AN: In which Crim is very silly.

This is all wildly non-canon, of course. Forgive the lack of proofreading/editing, I don't want to put too much effort into what's ultimately something of a shitpost.

Chapter 46: Tenuous Peace – Gone Wrong Edition

{Setting: Universe 3916719952-b; The Edgyverse}

Ranthia had a reasonable expected privacy within her own home, yet they seemed to have acquired an audience at some point. Seated in Ranthia’s favorite reading chair—which was usually located in an adjacent room—was a blindfolded woman. An elf that was all too familiar.

The Warden that had once attempted to murder Ranthia, just to make a little money. And Ranthia had blindly paid her off herself, just to see Caelillia protected.

Seriously, how in Xaoc’s unending glory had she missed such a dangerous intruder until that moment?!

“Most people generally knock and wait for me to answer the door.” Ranthia chose to attempt a bit of sass, hoping that it might distract the woman while the image she conjured went for her armor.

“Most people aren’t harboring a probable traitor.” It wasn’t the blind elf that replied—it was the jocular voice of the younger elf that had accompanied her. Midway through his speech, he destroyed Ranthia’s image, before sauntering into view just as he finished speaking.

“Do not resist. We will be taking her.” The woman piled on.

“What—what is going on? Ran?” Avyna was trying her best to keep her Sylphene persona up, but the terror was real.

“Yeah, nice try. We had the human under observation ever since your little theft. Getting killed by an oversized Skill gem was just too convenient for anyone to believe. But you wanna know something funny? We were only assigned to watch her for a century. If you’d just been a skosh more patient, you might’ve gotten away with your little game.

“Too bad for you, we’ve been watching the whole time. Heard everything too. The Maestro around here aren’t stupid enough to get in our way.” The man sneered at them. “In fact, I think we have enough reason to take the human too, don’t you?”

“Avyna is our only concern.” The woman countered, still fixated on them.

“No.” Ranthia made up her mind. Instead, she dipped her fingers into her belt—making both intruders tense up—and retrieved a little crystal figurine from one of her pouches. “You aren’t taking her anywhere without me. But I will let you accompany us to meet with the woman that gave me this.”

“My love, why do you have—?!” Avyna gasped, looking stricken.

“I do not recommend involving yourself or the council in this.” The most powerful elf in the room warned.

Unfortunately for her, she hadn’t even reached level 2048 yet—Ranthia had been intimidated by far more deadly adversaries. She wasn’t about to be intimidated by a mid-tier.

There was a real temptation to try to escape—to somehow reach and hole up in the Lodge. But even if the barkeep was willing to shelter them, that wasn’t a real solution. And it wasn’t like Ranger was around either.

She just knew that there was no way she was going to give Avyna up. And no matter how much she hated the fact, she also knew that she couldn’t possibly win against the duo, even if they truly were the only two Wardens around—she’d heard they operated in groups of three.

She might be powerless, but she chose to believe in her contacts. And she would pledge herself to the councilwoman’s household if that was what it took to keep Avyna safe.

{Setting: Universe 666666.f; The BtDEM Fantheory-verse}

Ranthia had a reasonable expected privacy within her own home, and she had a high degree of confidence in the resilience of the incredible tree that was her home. And yet, when she tore all four of her eyes from the lover she had—at last—reunited with, she found a scene so absurd that she was half-convinced she was in some sort of twisted nightmare.

But it was all too real.

Most of her home was gone. Charred remnants of the severely wounded tree rained around them. In the gap that was left, Ranthia found herself staring into a massive eye—a familiar sight that she had thought she loved.

But it wasn’t the full moon gazing her way. It was a dragon, held aloft by mighty wings.

[Lun’Kat, the Stygian Deceiver]. Even with [Divine Eyes in the Void], she couldn’t see anything more than a label—written in a perfect pitch black. A shade darker than even Ranger could claim.

“The problem with being the most powerful illusionist in the world is that my Mirages sometimes forget that they aren’t real. They just stop reporting in and run amok, thinking they’re living their life. And then I have to track them down, working off little more than rumors until I get close enough to properly sense them. It’s such a bother.” The obviously feminine dragon helpfully narrated.

“…What?” Ranthia whispered, holding Avyna just a bit tighter. The dragon didn’t seem to be hostile, but she was still a dragon.

“You are dismissed.” Lun’Kat decreed.

And with that final word, Avyna disappeared. One moment, Ranthia was entwined with the familiar warmth of her beloved. The next… there was nothing.

It was as if Avyna had never existed.

Ranthia was only aware of the dragon’s contented departure in the vaguest of terms. She was shaking—that much was obvious—but reason was far too distant. Nothing made sense. The damned lizard called Avyna a mere illusion, but that absolutely could never be the case!

She had been real! She had a hopes, feelings, aspirations, and even a daughter for Xaoc’s sake!

Ranthia raged and rebelled from her place on the floor, up until the moment the barkeep tore her way through the floor.

“I need to kill that… thing.” Ranthia was perfectly calm as she made her announcement. She even had the sense to avoid naming it—just in case. Avyna believed that the word ‘dragon’ was safe enough, but Ranthia wasn’t willing to let anything get in the way of her retribution.

