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Lacey (Patreon)

Published:
2022-10-15 02:44:58
Edited:
2022-10-15 02:45:21
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Content

I know I say all the time that "omg I did something weird and you probs won't like it" but I really, really mean it this time. I'm not sure this story even qualifies as erotica, except maybe by subject matter, the same way watching that clip of Adriana Chechik break in half in a ball pit isn't porn despite it being a video of a porn star. (Also, man, that sucks. Poor lady.)

Anyway, this is a thing I wrote that you can choose to ignore and you will miss nothing. I promise. There will be no spinoffs, sequels, prequels, AUs, fan fic or easter eggs, ever. If you do read, and you do want context, I'll explain what the hell motivated this in the comments below. tl;dr I'm having a bad week, and instead of The RA or commissions or more Devon and Brian, you get this dumb turd of a thing because I didn't know how to process.

Those good things soon to come. Have happy beautiful autumn/spring weekends, according to your hemisphere of habitation, folks.

Comments

icebear

My dog of 13 years, Captain Bananas, died on April 1st of this year. I'm sure I bitched about it at the time. It sucked. A few weeks later, I felt like I was coping enough to bring in a new puppy, Mayhem. (Originally Lieutenant Mayhem, eventually Vice President Mayhem.) After months of coaching her through all the usual puppy issues, we were finally turning her into a thing with more merit than its mere cuteness. However, Mayhem is part coon hound, and perhaps because of that, or perhaps because she simply likes to interact with every moving thing in the world, she has been fixated on my cat, murder, since the day she came home. As she grew bigger (just over 50 lbs now!), she's continued to be ultra-playful with our other dog, but has also gotten increasingly bold with the cat. Stomping, nipping, chasing, getting so freaking excited she piddles all over the place routinely. After six months, we've sadly had to accept that we just can't get her to respect the cat's sovereignty, and in a tragic case of first come first served, we've come to realize we need to rehome Mayhem somewhere she won't be ruining some innocent creatures life and/or ending it. So... yeah. I'm giving away my sweet, cuddly, wonderful puppy, who's loved me with all her heart since the minute I scooped her up and took her away from her foster home. She never did anything wrong that she could control, and she did so so so much right, and at the risk of sounding ever so slightly melodramatic, I've been dying inside and hate myself and the powers that be in equal measure. But none of that changes that one of these days, my puppy will be gone forever. To a great new home and great new owner, I'm sure, but yeah. Fuck the world a little bit. And this ridiculous story is what came of it, and if you came away like "wtf is wrong with my smut peddler" you are right to feel that way, and I'll be back in writing shape soon.

icebear

And please please please don't feel obligated to offer condolences - I know from all my past whining that you folks are awesome and supportive and wish me well. If you want to commiserate, feel free, but know that I'm not fishing for pity or anything. Just trying to cope, and figured I wrote a thing, and it has a bimbo in it, so I supposed it's my job to share.

WDB

This is one of my favorite stories you've ever written.

Thor Hansen

Totally though you were going to have a very cynical ending, but Hallmark sweet as ever.