Massive Disaster 5-1 (Patreon)

Three hours.

Nearly a full hundred and eighty minutes of oxygen converted into carbon dioxide and released along a mouthful out pure unadulterated bullshit.

A heavy hand pushed aside a set of double doors open with enough force that the hinges complained, Zedd striding out the doors and not bothering with so much as a look back. The weight of the Civilian Council Chamber was something he left behind him, shaking his hand as he immediately decided that any memory of the people in charge of Eden Prime was not something he wanted to waste precious mindspace on.

Waste.

Cobalt blue soles hit the polished marble of the corridor, the sound of his boots a crisp loud click-clack rhythm.

“Zee.”

He pulled in a breath to keep from sighing out loud, the tone coming from behind him one he was too familiar with; the exact same kind of tone he heard trying to talk him down from a ledge or a war crime. “Zee.”She was half a step behind him, close enough he could smell the scent of citrus-and-sea-salt just over his left shoulder; the very same expensive aroma he’d grown used to over the last couple years — ‘a more professional fragrance for a more professional me’.

“Don’t.” He cut her off without breaking stride, blue lenses catching the glare of the Eden Prime sun breaking the horizon through the floor-to-ceiling glass. Zedd Victors kept pace down the elevated hallway, already irritated from doing these ungrateful idiots a favor by starting a meeting a five in the fuckin’ AM to avoid ‘unwanted attention’. “Don’t you dare give me the ‘diplomacy takes time’ speech, Neen. I literally wrote the goddamn company handbook you’re about to quote. It was shit corpo-platitudes then and it’s shit corpo-platitudes now.”

“Would you j-just, oooooh,” her cheeks puffed out the way they always did when she made that sound, the mature and professional Director-General doing her best impression of a baby chipmunk as she scuttled forward in heels. “You’re just as infuriating, you know that?”Stubby legs are still stubby legs, even when enhanced. “I’ve been told that. By you.” He scoffed the last word as punctuation, hands finding his pockets. “Often.”The sound of a snort from his right side had Nina shoot a glare across his chest. “Don’t you dare encourage him.”

His gaze darted down to the woman trying to get his attention as her head snapped back to face him, her black heels a frantic counter-beat to his boots. “Encouragement or not, I’m not gonna pretend like I’m the one in the wrong here, Nina.” “L-look, you can’t just drop a binary on them like that, a bomb in the middle of… of…” She frowned, clearly searching for a word.“... of a delicate political system?” He offered the term, fighting the smile on his face. He didn’t blame her; Nina had been running talks hours before he’d even gotten to the colony early this morning and before this, she hadn’t slept in nearly twenty-four.She shot him a look; half-scowl, half-sneer, all Herra attitude. “Thank you. A delicate political ecosystem is exactly what it is and saying ‘Join me or die’ is exactly how you don’t enter it.” 

“I didn’t say that.” He didn’t, honest. “What I said was…”

“Your best options without the VCA’s mantle are a slow bleed-out or a quick end.” 

Zedd nodded slowly, hissing a little as his exact words were echoed back to him by his personal ninja-guard a full ten paces back. “Thank you, Kai.” Tilting his head back to Nina, he let his glasses drift down enough to look the small woman in the eyes. “See, I didn’t say what you said I said.”

“You know exactly what you meant.”“Is it exactly what I said?”“Said, meant, what-ev-er,” Nina almost huffed all three syllables on the last word, sounding like she was on her last pace of a marathon. “It’s a sh… it’s a bad slogan anyway.”

“Not a slogan, okay.” A sigh finally forced its way out of him. “Let’s be real right now. It's a weather forecast.”

With another sigh, Zedd came to a full and sudden stop.

The sudden lack of motion nearly sent Nina stumbling past him, two twin sets of footsteps catching his rhythm and ceasing barely a half-second after his did; one always at his six, and the other firmly at his three. A shock of hair so blue it was quite literally bioluminescent (if only barely) bounced just at the edge of his field of vision, a blue-veined hand passing him a NicStic he took without a word.

