…?”

“See, that’s the trick. I try not to.”

“Mmm. Very wise,” Sussurro muttered. “But still. Surely she didn’t…”

“Don’t. Think. About. It,” I repeated with a shudder. 

Some things, mortal men were not meant to know. 

Or immortal men. Blergh.

“You could be like me. If I don’t want to remember something, I don’t write it down.”

My heart skipped a beat, and I realized Rosmontis had fallen in with us as we headed down to the cafeteria. Actually, she’d sort of been there all along, she was just very quiet and sneaky. Made sense, she was a feline, after all. 

“For once, I think you have a blessing, Narcissa,” Sussurro said. 

She nodded soberly. “If you want, I could remove the memory from your minds. I have become very precise in my arts.”

“Uh, no, thank you,” I said. Holy shit, impromptu brain surgery!? Nothing was worth that. 

“That’s probably good. There is still residual damage,” Rosmontis agreed. No shit, Sherlock. 

We found the rest of our party in the Cafeteria: Red, Lisa, Ingrid, Lappland, Texas, and Sora, along with the addition of Croissant and Emperor.

“There you are, boy,” Emperor said, nodding to me. He beckoned me over to his table, which just contained himself for the moment, Crossaint having gone over to sit with her friends, and Ingrid and Lisa having a table to themselves with Red, who was looking longingly at Lisa’s fluffy tails. 

“Sit your ass down. We got some jawin’ to do.”

Lucia and I sat, and Emperor clapped his flippers. A moment later, a waiter of all things appeared. 

“Get these folks some eats. Somethin’ to drink too. Then skedaddle,” Emperor ordered.

“Of course, sir,” the waiter agreed, then hurried off. 

“Huh. This really is a mob hospital, isn’t it?” I mused.

“Fucked up, but they got some good food,” Emperor said with a shrug. “Not first class, mind, but for hospital grub it ain’t so bad.”

“Uh, question. Apropos of nothing, can Beast Lords, you know…” I cleared my throat.

“Fuck?” Emperor said bluntly. “Lappland tell you that story? I think she’s full of shit. Wouldn’t put it past Zaaro and his gang to be that depraved, but it ain’t normally what we do. I might surround myself with beautiful women, son, but don’t take me for that kind of ass clown.”

“...right. Forget I asked,” I said, as the waiter hurried back with two bowls of soup and some water, then scurried off again. 

“This is not what you called us over to discuss, yes?” Lucia said, sipping at her soup. It was a white bean soup, with some vegetables and a lot of flavor.  

“No, it ain’t.” Emperor leaned forward. “Now, Miss Foxy Doctor, how the fuck did you use those arts? That’s admin level permission shit. The squirt using it I understand. She got the codes for it. But you? Your ancestors was actual foxes. Not a bio-construct like hers.”

“Wait, hold on, are you calling my fiancée an animal?” I growled.

“I could call you a monkey, son, be the same thing. Don’t mistake me: y’all are both human. More’n me, leastways. But surely that old Witch told you what was what when you gave the squirt admin access,” Emperor said, cocking his head to one side and peering at us over his shades. 

“What is a monkey?” Lucia asked suspiciously. 

I responded poetically, singing:

If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey

Even if it has a monkey kind of shape

If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey

If it doesn't have a tail, it's an ape

When I finished, I grinned at Lucia and Emperor. Lucia was giggling, while Emperor was looking at me open beaked over his glasses. He slowly closed his mouth and shook his head. “Don’t quit your day job, doc. Ya ain’t cut out for music.”

“You just don’t appreciate my man Larry,” I sighed. “Only good part of having to go church when we visited grandma.”

“That was very amusing, James, but it is not answering my question about what a monkey is,” Lucia giggled, patting my shoulder affectionately. 

“Uh, they’re sort of like…little hairy humans, with tails and…” trailed off. “You know, it is exceptionally hard to describe a monkey in a world with furries in it.” 

“Little beasts that were related to humans that don’t exist on Terra, least as far as I know. We got other shit fillin’ that ecological niche,” Emperor said with a shake of his head. “Though homeboy is right about y’all bein’ apes and not monkeys, taxonomically. Never really thought about it before, actually. Are y’all primates? I mean, this fool is, but your ancestors was foxes. Hmm. Have to ask the old witch about that, I ain’t got the head for this shit.”

“Um, we can still…you know…have kids, right?” I asked, feeling a pang in my heart.

