My Homies Have Turned into Gorgeous Babes?! (14) - Kind of Felt Like Destroying Myself (Patreon)

Chapter 14: Kind of Felt Like Destroying Myself

"Sebas..."

Theo called again.

For a moment, my consciousness swam as I struggled to escape from the confines of exhaustion. My eyes flicked open and found myself face to face with a concerned Theo.

Her eyes were wide. She bit her lip, an uncertain expression twisting her pale features.

I shifted, wincing as a sharp wave of pain rippled throughout my body. From my ribs to my spine. My guts. My hand. It shook. 

We were alone. My friends must've still been asleep by the campfire. So, Theo must've woken up.

I had my sword clutched tightly in my hand, my knuckles white. I forced my grip to loosen, but struggled to do so, as if the hilt had taken roots in my palm.

I saw the blood that had pooled up beneath me.

"You scared me, Sebas." Theo whispered as she tentatively placed her hand on my shoulder. "I woke up and… and you were gone."

"What... what happened?" I mumbled. I was still a little disconnected from reality. 

"You were training...?" She answered with a question, frowning. She reached out with a trembling hand and touched my wrist. "You're bleeding..." 

It wasn't the first time she saw me on my recurrent period, but I had cleaned myself up a little earlier. This show I had put on could almost be mistaken as self-harm. 

"I know..."

"Why, Sebas?" Her voice cracked. "You're hurt. You need rest. Why?"

"I... I just wanted..." I trailed off, my mind a jumbled mess. What did I want? To prove something? To myself? To the others? To whatever gods were watching this cosmic joke unfold? Perhaps, to all of the above? I wasn't sure, and thinking was so hard—it required too much mental effort to analyze what was most likely the same amount of logical and emotional babble. "I don't know, I kind of felt like destroying myself for a moment."

"Please don't." Theo pleaded, and I had trouble placing whether her voice reflected sadness or aversion or simply fear. "Don't joke like that."

"Sorry..."

How odd was it that the always timid and cheerful Theo could make a face like that? 

She sighed, looking quite a bit more mature than her appearance would suggest, even after the genderbending shenanigans and all. She was so pretty and delicate and innocent. Theo had always been the little pup of our group, somehow appearing even younger despite the fact we were roughly of the same age, just mere months or less separating each of us. It was kind of an unspoken rule in our group that if anyone were to harm Theo, or even make her cry, we'd unleash absolute hell on whoever decided to mess around with us. 

Theo gave my wrist a gentle squeeze.

And I finally managed to unclench my fingers and let the sword fall to the ground with a soft thud.

The sudden release of tension sent a tremor through my arm.

I fell forward—I simply couldn't help myself anymore and dropped down.

Theo let go of my wrist in a hurry as she lunged, attempting to catch me. In her panic and disorientation, she did. "W... oof, what...?" Her back landed on the ground in an awkward slouch.

I fell upon her, nearly smothering her beneath the weight of my exhausted body.

She let out a wheeze, probably from both impact and the surprise.

"Ugh, you're heavy." Theo frowned.

"Sorry."

I quickly attempted to prop myself on my elbows but a shot of pain cut the motion short.

"Just... lie down, silly."

Theo shifted and then readjusted my weight before turning towards me and sighing in exasperation. "Seriously, Sebas. What were you thinking?"

"Probably wasn't."

She harrumphed. "Figures."

I chuckled. The sound petered out into a fitful of coughs. Theo immediately looked even more alarmed as she stared down at me, her face inches away from my own. 

I couldn't help but wince in self-loathing as I remembered how much of a mess I must've been, covered in goblin grime and dust and now my own blood as well. It wasn't like we had soap to wash ourselves with, so I was a bit self-conscious about my smell. If she was still good o'l male Theo, I wouldn't have given a fuck—maybe I'd have laughed about it. A female Theo, a beautifully female Theo, naturally tickled that instinctual part of my brain that made me go monkey and made me want to impress. 

Yet here she was, staring into my face, her gaze almost shy.

"Should... should we wake up the others? I mean, you're..."

"... bleeding?"

I licked my lips and caught the rust-colored flecks, swallowing down a metallic taste.

"No." I breathed. "I'll... I'll be okay. It's not bad. I just need to rest for a bit."

Theo nodded slowly. She glanced away for a moment, then peered back at me. Her eyes were so damn blue. Maybe it was just the way the moonlight shone down upon us both, but Theo seemed so beautiful to me at this moment.

Her long blond hair splayed out across the ground, forming a messy halo of light in the surrounding gloom. The stray strands tickled my neck. Her skin was smooth, almost luminous, in a way that reminded me of some ethereal figure that should be protected, kept away from the perils and risks of reality.

And here I was, crushing this delicate, beautiful creature with the weight of my unwashed, dirty, damaged body.

But she was Theo, the scrappy boy that was bullied back in high school, that couldn't grow a beard to save his life and would blush furiously every time he talked to a pretty girl. That boy would have busted his nuts from excitement had a single thought about girls as pretty as he was now graced his dirty, teenaged imagination.

Even despite his newfound feminine looks and adorable, innocent beauty, that person still felt very Theo.

Theo gave my back a couple of reassuring pats, drawing me away from that train of thought. Her hands slowly wrapped around me. "Rest, Sebas. I'll be on watch now."

