May I Enjoy My Life: Entry 40 (Patreon)

Entry 38, Day 82

Despite the craziness that had already happened that day, we still had time for a party for Texas and Sora’s engagement. I remember having a few drinks, but Lucia and I were rather tired, so we conked out early. 

The next morning, we headed back up to the high security ward with Red, Rosmontis, Lisa, and Ingrid. It was quite the parade, but what made it amusing was the very contrite and embarrassed Red getting an earful from Ingrid. I could only catch about half of it. Ingrid was switching between not-English and not-Italian pretty fast, but what I did hear was hilarious. 

“-cannot simply touch my daughter’s tail! No, I do not care if she was giving you permission! Zanne e artigli! She is a child!” 

“...Red just wanted fluffs. Lisa has best fluffs,” our resident teenaged assassin sulked. Actually, how old was Red? Not more than 16 or so, I guessed, though I didn’t know for sure.

“Mamma-san, I do not mind! Red, she asked very nicely,” Lisa added, her feet pattering quickly on the floor to keep up with the rest of us.

“Non me ne frega un cazz-ata!” Ingrid snapped, ignoring Lisa. “Ti strapperò la testa e la userò come calice per il vino se oserai toccare di nuovo la sua coda!”

“What’s she saying?” I whispered to Sussurro, who was covering her mouth with her hand to hide her smile. 

“She’s trying very hard not to swear, but Ingrid has the filthy mouth you’d expect of a made man, even if she was the boss’s daughter. 

“Allora Red può toccarti coda?” the other autistic Lupo asked, and reached for Ingrid’s tail. 

Ingrid slapped down Red’s hand so hard and fast I didn’t even see the motion. “Sono una donna sposata! What sort of whore do you think I am!? Vivi in una caverna!? What, were you raised by beasts!?”

Red looked rather close to tears, and obviously unable to talk back, and I decided to intervene and use my Weird Alien Knowledge™ for good for once.

“Ingrid,” I said, taking her raised hand in my own. She whirled on me, eyes full of fury, but I lowered my voice and whispered, “She’s a Fang. She was taken as a very young child and raised by the Signori dei Lupi since before she can even remember. So yeah, she was raised by beasts. She had no mother, and Red loves fluffy tails as a coping mechanism. She was never socialized, so she probably sees your tail like her own mother’s, and Lisa’s like the sister she never had. There’s nothing sexual about it.”

“I…is this true, child?” Ingrid demanded, her tone suddenly much gentler. 

“Red have mom,” the teen sulked, scuffing her boots on the floor as she walked. “Red mom Director Mom. Red also have Grandma. Grandma make Red Fang. Red not listen to Grandma anymore. Director Mom say Grandma bad. Red listen to Director Mom. Even when Grandma talk to Red in dreams. Grandma say kill, Red not kill. Even other Fang. Mom say this important. Red job keep Bones-man safe, and Lisa-chan safe. Red do this. Even if no fluffs.”

“I…see.” Ingrid hesitated, then suddenly gave Red a hug, which surprised Red so much she froze, apparently unsure if she needed to go for a knife. “Be at ease, Rossa. If you will keep my Lisa safe…I will allow you to have…fluffs. But only in private! Kal’tsit, she is a formidable woman, but she does not understand children! You are needing lessons in how to be a woman, yes?”

“No, Red is woman now. Director Mom show Red what to do when Red bleeds. Red not scared of blood. Red is having blood a long time now.” 

“That is good, but that is not what I am meaning! Manners! You are needing manners. And a new wardrobe. Bah, you do not even have your ears pierced! You need some jewelry. How can you be a proper lady if no one shows you how to comport yourself!?”

“Red not lady,” the lupo said, cocking her head to one side and one ear flipping down. “Red wolf. Red kill.”

“Pah! Just because one is an assassin does not mean one should not have proper manners. I am-” Ingrid hesitated, glancing at Lisa.

“Momma-san, I know you’re an Operator,” Lisa said, sounding exasperated as her ears twitched in irritation. “I’m not a baby anymore. I know you kill people. But only bad guys.”

“Er, yes,” Ingrid said, blushing slightly. “Anyway! Rossa, you will be staying with us. Tomorrow, I am taking you shopping with Lisa and I. You need new outfits and jewelry, and then we will be taking you to lunch so you may learn how to eat properly.”