Zedd placed a quiet kiss on her forehead before turning around to look at his girlfriend and appointed spokesperson, the silver frames of his glasses sliding down his nose as he put the e-cigarette in his mouth. “Why did we take a full twenty-hour trip to get here?”Now it was Nina’s turn to sigh, her own glasses (as unnecessary as they were) taking a similar trip down the bridge of her nose. “Because we wanted to get Eden Prime to join u-”“No, Nina, we,” one finger came up in a quick twirl as he took a quick pull of Adele’s stupidly contagious addiction, “took a twenty-hour trip to the fucking space boonies because you…” Blue hued smoke found its way out of his nostrils as he looked at the shrinking form of his Director General. “Zedd…”“No, Nina, you…  you promised me that these farming fucks were ready to sign on the goddamn dot and three hours later, I’ve wasted the travel time because of what?” Another pull had the blue fill his lungs, a hand rubbing his arm in gentle but strong motions that did the job of pulling him back down to the ground; I know, I know, I’m not that mad.…okay, that was a lie, he was. Absolutely raging, even.

It just really wasn’t Nina he was mad at. No, not even close.“Because of what, Nina?” Still, she asked for the job, so points had to be made.He watched the small woman fix her glasses, a half-lidded glare aimed his way that told him he’d be paying for this conversation later in some shape or form. “Because of the Beacon.”“Because of the Beacon,” Zedd parroted, pulling the NicStic from his lips just as the end died down from his last breath. The taste hung in his mouth, blue raspberry; a stark third favorite, but he was switching it up anyway.

“Nina, look at this place.” One hand went wide, the lush rolling red hills of Eden Prime visible on both sides of the floor-to-ceiling glass. “It’s fragile. It’s a photo-op. It’s farmland with a flag, and right in the middle of it, right before we got here…” Zedd barely held back a laugh, too irritated to find it funny, yet the humor still fighting him anyway, “they found a goddamn Beacon.” 

Here, he shook his head, of all the places. I mean, the goddamn odds. It’s like the galaxy is on a dedicated mission to fuck me in the ass. Considering what those things were, he knew he had at most a couple hours before the Alliance got here, and maybe a full thirty-six before the Council came kicking down colony doors.

And that was only if they were lazy about it. A fucking miracle nobody leaked it on the extra, already.

“A galaxy-spanning dinner bell just rang,” one pointer finger tapped out a lazy rhythm right above his right temple, “and I’m Council enemy number one served up on a plate. You see how that fucks me over, babydoll?”“... I thought the rule was no pet names during work hours.”The smile he tilted her way did not match the tiredness behind his eyes and he knew that; Zedd all too thankful that his glasses did more than just protect him from glare. “Yeah, I can’t help. I get fucked over a table and I just get all lovey-dovey.”“...you’re not funny.”He allowed himself that laugh — finally — a half second before the e-cigarette found itself back where it belonged. “We both know that’s a lie.”“Alright, all-riiiiight,” A hand found itself on his chest with a grunt, the last syllable stretching itself out as someone stepped between him and the shortstack he called ‘sweetheart’ and pushed.

Or at least tried to. “Can we both calm down before you start hate-fucking in the hallway?” Nina spluttered sounds that had no actual language portion to them, the woman in the perfectly pressed pantsuit staring wide-mouthed at the blue-haired biotic glaring at both her and him.“During work hours?” Zedd snorted again as Kira focused her glare entirely on him. “Okay, I’ll pull it back.”

Kira rolled her bright blue eyes as she shifted, arms folding across her chest and hiding the white ‘VI’ logo from sight. “Anyway, he’s right, Nin. It’s not your fault, but I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t fucked to shit right now.” “Thank.” He pulled in another mouthful of blue. “You.”“Shut. Up.” A hand squeezed his arm, much more force than before in Kira’s grip this time. “That beacon’s more of a bomb than anything Zedd said in there and he said a lot. Either way, we’re looking at… I don’t know,” the former N7 shook her head, the newly natural blue hue of her hair shimmering with the motion, “Maybe two, three SPECTREs, Alliance could throw like five or six N7 over here. And that’s before they send a small fleet to ‘secure the asset’.”

