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CRAPPENS SUPERFIGHT: Kristen vs. Shannon (Patreon)

Published:
2016-11-03 17:43:59
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Who wins?  A radioactive Kristen Doute with a puppy musket?  Or a paper Shannon Beador shooting lightning?  Weigh in down below in the comments!

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Comments

Benjamin Cohen

My tactical assessment is that Shannon has to lightning bolt Kristen's glowing ass from about a 1000 feet away to win. This would require Shannon to not panic, be drunk, or get distracted by an insult. The radioactivity and puppy musket do not come into play because of range. Conversely, if she can hug Kristen, she can electrocute her. Shannon fears radioactivity as evidenced by her OCD about it in her home. That means she will want to keep her distance. If she can create distance and dodge puppies (and puppy urine), Kristen's skank ass is toast. If Shannon catches a breeze she can float like a kite. Shannon's bolts can reign down like she was Zeus. If Shannon's stream of lighting is persistent (like a laser beam) then Kristen will be cut in half before she can pull the trigger on her puppy musket.

Lauren Thorson

The mere thought of being exposed to radioactivity (compounded by the lack of hospital grade air, humidifiers, and crystals) will send Shannon into such a fluster that she'll immediately turn her attention to David. While she's telling him "David?! David?! These, this woman, she, [insert 70's party freakout]" she accidentally sets her paper-self on fire with one of her own lightning bolts. Kristin is left standing there like "UGHHhh that like wasn't even a real fight. I must have literally killed the game. I'm such a catch. ughhhh." She celebrates by screenprinting that entire quote on a t-shirt.

Daffy1227

I think Shannon would use David has a human shield while taking shots at Kristin. Then Shannon would figure out how to charge up her crystals and use one to clog the musket. The musket would explode in Kristen's hand and Shannon will drive her to a clinic without hospital grade oxygen Allowing Kristen's wound to get infected and amputated. Meanwhile she would give the unused radioactive puppies to LVP and start a charity to find a cure for them called Hot Bitches Need The Cure.

DelizaD

Kristin sees Shannon approaching and realizes that Shannon is not just made of any old paper. She's made of the lists and lists of negative thoughts, mistress email printouts and fake eulogy exercises from the last 2 years. Kristin starts reading Shannon (literally), cringes, and says "oh my god that is sah-sah pathetic".....Shannon is doubly offended by Kristin's toxic aura and her response and says...."How dare you try to tear down my relationship?!! You know nothing! He has removed debris from….David! David! ...David!" (David suddenly appears in a hazmat suit with a handful of lightning bolts and says "yes dear" as he winks at Kristin). David does his best keep Kristin off balance with some flirting/improv comedy talk while Shannon hurls the lightning bolts zapping Kristin over and over until she's just a little swirl of smoke (and a faint hiss can be heard...."ssssssserioussssssssly?") Even though Shannon wins, the rage at the sight of David flirting was too much and now she can’t reign it back in. She continues to grow and expand until (poof!) she explodes into a blizzard of confetti!! David takes off his suit in disbelief, frantically pulls out his phone and starts doing a Google search for "paper mache techniques".