“Red not want rings in ears,” she protested, her hands going to her own ears. “Make noise, attract attention. Not good for killing.”

“You have seen Celinia, yes? Does she not have earrings? Do not I?” Ingrid huffed. 

“Yes,” Red admitted.

“Well, then, the next time there is someone needing to be killed, you just watch me, yes? I will show you that there is murder, and then there is killing. A thug murders. A lady, she knows how to kill properly. Do not worry, I will not turn you into some soft, tame thing. But how are you to ever find a husband if you do not know how to behave in il salotto as well as the battlefield?”

“Husband?” Red asked, clearly confused. 

“Yes, we will find you a good boy. Unless…are you like Celenia? Then we will find you a nice girl, like Aliza. Though then you will have to adopt, of course.”

“Red not like this idea…Red think maybe Red just stay away from crazy fox lady.”

“I will consent to let you have…fluffs…from Lisa and myself, so long as you agree to my lessons. And finding a lover. You are what, 17?”

“Red not know how old Red js…Red really get Lisa and crazy fox lady fluffs?” the lupo asked, her tail now wagging excitedly. 

“Past time you learned then. Ah, there will be much to teach you! It is good that I have decided to take you under my wing. Kal’tsit, she does not understand. A woman has needs, when she is young.”

“What needs?” Lisa asked curiously.

“Why, the need to have a blade in her right hand, and a lover in her-” Ingrid suddenly coughed. “Ah, this conversation, we will have when you are twenty-five, Lisa.”

“But I’m 14! I’m nearly as old as Red!” Lisa protested. 

“Red only need fluffs, but Red put ring in ears if crazy fox lady say so.” The teenager hesitated, then said, “You teach Narcissa too? Narcissa say she want boyfriend. Red not sure how to get her one. Boys, they run away from Red and Narcissa. Can catch them, but they just cry until Red let them go.”

“I’ve been told that breaking someone’s legs isn’t a good way to make them your boyfriend,” Rosmontis agreed. “I wrote it down, so I wouldn’t forget.”

“Then you are doing it wrong. You see, a good way to find a lover is to nurse them back to health. If you do a good enough job, they may even forget you were the one to break their legs. Better if they do not find- Lisa, perhaps you should put your headphones back on.”

“It’s alright, Mamma-san. I do not want a boyfriend yet. Boys are weird,” Lisa said, and made a face. 

“Hmmm. Yes, perhaps you are all needing lessons,” Ingrid said, eyeing Rosmontis and Red both. “Though later. Lisa, she is still too young.”

“Why don’t you four just wait outside while James and I see our patient?” Lucia said with a large grin. 

“Yes, Lisa, you go inside too. I will have a conversation with Narcissa and Rossa,” Ingrid agreed absently. 

Lisa looked disappointed until I put a hand on her head. “Looks like I get the world’s strongest and cutest bodyguard, then.”

“Hai!” Lisa agreed, all grins now. “Do not worry, Bones-sensei! I will keep you and Sussurro-sensei safe!” 

We stepped inside just as Ingrid said, “Now, the first thing you must know is how to dress properly. I see you already know how to keep your knives on you, but a proper suit must not only keep your weapons, but also flatter your figure!” 

The door closed, and we were in a very large private hospital room, with Signora Sicilia on a bed in a gown, her eyes closed as she leaned back on a pillow. 

“Bones-sensei, there are three Bocca al Lupo in this room,” Lisa whispered as soon as we were inside. “They are hiding in the shadows, but I can sense them.”

“You are very perceptive, child,” the Godmother said, her eyes still shut. At the moment, she mostly looked like a tired old woman, and not the terrifying shadow ruler of Mafia Land. “There are not many that would instantly know as such.”

“Arigato gozaimasu, Signora-san. My father taught me well,” Lisa said, bowing slightly. 

The Godmother smiled and cracked open an eye. “Well, am I cured, Doctor McCoy? My own doctors claim it to be so, but they tell me what I want to hear more often than not.”

I walked over and picked up the chart, glancing at it, then setting it down. “I’m going to put my hand over your heart and liver. It’s where I can best sense originium.”

