Year(s?) in Review - A REALLY WORDY LIFE UPDATE (Patreon)

This got really long and kinda emotional, sorry, I think it's better for me to be honest about my feelings and thoughts than to just be a cool guy with no feelings or problems, lol. 

So the last two years have been pretty shaky with regards to me, my mental health, my creative output, and my living situation. I moved out of my parent's home for the first time (they live in Mesa, AZ), moving in with my best friend all the way on the other side of the country in Savannah, GA while she finished up her senior year at SCAD. While living in Savannah, I made ends meet by a combination of the support I receive here on Patreon, ad revenue and tips from Tapas readers, and commissions. Commissions were the bulk of my income, and I did a lot of them. So much that I had no time to work on anything besides Comic Pages and Commissions, day in and day out.

Sounds like the dream, but I've quickly realized that art is a triangle for me. There are three points:

-Art that fulfills you creatively
-Art that brings home the bacon
-Art that furthers your story's narrative

Of those three points, I only have time and energy for two at a time. So while I was in Savannah, the two points I focused on in order to survive was the second and third - commissions and comics.

Needless to say, I got burnt out pretty quickly, and I'm still recovering from it.

At the beginning of the summer of 2017, I moved up to Atlanta, GA, and decided that I couldn't continue the routine I'd made for myself of taking 30+ commissions every single month in order to make rent. Getting a part-time job really alleviated my financial stress and has definitely freed up time and energy for me to focus on myself and my comics.

Between all the moving around, Patreon service fee policy drama, and personal burnout, I can't really say that 2017 was an incredible year for me as an artist or for my comic BACKLASH. I've already decided I'm not going to do any of those 'year in review' art summary memes because I know I'll just be really disappointed with my output and that I'll have to really dig to find something worthwhile to show for each month of this year.

I survived 2017, I didn't do as much comic work as I wanted, I didn't draw much for myself, and all I ended up with was a crummy t-shirt that says "I learned some lessons, changed my outlook, and got a heaping helping of artistic burnout!"

Here are some realizations I've had about myself and how I work. I love to draw, and I love to create. I love writing stories, I love exploring characters, I love developing worlds and relationships. I love taking my favorite tropes and character types and putting my own spin on them. I love putting myself in my work. I love being excited, and I love sharing my excitement with others.

I do not do well in a situation where art is both my hobby/passion and my singular source of income. It puts a monumental amount of stress onto me, and the pressure to make sure that I'm always making the absolute best art that I possibly can so that it is worth the real world dollars people are paying for it is just too much. Getting a part-time job that is not art-related helped me start to remember how to draw for fun and how to draw just because I love to do it, which is exciting!! I love this feeling, I sorely missed it, and I hope to be able to chase it even more in the coming year.

When Patreon announced their now-retracted service-fee policy update, my heart broke and my world shattered. That sounds really dramatic, but I sincerely mean it. The plan that I've always had in my heart is to work really really hard and then maybe someday enough people would like the content I put out and want to support me in doing it that I wouldn't need another job, and I wouldn't need to draw for anyone but myself and my comics. That was my long-term goal, and as I watched fellow webcomic artists start losing patrons in droves it was like my dream suddenly vanished. It was terrifying. I didn't know what to do. Everything I had been working for was disappearing out from underneath me, and I didn't have a back-up plan. I just kept thinking over and over "This is the only thing I am kinda good at, if I can't make it then what else is there for me? I can't DO anything else." Those few days were probably the lowest I've been in a long time. I couldn't even look at my tablet, and my comic script and thumbnails still haven't been touched since then.

So anyway, that's a long set up to the next thing I've learned and changed my thoughts on - as a webcomic artist, this is my REAL job, this is what I'm passionate about and what I'm going to be doing regardless of if I make a living doing it or if anyone else reads my work. My part-time job, my IRL job where I go and clock in every day is just to put money on the table, and that's perfectly fine for me. When I was living in Savannah, I refused to even think about going out and seriously searching for a part-time job, because in my head I believed that if I couldn't make it out in the world off of just my art then I wasn't really a webcomic artist. I was some kind of sham, some kind of fake. That I was somehow more of a noteworthy artist if I was starving off what I made with commissions each month, rather than having a stable source of income that would allow me to make comics comfortably in my free-time.

Absolutely ridiculous, I'm glad I've realized how silly and harmful a mind-set that was for me.

As of right now, I can't survive off of my art alone, and that's okay! Maybe I'll never be able to survive purely from the support of fans and friends and patrons and ad revenue, and that's okay!! I'm okay with that now. That used to be the absolute worst case scenario to me, that was a terrifying thought. But my dreams don't hinge on making a living doing only internet comics - my dreams are just to tell my stories and maybe somehow inspire other people to tell their stories, too! I'm hopeful that my comics will continue to grow and with it my fans, followers, and patrons, but I'm not as desperate about it anymore. I don't need to be.

I think being content with how I am right now will only help me create better art and better comics. Having a stable mind and a peaceful heart can only lead to better art, and I truly believe that. As far as I can tell, becoming a more fulfilled and less stressed individual can only have positive consequences in the long run, haha!

I'm still learning my limits, my strengths, and my weaknesses. I probably will still be learning them until the day I duke it out with the Grim Reaper.

I deeply appreciate the support, patience, kindness, and generosity of each and every one of you. That you care enough about my work and stories to give me real, tangible, spendable money? that you are happily willing to share my work with others and put it on your timeline/blog? that you leave genuinely kind and thoughtful and interested comments on my work? It is absolutely bonkers, and I can't thank you enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! <3

Last thing really quick - I'm going to keep my resolutions for 2018 pretty simple, and they are:

1. Get my website up and running and functional.
2. Buy a desktop computer that is capable of video editing/rendering without killing itself (this will involve saving and budgeting my money, oh boy)
3. Not miss an update
4. Be more self-indulgent ;')c

#3 is more of a personal challenge than anything else. I want to consistently update BACKLASH twice a week for the duration of 2018, with the exception of I get in a horrible accident or something terrible happens that prevents me from working on it. No other excuses!! I gotta kick myself in the butt and get this comic going! We're finally to the good stuff, dang it!!

You probably noticed that I'm taking a break from comic work this month, as I've been trying to get myself sorted and taken care of. Typing all of these thoughts out really helped me, and I'm feeling a lot better about everything. I have plans, I have goals, and I'm going to continue working hard to make them happen <3 BACKLASH will return on January 3rd (the first Wednesday of the year), and I'll keep on updating it rain or snow throughout 2018! (As always, Patrons will get access to pages earlier than the rest of the internet <3)

OKAY that's actually everything now, I'm done, sorry for the huuuuge wall of text. Thank you all so much again! Happy Holidays, stay safe, stay warm, eat some sweets and watch some movies with loved ones <3

TL:DR I've gotten into a better headspace and am ready to draw motha-frickin COMICS