Learning to Live (Ayanokoji SI-Waifu Catalog) (Patreon)

Chapter 6

“The truth is… as long as I can remember I’ve been raised and treated as nothing more than a lab rat by my own ‘father’.”

Ignoring her gasp, I continued with my story telling Honami about what regular days entailed in the White Room.

From learning, fighting, exercise and many other activities that went on, I told her all of it. How I would hurt others while fighting and feeling absolutely nothing about it. About how we were taught how to use others as nothing more than tools to advance out own life. And how I lived like that for years until Matsuo at personal risk to him and his family, freed me from that hell.

Once the first thing came out of my mouth, it was like a dam had been broken and I couldn’t stop from recounting everything I experienced to the horrified girl sitting beside me. At some point she had even managed to grab ahold my hand in an attempt to offer me some type of comfort.

When I finished retelling my past I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders even if I hadn’t technically lived through it. Turning to face Honami at my side I saw her crying again with her free hand over her mouth in a feeble attempt to hold back her sobs.

Seeing her in such a state, I used my free hand to gently wipe away Honami’s tears with my thumb. It said a lot about her emotional state at the moment that she didn’t even comment or show any kind of reaction at my actions.

“Do you see now Ichinose? If someone like me who has actually hurt others before no matter the circumstances, can be given a second chance. Then don’t you think you also deserve the same? I certainly think so for whatever my opinion is worth.”

The last thing I expected was to be tackled into a hug by Honami as she broke into a sob in my chest as she apologized to me over and over. I could do nothing but hold her in my arms and gently rubbing her back until she eventually calmed down minutes later.

“I’m sorry Ayanokōji-kun. You went through such horrible things and here I am feeling sorry for myself for such a trivial thing in comparison. I’m a horrible friend.” Honami quietly whispered now much calmer though a few sniffs could be heard here and there.

“I didn’t tell you that story to compare how much each of us has gone through silly girl.” I said poking her in the ribs once getting her to squirm in my arms. “Every person deals with problems in their own way and I’m the last person to judge anyway.”

Pulling away from Honami a bit until we were face to face, I offered the girl an empty smile. “I told you that story because if someone defective like me could overcome his past then it stands to reason that someone amazing like you can do the same. However, if you still feel like you can’t do it alone than just know than I’ll always be here to offer any support I can.”

Honami stayed quiet for a while just staring at me silently before opening her mouth and whispering. “Can I really depend on you…?”

I nodded my head in confirmation. “If you’re fine with someone like me that is.”

Honami finally let out a small smile as she put her head back in my chest. “Thank you… And please don’t call yourself defective. I certainly don’t think you are! That was not your fault at all but your sorry excuse of a father!” She declared passionately.

‘Ah, but I am defective Honami. Even I can tell that much about myself. What regular person feels absolutely nothing when killing someone? Or the fact that I find absolutely nothing wrong with working for a slaving company other than the annoyance it’ll bring me in the beginning? And while I certainly care more about people than the original Kiyotaka, that care only extends to a very select few and those I know that would never betray me.’ I thought in the privacy of my mind deciding not to respond to her words as my gaze focused on the Stamp tattoo, I could now see in the back of her right hand that was not there when we arrived in my room.

‘Even now I only told you so much about myself because I knew with the personality you portrayed in canon, that it would be easier for me to worm my way into your good graces. However, if you ever betray my trust…I will not hesitate to get rid of you.’ I further continued with my eyes turning cold as I looked down at the girl in my arms.

After that no more words were said for a while and we remained in our embrace with neither pulling away from one another. Then as if we were on a comedy skit, Honami’s stomach chose that moment to let out a loud grumble making the girl squeak in embarrassment in my arms making me chuckle and breaking the moment we had.

“I guess we have been here for a while.” I commented lightly only making Honami bury her head further into my chest. “I’m also getting a bit hungry to be honest, would you like to eat something?”

Not responding with words Honami nodded her head in my chest in agreement before slowly pulling away from me with her bangs covering her face.

“Would you mind if I make something for us to eat? I don’t really feel like going all the way to the cafeteria right now.” I offered getting up from the bed and stretching my arms over my head.

“I don’t mind.” Honami whispered before finally looking up at me with a curious look on her red face. “You can cook Ayanokōji-kun?”

“Yes. You’ll have to let me know how good I am however as you’ll be the second person I’ve cooked for.” I commented offhandedly going to the kitchen and deciding to make some Chicken Stir Fry.

“Hihihi I can’t wait~” Honami commented with an excited giggle as a smile lit up her face. “By the way Ayanokōji-kun. I’ve decided to face my sins head on from today onwards and tell our classmates about my past.”

Turning my face back towards her, I offered her another small smile feeling my cheeks ache a bit at how much I had worked those muscles today. “I’m sure they will understand once they learn everything.”

“Though…” Honami suddenly turned away from my gaze with a blush on her face. “If I’m ever feeling overwhelmed, I can always come and talk to you… right?” Even though she was looking away from me I could still see she was looking at me from the corner of her eye.