She nodded and shifted herself slightly. I ran my hands over the old bitch, my eyes closed so that I could more easily see originium. Interestingly, I can’t see it when it’s in machinery. But when I turned my closed eyes towards Lisa, her own circulatory system was clearly visible. Sussurro’s was, thank God, rather faint. She really was cured, as while all Terrans (except literal gods like Kjera or Emperor) have some amount of originium in them, she was below the threshold of .20 u/L for Oripathy.

The Old Bitch, however, was in that mystical realm of the gods. Her chart said .0 u/L. The same as the others, I’d fully cured, even if the hag didn’t need it.

“Well, your doctors told you the truth,” I confirmed, taking my hands away from the Signora’s chest and going over to the sink to wash and disinfect them. “Clean bill of health: You’re free from Oripathy.”

“Are there any other symptoms or side effects that you’re experiencing?” Lucia asked, taking out a pen and clipboard for her own notes. 

“In truth, I feel better than I have in years. My gout isn’t even bothering me, nor are several of my old wounds,” the Signora said. She listed off a few more things, which Sussurro dutifully wrote down. 

“That’s good, I was concerned about the surgery's effects on your health. Though I am concerned about your BPN and N-proBNP levels,” Lucia continued, tapping her lips with the pen thoughtfully.

“Oh? What about her Troponin I & T?” I asked, coming over.

“A bit elevated, and her EKG is a bit abnormal. She’ll need to be held at least overnight for observation,” Lucia said, showing me the rest of her chart. I’d just glanced at her oripathy markers, but these were signs her heart was stressed.

“Did those show up on the other patients I’ve treated?” I said, frowning at the indicators on the chart. 

“No, but they were all substantially younger and had a lot more cardiovascular resilience. Do you have a history of heart problems, ma’am?” Lucia said, looking back at the patient.

The Signora nodded. “Yes, I have high blood pressure. I take a few medications for it.”

“Hmmm, the high blood pressure combined with the cardiovascular rebuild…looks like it put a lot of strain on the heart,” I murmured, mind racing. “We’re going to need to run some tests…”

Lucia and I began brainstorming a treatment plan, pulling up the patient’s history. We really had gone in practically blind here, and I was increasingly certain that me curing Signora Sicilia had been a stupid ass idea. 

We were so caught up in things that we didn’t even notice when the Cleaners suddenly appeared, though Lisa certainly did, drawing her staff and telescoping it to full size.

“What is it, Benthonexigios?” the Signora said, her tone suddenly commanding and imperious. 

“It is probably nothing, Signora,” yhe Cleaner began, “but we’ve picked up a strange reading. We may need to-”

Then Lisa suddenly gasped, grabbed Lucia and I, and shoved us behind her as she raised her staff. “Sherutā!” 

The blue shield appeared just as the entire wall was forcibly ripped away, and rain began to pour in. The Cleaners reacted instantly, Ben-something-or-other grabbing the Signora and trying to flee, while the other two fired a gun and crossbow. Their projectiles bounced off three shadows that flowed into the room, as black smoke blinded me.

“Oh, fuck,” I gasped.

Seize the doctors and the old wolf, an Emperor’s Blade growled as he cleanly cut one of the Sliencer’s in two. 

What about the child? One of his companions asked as he grabbed Lisa’s shield and popped it like a soap bubble, causing her to cry out in pain. 

She is the one who learned from the Target. Take her, do not harm her, the first Blade responded. 

The back door had been blown off its hinges, and a frothing mad Ingrid charged in first, blade drawn, with Red and Rosmontis right on her heels. 

Deal with them, then follow, the first Blade ordered, then grabbed me and Lisa as his companion seized Lucia and the Godmother. 

I couldn’t see the battle that followed as the two Blades that had us jumped out of the hospital to the street below, but I heard Ingrid’s screams of rage and her anguished, “LISA!” 

We landed in the street in a spray of water, and I felt a sweet rag shoved into my face, strapped there with a rag. I recognized the sickeningly sweet stench of chloroform. Unlike in the movies, that stuff doesn’t knock you out right away. In fact, it takes a few minutes to work. We have much better sedatives now, but I guess the Emperor’s Blades were old school. 

