A Curse Upon Thee 2-9 (Patreon)

Sixty-nine bottles of beer on the wall… The Enchanted Forest actually had a rhythm to it that Finn was slowly starting to figure out. Without any ogres to send running or beat to death, he was kinda forced to sit with his thoughts for the last twelve hours. Of course, it helped that whistling along to the song in his head also helped distract him, but that was kinda beside the point. Sixty-nine bottles of beer…

It also had some pretty simple rules to travel.

First, you kept going through the woods, weaving along the path through the oversized trees as best you could; at least until your heavy boots started making your feet feel like they were about to fall off. 

Which meant plenty of frequent stops for Emma, most of all.

Nothing against her, but where everyone else was used to it on some level or just tougher than they should be — like a certain handsome ginger fella — she was still just a modern American woman.

Number Two was easy enough.

When somebody complained they needed water, you stopped and gave them some water, of course. Common sense may have escaped Finn sometimes, but even he knew there was no point pushing them till they collapsed just to slow yourself down even more by hauling dead weight.

Again, this was mostly Emma.

The third rule of the Enchanted Forest — at least the ones he’d made up — was the most simple and direct of them all; Don’t stay in one place too long.

Nothing tricky about that one, right?All in all, it was exactly the kind of unga-bunga survival logic that absolutely didn't require anything above two working brain cells to understand; no Ph.D or anything. Which was honestly amazing, considering his brain had been busy the last seven days dealing with the weird fact that he’d been dropped into the middle of a literal actual fairy tale.

And who better else to explain it than the actual daughter of Snow White herself?

Emma Swan — Emma White? — walked by his side, the woman sighing as her eyes stayed on the back of her mother’s pink shawl. Mary Margaret led the way through the thick brush with that curved wooden bow slung securely across her back. Apparently, they were heading to her castle, as crazy as that sounded.

Mulan kept a tight pace right behind her, one hand resting permanently on her sword like she expected another ogre to be hiding ninja-style in the thick greenery. Aurora dragged her feet right behind the Chinese warrior-woman, the princess looking exactly like someone had punted her favorite puppy into the sun. 

Behind all of them were Finn and Emma; their pace not all that slow, but just enough for both of them to keep a steady pace as they followed from the rear. Finn liked to take his time but, apart from her aching feet, Finn wasn’t sure what Emma’s reason was for hanging back.

Either way, that wasn’t one of his questions. 

"So." Finn broke the heavy silence with words and a sigh, the single breath loud enough to carry through the too-thick greenery. "How was your own little trip down the magic well from hell? Bad as mine?”

“What are you even talking about, Finn?” One blonde eyebrow arched high, Emma Swan shooting him a look that was equal parts curious and confused. "What well?"

"The..." Finn paused mid-step, red boots scuffing against a tree root as genuine confusion halted his pace. "Wait, what?"

"We didn't go through any well, Finn." Emma adjusted her leather jacket, completely casual even as that green-eyed gaze stayed sharp. "That was just... just you. What well are you even talking about?"

"Gold." The single syllable scraped its way out rough and raw. One word spoken with all the hate he could muster, it was almost a curse in the most real way. Finn forced his breath to slow even as anger spiked hot and violent in his gut; Cursed Energy almost churned into motion before he could throw the brakes on it. "Scottish shithead threw me straight down the wishing well on the edge of town. Spouted some creep shit — like the sacrifice part wasn’t already bad enough — and then… he just dropped me in the dark."

Emma's entire expression shifted, something dark crossing her face as she turned away. "Of course he did."

"Yeah. So, if you guys didn’t hop down the well..." Finn gestured all around them at the too-tall-too-thick trees on both sides of their path; each one making up the entire magical forest they were currently trudging through. "How the hell’d you two end up here?"

"Long story." Emma let out a long breath, heavy with more exhaustion than any heat. "Gold sent a wraith to attack Regina."

“A…” Finn blinked. "A what now?"

"A wraith." Emma's mouth pulled into a tight line as she echoed the same word. "As soon as the magic came back to town, Gold just pulled out a giant soul-sucking monster floating around in black robes. The whole nine yards of scary."

"Dementors?" The comparison came automatically, Finn's jaw dropping as he stared at the bored-looking blonde. I’m still stuck on ogres. How are you used to this already? "Gold actually sent Dementors after Regina?"

"Close enough, and it was only the one dementor." Emma kept walking, keeping her eyes firmly forward on the path. "Harry Potter bullshit aside, we tried to help her not die."

