No Life Kid 14B (Patreon)

“This is your time to pay, this is your judgement day!”Saturday arrived with the sound of thunder, a sledgehammer that growled a rolling bassline vibrating through the sky of Forks. Said sky was a bruised purple, pregnant and ready to burst with clouds holding back a small ocean.

“We made a sacrifice and now we get to take your life!”

Another crack of thunder sounded out, the sign of a skyfull of rain ready to drop. It was loud but not as loud as the heavy rock and angry vocals blasting from the car’s speakers as Zander tore through the woods and up the logging run.

“We shoot without a gun!” Of course he was singing along to it, hands drumming out the frantic beat on the BMW’s leather steering wheel. “We’ll take on an-y-one!” 

It was Andrew W.K. after all. It would be a crime against humanity not to match the energy. “It’s really nothing new! It’s just a thing we like to do!”

He was alone in the car, driving himself on one of the rare occasions he had a chance to. Walter had the day off, the drudge taking twenty-four hours to recover from his most recent top-off of blood. As tough as the old guy was, he was twice Alexis’s age and it took him a bit longer to resettle after every infusion, and that was only after a drop from Zander. 

Alexis took two every time, but she already had some screws loose anyway.

Zander clicked his tongue as he made another turn through the deepening forest. It was honestly easier this way, anyway. Less explaining to do if the Cullens tried sniffing around and asking why his butler smelled just like him or any other annoyingly valid questions like that.

Cullens were nosy like that.

As the road finally came to an end, Zander parked the car with a squeal, tires crunching on gravel and sticks for a second or two before he stepped out of the driver’s seat. The air was electric, ozone in the air and static cling coating the atmosphere as something about the environment hinted at rain.

He wasn’t sure what, though.With a shake of his head, Zander allowed himself a laugh as he popped the trunk.

His eyes darted down, past the emergency kit and the spare tire, and landed on a bright blue leather coat; a very familiar blue that was custom cut to his fit. Four fingers ran over the material, the cool and smooth texture almost comforting.

Just in case.

Besides, he had two other surprises already in the jean jacket he had on, their weight… not noticeable but still present.He let go of it, leaving it behind for now, as he reached for a baseball glove right next to it. It was an old beat-up leather thing he had Walter buy for him, down in a thrift store in Port Angeles. All in all, it was perfect for a baseball game, already broken-in and not as try-hard as a brand-new one.

Walking with purpose, Zander walked into the trees, senses expanding with every single step he took. The forest was full of life, if you knew how to listen; squirrels' heartbeats fluttering as wood groaned around them, and the river rushing in the distance. 

He could smell them before he saw them.

That cold, sweet scent of vampire, distinct and strong even in the open air. He had to assume this was what a whole coven smelled like no matter if it was a small room or a wide space, each one multiplying the other.

The clearing opened up ahead in front of him as he broke through the treeline — a flat expanse of grass surrounded by towering evergreens that acted like stadium seating for giants.

The Cullens were already there, all of them looking like an ad for the GAP directed by Tim Burton.

Carlisle and Esme were setting up bases — diamond-shaped markers that stood out a bright white against the grass. Emmett was tossing a baseball into the air and catching it, the thwack echoing like a gunshot in the quiet clearing, while his wife leaned against a tree in the middle of inspecting her perfect nails.

And on a fallen log, looking the perfect picture of teenage romance, sat Edward and Bella.

Edward's arm was draped over Bella’s small shoulders, the teenage girl staring at the field with a nervous smile on her face. 

Like she has any other type of smile. Zander fought the urge to roll his eyes as he stepped further into the clearing.

"Black Wesker!"

Emmett's voice boomed across the grass, loud enough to wake the undead.

…Black Wesker.

Zander sighed, adjusting his blue teashades as the big vampire bounded over, grinning like a maniac and moving with that same frictionless vampire grace that always looked like bad CGI in real life. 

"Ready to see how the game's really played?"

Zander’s hand snapped up, the ball Emmett tossed at him hissing in the center of his glove for a second as a thin line of smoke curled off the leather. "Always up for new experiences…” 

He tossed the ball up and down for a second in his other hand, eyes on the scuff marks already on the thing. “Also, Black Wesker?”

Emmett shrugged, grin still wide. "Y'know. Cause of the sunglasses? And the speech you gave the other day? Very monologuing villain type of feel off you."

Zander blinked. He opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. First Jessica, now Emmett. Do I need a vibe check?

"...Fair."

Carlisle and Esme drifted over, moving like ghosts over the grass, just in time to interrupt whatever Emmett was going to say next.

"Zander," Carlisle extended a hand. "Glad you could make it in time. We weren't sure if the weather would hold."

"Probably should last us a few rounds, right?" Zander shook the doctor’s hand.“Innings.”"That too.” He nodded back at the correction. “Thnks for the invite, by the way. Nice field you got here. Very... secluded."

"It serves our needs," Esme smiled warmly his way. "We try to keep our recreation private. For obvious reasons. The sound carries."

"I bet."

"What are you doing here?"

Zander turned to see Bella standing up from the long, staring at him with wide eyes, as Edward rose slowly to his feet behind her. Her eyes snapped back to her boyfriend as pale hands touched both sides of her shoulders again.“Bella…”

“Oh, man!” Emmett’s laughter was loud, loud enough to shake leaves off some trees, and infectious enough to put a smirk on Zander’s face too. "Old Eddy here forgot to mention our new friend to your girlfriend? Big bro’s lazy without the mind reading, huh?"

Edward looked pained, like physically, as he rubbed his temples as if dealing with the world’s worst migraine. An impressive accomplishment for a dead guy. 

