WAR: What Is it Good For 5 (Patreon)

Kenneth stared at the outstretched hand for a second, already imagining his Ma pulling his ear if he even dared. "Yeah... I'm not gonna do that, Father." His dad may have not been big on church anything but his mom was Irish Catholic, through and through, and some things were just burned too deep to ignore. 

He took the man's hand with his good one, feeling calluses that shouldn't be there on a priest's palm. "Mighta been a minute since my last Mass, but my moms'll pop me in the head if she heard I called a Father by his government. Kenneth King, by the way."

The priest's grip was firm, hand warmer than it should've been in the damp chill. "But you can call me Kenny."

"Kenneth." Father Keane rolled the word around like he was tasting it, just a little thoughtful as he nodded his head. Ken caught the soft brogue in his accent, familiar current that reminded him of Ma's voice on the rare occasions she'd talk about her own mother. "A handsome name. 'Born of fire,' are ye?"

"...You tell me, Irish priest. Words were out of Kenneth's mouth before his brain could stop them, defensive teenage bullshit rising up automatic. “Way to live up to the stereotype, man." His eye twitched like a tweaker, already regretting everything that he just said. Nigga, the fuck?

Father Keane's smile actually seemed to gain some real amusement. "Ah, well. Some of us are doomed to be archetypes." He gestured to the folding chair across from Kenneth. "Please. Sit."

Kenneth watched him pull up another chair, metal legs scraping loud and grating against the stone. The priest leaned forward, hands clasped between his knees, expression turning way too serious as that weariness in his eyes seemed to deepen.

"Vampires are real," he said, words simple and direct. No room for doubt.

"Yeah, no sh-" Kenneth cleared his throat, curse dying before it could form completely. Force of habit. Swearing in a church, even a creepy murder-basement church, felt wrong in ways he couldn't explain. "I mean, I figured... somehow... it just seemed logical..."

The father raised a patient eyebrow, waiting.

Kenneth felt heat crawl up his neck all of a sudden, feeling even dumber as the nuns sent him the most Catholic-looking glares he could only imagine in his worst nightmares.

"...s-sorry, go ahead."

Father Keane nodded his way, the man still smiling.

The man of God then took a breath and did exactly what Kenneth expected him to do, continuing his lesson as calmly as before, even as his words somehow gained more power to each and every syllable. "The truth of this city is not what you know, what you have been led to believe. It is home to monsters and it has always been home to those very same monsters. Blüdhaven is not merely the ground they hunt in, not a city of man, but in truth, a charnel house built for the denizens of the dark, those bloodsucking fiends that call themselves by the title vampire.” 

Brown eyes behind clear glasses remained firmly locked on him as the father leaned forward ever so slightly. “And you, son, by causing the death of a fledgling from a rather rapacious coven, you have just painted a very large, very bright target on your back."

The words hit Kenneth's gut like stones dropping into empty water. A whole fuckin’ coven… 

It felt like getting told he had cancer. 

Great. Honestly, cancer sounded better. You could fight cancer. It could go into remission or whatever. He never heard of cancer trying to slurp you up like a fat-fingered five year old with a Capri-Sun.

So, not just some random bloodsucker in an alley looking for a quick snack. Double great. No, just fucking fantastic. Not like his life wasn't complicated enough already.

"This place..." Father Keane gestured around the stone basement, at the armed figures standing in the shadows like they were part of the furniture. "This sanctuary… For three centuries, a small section of the Church in this city has kept a watch that most never see. We are known as the Morituri: the Iscariot Mandate. With little assistance from the Holy See for good reason, we are those who stand ready to die, to embrace damnation for the sake of the mission. We embrace all sin and all sinners if we must to protect the souls of mankind in this city and save the souls of the undead who would claim their blood for sustenance."

The teenager just stared back, Cheesy Poofs forgotten where they were half-stuffed in the pocket of his black-and-red windbreaker. This… this…

This was insane.

Totally fucking retardedly insane.

A fucking comic book was actually his life now. 

No... not a comic book. Some really shitty, over-violent movie series he'd somehow become a character in. I… Me… We didn’t even like the DCAMU. That was a lie, a dirty fucking lie; he loved almost everything but the last movie. And that was only because it ended up a shitty fucking gorefest.