"We?" Finn’s eyes flicked from the other figures ahead of them and back to Emma. “You mean you and Snow Margaret.”

Green eyes landed hard on him for a long second.

"...Me and Mary Margaret." Emma nodded her chin toward her… her mother; the woman with a bow and pixie cut walking a few long strides ahead of them. "The ugly thing was going to kill Regina. So we used a…” Emma let out a sigh, rubbing her face for a second before she forced the next few words out. “...a magic portal that Jefferson summoned with his top hat to send it away."

A dozen different questions rushed through his mind as those words hit his ears, but most of them weren’t what forced Finn’s boots to dig in the dirt for a second time in half as many minutes. "Hat portal. Like... like Mr. Hat Man? Wannabe Johnny Depp with the scarf and the mansion?"

"One and the same. Apparently, Regina was hiding him at her place.” Finn bit back a scowl. “Why am I not surprised Madame Mayor was up to no good again?”“Yeah, I had pretty much the same reaction but Jefferson was… actually helpful. Weird, but helpful.” Emma glanced back over at Finn, a little genuine amusement flickering briefly across her tired face. " Hell, he’s the only reason we could even save Regina."“Uh-huh.” I’d have let her die, but that’s just me. Finn rolled his eyes as he started walking again, brain churning as he took in that odd little piece of information alongside absolutely everything else that didn't make sense. "So Mr. Heavy Eyeliner was actually telling the complete truth about magic hats the whole time."“He really isn’t as crazy as we thought. More like, let’s say ninety percent."

"Good for him." 

"Apparently."

Finn bit back another insult for someone who wasn’t here to take it. Damn it. 

It really did suck when your enemies weren’t wrong about everything. "...ehhhh, fuck that guy anyway." He shook his head, a scoff leaving his lips. "Asshole popped me. Three times. In the goddamn chest. Holding the most lifelong of grudges for that one."

“Honestly can’t blame you."“As you shouldn’t.”

The silence of the next few minutes was as comfortable as a walk through the woods could hope to be — when everyone was heavily armed at least. All the while, Finn's brain kept working its way through the exact timeline of events. "So the wraith went through the magic hat portal..."

"And sucked us both up with the thing." Emma finished for him, wearing a scowl that looked darker than usual. "One second we're still in Storybrooke, the next we're waking up in a literal pit in the middle of nowhere getting threatened by a certain someone with a sword."

"Wait." Blue eyes went wide as the timeline started to click into place. "When exactly did this happen? Like, what day?"

"The exact same night Regina’s curse broke into a million little pieces." Emma's voice dropped significantly quieter, the syllables tightening. "The purple smoke rolling in, everyone getting their memories back... that was the specific night Gold sent the wraith."

"So, I actually landed in Narnia first." Because he didn’t remember any of that. "Gold had to have tossed me down before he even did any of that other stuff."

Now it was Emma’s turn to freeze up, the blonde woman mid-blink as she turned around to face him fully. "...that makes so much more sense now. That’s what Ruby was talking about."“Ruby?” Finn blinked. “Ruby told you?”“Yeah… I mean, she was more than a little out of it.” The red leather of her jacket creaked a little as Emma crossed her arms. “Granted, everyone was a little out of it. All the screaming and crying wasn’t exactly out of place.”Crying? Finn’s right hand clenched tight at his side.“Couldn’t get anything out of her other than you being gone and before we could follow up on that…” Emma shrugged, hands thrown up high as she let out another sigh. “Well, giant evil ghost decided Regina had to die.”

"Yeah, everything always happens all at once in that town, when doesn't it, right?" He sighed heavily, one hand rubbing his neck. Beneath all of the fur, his fingers traced over the part where the silver chain of his locket dug into the skin.

"It does seem like that, huh."

"On top of that..." Finn met her green gaze squarely, jaw tight. "I never honestly expected I'd be a virgin sacrifice, but hey, silver lining..."

Emma raised an eyebrow high. "What's that?"

“You’re now officially the second-best boss I've ever had."

“...shit, Finn."“Oh, come on.” He bit back a groan, turning his eyes away from an Emma Swan currently in the middle of giving him the pity eyes he didn’t ask for. “It was a joke. Ease up.”“Not your best, then.”“Ouch.” Finn turned back, half-considering to act on the urge to stick his tongue out.“Joke or not, kid, you’ve had a rough time either way.”

