See You, Space Cowboy (Patreon)

Vani and I had to say goodbye to our cat Spike last week. He was 21 and a half years old. Vani found him in a bag in Balboa Park in 2003. The vet determined he was about a month old so Vani celebrated his birthday on Valentine’s Day, which was close enough. She named him after Spike Spiegel, the protagonist of Cowboy Bebop. He ended up going by many names, as most pets do: Nene, Neen, Neeneth, Nachas, Stinkbug, Mr. Brown, and in his last few months I took to referring to him as The Sir.

Around 2009 Spike went to live with Vani’s mom for a couple of years. She had recently gotten out of a relationship and her current place didn’t allow animals. She moved in with me somewhat soon after, but my place did not allow for pets, either. On my last day of seeing an old psychiatrist I asked if she might write me a letter suggesting that my landlord make an exception for an emotional support animal. I’m still shocked at how easily they accepted that letter. Two days later Neen was moved back to California for good.

Vani always noted how Spike acted differently around me compared to others he didn’t know. He wasn’t grumpy, he didn’t bite me, and he’d let me pet him. He was a little indifferent, but we got along. Sometimes he’d sit on my lap. As time passed he got more comfortable, but the dynamic was I’m just some guy, Vani’s his mom, and she was his sole interest.

In late 2016 I developed a painful abdominal conduction known as ACNES. Basically, nerves had slipped out of position in my abdominal wall and the flexation caused extreme pain. I was out on my back for quite a while. It was during this time that Spike and I bonded. He wasn’t used to anyone being around during the day as Vani and I both worked until 8pm. Suddenly there’s someone with him all day every day. Over the course of the months I wasn’t able to work, he started getting curious. First, lying by my feet. Then coming up along my side for pets. Then, cautiously, he started lying on my stomach. The heat he generated was actually quite helpful and his weight was such that it didn’t cause me any pain. Eventually he discovered what would be his favorite spot for the rest of his life, high up on my chest where he could bury his head under my chin. We were the best of buds.

He became entirely trusting. I could brush him with no problems. Administer medication. Hold his paws for nail trimming. He’d follow me around like a puppy. When I went back to work it was obvious he was not expecting the change. Every night I’d get home, sit down, and find a cat in my lap. Sometimes so quickly and stealthily that I’d look down and wonder where the heck he came from.

Spike lost his hearing around the time COVID hit and it took him and us a while to adjust, but he did. He was definitely more comfortable having someone in his sight. He wanted status updates on things since he couldn’t rely on his ears to let him know where we were or what was going on. I left Luna Video Games around this time and began working from home. Now Spike had someone with him all the time again and it was my turn to make sure was comfortable. He became my co-worker and an integral part of my daily life. We got into a routine. Every day around 1:30 I’d take a break and lie on the couch. He’d lie on my chest for about 10 minutes and then work his way in between me and the couch cushions, packing himself in like a sardine. He would just purr. Loudly and constantly for another 15 or so minutes while I’d scratch his ears. This was an everyday thing. If I got into my work and 2pm rolled around with no break, I’d hear about it. The screams of a cat that demands snuggles.

Spike was a surprisingly active guy. It was only in the past two years we really noticed him slowing down. Arthritis in his back had taken a toll. He was on pain medication and was happy to chomp down food, take it easy, and lie on laps, but it got worse with time. It took away his quality of life.

I’ll keep this part brief, but when we made the decision we used a house call service. I recommend anyone who finds themselves in a position like this to use one.

I have missed him every day. I can’t sleep without popping up awake thinking I’ve heard him meow. I got so used to listening for his needs over the years. I’ll see the fan blow something off the table out of the corner of my eye and think it’s him. I get up from my desk at 1:30 and look over at the couch and see he isn’t there. The pain goes deep, but every day I got with him was worth it. He was an all-timer of a buddy. If you’ve got pets, give them a few extra treats and snuggles tonight. If their diet allows it, give them a little cheese. That was his favorite.

-Ian