The war of the Nine Princesses (Patreon)

So this week I've been appt hunting.  My rent jumped and I've run myself ragged trying to find a cheaper place to live, but it doesn't look very likely.  The housing prices around Seattle are pretty crazy.   Add in my dog, Panda, and things aren't looking good.  I'll be fine.  I can cover the rent increase.  It's just vexing.

But I mentioned the War of the Nine Princesses last week and a dozen people wondered about it.  This was a bit of headcanon for stories that I never really developed.  The idea was pretty simple:  Twilight, in helping Rainbow Study for the history of the wonderbolts, realizes that the numbers don't add up.  How could they have a dozen or so leaders over nearly a thousand years?  Talking with Starlight, she learns that there's a historical 'gap' of about 400 years with very little information, from the time of Luna's banishment to 600 years ago.  The primary source is Celestia's own biography of the period, which can be summarized as 'not much happened'.

Twilight, of course, would never question the honesty of her mentor, but Starlight isn't so sure, and Sunburst agrees.  Even if 'not much happened' there should be something.  The excuses are many: no reliable book binding technology.  Sloppy narrative history.  Historians 500 years ago more fixated on canonicity than accuracy.  Twilight thinks this is a fine subject for a research paper.  She uses Starswirl's spell with Starlight linking her to the table.  Her goal was to just SEE the past.  However, the table boosts the spell significantly and sends Twilight and Spike there, trapping Sunburst and Starlight in a bubble surrounding the table.

When Twilight arrives, she's astonished to find a chilly Equestria with no Ponyville, no Canterlot, and everyone seems scared to death of her, fleeing on sight. She flies to the castle of two sisters, expecting to find at least Celestia, but the castle is abandoned, with nature already reclaiming it and no sign of Celestia anywhere.  There is, however, an enormous tree like castle poking out of the woods that wasn't there in the past.  Twilight flies to investigate and over the course of the story learns that there's not ONE princess ruling Equestria.  There are EIGHT.  And none of them are Celestia!

It turns out that ponies are inherently magical creatures who channel their magic towards an object of their affinity or nature.  When enough ponies do this, it can change a pony into an alicorn, which draws more affinity, which eventually turns them into a princess.  However, while ponies are generally good, personality flaws get aggravated as well, and without practice, training, and restraint, a Princess can turn into a Queen of Nightmares.  Like Nightmare Moon.

Turns out, Ponykind were not happy with Luna's attempted coup.  Celestia couldn't do her sister's vital task of managing dreams, and so nightmares increased unhappiness across Equestria.  That unhappiness turned on Celestia, who was normally used to being respected and adored.  More and more demands were made of her.  More and more she failed to meet them.  And finally, like her sister, she snapped and became Daybreaker.  Spoiled.  Entitled.  Deadly.  And with none to use the elements to stop her, she could rule forever!

Or so she thought.  Six ponies did united against her.  Six ponies that corresponded with the pillars the tree was connected to.  Six ponies brought in chains to her orrey where the elements lay, who used them imprecisely to banish her from Equestria.  Six ponies who were transformed into princesses by the adoring masses of Equestria.  And six ponies who gradually drifted away, becoming rulers of their own little fiefdoms.  Who couldn't manage the darkness that whispered nightmares to inherently magical ponies.  Who were gradually became warped expressions of the elements.

Over the course of the story, Twilight would travel to each of them in turn while getting disturbing reports from Starlight and Starburst of the future changing for the worst.  Apparently one princess was going to rule Equestria 1000 years in the future, but she wasn't going to be the one they knew and loved.  Worse, Twilight accidentally reveals this information to one of the eight... 

That Princess is Dawnstar, who was the arcanist that banished Daybreaker, her mentor and ex-lover.  Dawnstar is the Princess of magic, and very much of the vein 'I have a spell for that' save that unlike Twilight or Starlight, she feels little remorse in just mind controlling ponies to do what she wants.  When Twilight confirms Dawnstar's theories, the princess concludes that it's simple: eliminate the other princesses and reap all the magic of Equestria for herself as an eternal princess!  She's quite annoyed by Twilight's protests and attempts to simply seal Twilight's magic and soul into her amulet.  She absorbs Twilight's princessness, reverting her to a normal unicorn. Before her soul can be captured, Spike jumps in the path of the beam and is trapped instead while Twilight flees.  Dawnstar simply shrugs and starts amassing her golem army to deal with her former friends.

