Chapter 1026: To Be Worthwhile (Patreon)

Helsveth’s astral ship, inherited from Dawn, looked less like an interdimensional transport vessel and more like a snow globe. It consisted of a rustic cottage and surrounding garden, all sealed within a dome. The interior maintained the theme, with a main room occupying most of the space that could be seen from the outside. A wooden kitchen table with matching chairs had an unassuming vase of flowers from the garden outside. The lounge area had well-worn but comfy armchairs, and a couch with plush cushions, faded with age.

It was in the details where the building’s magic could be found. The flowers on the table cleansed the air, leaving a pleasant floral scent. The doors leading to the other rooms hid formidable dimensional magic. While the building seemed small, the interior could expand dynamically at need, adding extra bedrooms, bathrooms or other amenities the occupants might require.

This allowed each member of Team Biscuit to have their own space. Neil sat in a study that alone held more room than should have been possible, given the size of the cottage. Bookshelves were lined with titles on magical healing relating specifically to diamond and gold-rankers. Several titles sat on a reading desk behind which Neil was sitting. The ship’s book collection was extraordinary and he was taking advantage of the chance to study exotic maladies that existed through the cosmos.

He forced himself to read the same paragraph a third time, but the words didn’t sink in any better. He gave up, closed the heavy tome with a thump and leaned back in the large, leatherbound chair. He took a long, slow breath, letting his eyes shut as he tried to clear his mind with meditation. He was just in danger of succeeding when a knock came at the door.

He let out a sigh and announced that the door was open. The walls of the cottage prevented his aura senses from perceiving who it was. The door cracked open and Estella Warnock poked her head in. The pink-haired celestine looked around appreciatively before stepping fully into the room.

“Nice,” she said. “Dark wood, that dusty, dry smell of a good library. Makes you think of a grandad that’s still just a little bit sexy, you know?”

“I didn’t realise you were interested in older men. Or men.”

“I’m interested in people. If you understand what they want, you know where the levers are.”

She stepped further into the room, still looking around.

“Mine and Lindy’s room looks like someone vomited gold all over it. I think Helsveth decided to give Lindy all the valuables before she started nicking stuff.”

“I didn’t think Lindy did that anymore.”

“You never know when someone will fall into old habits.”

“What brings you by, Stella?”

“Boredom. Clive and Lindy are all excited about figuring out how this magic room situation works. I’m more about how people work, you know? Speaking of which, what’s got you all manly and brooding?”

Neil looked up at her.

“Do you really want to know?”

Estella looked at him for a long moment before claiming one of the two smaller chairs across the desk from Neil. The usual look of sly amusement slipped from her face.

“I really want to know,” she said.

“I’m distracted. We barely spent any time back on Pallimustus, but it affected me more than I was expecting.”

“Homesick?”

“No, not that. I’m a priest of the Healer, and I hadn’t felt the touch of my god for a decade. Over the years, as I grew stronger, I’d become used to sensing Healer’s presence. Not an active thing, more like a comforting hand on my shoulder. After so many years away, it was strange to feel that sensation come back. And now it’s gone again.”

“You miss that connection?”

“That’s what troubles me: I’m not sure. I don’t have any divine essences or awakening stones. My power is my own, but I’ve always felt a closeness to Healer in purpose. I’m a healer, and he is healing itself. His touch, his guidance, always reaffirmed that I was on the right path. But without that constant connection, the things I’ve seen over the years played on my mind. Healer wants to heal. It’s what he does. All he does. Injury, disease, wounds of the mind. Being a remedy to suffering is everything he is.”

“That all sounds good.”

“And it is. But the more we deal with gods and great astral beings, the more I understand that they aren’t like us. They don’t think like us. Fulfil their desires like us. The things they care about, and the way they care about them is alien to we mere mortals.”

“You’re afraid Healer doesn’t care about people?”

“I know that Healer cares about people. I’ve felt that care, in my soul. But as I grow stronger, I understand the way he cares better than when I was young. He is healing itself, and that’s what he cares about. Healing, and just that. And to heal people…”

“They have to have been hurt in the first place.”

Neil nodded.

“Yes. He isn’t going out and trying to get people hurt, but he isn’t trying to stop it, either. I am. As an adventurer, my life is protecting people, but there’s a whole other god for that.”

“You’re looking to convert?”

“Not at all. Protection does care about shielding people from harm, but once the harm is done, so is he. He doesn’t care about healing them.”

“Isn’t that the whole idea? Protector protects, Healer heals. When you take all the gods into account, they cover everything.”

“That’s the idea, but it isn’t working. Disguise and Purity going rogue is one thing, but even when gods are following their purpose, things are falling through the cracks. When I was young, in my hometown, the Church of the Healer was full of corruption.”

“I’ve heard that can happen in rural areas. Overcharging for healing, peddling influence.”

“The Healer could stop it, but he doesn’t. He allows the rot to set in, only stepping in once the church has suffered enough that it needs healing itself. And the people who get hurt in the meantime? Well, now they need healing too. Healer doesn’t care about stopping the harm in the first place, only remedying it. And it’s not going to change. The God of Integrity isn’t going to step in and interfere with another god’s church.”