"Th... thanks. I'll close my eyes a bit."

"Yeah." Her hands tightened, her voice shaking a little. "Sleep well."

I could feel her heart beating really fast within her chest, her body heat a furnace, chasing away the chill that had settled around me. 

The pain that seemed to sear into every fiber of my body faded a little as I lay there. 

Maybe, if I fell asleep here, and closed my eyes, Theo and her magic hands would make everything disappear.

Theo began humming a song.

Lady Gaga?

Heh, nice. 

Her gentle touch was all it took, my lids drooped, and soon, I was once again dreaming of home.

...

I woke up at the asscrack of dawn.

Sunlight dappled the trees. A strong, fresh wind chased away the chill of night and drew a pleasant, springy sensation across my skin.

I felt well-rested, if a little tired. The world had re-crystallized around me as reality fell back in place. I stirred, moving my body in a way that should've sent me screaming bloody murder at any given point.

"How are you feeling, sleepyhead?" A voice chirped.

Theo's smiling face filled my view, and my own features soon mirrored hers. Her bright blue eyes had me struggling to find any trace of the glumness her voice held last night.

I blinked, finding myself propping to my elbows before sitting up. The sequence of actions didn't end in a pool of blood-choked puke as expected—a most wonderful improvement, no doubt.

"Stiff as a corpse." I croaked. "Not in a sexual way, mind you. In a most certainly achy, sore and uncomfortable way."

Theo laughed at that. "Good thing you're not a corpse, then."

I blinked once again and wiped my hand across the crust of sleep at my mouth, the dried drool sending a rush of warmth across my cheeks. "Don't say stupid stuff, Snuggle McMuffin."

She flushed at that nickname, and I had to avert my eyes, cursing how deeply her pouty lips, blushing cheeks, and dreamy eyes had made my heart do a little fun thing in my chest.

Gods, what a dangerous specimen of pure, unsullied beauty—

She snapped me from my thoughts by helping me get on my feet. "Can you move without my help?"

I started nodding, but then I froze, standing, testing the various joints and limbs one by one. When nothing popped or creaked and no fresh wave of burning pains rippled through me, I was shocked at just how incredibly refreshed I was.

Sure, I was still fatigued and felt some deep-seated soreness at some corners of my body, but other than that, the only noticeable damage was still the stiffness of my limbs, and a strong craving for a shower.

"Yeah, I think I can."

And then I stood up on my two own feet. There were no crippling pains or massive shock of discomfort. I exhaled, then slightly crouched to pick up my sword. The hilt painfully reminded me of my blisters and cracked flesh, but I pressed past the brief flash of pain, gripping it tight.

"You shouldn't..."

"Don't worry, I won't be moving it too much." I assured her, looking at the ugly stains that crusted the blade.

And what had caused me to practice for the entirety of last night?

Fear.

Pain.

Discomfort.

Ambition.

These emotions didn't leave me, no, they had clung to me still, but the simple realization I'd gotten through a considerable chunk of my practice had a mute sensation of accomplishment take shape within my head, especially when—perhaps a figment of my vivid imagination—I felt a closer connection to the weapon in my hand. 

It seemed lighter, even. Easier to wield, somehow.

Theo joined my side and looked up at me, her words hesitating for a while. "Were you really only practicing? What happened last night..." She trailed off, staring at the dark crimson that dyed the edges of the sword and dirt beneath. "You scared me a lot, Sebas..."

"Well, when one's an amateur, you need to get accustomed to this pain and, perhaps, push yourself a little more if you want to get, well, good with... this." I gestured vaguely, turning the sword sideways.

It wasn't really true though, because even experienced swordsmen, even the masters of the weapon, knew the pain of exercise and discipline, but I wanted to assure Theo that everything was all right. That last night didn't make me insanely dangerous for myself and others. That last night didn't, at all, drive me insane and thus, making me believe the sword in my hand had become lighter somehow. 

Because shit, maybe my dumb decision last night had granted some positive effect, regardless of how dangerously self-destructive. Can you even imagine? I may have somehow trained through that dreadful pain and achieved greater strength!

Hah… 

But even as these hopeful thoughts passed through my head, I couldn't help but stare in awe at the red, burgundy hues in the soil. I'd bled that much, huh?

"I... understand, Sebas, but please, be more careful next time. Don't be reckless."

"Reckless? Who? Me?" I made a brief impression of Beetlejuice. "I'm just... hangin' around."

She huffed, probably at the very bad impression and attempt at sounding believable. Theo put her hand atop mine and squeezed it, looking up straight in my eyes with a very serious gaze.

I understood the importance of that simple gesture and its intention—so I'd like to think.

Theo wouldn't lecture me. She'd offer guidance, a type of council that'd stem from her concern for the people she cared about. Because that's the kind of girl, boy, Theo is, and I'd be a fool not to recognize this fact.

"Understood, Snuggle McMuffin."

"Ohhh, please..."

She covered her face, walking ahead briskly.

I chuckled, looking at the campfire, that crackled a pitiful stream of smoke. Our three fellow guests of ours were slowly stirring awake, as was Jeremy and Oliver. I hoped Theo would keep quiet about last night, lest our very concerned friends would pounce me into submission.

Still, I looked down at the sword in my hand, wondering...