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Page 0 - 9 remake (Patreon)

Published:
2018-07-29 00:10:28
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

And here's the next one. I can't post the last two on the site because of duplicated text... Gotta work on the next one! 

Files

Previews only

Comments

Sakumbi

My two yen, The flow of the text is a bit rough on this one. Maybe it is just me, but I found this one rather difficult to follow.

replay
>>14218114

Ooh thanks for the feedback, is it the dialogue itself or the position of the bubbles?

GhostlyYorick
>>14218114

The "Why..." and the "Nah..." bubbles seem to come after the "And..." because of vertical placement. Also reading from left to right. The "And..." seems to me a little disjointed from the other two. Maybe "By the way" instead of "And"...? I don't know

Sakumbi
>>14218114

Mostly the bubble position. It is hard to tell if you start with the "Why" or the "And man...". I'm looking for left-to-right top-to-bottom, so I'd normally start with the "Why", but in this case it is so low I'm thinking maybe I'm suppose to skip it and start at the top and come back to it. The "And man" phrasing is also just odd enough to be really unhelpful in clarifying this quickly. (Also I've been reading a lot of manga so I'm use to the right-to-left top-to-bottom flow there and that didn't help me any. The bubbles almost look laid out for a right-to-left top-to-bottom flow.)

replay
>>14218114

Ok yeah... I can see what you mean. Thanks! I'll see if I can position it differently!