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EARLY ACCESS: Transition Regret & the Fascism of Endings (Patreon)

Published:
2023-11-11 02:28:14
Imported:
2026-06

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Content

I made this video to process my feelings about some health complications I’ve had since getting a gender-affirming surgery in 2021. I noticed most discussions of trans regret are simple tragedies, which don’t pave a path forward for the people experiencing it. That isn’t true to my experience, and I wanted to figure out what comes next.

Gradually, I expanded my scope to ask: “When we declare something has ended – like a life, or a crisis – what kind of suffering does that give us permission to ignore?”

I hope you like it. 💜

Files

Transition Regret & the Fascism of Endings

but it's a nice night, isn't it? What Happens Next: https://whathappensnext.webcomic.ws/ Barber Westchester: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf46FELFk2g Note: if you don't want to commit to a 90min movie right away, check out the prequel web series. Most eps are only a few minutes long! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6bsMHXWYSc&list=PLwwahyZ9d7WUGuTq8LJyLxI8X1t1id3Q4

Comments

A Y

wow Lily you're on such a hot streak with videos this last year. i love the connections you drew here, and visually another top notch entry. i feel like the people popping in and out of the background in the park on the edit points is/is not a quiet connection to the point about life being a mess of overlapping people's narratives

Alyx✨

I love how you describe movies and media that helped u understand a certain feeling which i turn has helped me understand a certain feeling yet ironically the ending of this video has left me empty without meaning having to look for a new one. I'm currently at the beginning of hrt and I feel like my entire life has been telling myself such narratives, the last one being I just need to get on hormones and everything will make sense. Well spoiler alert it didnt and its a slow process and finding peace in that has been .. hard. So this video really sums up a lot I've been feeling or rather trying to learn lately thank you

biquinary

I don't often post comments out of fear of saying something stupid, but here goes: The first video I saw on your channel was "Fear of trans bodies", which was gobsmacking. I felt like a newborn baby who was learning _anything_ for the first time. Of course, I've felt this way about virtually all your videos, and this one was just the same. You're honestly so brilliant, and so are the folks in your videos and community. Uhh yeah hope that doesn't come off as weird! Here's to the continuation of all of our lives 🥂 P.S. Looks like there might be an editing mistake, the same segment is repeated at 35:10 and 35:33

David Bennett

That's quite a thumbnail, dang. Anyway, very interesting, and you caused me to pull up Barber Westchester on YouTube (and I'll be taking you up on your Nebula offer--I do want to hear the rest of that interview with Jonni Phillips in particular, and I'll explore what else is there), and as the film starts, the credits contained a big surprise. Among the voice actors--not the animators--is Felix Colgrave. If that name doesn't ring a bell for anyone, I can tell you he's a truly great animator from Australia. Check out his short The Elephant's Garden to see his vision of life, it's delightful. For him to pop up in the credits of Barber Westchester as a voice actor was very startling for me, I wonder what the story is there.

Ash Joubert

I loved the autumnal setting. You even got a perfectly-directed squirrel! I lost my narrative to four major life events, and still search in the darkness for a story to tell myself. But what if I have no story? What happens next? Thank you, Lily. I hope you find comfort from your pain as you give comfort to others.

Lee Miller

Wow, I really needed this video right now. Thank you. I'm about to get my first gender-affirming surgery in a couple months and it's been hitting me how much I've been building my life around anticipation for it, without thinking about the afterwards. This was a beautiful reflection on what that "after" might be.

Alice

Fantastic video! I got bottom surgery in Thailand back in 2007 when I was 26, and I went through a similar kind of “what next” process for years. It seemed impossible that I could go through all the surreal challenges of surgery and struggle with mundane stuff like holding down a job. I think it’s actually pretty common for people to hope a big life transition can be a perfect experience and not really think about comes next. Just think about all those cis-het girls who turn into bridezillas :)

Chris Thalassa

Thank you so much for this video! This is what brought me to your patreon!