As he worked himself up, Neil had crept forward on his chair until he was on the edge of his seat, gesticulating intensely. After venting his frustration, he fell back and let out a sigh.

“I understand why the diamond-rankers are looking to make things change,” he continued, the intensity in his voice turned to weariness. “I’m not entirely sure I don’t want to stand with them, but I’d rather stand with my god. I just don’t know if I can anymore.”

Estella rubbed a hand over her forehead, not rushing to answer.

“I’ve never had faith,” she told him. “Not in gods, not in people. My grandfather was it for me, the only person I trusted. It’s not easy being with you lot, you know. All this camaraderie and such, it doesn’t come naturally to me. There is so must trust in this group. You have faith in each other, even knowing that any of you can go right off in the wrong direction. Humphrey, not so much, but Jason? Lindy? Just so you know, the faith you all put in her, she finds terrifying. She knows better than anyone how easily she goes crashing off the rails.”

“Are you suggesting that we shouldn’t trust each other? Or anyone?”

“No. I’m saying that trust needs to go both ways or it’s just stupidity. Jason and Lindy don’t just trust you to do what’s right; they trust you to stop them from doing what’s wrong. Gods are gods. They have their thing and they do it. But churches are people, and maybe that’s the point. What is the role of a god’s most powerful worshippers if not to make the church what it needs to be? To build something that can be the intermediary between what a god is and what people need from it. You saw those Knowledge diamond-rankers, right? I think maybe that’s what happens when a god’s most powerful followers let their god be their guiding star, even when that star begins to fall. I didn’t get the impression that they raised any questions about what Knowledge is doing. What do you think that did to her church? To the people who worship and rely on her?”

“Gabrielle,” Neil said grimly.

They had both been there as the faith around which she had based her entire life came crashing down. It had been an ugly and pitiable thing.

“I don’t know that I’m as confident as Jason is about you all reaching diamond-rank,” Estella said, “but if you do, you’re going to be a very important figure. Maybe instead of hoping your god will find a way to be something he’s not, you help the church to become something everyone needs. The people, the church, and your god as well. Trust has to go both ways to be worthwhile. Instead of just letting your god be there for you, maybe you try being there for him.”

Neil sat back in his chair, thinking over Estella’s words.

“I’m honestly surprised,” he told her. “I never knew that you had this kind of wisdom.”

“Well, that’s pretty rude.”

“Sorry. It’s just… it’s my failing. I should get to know you better. Should have done, a long time ago. I apologise for that.”

“I get it. Most people make decisions about one another straight away, and first impressions can be hard to shake.”

“At the risk of being rude again, might I ask where that insight came from? You’ve obviously given this some thought. What are the experiences that led you to that?”

Estella gave Neil an assessing look from under raised eyebrows.

“Sure, why not. I’ve spent most of my life spying on people, and people with power of one kind or another are the only ones worth spying on. Aristocrats, merchant barons, priests, crime lords. Adventurers. Whatever form it takes, power does things to people, and I’ve seen that, time and again. Some, power turns into real pieces of work. Every flavour of not giving a damn about anyone and thinking they can do and take what they like.”

“Yes, I know the type.”

“Others might have good intentions, but it’s easy to get lulled into a life of luxury and forget the principles you started off with. They stop seeing the people who have it worse than they do. And there are also some who have power and, astonishingly, use it well. They make things better for others. They listen to the people around them, and keep people around them worth listening to. I’m not like Jason; I don’t want to burn it all down. I don’t care as much as he does, but I know that extreme changes always come with a price, and it’s rarely any of the powerful who pay it. I’d just like to see the ones in charge of stuff maybe be a little less crappy to people. That would be nice, and you could do that. You have a chance to shape one of the most important churches of Pallimustus. Maybe even influence the god himself. Just don’t screw it up and make things a lot worse.”

“That’s comforting. But I can’t influence anything now. We’re flying through a cosmic void to who-knows-where, until who-knows-when.”

Estella shook her head and got up from her chair.

“The church of the Healer has been around for a while, Neil. I’m pretty sure it’ll still be there when you get back.”

***

Estella closed the door to the study, leaving Neil to his thoughts. It had barely clicked shut before gold light spilled from under the door.

“There you are,” Belinda said, and Estella turned to look at her wife. Belinda was with Sophie and Humphrey.

“Food time,” Belinda said.

“It looks like we should leave Neil be,” Humphrey said, looking at the light shining from under the door. “What were you doing in there?”

“My womanly duties,” Estella said, earning raised eyebrows from the trio.

“Um, what?” Humphrey asked.

“I was explaining something which seemed obvious to me to a man so that he could advance in his personal journey, in the course of which he realised that I had a greater depth than his superficial perspective of me, the revelation of which he also took as a path for his personal growth.”

“Uh…” Humphrey said as Sophie and Belinda nodded in understanding. He looked at the other two women.

“You didn’t do that to me, did you?” he asked Sophie, his shoulders bunched and tense.

“Of course not,” Sophie told him, patting him in the shoulder as he relaxed. “Lindy did it.”

“What?”

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