Zander tilted his head. Just like his sister.

"There hasn't been time to explai-"

"Explain what?" Bella’s voice went flat, more stubborn than he had ever heard it as she looked Zander’s way. "The new kid? You... you know them? You're playing baseball with them?"

Zander stepped forward, face going from a smirk to a grin. “Hey, Bella, surprise. I know we haven’t really hung out or… y’know, been introduced but…” He spread his arms wide, dark blue denim jacket almost flaring out like a very short cape. "I'm not exactly what I seem."

Bella crossed her arms, her frown as deep as his grin was wide. "What… what do you mean?"

"Well, let's see..." Zander started ticking off points on his fingers, pacing a slow circle around her. "Mysterious orphan with unexplained wealth appears out of nowhere in a tiny Washington town? He wears sunglasses indoors? And drinks 'tomato juice' out of a thermos?"

He stopped in front of her, leaning down in front of the shorter girl until they were standing eye to eye. "Come on, Isabella. You're smart. I know you figured out Edward Glitterhands over there in like, a week. Do the mental math for me."

Understanding dawned in Bella's eyes slowly, then all at once, as her mouth opened. "You're... like them."

"I mean, same general product, but different brands… kinda." Zander’s grin grew. "Same-same, but different, but still same."

"How old are you?" Bella’s voice was a whisper, the girl looking him up and down as she tried to do the math. She was clearly doing the math, expecting a number that started with '1' and ended with 'hundred.'

Zander smirked. "Well, I became a vampire when I was seventeen. Soooooo..."

She blinked. “And… when was that?”

"Two years ago."

Bella's jaw actually dropped. "Nineteen?"

His mouth opened to match hers as he let his fangs slide down, just enough for the white tips to catch the gloomy light.

A gasp slipped free, Bella stepping back into Edward’s arms as the Glitterhands in question glared back at him. "You have fangs?! B-but I thought… Edward doesn't..."

"Again, different brands, Bells." Zander laughed at her confusion as he straightened up. "Eddie got the sparkle, I got the bite. Life's unfair. I tried to return it, but the warranty expired."

The lone human in the clearing stared, mouth moving silently for a good few seconds. For a half-minute, Zander almost thought the little question-and-answer was over and done with.

"...Does Jessica know?" 

His smile faltered, amusement bleeding out of his face. “Not yet.”

Bella stared at him, brows warring for dominance as if staring at an unfinished puzzle. "But... you're dating her. You're with her every day. How can you... isn't it dangerous?"

"Life is dangerous, Bella. Crossing the street is dangerous." Zander shrugged, thumb jerking over Bella’s shoulder at Edward. "Tell Mr Pot I didn’t know he was black too."

"It's different," Bella answered for her boyfriend. "Edward... Edward’s older.”“Downright geriatric, yeah.” Zander clicked his tongue.“No!” Bella’s cheeks flushed. “I mean, he’s experienced.”“Is that what we’re calling it?”“Stop it!” The human girl bit the words out, teeth snapping shut on the second syllable. “He tries so hard. He’s had time to learn how to control himself."

"And I don't?" Zander raised an eyebrow behind his glasses. "I haven't eaten anyone in this zip code, thank you very much."

"Batter up!"

Alice's voice cut through the tension, all eyes turning to her as she stood at home plate; bat pointing at the sky like Babe Ruth calling his shot.

Jasper stood on the pitcher's mound opposite from her as he held the ball, staring at Alice with an expression of intense focus. So, his usual look.

The game began and physics prepared itself to get abused as Jasper wound up. 

His arm blurred and the sound barrier took its first beating of the night as the ball left his hand at Mach Jesus, screaming through the air like a missile.

Alice swung.

The sound was deafening, a thundercannon going off at close range. The bat connected, and the ball vanished into the tree line.

Nice. Zander clicked his tongue, eyebrows raised again.

"Run!" Esme’s shout came loud a half-instant before Alice took off, a blur of spiky hair and motion.

Emmett was already moving, the outfielder leaping into the air and clearing a thirty-foot gap in the trees, scrambling up the trunk of a massive spruce like a roided-out chipmunk.

"Okay," Zander watched Emmett vanish into the canopy. "That is actually pretty cool."

"Get blue boy up to bat!" Rosalie shouted his way, the blonde eying him as she tossed a bat his way. “I want to see if he’s all talk.”

Zander caught it with another raised hand, peeling his mitt off and tossing it to the ground. As he walked up to the mount, he adjusted his grip on the wood in between both hands. Aluminum would have crumbled in his hands by now, but this was ash. Good stuff.

Jasper stood on the mound opposite him, ready to throw.

Alright, Tex. Zander narrowed his eyes behind his glasses and tapped the plate. Let's see that fastball.

Muscles coiled beneath his denim, Zander was ready as he had ever been, ready to unleash the strength that could send a brick flying from one end of Seattle to another if he put some oomph in his throwing arm.

Only to freeze up as the wind shifted.

The ball broke the sound barrier again, locs blown black as it tore over his shoulder and into the woods behind him.

Emmett let out a groan from the other end of the field, Alice staring up in confusion his way, but they froze up too almost immediately. Everyone but Bella went still, just instant statues, all the motion in the clearing ceasing as if someone had hit pause on the universe as a scent hit them all.

The scent of rain, and pine of course, but also something else; something that smelled like leather, animal musk, and dried blood.

Human blood.

Zander lowered the bat and sighed. "We've got company.”

His voice wasn't loud, but it cut through the thunder like a knife anyway.

Alice's eyes widened as she turned her head, looking toward the south.

"Oh… oh no.”