Panic rose in me. The Blade carrying me was a one-man army, and there wasn’t shit I could do. What was running through my mind was that Lucia and Lisa were in danger. And I could not let either of them be taken by these monsters. 

I closed my eyes, but I could still see Originium. In fact, I could see a lot of Originium. It was flowing all through our two captors, and great quantities. I could feel it, even as my fingertips scrabbled uselessly at the Blade’s armor. 

So, for the first time, I pulled with no intent of healing. Normally, I have to mix my healing arts with the pulling of the originium, or I’d rip apart someone’s body and kill them. At that moment, that was exactly what I wanted. 

In an instant, I turned an Emperor’s Blade from one of the deadliest forces on Terra into a spray of gore and armor with giant holes in it. I screamed as I absorbed so much originium that it should have killed me, but I didn’t care. For once, I had something besides healing in my mind. I turned towards that second Emperor’s Blade, the one carrying Lucia and the Godmother, and I sent every ounce of my rage and hatred at him, along with the giant spears of black crystal sticking out of my eyes and arms. 

That…was too much. The pain overwhelmed me, and I passed out. 

I wish the last thing I had ever seen had been more romantic. Instead, I just saw a dark Siracusian street, and a black blur. 

Then…then the lights went out forever. I should have died right there, in the street. 

Instead, my Guardian Angel returned. 

8/8/1100

I’ve always enjoyed my visits to Siracusa. Some people don’t like the rain, but I don’t mind it! Rain means rainbows, puddles to splash in, and no one judges you for drinking hot cocoa with extra marshmallows. I don’t mind a good mocha either, as long as you put lots of marshmallow cream in it. Coffee can be tasty, but Texas says I get too hyper if I have more than one shot of espresso.

Ok, well, she says I get “bouncy,” but I think that’s Texas speak for “you’re driving me nuts, take a chill pill, Exu.”

We’d had to ditch Odda’s bike after we cannibalized it for parts about 300 clicks south of Siracusa. We’d made incredible time, covering nearly 1500 kilometers from Iberia in two days, but it had been rough on the bikes. Well, and us, but Odda was a Messenger and a real trooper. He’s got a good attitude, too! For once, it was me feeling all mopey and depressed, and he did his best to cheer me up.

“Come on, it could be worse,” he said as we fixed the bike. 

“How!? Because it sure as fuck feels like everything is going wrong!” I snapped at him. I was…a bit irritated. I desperately wanted to be back with my family, Penguin Logistics. But I was also feeling horribly guilty about bypassing Laterano, so I didn’t have to talk to my sister. Lemuen would understand, I just…I couldn’t face her. Not yet. 

“We could be Sarkaz,” Odda deadpanned, and I threw my wrench at him. Not very hard, he just caught it, but he did grin at me. 

“Oh, shut up,” I grumbled. 

“Well, it could be raining,” Odda said, then frowned at the clouds. “Though it probably will once we get into Siracusa. You remembered your umbrella, right?” 

“You’re just a riot, you know?” I told him, but I was fighting back a grin now. “Next you’ll say I’m as…uh, useless as a Sankta without a halo?”

“I mean, shoot, if a Sankta can’t even be a nightlight, what good are they?” Odda agreed. 

“Well, she can fix your stupid bike,” I grunted, standing up. “Come here.”

He did, and I grabbed him and put my hands on his chest. He blushed immediately. “Uh, Exu?”

“Thanks,” I whispered, leaning in close. Then I wiped my grease-stained hands off on his shirt. “I needed that.”

“Hey! No fair!” he spluttered. “You’re taking advantage of my chivalrous nature!” 

“Ooo, sorry. Well, let’s get loaded up,” I said, grabbing a helmet and strapping it on my chin. Damned thing was hard to adjust with horns. Another thing to get used to. “You drive.”

“It’s your bike, I don’t mind letting you take the lead,” Odda offered.

“Harder to shoot when I’m driving. We’ll put the gear in the sidecar, and I’ll ride behind you,” I told him, throwing on my jacket. 

“Works for me,” Odda agreed, and hopped on the bike. We had my babies, save for Scardy and Katt, stuffed in the sidecar, along with the few articles of mail we had. It was a bit awkward, but it’s what we had to do. 

