WAR: What Is it Good For 10 (Patreon)

C’mon. C-c’mon…

The chakra wasn't enough. 

His heart was pumping fast as it ever had, flooding his whole body with it, all that blue power rushing through his veins. Push. He was three-four-four-and-a-half times stronger, all of a sudden, but it wasn’t enough.

Nothing… nothing was enough.

So much more than he was last week, a walking miracle of ninja bullshit, but it still wasn't enough to move the hand that had him choked up against the cinderblock wall. 

The monster wearing his best friend’s face had a grip like iron, that same grip making his lungs scream for air that wouldn't come.

"Question number one," Luigi's voice scraped wrong in his ears, nothing like what his friend sounded like. "Who the fuck sent you?"

What? Ken blinked, brain sputtering as it fought for oxygen. "The f-fuck you talkin' about?" He hated how pathethic he sounded, squeaking like a mouse.

Iron fingers tightened, nails digging into his neck as those red eyes burnt like coals shoved deep in his friend’s skull. "That's not an answer. I'm not here to answer your questions. I'm here to get what I need outta you ‘fore I kill you."

Kill me? It didn’t make sense. That his friend had been a vampire this whole time; since freshman year somehow. He’d seen him during the day, at night, in class and outside. Kill… 

No, it couldn’t be. This was Luigi. 

Luigi who… 

Weeg… the friend who drew wrestling masks on… what the fuck what th- "N-nobody sent me, bruh. No. Damn. Body."

"Lie." 

Pressure spiked, cranking up as something bright flashed behind his eyes. "More you lie, more I wanna kill you. You know how hard it is to dump a body ‘round here? There’s the lye, gotta get the tarp, whole fuckin’ thing."

Luigi laughed then, a sharp, unhinged sound, as the vampire covered his face with his free hand. "What’m I sayin'? ‘Course you know. You people probably experts at it."

Y-you people?

Luigi shook his head fast and furious as pale fingers flexed with the action. "Question two, fucker. How'd you find me?"

Ken choked, dizziness hitting him like a wave as the grip around his throat eased up just enough to let a trickle of air in. "...I... don't know what... what you—" Find who? Vampires? The Church guys? “...y- you're talking... a-about." 

The pressure slammed back down, and the world started to go black for real this time, his feet kicking under him as the vampire—the thing—lifted him up.

Luigi’s face was inches away now, Ken trying to fight but his sneakers doing nothing but kicking against the rough concrete. "Lie. Again with the fucking lies. You people… you fuckers just love doing that.”

You people you people you—

"Question three, and this one’s real important," the vampire’s voice dropped lower, rough and ragged as it growled through the syllables. "What'd you do to my friend?"

My friend? His panicked brain latched onto that, trying to put together what he meant. Goth girl? Greaser vamp? Was that who he meant?

"I... I..."

"Where is he?"

"I... it was... an acci—"

The monster slammed him back against the wall, skull against cinderblock with red eyes blazing. "What the fuck did you do with Kenny King?"

WHAT?

WH—

"...m-m-me... me, i'm..."

Vampire Luigi frowned, his head tilting, staring him dead in the eyes. "Speak the fuck up if you don't want to die."

Ken sucked in a ragged gasp of air. "Meeeee. I... I'm Kenny King. It's meeee."

The monster stared at him for a long silent second, those red eyes boring holes through his skull. Then he started laughing. Fuck. 

"Y-you fuckers... you're too good. Even when you're caught, you still pull this shit."

“P-pull what shit?"

"This shit," Luigi hissed, face twisting into something ugly; almost spitting as he spoke venom into Ken’s face with loathing that made his stomach flip. "This psychopathic lying fuckin' bullshit. I'm tired of it. I hate it. And I hate all of you. Your whole kind needs to be put in the fuckin' ground. And I wanna be the one to do it."

Your whole kind? Nothing was making sense, Ken's brain scrambling for purchase on something, anything that made sense. "Bruh, I ain't do a thing." What kind? Black kids? Poor kids? What the fuck is he talking about?

"You stole my best friend's body or face or whatever the fuck you things do. I don't care. I just want to know if he's still alive."

Things? Ken's brain hiccupped on that word. Shapeshifter? Demon? "...I am?" The words came out strangled, confused as hell.

"Not for long if you don't tell me what you did to him."

"Nothing." Because I am him!

Luigi scoffed, nodding like Ken had just proved his point. "I hear you. You need some incentive. I hear you."

"I don't think you d-"

"Vita in Cineres," Luigi's voice dropped into something ancient and wrong, the words scraping against Ken's ears as those red eyes flared even brighter, burning into his as the vampire refused to break eye contact. "Ferrum in carne—digitos mei fulciantur, ungues ferrent: Ferromanis Cineris."

What the fuck what the… Ken's eyes went wide as Luigi's free hand started changing, fingernails going black as ink, stretching out, sharpening into obsidian claws that looked like they could punch through car doors. 

"How 'bout this?" Luigi raised the clawed hand, index finger extended like a scalpel. "You lie again, I take out one eye."

"N-no... nonononono—" The word tumbled out automatic, panic flooding his system with ice water. 

"You lie a second time," he kept going, voice sweet and calm like this wasn’t a conversation about torture, "I'll let you keep your second."

