Digging Deeper #1: Setting boundaries and back to base zero (Patreon)

Welcome and hello!

As I kick off this month, the backlog fixed, I'm heading into April to fix my relationship with my Self. It's a lot of experimenting whilst pushing and setting boundaries.

My first act is to publish this podcast, something I've done on and off, and always dropped because I put reactions first and always let it take over and consume me. That's nobody else's fault, I have always been willing to sacrifice my healthy, happiness, and sanity for everyone else and I'm making conscious intentional choices to not do that anymore.

This podcast will serve as a quarter to a half hour medium where my personal updates, rants and ramblings, and just overall reflections will be housed. Some people only care about the content, not the person behind it, which is completely understandable (I'm a person like this as well). But when your work is solely done and managed by you, it can be difficult to lose your ego to the self importance of serving others, instead of serving the Self.

So just for the beginning, I'm posting this alone, and I'll be posting my reactions on my next scheduling day (this Thursday on the 4th of April) as an act to feel that I as a person, my thoughts and feelings, are just as, if not more so, important than my reaction videos. I'm certainly not telling you that I am, this is for my Self.

Sure I may not post every week or the same day every week, but I'm aiming to try to, as a weekly commitment not to anyone else other than myself.

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April, I'll be filming and organizing my life and my boundaries to see what works best for me. Obviously and rightfully so, most people are seeking a consistency--but the previous workload was too much and I had to sacrifice everything about myself to make it happen. I cannot do that anymore, nor will I promise a certain consistency out the gate!

I've worked through and put into practice being in touch with my emotions, as I have felt that I have just "not really been here", a ghost of a person, not truly present and only existing when the camera turns on. And now, I need to test and practice, integrating this back into my life without having it be invasive to my sense of Self or worth.

I estimate, this is of course an ideal estimation, that I'll be back and up and "running" by the summer. During April I'll be working and testing things out, and setting my boundaries and creating content in the way that I believe is most beneficial to myself and the masses. May will be putting that into regular practice, making adjustments as needed, and June will hopefully mark the month where it is my commonplace.

I'm sure some people are eager for my return back to a flurry of reactions, or even for this week's reactions like the NMIXX listening party, my Golden Disc reactions, the new TXT or BABYMON comeback, or heck even my honest critique of LUCAS's debut (I have WORDS for this man). But even this, holding onto it, is more so about me, and doing things the way I need to for me to keep doing this in the long run, and setting boundaries for the audience wants vs my needs. It's not to build hype or anticipation, which was previously how I worked, it's just to force myself to stop rushing forward and sit with things for a bit.

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As I mentioned before, I encourage you to pause your Patronage or switch over your pledge to the free tier until I have both my Self and my relationship with my work organized, and I'll see you when the summer comes. It'll be here before you know it. For those of you sticking around, buckle in!

I trust you can respect the process, as I force myself to process.

-PD