I slid in behind Odda and put my arms around him, which made him shiver a little, especially when I pressed my chest against his back. Oh, I knew what I was doing, don’t worry. “Hmmm. Thanks, by the way.”

“Hey, like you said, you’re Sarkaz. Gotta stick together,” Odda said as he revved the engine, turning to grin at me. 

“Right,” I said, then pecked him on the lips. He went so red, I think steam shot out of his ears. “For good luck.”

“Don’t say that, that was my dad’s name,” Odda groaned. 

“What, daddy wouldn’t approve of you dating a Sankta?” I teased, though I did feel a bit hurt. 

“No, he was a son of a bitch and the unluckiest bastard I ever knew,” Odda said, hesitating with his own helmet in one hand. “I…well. Um, are you saying…you’d go out with me?”

“Ask me when we get to Siracusa. I like ice cream and pastries,” I shouted over the engine. Then I kissed him again. “But sometimes, I like something strong and grumpy to go with my sweets.”

Odda growled, dropped the helmet, and grabbed, kissing me rather forcibly. I didn’t mind even a little. Actually, I stuck my tongue in his mouth first, I think. Not sure, happened about the same time. 

“I’m not that grumpy,” he said, squeezing my ass. Then, he wiped his hand across it, and I let out a gasp of shock and looked back to see a greasy smear all across my behind.

“You son of a-!”

 “Turnabout is fair play!” 

I just laughed and clung to him as Odda gunned the engine, and we raced for Siracusa, the horizon just lighting up with dawn before us. 

It did start raining long before we got to Nueva Volsinii. We got aboard the city easily enough, both of us having messenger IDs and both of us having been there before.

Well…mostly easily. 

“You don’t look like yer ID,” a grumpy and very irritating customs inspector told me when we got out of the messenger lift. 

“Oh for- have some sensitivity, asshole!” Odda snarled. 

The inspector glared at Odda. He was a tired-looking old liberi man, and he didn’t appear to have much patience or sympathy. “This ID shows a Sankta. A non-fallen Sankta. This one is clearly Fallen.”

“I just fell a couple of days ago. Haven’t had time to update my ID!” I said with forced cheer. “I’ll do that here. Look, you can just take my biometrics; those haven’t changed.”

“Hmph. Fine,” the inspector agreed. My prints and retinas hadn’t changed of course, so I passed that test quickly enough. We hopped back on the bike and headed out, and I sent a few messages while Odda drove in the PL group chat. 

Surprise! It’s me! How are you guys!? 

OMG, Exu!? I’m so glad you’re here! ◝(^⌣^)◜

Oh shit, whattup Apple Pie. Guess all my girls is here now. 

Hi.

Bae! You is back! You will not BELIEVE THIS! Img attached

OMG OMG! CONGRATZ YOU TWO 🥳🥳🎉🎉SORA I HAVE TO SEE THE RING!!!!

img attached Isn’t it great?! I had no idea she even had it! It’s Texas’ mothers’!!! ☆(≧▽≦)☆

I had it resized. 

Don’t think I’m gonna give y’all extra time off for this! Exu, you’re back on the clock! 

Aw, come on bawss! We gotta have a bachelorette party!

Um, did you notice anything else, Exu?

Was that Lucia I saw in the shot? Is she here too? What about Bones?

Yes. Rosmontis, Red, and Ingrid are watching him. 

They are, but that’s not what I was talking about…

Oh, you’re a Sarkaz too?! That’s so cool! And Fia owes me 500 credits. She bet you were actually a liberi. 

Um, yes, I am…what do you mean too?

Well, i was going to surprise you guys, but… img attached

Everyone is typing…

Oh fuck. Who is Lil’ Hommie poppin’ a cap in now?

Oh Apple Pie…I’m so sorry. 🫂🫂

I see. We’re coming. 

OMG, Exu!!! Texas and I are getting dressed RIGHT NOW! We’re coming with an express delivery, hugs for you! (づ◡﹏◡)づ

Seriously guys, it’s cool! I’m fine! I’m with Odda right now. I think we’ll go find James and Lucia first. Where is he?

Sent map coordinates. Meet you there. 

<3 the new look, exu! way btr than ur old one u have 2 come over and c my new puppy u2 get along great! i have a party planned n u always bring the best favors ;0 

Who the FUCK added the unemployed bitch to my group chat?!

u did ;) i stole ur phone 

Bawss, you told me to add her last night. You were a mite drunk. 