“Of course,” I nodded my head immediately seeing her smile widening at my answer. “I did promise after all.”

‘That’s exactly what I wanted to hear from you Honami. Looks like I won’t have to worry about you in the future if you already see me in that light.’ I thought silently feeling pleased at the progress I had made with the girl in only a few hours.

“Thank you Ayanokōji-kun truly… I’m so glad we were placed in the same class. Though I have a feeling that we would still be friends even if we were on different classes.”

Taking a glance at the now happy girl I only nodded silently at her. ‘And to think this was only possible thanks to Universal Calibration. I’m so glad I chose that perk now.’

By the time we finished eating it was rather late that we had completely missed the club fair. When I asked her about it Honami said something that surprised me. Apparently, she no longer wanted to be part of the Student Council and upon asking why she had only said that she just wanted to spend this year coming to terms with her sins. She would instead try her best to join come second year with a clearer head.

I remained mostly silent at such information and only said I would support whatever decision she made. Though internally I wondered if that would come to pass at all as Honami by the 2nd semester in year two already couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing Kiyotaka every day when she learned he might get expelled. When you add the effects of the Stamp on top of that?

Yeah, I just didn’t foresee that happening.

When Honami departed for the evening, she surprised me as she pulled me into a hug and bid me goodnight before finally leaving. I was left at my door silently staring at Honami’s retreating back with my arm raised in the air in a silent goodbye.

That was how Ichika found me moments later as if she was waiting for Honami to leave before making her entrance. I had been forced to cook again for the girl as a form of apology for in her words, ‘getting too chummy with someone that was not even fully Stamped yet’.

In return I took all my frustrations on her body later that night so it was worth it.

=====

(Following Day)

“Where are we going Ayanokōji-kun?” Kei asked while walking behind me along with Airi Sakura and Haruka Hasebe.

In a surprising turn of events, they had ended up being picked for my study group after Honami had a chat with them and asked them if they would be okay with me tutoring them. Since none seemed to have a problem with it, we were now heading to the library where I would be helping them in any subjects they needed.

While Kei was openly speaking to me and asking anything that came to mind, Haruka and Airi were both quiet content to just listen along for now.

“To the library. Before I can help any of you, I need to see what specifically all of you are struggling with so I can come up with an appropriate lesson plan.” I answered with a shrug.

“Well at least you’re taking this seriously. Anyways, Ayanokōji-kun there’s something I’ve been meaning to know but every time someone asks, someone else always ends up interrupting the conversation.” Kei shrugged in return before walking a little faster and now walking besides me.

Looking at her from the corner of my eye I raised an eyebrow in curiosity at what she could possibly mean. “What do you want to know?”

“Are you and Nanase-san going out? You two seem pretty close.” Kei asked paying rather close attention to me.

From the way Airi and Haruka suddenly perked, up I’m guessing they were also interested in knowing.

“Friends. I’ve only really known her for about a month if you can believe it.” I answered honestly with a shrug. “Tsubasa is close friends with the son of my butler and that’s how I came to know her. She would come over to their house where I was currently staying temporarily and we would talk and stuff.”

“What about Amasawa-san? You two seem pretty close and she even calls you Senpai for some reason.” Kei furthered asked not looking satisfied.

‘I should have known someone would pick up on that.’ I thought silently before deciding to tell them a partial truth.

“Haah it’s a little embarrassing but I guess I don’t mind telling you. The truth is me and Ichika first met face to face during the bus ride to school a few days ago.”

“What??” Kei asked looking even more confused now with Airi and Haruka not looking any different.

“We were basically pen pals. I knew of Ichika and she knew of me because of our parents but due to different circumstances that we couldn’t control, we could never meet face to face until recently. With no way to communicate between each other we chose letters and we just never stopped.” I said with a shrug.

“Aww that’s so cute~ So you basically met your first friend for the first time when school started?” Haruka suddenly chimed in with a teasing smirk on her face.

“Basically.”

“Hihihi I never expected that kind of wholesome story from you Ayanokōji-kun.” Haruka continued teasing.

“Yeah, me neither~” Kei joined in also letting out a cute giggle even if she seemed a little worried.

Even Airi was trying to hold back her giggles but failing miserably.

“Anyways, I guess that I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that Ichika and the girl I wrote to are the same person.” I finished bringing the conversation back on track.

Kei nodded to herself before blinking recalling something I said. “You have a butler Ayanokōji-kun? Your family must be well off then.”

“You can say that.” I said simply not willing to go any further than that for now.

“There’s a story there huh? Don’t worry I won’t pry.” Haruka immediately deduced but didn’t pry further.

“Get to know me a little and I wouldn’t mind telling you about such a thing if you’re still interested.” I offered them with a relaxed look on my face when Kei was about to apologize for asking.

“O-oh! Y-yeah that seems fair.” Kei said looking a little embarrassed now and didn’t say anything again for the rest of the way.