Over the course of the story, Twilight would meet each princess in turn.  The Princess of Power, Iceheart, rules in the north with strength and brutal honesty.  She rules because she is strongest, and strongest therefore she rules.  She has little interest in helping Twilight, as when she was an earth pony guard, she was the one expected to deal with problems.  And while help is nice, you can't count on it.  You can only count on your own strength.  She doesn't stop Twilight.  If Dawnstar is coming to fight her, she'll be ready.  In thanks for the warning, she lets twilight go.

The Princess of Love at first seems like she wants to help.  She loves helping everypony.  Everypony loves her for it.  Motherly, sweet, and pampering, Sweetie Pop is so sympathetic towards Twilight.  Poor dear.  And not surprised at all that Dawnstar would be so cruel.  She really should bake her a pie... needless to say, Sweetie Pop is useless, giving people things they want so long as they adore her for it, but balking at any serious request that requires effort of her.  Really, THAT's asking too much.  And unlike Iceheart, she's more than happy to march on the other princesses.  After all, she's the best choice!

Needless to say, Twilight's definitely a bit frustrated.  She's lost Spike and her wings.  And then she comes across the next 'Princess'.  Valiant had been one of Princess Celestia's most loyal knights.  She'd even stuck with her when she became Daybreaker.  Now the princess is a drunk, ruling a tavern floor.  She's torn by the betrayal she committed, consumed by regret, and refusing to make a promise or even try.  Her followers are the thieves and thugs who honestly DO want to see Val cheer up... or at least sober up because she's a dangerous drunk.  Valiant finally agrees to at least accompany Twilight and keep her from harm... but no promises!

Twilight, however, was at a loss.  First, there are only six elements of harmony, but eight princesses.  Secondly, Twilight was getting more and more warnings from Starlight and Sunburst about changes made to the future.  Changes which were getting worse and worse.

Princess Pinwheel was next on the list.  She seemed nice.  Her village was happy.  She wasn't mean or self obsessed.  She simply didn't see any reason to bother!  After all, everyone's happy.  They love her parties and fireworks and if people are happy, that's all that matters!  If something BAD is happening somewhere else, well she can't be everywhere.  Pinwheel's actually a deep well of insecurity and self denial.  don't do anything, focus on having fun, and you can never fail.

That is, of course, until Dawnstar sends golems to capture her.  Then Pinwheel demonstrates that it can be fun to fight!  Twilight, frustrated at the lack of any real progress and having NO idea where Celestia is, goes to Manehattan to try and convince another Princess to try and unify Equestria.  Manehattan is the largest village in Equestria, and ruled by Straight Edge, the Princess of Order.  Straight Edge has no desire to see Equestria unified under anyone other than her, but believes the failure and waste of the other princesses will mean her victory is inevitable.  And to demonstrate this, she tries to relieve Valiant of HER princess mantle.  Twilight, however, refuses to stand by even when Valiant says its fine, and its what she deserves.

Together, they flee the city.  Twilight is furious a pony like that could be a princess, but Valiant says she doesn't know what the chaos following Nightmare moon and Daybreaker was like.  Order is very appealing if it means you're sure of eating tomorrow.  Twilight isn't sure of she's being an idealist or unreasonable.  Valiant suggests they seek out Hawkeye, the last of their four friends.  No one knows where she's been all this time.  Twilight did remember seeing a tree like castle out in the Everfree though.

As they travelled out there, Dawnstar muses that Twilight's continued existence is evidence that somehow, there is a future in which she fails to become Equestria's sole princess.  She attempts to query Spike's soul in her amulet.  Spike, however, realizes that Dawnstar is trying to get information on the future and starts making up stories about Twilight's friends, the Powerponies, and the fearsome Humdrum the Magnificent.  Dawnstar seems to buy it.  Who knows what magic the future may hold... and thus starts to craft 'special' golems to emulate the powers Spike outlined, much to his chagrin.

