A post about your subscription and my crisis of confidence (Patreon)

I'm really grateful for the support of the people who follow me here on Patreon, and I want to make sure you get something worthwhile for your support.

I haven't been very active on here over the last few weeks though, and it's looking like I won't be very active for the next few either. There's a few reasons for that. Partly it's just because I'm really busy at my regular job and in my personal life. Partly it's because when I get a little overwhelmed it gets my anxiety working overtime, which makes it hard for me to get enthusiastic about writing. And partly it's because some of the negative feedback I've gotten on my latest book Best Man has got me a little down about this whole writing gig. 

I was really excited about releasing my latest book, which came out on 17 June. For the first few days things seemed to be going pretty well, and the book was getting a decent amount of sales. But about a week later I got my first Amazon review. And wow, it was fucking scathing. And within a day my sales had pretty much dried up.

I have to admit, I took it pretty hard. But at the same time I had a pretty good idea who'd left the review, and I knew he was a judgemental asshole whose opinion I didn't really care about. So I wasn't too worried about what he'd said; I was mainly just pissed off at the fact that this guy could criticise my writing, and tank my sales, without me having the opportunity for any kind of right of reply. 

But then I got my next review, and it was almost identical. And I got other feedback that, while not quite as full on, was definitely less than positive. And that's when it hit me that people fucking hated my book.

I was crushed. I was devastated that something I put so much of my time, my energy, and my darkest sexual fantasies into could be so unpopular. I felt stupid for being proud of what I'd created. And the criticism I got - all centred around the relationship between Simon and his husband, and how Simon was treated - made me wonder if I was being irresponsible by putting a story out into the world that involved some problematic behaviour, even if that was the very behaviour that turned me on.

Anyway, that was almost four weeks ago. And since then I haven't been able to bring myself to sit down in front of my computer and try write a single thing. The thought of trying just makes me sad, and to be honest I can't imagine how I'm going to bring myself to do it again. 

I'm definitely going to try. I'm not going to give up on my passion for writing that easily. But right now, everything going on has combined to leave me feeling like I just need to give it a bit of a break.

With all that in mind, I don't want you all paying me for a service that I'm not delivering on. So I've put my Patreon billing cycle on pause, which means you won't be charged anything on 1 August. 

Hopefully I'm back writing and posting again soon. If that changes I'll be sure to keep you updated though.

Once again, thanks heaps for the support, the encouragement and the positive vibes.