Well kick her out! She has to be an employee to be in the chat. This ain’t some homeless hangout! 

has changed the name of PL Group Chat to Lappy’s Clappy Ward

good luck i have admin privileges :D :D :D

WHO THE **** GAVE YOU THE AUDACITY ******

WHY THE **** IS MY **** **** CENSORED

now now this is a work-related chat

**** YOU

i turned on censorship. ;) 

EXPLOSION HOSPITAL GOING IN

omw

“Please tell me that isn’t the hospital where Bones is,” Odda shouted, even as the fireball rose up into the sky a couple of blocks away. 

I shoved my phone down my bra and pulled out Scardy and Katt. “Keep her steady! I’ll cover us!” 

“Right,” Odda growled, and grabbed his hammer from its holster in the sidecar. “Time to bust some heads.”

We roared up the street, and I saw two black shadows jump out of the eighth floor of the hospital, trailing dark smoke, and bearing four figures. Two of which had on lab coats. 

“Oh fuck,” I gasped. “Those…those are Emperor’s Blades.”

“Rek mezel dabui!” Odda snarled. “HOLD ON!” 

Scardy and Katt wouldn’t do me any good, so I holstered them and got out Sasha. Before I could even sight him, I saw something that chilled me to the core. 

An Emperor’s blade…imploded. It just collapsed into a pile of armor, and blood sprayed everywhere. Out of the heap, a horror arose. It had great black spikes coming from both eyes, spikes coming out of its back, and its arms. It turned towards the second Emperor’s blade, which I could now see held Suzuran and an old lupo lady. Huge shards of orinium, lances of the stuff, really, flew from the horror and impaled the Emperor’s blade in the side. It stumbled, but didn’t stop, continuing on. 

“JAMES!” I screamed, as the horror had shrunk down, and I could now see exactly who it was under all that originium. He was bleeding everywhere, and he fell to the ground atop the murdered Blade. I fired at the fleeing one, but even Sasha didn’t slow it down. The thing was limping, but it was far from dead. 

Odda didn’t pursue the Blade, instead, skidding to a stop beside James. I jumped out and cradled his body in my hands. His eyes were…gone. Just bleeding blood and black pus. His arms and back were ragged with wounds.

“It’s going to be OK, Bones, I got you,” I babbled, but I sure as fuck did not have him. I did not have…any of this.

“E-Exu?” James whispered. He flopped his bloody left arm up, and touched me. “G-get…get…Lucia…save…save…”

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t do anything. 

“Exusiai-san!” Lisa gasped, crawling over to me. Where had she come from? The poor thing’s fur was matted with blood, but it seemed to be the Blades. “I…I can heal Bones Sensei! But, I need your help! Give me your hand!” 

I grabbed her and pulled her close, and her eyes suddenly glowed white.

And…and for the first time…I heard the Voice of the Law. 

Turns out the Law is a fucking asshole, by the way.

Welcome, sanctified_user. kitsune.admin is authorizing administrative-level access. Accept? Y/N

Accept! YES! Y! I screamed mentally. Out loud, too, as it would turn out later. 

ERROR. sanctified_user has access revoked. Cannot grant administrative level access. 

FUCK YOU, GIVE IT TO ME. I need to save Bones! James needs me! 

ERROR. ERROR ER-

I don’t really know what I did. Only that I was screaming, and I just sort of…shot, whatever it was. I think it was the Law? At least, it felt like shooting. When I connected with Victor in the past, it felt…like this? Only I guess it was a spiritual shot? Something?

Anyway, apparently, I grabbed Odda’s hand unconsciously. That did it, somehow. Suzuran was wrapped in white light, and I saw her slump to the ground. Bones wasn’t bleeding, though he was covered with scars, and didn’t have his eyes. 

Something like computer code was cluttering my Vision. It mostly said “Error” over and over again. I stumbled up, covering one eye and gasping in pain. Odda screamed something and tackled me down, and a third Emperor’s blade impacted the pavement. 

An unusual development. You come with me as well, Fallen. The Black Serpent will want you.

