Rude TAROT of Magic: The Hermit (Patreon)

On the road to Athens, a young hunter found herself stuck on the wrong side of a raging river. She noticed an elderly woman sitting upon a ferry and offered her a freshly hunted rabbit in exchange for transport. Halfway across the river, the old woman took up her oar, allowing the current to guide the boat downstream.

“What are you doing? The object of my hunt (an armadillo wearing an orange peel as a hat) is back THERE! Because of you the river will now take us to places unknown! This is NOT what I signed up for!”

“Ah child, do you not see that I am more than I appear? I am not just an old woman with a boat- I am a hermit, you see, and I follow my intuition to the exclusion of social norms and general coherence. I have in fact given you a gift by NOT giving you what you asked for. It may take many years to understand, but eventually you will see that this moment here has changed your life for the better. I am a hermit, you see, and I do things in a deliberate style that confounds your normative senses, senses you mistakingly honed in collaboration with your family and friends. I am hermit, you see, and the wisdom at my disposal is like a hammer. One side may slam a nail into you, but the other side will help pull the nail out. If that sentiment confounds your normative senses, I would remind you that I am a hermit, you see, and the things I say are to poetry what dragons are to lizards. I am a hermit, you see-”

Before she could finish, the timer I set for free writing this Tarot entry went off, dooming everyone to less insight and mystery.