ROYAL REWARD: Sacred Sundae (Ice Cream TF, Konosuba, Illustrated) (Patreon)

The ring sat on the table and gleamed, gold and jeweled and coruscant in the firelight. 

The four of them stood in a circle around it, staring, beads of sweat dripping from their foreheads. On the surface, it looked like any normal ring, but…

“This is way…” said Kazuma.

“...too dangerous…” continued Megumin. 

“...for us to…” added Darkness. 

A moment passed in silence. As one, they all turned to Aqua. Another moment passed before she noticed. “What?”

“Finish the sentence!” said Kazuma. “Way too dangerous for us to…” 

She stared at him.

“To mess with! To mess with!” 

“Ohhhhhh!” Aqua nodded sagely. “Huuuuuh?! Why’s that?!”  

“What do you mean ‘why’s that?!’?!” Kazuma clasped his temples. “Because it’s a Ring of Wishes!” 

“Exactly! That means I can wish myself back to being a goddess, right?” 

Kazuma couldn’t have rolled his eyes harder. “Don’t you know anything about wishes, you stupid–? You know what the number one rule of wishes is…? They go poorly for the wisher!” Megumin and Darkness nodded in agreement. “We should take this thing straight back to the dungeon and leave it there for some other poor schmuck to find.” He thought about this for a second. “Or sell it to Wiz. In the meantime… nobody use it!” With this, he turned and stomped away. 

Aqua teared up. “B-but that’s so– I wanted to use it to–” 

Darkness placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, Aqua. I’m sure you’ll find another way home.” 

Covering her face, Aqua slumped into the couch and slid from there down to the floor where she rolled from side to side and finally scrunched up in a ball and screamed. “Nnnnnnnnnagh! It’s not fair! It’s not fair! I wanned to go hooooooome!”  

Darkness and Megumin shrugged and turned to go. 

The door slammed; belatedly, Aqua realized she was alone. Flipping onto her front, she crept over to the table, picked up the ring, and turned it around, her eyes glimmering. Who cared what Kazuma said? What did he know about wishes anyway? She was a goddess – she’d granted hundreds of wishes, including his, and they’d all turned out so well! 

Placing the ring on her finger, she frowned in thought. Now, the most most important thing about wishes was phrasing them correctly. But how did you phrase a wish like hers? If she wished to go to heaven, it might kill her! But if she wished to go home instead, it might just send her to the front door of the mansion… What if she just wished to be a goddess? Argh, but she already was a goddess! 

The fire crackled; Aqua’s brow beaded with sweat. “Urgh! This is too hard!” She slumped, her chin on the table. “It’s too hot in here.” She studied the ring. “I wish you’d make me an ice cream or something.” 

The ring flashed ever so faintly. 

With a sigh, Aqua stood. “Forget it,” she said, “I’m just going to get drunk…” 

She took a step towards the kitchen, but she never managed to complete it: instead of the floor, her foot struck thin air. “E-eh?!” Looking around, she squeaked to find she was floating. 

Her eyes snapped to the ring. “My wish! It’s coming true! You’re taking me back to heaven? Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank–” 

She stopped rising and floated sideways into the kitchen. “Huh?” 

Inside, one of the cupboards opened all on its own, and a tall sundae glass launched itself onto the table. Aqua blinked as she came to a stop over it. “Um, Mr. Ring? I wanted to go back to heaven, not for an ice cream sundae. What are you–?” 

With a loud plop, something dripped into the glass. Aqua looked down. Blinked. It looked like a tiny glob of ice cream, but where had it come from? 

She shivered. And why did she feel so cold all of a sudden? Had Kazuma left the window open or something? 

She raised her hands to shout for him–

–and just like that, they fell from her arms. With a pair of plops, they landed in the glass and sank to the bottom as two tiny globs of ice cream.

“E-eh?” Aqua stared at the oozing stumps of her wrists as they continued to drip ice cream. Her clothes, too, were glistening and wet, with the sole exception of her bow, which had hardened instead – could she smell cookies? 

A bead of sweat, or possibly vanilla, dripped from her forehead. She squeaked. “K-Kazuma! Kazuma! Help me! Help me! Kazuuuuuumaaaaaaaa!” 

Plop. Plop. Plopplopplopplopplop.

Piece by piece, clump by clump, she dropped from the air and splattered the glass waiting beneath her. First her hands and her feet, then her lower arms and lower legs, then her upper limbs as well, leaving her shaking like a crazy, broken puppet. “Kaaaaaaaaazumaaaaaa! Kaaaaaaaaaaaaazuma!” 

Waves of shiny slickness rolled over the few parts of her remaining unaltered, making them glisten: her boobs popped off her chest as two big dollops of vanilla, her hair flowed past her neck in thick streams of pistachio, and thousands of colorful sprinkles appeared all over her. She squealed as one dropped into her mouth. It tasted delicious! 

Soon, all that remained was her head, and even that wasn’t to stay in place for long: squealing, she landed with a splat at the peak of the mountain of ice cream filling the sundae glass, her chin nuzzling her cleavage. 

With a pop, her hairclip became a large, blue cherry, and wisps of icy vapor rose and coiled around her like a scarf. The scent of vanilla and pistachio was overwhelming. 

Remarkably, she still had the power to talk. She settled on screaming. “Kaaaaaaazuma!” 

Almost another minute passed before her party members appeared in the kitchen doorway. They were so big – everything was so big now!

“A-Aqua?!” cried Megumin. “What happened to you?!” 

“Oh, what do you think happened?” said Kazuma. “She probably wished the ring would make her an ice cream or something.” 

Aqua blinked. She had done that. “N-no! No! No, this is all your fault, Kazuma! Find a way to turn me back!”

Kazuma shrugged. “Sorry, but that’s not happening. How would we ever find a way before you melted anyway? There’s only one thing we can do for you.” Rummaging in the drawer, he produced a spoon.

Aqua lost all her flavor. “W-w-wait! What are you doing with that?!” He took a step closer. “Kazuma! St-stay away from me! You can’t do this to me! I’m a goddess! I’m a goddess! I’m a–” The spoon sliced into her, scooping her mouth right out of her face. “Mmmphf! Mmmphf!” 

“Ah, to be reduced to a mere treat…” said Darkness, hugging herself.

Kazuma grinned. “I guess you call this your just d–” 

Megumin side-eyed him.

“--justice! Justice.” 

“Mmmmmmphf!”