“Why the fuck you askin’ me that, boy?” Emperor snorted. Ever see a penguin snort? It’s kinda cute, actually. “I look like a doctor to you? But nah, she was made with originium. Whole point of that shit is to make things more human. No reason you two can’t have kids, far as I can see. So we’re back at my question: how the fuck you use those arts, girl?”

“It…it was as though there was a lock inside me, and Lisa opened it. I…for a brief moment, I could sing the song inside me. But, now that I have burned my originium, that song is gone, and the lock is back,” Sussurro admitted. 

“Hrrrm,” Emperor growled, tapping his flipper on the table. At last, he shook his head. “Shit. I just don’t rightly know. I got a guess, but I need to talk this over with Kal. Or maybe High Priest. That bird brain is more of a mechanic, but he got more than feathers in his head.”

“Not Zaaro?” I asked.

“Haha, those fuckers? All the wolfpack ever gave a shit about was their dumbass game. Might as well ask that fuzzy fucker Dolly. Even I ain’t got all the lowdown on this, and I actually spent my youth lookin’ through old databases for tunes.”

“Wait, were you created by the Precursors too?” I blurted, then winced, expecting a kick from Sussurro. However, she just looked at Emperor curiously. 

“Directly? Naw, dawg. I rightly think I was more created by the Teekaz, iffin I’m bein’ honest with ya. Don’t know for sure. But I been around what you would call a real long ass time. And I had a lot of talks with the old witch. I always been directly involved in human affairs. Shit, I thought that Otto would be the one too…never mind. That shit’s so old it don’t even stink no more. But you changed the game, son. And that means the timetable’s done changed. Kal’tsit tell you what all is goin’ down?”

“She said there’s a meeting in Victoria, then a conference in Laterano,” I said.

“So the answer is you a mushroom. Aight. We play it close to the chest then. Forget that other shit I said. But you tell Mama Fox over there that her baby girl gonna be the light in the darkness if she relaxes for one solitary minute. If she really can grant admin access to any random fucker…Wait. Sora! Ingrid! Get yourselves over here.”

“I do not come when you call, bird,” Ingrid sneered, glancing over at Emperor.

“Please, it’s important, Ingrid,” I urged. 

She sighed and got up, dragging a chair over as Sora hurried over. 

“I want your girl to try and teach Sora here how to use them fancy arts,” Emperor said without preamble. “And soon. No, don’t make a face like you licked a lemon, this is important. Sides, you want the heat off her, right? Well, my girls is used to heat. Moreso now that Sora ain’t hidin’ who she is no more.”

“Sorry for not telling you, Boss,” Sora said, looking down.

“Don’t be. If I was just gonna cast you off when you couldn’t sing no more, Texas would kill my ass. ‘Sides, you can still sing, woman. Just no more of that poppy Idol bullshit. We gonna teach you some real hip-hop. Maybe some jazz. Somethin’ with soul in it, ya feel me?”

“Yes, Boss!” Sora agreed eagerly.

“You’re OK with learning these new arts? It could be dangerous,” I warned.

Sora nodded fervently. “If the Sarkaz can learn…I want to. It would be such a blessing to my people. And…I’ve been the prodigal daughter long enough.”

“Well?” Emperor said, leaning on the table and glaring over his shades at Ingrid.

“Very well. If Lisa agrees. But only after she is rested, and Lucia says she is ready!” Ingrid huffed.

“Fine by me,” Emperor said with a nod. “Now. We got one more thing to do ‘fore we can blow this joint. I gotta go yell at Zaaro until he sees sense. Or maybe Lappland. Fuck, she better not be his sugar momma now…”

Emperor hopped off his chair and waddled off, while I was left to eat my soup with Lucia in peace. At least, until she kicked me.

“Ow, what was that for?” I protested. “I didn’t even say anything stupid!”

“I am not your fiancee until you put a ring on my finger, James McCoy. And I see no ring!” Lucia said, holding up her fingers. “Who knows, I might tell you no, if you do not hurry it up! And no, do not think of getting down on your knees here! We are going to Palermo, and you are informing my parents. Then, the ring.”

“Yes ma’am,” I said with a chuckle, and took her hand. She grinned at me

Well, maybe my not-Italian vacation wouldn’t be so bad.

Then a bunch of suicidal idiots kidnapped the Godmother. 

Fucking Siracusians.