The kind where it might have been a better movie if everyone just died at the end. We just wanted to criticize it, not relive it. Ken felt his left eye twitching again, suddenly irritated for a whole new reason. Great, now I sound like fuckin’ Venom!

"This is no mere social club, my child," Father Keane nodded again, voice even more patient than Mr. Peterson, his 3rd period history teacher, explaining the Civil War to kids who'd rather be anywhere else. "The men and women who know this church as home and second home… it is a calling in their hearts. Brothers, sisters... and a few laypeople who have faced what the rest of the world calls myth. It is our chosen duty to heal, to protect, and when there is no other choice, we strike."

The father gestured with a single hand, pointing out the three stooges who'd saved Ken’s ass earlier tonight. Ken glanced over as both Lucky and Mey Mey waved back. "We call our lay hunters the Cross Cutters. We outfit them as best we can, but this is not a fight they are sworn to. It is a fight they choose."

"Best you can?" He couldn’t help the snort that left him, tone sharp and disbelieving. "Your guys tossed me in the back of a minivan. And not even a new one. The bumper was half-falling off, even. Thing smelled like jock straps and cheese."

Father Keane's smile came back, genuine this time, some of the weariness lifting from his eyes for a second. "The Lord provides, but he's rarely ostentatious with what he gives us. We make do, as is the way of good men. But before anything else… I must ask of you, my child," he leaned forward again, smile fading back to that serious expression. "The vampire you encountered yesterday, in the alley. The one you killed. How did you do it?"

Being put on the spot had the perfect effect of removing every smart thought you ever had in your head at once somehow. Even when you knew what to say, even when you knew what happened, stress was enough to fuck up every bit of brainpower somehow. 

Ken knew that well enough. He remembered it perfectly. That night in the alley, the magic napkin, the thing popping open with an impossible flash of light that turned the vampire version of Danny Zuko into kitty litter. The hell do I explain that?

"I... I think I'm a metahuman," The words came out unsure, each and every syllable feeling stupid on his tongue. Metahumans existed, sure. He’d seen them all over the news and online, and he had another sparse set of memories telling him they were real in this universe, but the idea that he was one of them... it didn't feel real, you know?

On top of that, it wasn’t like it was super strength or heat vision or any of that cool shit. 

Just weird maybe-magic(?) summoning powers that only worked when he was about to become somebody's dinner. What kind of bargain-bin supershit was that?

"We have some of your number among our ranks," Keane nodded, unsurprised. He gestured toward Tyke, who gave a short two-fingered wave from across the room.

"I'm kinda strong," Tyke said, voice a deep quiet rumble that Kenneth felt in his bones.

"...yeah, I figured, man," Kenneth sneered back, smirk going wider than he meant it to as he rolled his eyes. "That command-grab you pulled on Ms. Hot Topic kinda showed that, bruh."

Tyke almost smiled. Almost. "Don't know about 'command grab.' Just strong."

Kenneth shook his head, trying to focus back on Father Keane while his brain kept wanting to wander off and process how fucked up his life had become. "Yeah, but I think my ability is to summon things. But only when I'm about to die, I think."

"Pardon?" the father leaned in, brow furrowed behind those Harry Potter glasses of his.

"Yeah," Kenneth parroted, sounding like a broken record before he shook his head, trying to get his thoughts together. “TherewaslikeyouyougottaunderstandlikeIjust…” Words tumbled out in a rush, frantic attempt to make the impossible sound plausible in his own head, before Ken pulled it all back in with one tight but deep breath. 

Letting it all out a second later, he fixed the father in front of him with as serious a look as he could manage, trying to make it clearer than glass that he was not a bullshitter.

At least not right now.

"I mean, look... I… what happened was, that first guy… he died… I mean, I killed him. killed that first guy. By summoning the sun... kinda in a napkin? It was bright as hell. And then I got a crossbow to shoot the vampire goth girl... oh, shit, I forgot my crossbow."

Lke a turd somebody in church, the words dropped from his lips, the last sentence suddenly heavy and awkward. The work lights hummed just a bit too loud to be called quiet while Father Keane stared at him, expression unreadable behind those round glasses. 

The man didn’t look like he was calling him a liar; he didn’t even look like he was thinking it either.Skeptical, sure.

Maybe dismissive, a little.

But not completely, and Ken could work with that.