Pleasepleasepleasepleaseno. His thoughts had never been more focused, and at the same, never been more scattered either. Nononononono

"I'll just slit your throat and call it even, how 'bout that?"

"Please, d-don't, bruh..." Desperation scraped his throat raw, words falling apart as terror took over his motor functions. "I-I'm begging you, I don't... please..."

"Tell me what I wanna know. Simple as."

"I... I don't know what you wanna know, bruh. You not making sense right now, bruh, I... on my mama... I don't kn-" 

"Where is my best friend?"

"I... Weegeeee, bruh..."

Something sad flickered behind those red eyes, Luigi’s hard face going a little softer out of nowhere. "I figured," he whispered, the claw already inching closer.

Bruh, is this it? Am I about to die in this bitch... again? He ran through everything in his head to throw anything at the wall, a desperate data-dump of every shared memory he had. Think, dipshit, think. What would only Kenny King know?

"SALLY SONIC!"

Luigi froze, black nail barely a half-inch away from taking an eye "...huh?"

"Your favorite pornstar is... S-Sexy Sally Sonic," The words tumbled out over each other, leaving his mouth in several hard gasps. Please let this work please let this—

"How the fuck..." Luigi's mouth fell open. "Who told y-"

"You did! You fuckin' did! Last year, after we skipped fifth period to watch WrestleMania at your place! You said you had a crush on her!" The memory came flooding back, sitting on Luigi's busted couch, sharing a bag of Cheetos while Triple H beat the shit out of somebody.

"No, fuck... no way... the only person that knows i-"

"Me! Me! Meeeeeeee! I'm the only person that knows that!"

Luigi stared, mouth still hanging open, red in his eyes flickering with confusion that might have been hope.

"You like redheads," Ken babbled, words spilling out in a life-saving stream. Keep going keep going keep going. "A lot. And you like her old-timey accent 'cause she sounds kinda British and you like her 'cause she has abs and also... 'cause she has big tits, but that's like... not really the main-"

"...bullshit."

"Nah, they're some fat fuckin' titties, bruh.”"No, no, you… you shut the fuck up right now," Luigi whispered, his voice shaking as his grip wavered just as much around Kenny’s neck. "Shutupshutupshutup... there's no way."

"Way. Way. Very way. Gerard Way. It's me, Weeg." He tried to grin past the pain. “It’s Black Mario.”

"No..."

"Kickball Kenny. Remember 9th grade, you kicked the ball over the fence and it hit that little girl’s poodle and we bought her ice cream. You know me, man."

Luigi shook his head, the grip on his throat going from iron to cardboard but those sharp black nails still ready, still waiting. "No fucking way... No… no effing way. You think I'm a fuckin'… tard? Like, I'm gonna believe that. Okay, so you got into my browser history. One of you figured out technology. Whoopty-fuckin-do, but I'm not fallin' for that. You people gotta try harder next time. Like Kenny King's just gonna pop out of nowhere with a set of Mystic Eyes."

"...the fuck are Mystic Eyes, bruh?"

Luigi scoffed again. "See, lies again. You slipped up and used them for a second when Kostas was trying to swing at you."

"...y-you mean my Sharingan?"

"...Sharingan?" Luigi blinked slowly, the word foreign in his mouth as he mouthed it almost three more times before speaking again. "Th-that Japanese? 'Mirror Wheel Eye'?"

"...yeah?"

Luigi leaned in close, so close their faces were almost touching, and Ken could see the real Luigi looking right back at him. "...Kenny?"

Ken let out a shaky, shuddering breath. "...yeah."

"...the fuck?"

"That's what I've been saying."

The stairwell door creaked open, both of them going quiet as their heads snapped up to the very top of the stairs. Shit. 

A younger teacher, a pair of thick round glasses only just a little bit bigger than her eyes were wide, stood there completely frozen. Her face a bright, flustered red, nothing but half-mumbled gibberish made its way out of her mouth "I... oh my... wow... I…"

Green and red eyes widened at the same damn time both of them suddenly realizing exactly what this could look like. His friend suddenly let go of his neck and jumped back, waving his hands like a maniac. "No, no, nononoo-" 

The teacher didn't wait for an explanation. Shaking her head faster than even Luigi, she just squeaked and ran out, the door slamming shut behind her.

Once again, they were alone. "...fuuuuuuck."

Ken winced, rubbing the raw, bruised skin of his neck. 

Then, out of nowhere, a laugh broke out in the stairwell.

Ken let out a low hiss of air as Luigi didn’t stop either, the other boy just going all in; a wheezing, gasp of a laugh with him half-bent-over, hands on his knees.

Ken shot him a hard look, his voice still raspy.. "What's so funny with your Dracula ass? They're gonna think we're on that gay shit, bruh."

Luigi looked up, wiping a tear from his eye, his laughter finally dying down. He shrugged, a gesture so familiar, so Luigi, it almost made Ken’s head spin. "I just... I can't believe I was gonna kill you."

Ken's eyes narrowed again, still on guard as he remembered he was still alone in a basement with something that was very much not human. "...yeah, me neither."

Luigi just shook his head. "Wow... anyway, how long you been a Magus, man?"

Ken blinked. "...the fuck you talking 'bout, bruh?"