Zedd brought his hands together, a single clap loud and echoey in the space. “That’s the real bomb here, Neen. And I’m not gonna have myself or the VCA tied up with that.”

Before Nina could say anything back, a sound came down the hallway from their back, the click-click-click of rapid footsteps. Not too quick or composed, more the frantic, uncoordinated rhythm of someone who ran offices, not miles.

His head went back, Zedd exhaling blue towards the too-high ceiling of the Eden Prime Council building. “Tell me that’s not who I think it is.”

“Mr. Victors! Director-General Herra!”

The “fuck” that slid out of him as he spun on his heel was loud enough to make the jogging woman slow down, wide eyes blinking like he’d just slapped her across the face. Dressed in beige formal wear that clearly wasn’t designed for anything above a slow stroll, the woman’s blotchy red face looked like it had aged a good five years in the last five minutes. “Please,” Morrison wheezed, one hand pressed to her sternum. “You… you can’t just walk out. We haven’t concluded.”

“I concluded.” His voice was as flat as the ninja, perfect recreation of Kai’s cadence coming naturally to him after a near half-decade around the man. “I don’t have time for noise.”

Morrison’s eyes slid off him, immediately turning to Nina with a sad look. Smart. Go for the empathy play. 

“Director-General, you must understand. The Alliance… We can’t just give up a discovery like this to a… a private entity.”

Nina’s posture shifted; shoulders back and chin up as her powerful pout gave way to the poised politician. “Councillor Morrison, like our honored CEO said, we’re not asking for you to give us the beacon. We’re asking for you to give up the beacon.” She nodded her head as the woman flinched, Zedd’s lips twitching at Nina’s quick reversal of the woman’s attempt to muddy already clear waters. “All we’re asking is for you to prioritize your survival.”

“I-I-I understand, but…” the woman breathed out, a clear tightness to her voice that wasn’t just from the quick walk to catch up. “But making that a requirement seems… well, it seems like a bit of an overstep.The beacon-”

“Is a target,” Zedd interrupted, the grin on his face nearly as forced as Nina’s work voice. “You don’t really seem to understand the situation and my Director is a bit too diplomatic to say it, so I’ll do us all a favor and cut the shit clean.”

The woman flinched, shrinking back as his shadow fell over her; six-foot-two and two-hundred-eighty-pounds of enhanced muscle and mass doing work for him.

“Anya, right now, that thing is sitting in a dig site guarded by what?” He smiled past the e-cig in his mouth. “A solid few dozen of your militia, a couple of the best security mechs you could afford, and a perimeter fence a stiff breeze could knock over?”

He didn’t need the woman to confirm his guess considering the way she paled, eyes wide and watery behind her glasses. “That’s n-”“Nothing that would matter.” Zedd clicked his tongue, the NicStic in his hand as he exhaled another mouthful of candy-flavored smoke. “Like, to anyone. You want the prestige that comes with being the colony they found a relic on. Great, but I’m trying to have you not be a slave to a bunch of aliens that’ll take the shit and leave you dry.”“They… they wouldn’t.”

“They absolutely would,” Kira’s voice drifted in from the side. “There’s a thing called a Council Security Quarantine. At best, Eden Prime would have spent the next six standard years with Turian ships always in orbit, all travel controlled for at least two. Suspension of colonial authority is always the standard move.”“And the Alliance?” Watching the hope drain out of the woman’s face wasn’t fun, but he couldn’t deny that it made this whole trip feel a bit more worth it. “They’ll roll over and show their bellies for a rub, because something public like this… no chance…” He shook his head again, the raw annoying truth of it fighting the almost-real smile he wore. “Because sacrificing one colony’s autonomy is cheaper than tanking their position with their bird bosses, okay?”The woman had to be near fifty… “Wh… Bu… I…” but she looked so much younger, at least two decades of local political ladder climbing giving way under the truth of the galaxy. “That can’t…”“This whole thing’s a goddamn game, Anya.” She looked up at him. “And VI… with the VCA… we’re not gonna pretend like we’re making you a player but we will do our best to keep you on the board.” 

