Who Da Boss Lady? 45 (Patreon)

Commissioned by InfiniteChaosRai

Who Da Boss Lady?

Chapter 45

-VB-

It appeared without even triggering his sensor net. 

It appeared without making him notice.

It appeared and he almost thought that this was a natural occurrence.

It came into existence and tried to make him forget why he was here. 

If Kisuke wasn’t prepared for this, then he might have fallen for it. 

But he had been prepared. 

And that was the problem. 

Because he was prepared, he saw the creature for what it was, and now knowing what it was, he wished that all of his earlier fears had been real instead of this. 

A Puppet Scenario was the worst case scenario that he thought of before now. In it, a void entity would have direct influence over an individual or a group or have a very small portion of themselves in the material world. And this did not apply to every single void intrusion. There were lesser creatures that also presented a threat by their very nature, but those could be taken care of, even at high cost. 

The entities that necessitated a Puppet Scenario designation for the scenario were those that were intelligent and aware. Those that were capable of planning. 

This… was both that and so much more. 

“Ah, Miss Clarinette. Can you introduce … the doll?” he asked as politely as possible. “She seems very unique.” And fumbled his words. Unique? Good going, Kisuke. That’s how you died, calling a Void Entity “unique.” 

The doll turned to look at him. 

Still, it felt like he should be looking at the situation as if it was normal. That’s what was being insisted by the doll. He couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t see it. But he knew from his own observations that nothing in front of him was normal.

And the least of which was the still flailing tentacles on the rabbit corpse. 

The problem for him was that he didn’t feel safe enough to disengage. Like any sudden movement would send the void entity in front of him, something greater than any captain-class shinigami or even the captain-general, into a frenzy. 

So diplomacy! 

Yes, he was a helpful uncle. Who was caught staring at an underage kid playing in her backyard. 

… Maybe let’s not start with that. 

“This is … my mascot, Venalita,” Clarinette said after a while with a drained look of resignation. Her shoulders drooped as if she was carrying the weight of the world. 

‘Depending on what she has been doing to keep this creature in line, she very well might be.’

“Well, hello~! It’s wonderful to meet you!” he grinned as he pulled out his signature fan and snapped it open in front of his face. “I am -.”

“Urahara Kisuke.”

He froze. 

The doll looked at him with a blank face. 

“How did you know~?” he asked with a gasp, trying to play up being “innocently” and not “threateningly” surprised. 

Because this felt like a threat. 

“Venalita” grinned. “Mar- Clarinette-chan told me! We’ve got a telepathy thing going on between the two of us!” she then giggled and spun around in a vertical circle once. 

But he knew what it was trying to do. Trying to be playful after it threatened him. 

By why did it feel the need to threaten him? A Void Entity can’t die or suffer like normal mortals or even magical and spiritual beings can. Even gods can die. Void entities cannot. 

So -.

Then his eyes drifted to Clarinette, who began to scold the void entity as if that was the perfectly normal thing to do. 

Oh.

It was protecting her. 

But why? Was it because it found Clarinette amusing or … because it planted something inside of her? Like a seed? It was not an uncommon strategy for void entities that couldn’t fully enter the material world. They would plant a seed and slowly convert the “soil” into a vessel capable of housing more of their essence. 

.. This wasn’t a Puppet Scenario as he had feared. It was worse. 

This was an Adoption Scenario. 

His hands slid down slowly as he talked with the two of them.

Don’t.

He mentally froze even as he shifted his hands around. 

‘That wasn’t my voice.’

A shiver ran down his spine. 

The doll glanced at him while it explained what it meant by a “rival” for Clarinette. 

Mind your own business.

‘There it is again.’

And he realized what it was.

Despite the fact that he was one of the most experienced shinigami captains alive with more knowledge, research, and experience into all manners of disciplines including mental protection, the void entity ignored it all as if he was a neophyte. 

Did it even know that he had personal protections for mental and spiritual intrusions alike? Did it even sense them? Feel any resistance? 

“So what were you two doing?” it suddenly asked before it finally spotted the dead rabbit with tentacles growing out of it. “Umm. Mar- Clarinette-chan, I wholly support your hobbies and whatnot, but those tentacles are too small for **** and ***.” Then it paused as both Kisuke and Clarinette stared at her with wide eyes. “Oh! I get it, you were trying to make a ball of tentacles to *** and **, right? Maybe even a little sucker for **** so that you can -!” 

Clarinette, whose face started growing red the longer Venalita talked, reeled her right fist back and decked the perverted doll right in the face.

“NO!” Clarinette nearly shrieked with a face glowing red. “No no no no no no!”

The doll floated back up uneasily (no doubt trying to sell the idea that she got hit and was hurt, and thus normal). “Then why’d you make tentacles on a corpse? Necrophilia is the best kind of guilt-free -.”

Kisuke winced when the magical girl decked her mascot again, this time harder and with more than a smidgen of magical power behind it. The doll squawked like a duck upon hitting the ground hard enough that the soil cratered under her. 

He was very tempted to gloss over this, but he knew that it too had to be the void entity’s doing. He was going to have to report this both to Satan Serafall and his own higher-ups. 

“Come on, Clarinette~! Young girls like you and I are always up to have some fun!”

CRACK!

He wasn’t sure if this was a show put on for him or a regular and legitimate interaction between the two.

And just as he was about to leave, he felt it. 

Someone’s gaze locked onto him.

Stay. We will talk.

‘… Figures that this was going too well.’