Hawkeye was the element of kindness.  She cared for all of her friends, fought hardest to try and keep them together, and was hurt the most when they drifted apart.  She lives alone with her animals who will never hurt her again.  As far as she's concerned, they can all just jump in a lake.  Twilight tries to convince Valiant to apologize, but Valiant refuses, claiming that it wouldn't mean anything anymore, there's no point, and she really regrets following Twilight around.  She leaves to go get drunk, and Twilight's left alone in the Everfree.

Twilight has no idea where 'Princess Terra' might be found.  She goes to the dormant tree of harmony to mope.  There's no element of harmony to guess off of either.  Twilight is bummed that the elements didn't make people better.  That she really expected ponies to BE better, but Starlight gently corrects her that 'better' is subjective.  Heck, once she thought better was no more cutiemarks.  You can be wrong without being evil.  It was just about a chance, and a change in perspective.  Starburst, watching the map though, has a clue: a giant stone tower rising where Canterlot lay.

Twilight goes into the crystal caverns under Canterlot and finds at its core lies a palace of cold crystal inhabited by batponies (because I want bat ponies, damn it!) and the melancholic Princess Terra on her throne of diamond.  Twilight approaches her about her problem and Terra is unmoved... because she thinks there's no point.  She's not a new princess... she's an old one.  Celestia and Luna's elder sibling.  She'd been an Earth Pony when they'd come together, and while Celestia enjoyed ruling and Luna was neglected, she remained apart, not wanting to be bothered with it all.  She'd seen Luna falling and did nothing till it was too late.  She watched Celestia fall as well, before being banished to the east.  She would remain here with her people till the Nightmare claimed her too.  It was inevitable.

Utterly failed, Twilight is bummed when the first of Dawn's special golems tries to take her out.  She manages to weaken Matterhorn with the reflective crystals and defeats it.  In a huff, she challenges Terra and says if she's not going to get off her butt and do something with her power, then Twilight would like to use it.  Twilight argues that there's a future where princesses aren't driven mad by magic and Nightmares are dealt with by Luna.  Terra agrees to give Twilight her power.  If she cares... if she truly believes she can do better... if she's willing to accept the risk... she'll pass Twilight her mantle.  Twilight becomes  a ruby and amethyst winged alicorn once again.

Twilight comes to the aid of Sweetie Pop, who is dealing with Dawnstar's Golems.  The unicorn is quite put out that Twilight was more generous than her, but admits that without her, she might have been captured and concedes that she owes Twilight.  Twilight rejects this.  You don't help for points.  you help because it's the right thing to do, and leaves Sweetie with somethings to think about.

Then Celestia returns with an armada of ships and zebras to retake Equestria.  The first usurper she sees to target?  Why, the crystaline alicorn she doesn't recognize.  Twilight tries to plead her case to Celestia, but she's skeptical.  Time travel?  Advice from the future?  Powers taken from her sister?  It all seems too much.  Meanwhile, Straight Edge has had enough chaos in Equestria, thank you very much!  If Sweetie needs a lunatic to protect her, then Straight Edge will do it for her and divest her of her mantle as well.

At this point the story becomes 'stuff happens'.  Eventually Twilight gets each of the friends to admit that mistakes require forgiveness.  That goodness isn't found in taking score and counting points.  Hawkeye helps drag Valiant out of her despair, and that you have to be loyal to yourself too.  Pinwheel sees that laughter and joy is the goal rather than the distraction.  And finally even Dawnstar admits that maybe her solution isn't making anything better (thanks to talks with Spike (and Starlight), who she eventually releases from the amulet).

Of course Straight Edge is having NONE of it.  Mercy is not justice.  Second chances are simply second opportunities to fail.  One strike and you're out.  She's better, tougher, more disciplined, and the ruler Equestria needs.  The final confrontation takes place and the princesses give their mantles to Celestia.  Straight Edge's soul is trapped within the amulet and the war comes to an end.  Starlight confirms: the future is finally stabilized the way it should be... only Twilight gets Celestia to reconnect with Terra so there's batponies (because I want my bats, damn it!)  Twilight realizes that if this whole conflict is recorded, she might not ever try to learn about it.  Celestia and the others pen biographies of the era, sealing them away in a time capsule.

Twilight, her own mantle restored, 'discovers' the history of 'the dark age of Equestria' for all to learn from.  And the story ends there.