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The Toy's Toy, ch. 3 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-09-27 01:59:53
Edited:
2022-09-27 17:03:26
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Content

So yeah, more Devon, more Brian! More to come!

Comments

WDB

"More to come" INDEED.

skinnyrandompatron

Is there anything going to happen? Because so far it seems like its a very long repitition of the one-sentence-joke told in the description ("what if a horny slave was given to a good/boring guy? Hihi"). Its one sentence stretched out over three chapters, while nothing whatsoever actually happens. Chapter 3 could replace Chapter 1 and readers would not even notice, because nothing is happening (the story would really work just as well if it started with this chapter, which to me is a signal that something is not working out. Compare that to your other stories, where it would not work at all). There are no stakes, no character development, no actual plot, even the dialog is a bit repetitiv ("iam horny. He is just so dumb. I wanna murder his ass for being so dumb. I cant because iam a horny slave." Rinse and repeat.) So far this joke seems to be good for a short story, but you seem intent to make it into one of your novellas. Please, give me anything that is exiting, because its really quite boring to read in effect the same chapter with the same storybeats (e.g. a reflection on how weak and horny she is) three times. Gimme some stakes! Some emotional investment! Anything!