"Yeah, that’s life, though." Hands dug deep into the pockets of his new jacket, Finn doing his best to ignore the sudden warmth tracing up his neck. This… this stupid collar’s too thick. He didn’t even like fur anyway. “Y’know, Ruby actually tried to catch me, though. Literally tried to grab for me before I fell. That’s my girl.”

The words hung like dew in the forest air for a long second before Finn caught himself, throat cleared loud enough to shake Emma into nodding back.And like that, they kept walking.

It didn’t take long, though, before Finn noticed someone easing up on her pace; slowing down enough that both he and Emma were almost neck-and-neck with her.

Mulan. He didn’t need to look to see her, all that armor shiny enough for him to track out of the corner of his eye. Not even trying to be subtle.

She really wasn’t and Finn didn’t think she cared about it much either. For one, Mulan made no attempt at even bothering to pretend like she wasn’t looking; those dark judgemental eyes fixed squarely on him even as she kept walking.

...The hell do you want? Worst of all, it wasn’t even the first time today.

"Emma, your new friend’s being a creep again." Finn’s left eye twitched as he jerked a chin to the side.

"Notmyfriend." Emma sighed out loud, three words set free in a single breath. "And yeah. She does that. A lot."

"It's incredibly creepy."

"Tell me about it.” The sheriff of Storybrooke let out a grunt as punctuation. “But don’t worry, it’s a compliment.”“Yeah? How do you figure?”“Well…” Emma shrugged as she and Finn muttered back and forth. “She only eyed me for the first hour and I was just her prisoner after that. She must be real scared of you."

"I stopped an ogre three seconds away from pancaking you and moving on to the rest of the princess party." Finn pulled a face. "That's like, the exact opposite of threatening."

"You also dropped from the treetops, foot on fire, and exploded its skull in one kick.” Emma’s eyebrow was a challenge on its own. "That's real damn threatening, Finn."

Finn tilted his head, a shrug without his shoulders. Fair enough.

The conversation slid back into quiet as they finally stopped for another break, footsteps fading to silence. Still, it was quiet enough that Finn’s ears pricked up as he heard conversation that didn’t involve him. "Truly, I know there is very little I can offer in apology, least of all for my words. For my attempt on your life, Queen Snow…

His hearing was just like the rest of his body over the last week; better than it ever had been before. Individual words, anything above a whisper, rarely went unheard when things were this quiet.

"Please, call me Mary Margaret. And Aurora..." Mary Margaret spoke up as she smiled at the brown-haired princess. "I accept your apology. It takes courage to speak your heart and I do app—"

Finn rolled his eyes so hard it physically hurt, leaning back up against a tree trunk as he half-listened to the over-dramatic conversation. Shakespeare in the park?

"Far be it from me to speak on the grief of another." Mary Margaret shook her head, hand over her heart. "And you spoke true of our war with Regina. The suffering of many others is something I can not deny. A fact I am unable to change, but I understand your anger."

"No, it simply wasn't fair to place blame on you." Aurora's voice cracked, edges of her words as shaky as her hands. "I just... I had known little else but anger and sorrow for so long…"

Jesus Christ. Finn shook his head, red hair falling into his face. This entire place.

"I do have another question, Queen Mary." 

“Just Mary Margaret.”

“The one you call Finn?” Aurora's voice dropped low, her words formed carefully. “The Red Death. Can he be trusted?"

Finn's blue eyes snapped wide open, Mary Margaret’s answer coming without a moment of hesitation. “Yes.”

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because he has already proven himself." Mary Margaret nodded back. "And he has my confidence."

"Then that will simply have to be enough for me." 

So dramatic about absolutely everything. Finn let his head fall back against the rough bark of the trunk, eyes aimed up at the thick green canopy overhead. Flowery apologies right out of Shakespeare had a time and place and they were on a stage. I need to get home. At least back in Storybrooke, people had the common decency to just be aggressively passive-aggressive about their emotional issues like normal Americans.

"What are you thinking about now?" 

Finn raised his head to look over at Emma, one thick red eyebrow raised high. "How much I miss indoor plumbing." If everything went well, they were only two full days away from the castle they were headed to; at least according to Mary Margaret’s confident estimate delivered with a smile.

The harsh sound of a snort hit his ears, Emma covering her mouth as she bit back another laugh."Yeah. Me too."

"And coffee." Finn pushed off the tree trunk, walking a few steps closer. "The real kind, too. Not the burnt brew Granny serves at the diner."

"You love Granny's coffee."

"I like whatever my girl makes." Finn flashed the blonde a grin. "There's a massive difference."