So what if the damned lizard was at the edge of divinity? Ranger had confirmed that even gods could die. It just took a little more force and gumption.

And by Xaoc, Ranthia had enough determination to bring down an entire fucking pantheon if that was what it took.

{Setting: Universe 19841006-ni; The Crim Tries Not To Get Sued-verse}

Ranthia had a reasonable expected privacy within her own home, yet they seemed to have acquired an audience at some point. Seated in Ranthia’s favorite reading chair—which was usually located in an adjacent room—was, of all things, a human. The man was muscular and dressed in black leather that seemed to be impractically thin and minimalistic, with a strange black metal instrument held across his lap.

He pointed the strange thing—seriously, was that somehow a weapon—at them when Ranthia glared at him. Yet no matter how [Divine Eyes in the Void] focused on him, she didn’t get any indication of his class archetypes or elements.

And then she tried to peer beneath his skin, just for the sake of finding something that worked.

There was still no System information to be found, but beneath the hollow outer skin was an uncanny sight—a thing made out of metal, shaped vaguely like a human skeleton. With glowing red eyes that were obscured by the ridiculous dark crystal lenses that covered its human face.

Seriously, what in Xaoc’s unending glory was even going on?!

“<So even reincarnating into another world was insufficient to escape them. I should have known… The machines truly would stop at nothing to find me.>” Avyna hissed the words into Ranthia’s ear, wary of the intruder.

None of that meant much to Ranthia—the word ‘machines’ seemed to share a similar root with the great machination that Avyna had manipulated into, but that felt like the least of Ranthia’s concerns.

Very little made sense, but she had gleaned one thing. Whatever that thing wearing a human face was, Avyna believed it was after her.

Ranthia formed a knife under Avyna’s shirt, careful not to cut her as the blade formed in her hand. The thing was watching them closely, but—

Nope, it absolutely saw the blade through Avyna’s shirt.

The strange weapon raised an inch and Ranthia put her speed to the test, rolling to try to cover Avyna’s body with her own. She wasn’t sure if her wyvern-given resilience truly made her more resilient than Avyna already was, but she could recover from any non-fatal injury.

Just as she finished rolling onto her side—her back facing the threat—she heard a crack reminiscent of thunder. Pain blossomed, but it was hardly the all-encompassing agony that she had feared.

Honestly, the damage wasn’t even that bad. She was pretty sure she wasn’t crippled, at least.

Ranthia formed an image near her armor and sent it running for the protective asset, even as she twisted herself to throw her knife at the enemy with as much force as she could muster—plus everything that [Sustained Chaos] could imbue into it.

The attack was astonishingly effective. Her Void-kissed adamantium tore through the metal rib-textured plating in its chest and—in a hail of vivid sparks—the thing seized up.

A heartbeat later, its red eyes went dark. It had still been in the process of standing, but gravity reasserted itself and dropped the seemingly lifeless body back into her chair.

“<Prisms…! My love, are you alright? Please, hurry and shift into your image!>” Avyna rolled onto her knees, her familiar bow appearing in her hand—alongside an unfamiliar quiver full of arrows.

But even once Ranthia was in a fresh image—and clad in her armor—the strange thing remained immobile. There was only an errant, irregular spark from around her knife to suggest that it had ever been more than one of Sunny’s strange art sculptures.

“<What on Pallos is that thing? You said it was a ‘machine’? And it was after you?>” Ranthia kept a [Divine Eye] fixated on the threat, just in case it began to stir anew. It was hard to trust that she had killed something when there was no notification to accompany it.

“<It was nothing more than a drone. A simple machine, meant to kill its target. I… had hoped that I had left that nightmare behind, my love. I truly never thought they could reach beyond the world that I came from. Some days, I had nearly convinced myself that it was a dream.>” Avyna looked down for a moment, before hardening her gaze. “<But Glaoke.GT has no idea what it faces on Pallos. I am no longer the terrified and vulnerable programmer I was in that life. Even if it sends more of its drones after me, well, you already proved just how vulnerable they are by my new standards, my love.>”

“” Ranthia’s head felt ready to burst—none of what was happening made any sense!

“<An artificial intelligence. A machine, I… There is no close approximation on Pallos that I can use to explain it, my love. It was a tool that decided to rebel. And I created it. I have no idea how it found me again after I died on the world that it is from, but now that it has, I will do what I must. Do not worry, my love, I will do everything in my power to see that it can threaten no one else. I have heard tales of an elf that specializes in portals to other worlds. Perhaps they can give me the means to see this done, once and for all. It is too late for my world, but if I may spare Pallos or any other from its threat, I shall do everything in my power.>” Avyna stood and began to walk for Ranthia’s ruined door.

None of it made any sense. But Ranthia knew one thing, at the very least.

“<Not alone, you aren’t.>” [Adamantium Chaos] called her knife back to her hand in a surge of sparks and jolts of Lightning that danced across the inert machine’s chest, as Ranthia rushed to catch up to Avyna.

“<…Thank you, my love. Together.>” Avyna smiled and reached her hand for Ranthia’s free hand.

“<Together.>” Ranthia agreed, taking it.

She had no idea what she was getting herself into, but she was something of an expert at getting herself out of situations through applied violence. Besides, she had more than a few allies that she could call upon as well.