"Ah... well, not the strangest gift God has granted his children and certainly not the last,” the father clasped his hands together, light brown eyes fixed on Ken. “We know nothing until we see what else you can... summon, my child."

Kenneth felt the weight of every stare in the room all of a sudden as the reality of this whole thing hitting him, hard and heavy like Harry’s fist. I’m in too deep.

There was no doubt about that now. Kenny the Vampire Slayer. 

Only with no Joss Whedon to write him a way out of dying every episode. He had one real option, one terri-fucking-fying path right out in front of him.

"So what now?" The words scraped out barely above a whisper.

"Now," Father Keane said, voice still as soft as it always had been since Ken had first heard him speak. "Now is when you make a choice."

A choice.

Right. 

Like choosing between getting shot or getting stabbed was really a choice. It was either this or getting drained in some alley by another bloodsucker with a Hot Topic addiction. What are my options, huh? Join the cast of this low-budget horror movie or be the next victim listed in the opening credits. He glanced around, seeing nothing but hard faces, dark armor, and tired eyes staring back at him; eyes that had seen too much shit and kept going anyway.

He was already part of this whether he wanted to be or not.

"I'm in." The words tasted like something he might regret, slimy as he felt himself already wishing he gave it more thought, but too late anyway. "I'll join."

Father Keane gave a slow, solemn nod.

The moment he did, the world twisted.

Kenneth made a choked noise, hand going to his stomach as something inside his gut detonated, sudden alien warmth blooming in his stomach, nova of energy that was nothing like the cold dread or hot rage he knew. It rushed through his veins, silent roaring current, and with it came information. A tidal wave of it crashing into his skull, including a language he'd never learned but suddenly understood as smoothly and easily as he knew English.

What the f-

His vision went white for a split-second, faster than his lungs could suck in breath.

A split second later, the world snapped back but everything was different. 

Sharper. 

Someone had turned up the saturation and the contrast; everything suddenly bright, clear and incredibly defined. He could see individual dust motes dancing in the work light beams, the faint tremor in Lucky's hands as he messed with his weapon, even the way Mey Mey’s breathing hitched just a little bit as he met her eyes.

And he saw Father Keane's face, those tired eyes of his suddenly wide with a confusion that Ken didn’t understand. Kenneth blinked back at him, eyes going wide, and it was only when  the priest's eyes widened back that Ken realized the man was staring right back at him..

Huh? The teenager blinked and the world shifted again, everything slowing for a split fraction of a second before snapping back to normal, suddenly going from a nice crisp 720P all the way back to standard definition. What just happened to me? What's happening to my- "...nigga, the fuck?"

The nuns he'd forgotten about gasped, hands flying to crosses around their necks. Mey Mey’s jaw hung half open as Tyke’s eyes opened up a little, the big man no longer looking half-asleep all of a sudden.

Father Keane's tired face became a mask of deeper exhaustion, a different kind this time.

Ken’s eyes went wide as he realized what just slipped out.

Shit. Swearing at a priest in his own church. Ma would find a wooden spoon just to beat his ass with it if she ever found out.

"...I mean... sorry, Father."

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

Lifting the Masquerade: 100 NP

Be formally introduced to the dark world of Bludhaven

Roll: [Sharingan – Naruto] – 100

The Sharingan is a powerful dojutsu possessed by the Uchiha clan. Purchasing this grants you the Sharingan, and optionally, you may receive their bloodline. The main abilities it gives the user are the ability to see chakra, enhanced perception, proficiency in illusion techniques, and the ability to instantly learn anything they observe. While this does not extend to copying other abilities, skills such as martial arts are examples of what can be learned. These are the benefits you receive for buying the 100 CP option.

Man of the Cross: 150 NP

Join the local vampire hunters.

Roll: [Chakra – Naruto] – Costs 100CP

You gain access to the fundamental energy system of the ninja world. Chakra is formed from the combination of physical energy drawn from your body's cells and spiritual energy gained through training and experience. You can mold and manipulate this chakra to perform supernatural techniques. Your chakra reserves start at genin level but can be expanded through training and experience. You instinctively understand chakra control exercises and can learn to walk on water, climb walls, and perform the basic academy techniques. This perk is a prerequisite for learning most other ninja techniques.

Nexus Points: 250