Lost Content: Bloopers (Patreon)

Happy March 32nd!

But seriously, I'd really wanted to come up with some grand april fools thing and spent months trying to come up with ideas... but I never had a single idea I liked, at least not one that panned out for this year.

So instead, my backers will get a peek at content that never was: Bloopers.

I love bloopers on books that I read, non-canon alternate story beats that are funny, anti-climatic, or resolve things too neatly/too quickly. Even when I was expecting Blind Chaos to be something only a couple of friends ever saw (and back when it was just 'Ranthia BtDEM') I was trying to come up with ideas for fun bloopers.

And I learned that writing a good blooper is hard.

The ideas that I came up might be funny in a vacuum, but they also felt... I don't even know the word for it. In a sense, they felt rude to Ranthia—and not just because she ended up dead in all but one of them. Each blooper took place in an alternate reality in key moments of Ranthia's journey, but went awry in some (hopefully) comical manner. It felt like a betrayal of the gravitas of the moments, and overall I wasn't fond of them. So I never actually wrote them out beyond their outlines.

Also, I created outlines for exactly 2 per book, not exactly a bunch of content.

So, without further ado, here are the bloopers for book 1:

1) Chapters 3-5.

In this reality, Ranthia decided against going for a risky [Mage] build and chose to get as much power as she could for the moment: she instead chose a hand-to-hand [Warrior] class: [Brawler]. Unfortunately for her, with a more applicable combat class, she tried to fight the 3rd Bandits alongside the woodsman. She ends up impaled on a spear instead of him.

2) Chapter 47.

In this reality, when Ranger Team 13 is wiped out by the kraken, Ranthia embraced foolishness in a completely different way than she did in 'our' reality. When she came too after getting stunned just in time to watch Leoios die, she prayed to Xaoc instead of attacking. With a heart full of manic hate, she asked her god to smite the kraken. A desperate prayer. A prayer that is answered: the clouds split and a colossal foot descended from the heavens. Ranthia manically raves and cheer and concludes with shouting at the beast: "You are so fu—". And then the obnoxious, overly demanding woman was crushed by the foot, with a vaguely rude sound.

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Overall, the second one genuinely amused me. It's extremely Monty Python-y, but much of great humor is. But sadly, it's the highlight of the ideas I had. Bloopers aren't currently in my skill-set as a writer. That might change someday, but for now that's fine. Not every book has bloopers, and I finally understand why.

I'll share the book 2 ideas in the future, not even the Adventurer tier subscribers have reached one of the two scenes yet!

Stay safe out there, for today the internet is full of lies!