When we arrived at the library, I found us a good spot where it was slightly out of the way and where we wouldn’t be disturbed and sat down with the three girls sitting opposite of me.

“Alright since we are going to be spending a bit of time together how about we introduce ourselves and say something we enjoy doing to break the ice? I’ll start first.” Seeing no objections other than Airi slightly squirming in her seat I began.

“As you may or might not know, my name is Kiyotaka Ayanokōji. I really enjoy playing the piano as I find it relaxing.” I reintroduced myself to their curious looks before turning to Kei. “How about you go next Karuizawa?”

“Sure,” Kei said in an easy shrug. “My name is Kei Karuizawa and I really enjoy chocolate of all types.”

Next, I turned to Haruka who seeing I was looking at her, let out a small sigh. “My name is Haruka Hasebe and I like spicy foods of all kinds though mainly from overseas.”

Finally, I turned to Airi who seeing we were all now looking at her seemed to withdraw into herself. “M-my name is Airi S-Sakura. I l-like sweets and t-taking photos I guess.” Done with her introduction Airi lowered her head, hiding her face from everyone.

“Good. Thank you for that.” I said giving the 3 girls a nod before pulling out 3 sheets of paper from my bag. “Now like I said earlier, in order to help you I first need to see what you need help in. So, with that being said I want all of you to please answer these questions I wrote down. Don’t worry if there’s something you don’t know just try to answer as much as you can without forcing yourself alright?”

‘I’m glad I went ahead and got the Educational Talent or else I would have no idea what to do right now.’ I thought in relief.

Kei frowned for a bit as she looked at her paper before sighing and getting to work. Haruka and Airi on the other hand didn’t say anything and just silently did as I asked of them.

30 minutes later I had finished grading their papers not surprised at the results I got. Turning up to face the nervous looking girls I gave them a reassuring look hoping to relax them a bit and was glad that Kei and Airi did so.

Haruka while looking more relaxed than earlier was still rather quiet but that was expected of her and in a few days, I probably wouldn’t be able to get her to stop talking if everything went well.

“Hasebe, you did an overall good job so we’ll be focusing mostly on World History and Language which you seem to be struggling with.” I said giving the girl my judgement.

“Yeah, those subjects always give me trouble.” Haruka said with a small nod.

“As for Karuizawa and Sakura, seems you both need help in a bit of everything.” I commented next before looking at them and nodding my head.

“Alright now that I know what you need help in, I will do my best to help you all. Before we begin, do you have any questions for me?”

“Why did you agree to help us?” Haruka was the one who immediately questioned me with a curious look on her face grabbing the other girl’s attention as well.

“I guess just saying that I wanted to help the class so we don’t lose points next month isn’t going to cut it is it?” I asked rhetorically getting a no from Kei and Haruka anyway.

“I just wanted to make more friends.” I commented slowly getting the three girls to blink in confusion.

“To make friends?” Haruka asked with a raised eyebrow as if not believing me completely making me let out a sigh.

“Yes,” I nodded my head. “As I already explained, the only ‘real’ friend I had growing up was Ichika and due to my only correspondence with her being in letters, I have almost zero experience in interacting with others my own age.” I revealed feeling like I was repeating myself as I said something similar to Honami.

‘Though to be clear, I want to make friends with who may end up becoming my women in the future.’ I thought silently looking briefly at all of them.

“What? But you seem to have no trouble making friends in class even if you could to stand to smile a bit more. Even the cold Horikita doesn’t seem to have any trouble talking to you when she ignores everyone else.” Haruka commented.

“Hahaha I’m glad it seems that way to you.” I laughed quietly to the surprise of the girls this being the first time they had seen me laugh.

“I’ve just been trying to imitate what little I learned from Tsubasa and by observing everyone else. The truth is that social interactions make me really nervous as what might be clear to others sometimes just flies over my head.” I said scratching the back of my head in embarrassment at revealing that even if it was slightly exaggerated. It was one of the things I most wanted to get rid of being one of the few personality traits I inherited from having Kiyotaka’s memories.

The girls remained silent for a moment before they burst into giggles again with Airi being the only one that was not laughing at me and instead was giving me a look of understanding.

“Hihihi there you go again saying something unexpected. No wonder your interactions appeared so forced sometimes.” Haruka laughed in amusement. “And here I thought you were one of those cool silent types.”

“Yeah, yeah laugh it up.” I said with a small sigh getting her to giggle harder. “Anyways any other questions? Hopefully ones that won’t make me embarrass myself any further?”

When no more questions came, we finally began our study session. Most of my time was spent with Airi as she was the one that needed it the most followed by Kei and finally Haruka who only asked me for help when it pertained her weakest subjects.

While Airi mostly blushed and squeaked due to my close proximity, she never made any move to get away from me as she did when one of the other girls would try to help her. Kei on the other hand didn’t seem to mind my company at all, though she did complain quite a bit as she didn’t like studying very much. The same could be said about Haruka just without the complaining.

‘I can’t believe I’m a tutor now of all things.’ I thought in slight amusement.