Nina stepped into the gap, smooth as silk, a smile on her face as sweet as those damn sugar cubes she sucked to nothing on stress days. “All you have to do is convince the rest of them in there, Councillor. Blueguard assets can be in orbit in twenty-four hours.” Good cop to his bad cop. “V-Shields over the major settlements in seventy-two.”“You give up the Beacon immediately to the Council. Just push it off planet.” Kira leaned in beside her, Anya blinking as if the councillor had just now realized the soldier was actually a person. “Yes, you’ll lose tourism and Alliance funding, but you can sleep at night without your farms being strip-mined for more relics.

Zedd didn’t bother biting back the scoff on his lips. “And no Turian dreadnought nowhere near your upper atmosphere.”

Nina reached out, one gentle hand resting on the older woman’s trembling arm. “We’re not trying to conquer you, Anya. We’re trying to save you.”

Morrison’s eyes drifted past all of them, even the unyielding wall of Kai’s silence; the woman wearing the sort of look that came with being in a knife fight and only holding keys. “I… I need to speak with… I n-need more time.”

Zedd checked his wrist. No watch, considering the time was fed directly to his glasses, but the gesture was what mattered.

“Twenty-four hours.”Three sets of blinking eyes — blue to one side, hazel to another, and a dull brown right in front of him — turned his way, his expression not changing a bit. “After that, nothing. We don’t protect colonies that won’t protect themselves. Nina, you’re heading back with us.”“But, Z-”“Babydoll, you’re officially off the clock,” he shut down the complaint before she could build up steam, “Now get on the fuckin’ ship so we can go home.”

He turned. Jesus Christ, everything’s a negotiation with you.

Five steps, even with his long strides, was not that long.

It really really was not that long.

Wooooooooo-Weeeeeeeee-Wooooooo.

The sound was a low, throbbing vibration; thick enough to come from everywhere at once from the way it rattled under his feet, around the air, and might as well have been inside his teeth the way it rattled the fillings he didn’t even have. 

“What th-” By the time Nina spun, barely a full two syllables leaving her lips, Kai and Kira already had their weapons drawn, eyes on the windows to both sides; Kira’s heavy pistol was louder and heavier than Kai’s silenced shooter, the custom weapon clearing its holster with a smooth whine of charging capacitors. 

You’re fucking joking. Zedd just stared, still-lit NicStic falling from his open mouth as the serene and staid sky of Eden Prime broke apart.

Shapes dropped from the upper atmosphere; dark shadows cutting through the clouds with an insectoid look and a synchronization to them that was far from organic. “Holy shit…”Two syllables from Nina were half-drowned to nothing as a uniformed man burst into the corridor at the far end of the hallway, door slamming into the wall behind him as he dripped sweat from everywhere he had pores. “C-Councillor Morrison!” Eyes wide, his panicked scramble carried him halfway down the hall in seconds, omni-tool flashing as red as his face. “We’ve lost… E-everything down! Static! It’s all static!”

Zedd didn’t look at him. He didn’t look at Morrison, who had collapsed against the wall, clutching her chest.

His eyes stayed on the window as his aviators polarized instantly against the flare of reentry, turning the world cool blue. Nina’s hand found her mouth. “Zedd… what are those?”

His eyes tracked the lead ship, a massive sprawl of a thing like a giant metal shrimp. A split-second later, it opened fire with a single, brilliant lance of red energy.

The explosion bloomed, a shock of force rippling through the grass and across his face a second later as he let out a breath with just one word.

“Geth.”