Odda tried to hit the Blade with his hammer. Well, he did hit the Blade. It just sort of didn’t do anything, and the Blade flicked him away, then seized me with one hand as the other grabbed the unconscious Suzuran and Bones.

And I…felt something. I looked at the Blade…and I could see his insides. It was…pretty messed up. Whatever they do to make Blades…it’s Unholy. But…I did see…glowing stuff. And I could feel it. It called to me. 

I yanked, just a little. Not too hard. And I screamed as pain shot through me, the glowing stuff ramming into my hand and flowing into my bloodstream. 

I stumbled back, fire burning in me. I felt…wow. Full of power, actually. Picked up Sasha, who lay at my feet…and I could feel him. Stronger even than I had Victor in the past. The Blade was reeling…so I fired. And…pushed? 

I used Arts. Not normal Sankta Arts. That destructive, Chaotic Arts the Sarkaz use. The kind that was in my blood, suppressed for thousands of years. It woke up. And it was fucking pissed. 

Dark flames erupted from Sasha, blowing out his barrel and knocking me off my feet. They also blew the Blade’s head clean off, and James and Lisa fell to the ground. I crawled over to them and hugged them both to my chest, blinking away tears of pain. 

“It’s OK,” I gasped. “I got you.”

I could only blink back tears as cars pulled up, and mobsters piled out. They were heavily armed, and they looked dangerous. One pointed at me, and they all rushed us.

I thought we were dead. 

Then three devils fell from the sky. And I don’t mean that in the slur way. Besides, I’m Sarkaz now. I can say the D word. 

At first, I thought it was Texas and Lappland. But one of them was a feline, another a blonde vulpo, and the last, a blood-stained wolf. 

“Girls, kill them,” Ingrid hissed, holding a shattered sword in one hand, the other hanging limply at her side. “Kill them all.”

“Die,” Rosmontis decreed, and broken stones and whole fucking cars lifted into the air. 

“PREY!” Red screamed and leaped forward, two knives in her fists.

It was like watching someone make a tomato smoothie. I…I don’t think I can ever drink one again. Which is OK, because I didn’t like them much anyway. 

The smoothie making was still going on in the distance when a car screeched up, and my Besties piled out: Boss, Croissant, Sora, Lappland, and of course, Texas. Odda was standing over me with his hammer in one hand, because he’d broken his left arm when the Blade hit him. He sagged at seeing the reinforcements and let out a, “Thank the Furance.”

Texas and Lappland dashed off to uh…make some smoothies, while Boss fired Lil’ Hommie in the direction of the bad guys. Croissant posted herself by me, winking at me and saying, “Don’t worry, Sugar, we got yer back!” 

Sora knelt by me, closing her eyes and beginning to sing a song I’d never heard from her before, but recognized as a nursery rhyme from Rim Billington. 

Kookafowl sits in the old plum tree

Merry Merry Queen of the Land is she

Laugh, Kookafowl Laugh Kookafowl

How gay your life must be

Healing washed over me, and I shuddered in relief. “Thanks, Sora.”

“My pleasure,” she said, smiling at me. “I- Crikey! Exu! You, you’re-”

“Fallen, I know, it’s fine,” I groaned, sitting up and keeping Lisa and James close to me. “Check them, OK.”

“No, Exusiai…you…you’re infected,” Sora whispered, and pointed to my bloody shoulder. 

I glanced down and saw black crystals poking up from the skin. I stared for a moment, then laughed. 

“Sora, is it always like this, being Sarkaz?”

She just looked at me, wide-eyed and horrified. 

“No,” Odda said, crouching down and gently beginning to bandage my shoulder as Sora took James and Lisa from me. “Sometimes, something bad actually happens. Me? I’m having a fan-fucking-tastic day. I kissed the hottest woman I’ve ever met, got boobs in my back all morning, survived a fight with an Emperor's Blade, and I’m having ice cream on a date later. Who could want more?”

“Yeah,” I said, closing my eyes and feeling exhausted as I leaned against Odda’s strong shoulder. “I think I fucking hate God now. He’s an asshole.”

“See? I knew you were a real Sarkaz. Right, Miss Sora?”

“Um…yes,” she agreed absently, then began to sing again over James and Lisa. 

Well, at least Odda was right about one thing.

I was having a fan-fucking-tastic day.