Massive Disaster 5-21B (Patreon)

“Bip-bip-bip-bi-bi-bip, bip. Bip-bip-bip-bi-bi-bi, bi-bi-bibi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bip, bi-bi-bibi…”“Hmm.” Zedd nodded his head as he walked through the corridors of the Normandy SR-1, the halls an exercise in polished claustrophobia and a damn good one at that. “Hmm-hmm.”Bobbing alongside him was the ever-so-faithful and entertaining V-Prime. 

Faithful in the sense that the little guy had yet to leave the space above his right shoulder in the couple hours since he’d been online, and entertaining due to the simple fact that the little guy could apparently do the Overworld Theme from Mario.

Which was… interesting.

“You know, I don’t remember programming that into you.” Zedd nodded with another soft hum and narrowed eyes. “But I’ll consider it a happy accident.”“Bip!”“Bip to you too, little guy.”

Aside from musical theatre, the V-Prime — aka the LVD MK 1 — was currently utilizing the vast majority of its high-grade processing power in the pursuit of learning. 

Well, analyzing.

The sensors embedded in the tiny drone scanned the passing bulkheads, the integrity of the floor’s plating and tracked the patrol routes of each passing crewmember simply for added information to add to Zedd’s store of data. 

Humming the rest of the Mario theme, Zedd made his way up to the cockpit, stepping through the short airlock. 

He barely had a moment to blink before the visit immediately became surreal.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau was at the helm as usual, the bearded man in his cap and Alliance basics as he leaned back in the pilot's chair. With the Normandy currently cruising smoothly on an automated trajectory at a pace faster-than-light, you would expect his attention to be firmly on his duties. 

But Joker wasn't tracking the navigation at all, his eyes far from the telemetry. 

The main holographic interface — a sweeping display normally reserved for crucial readouts of the tactical kind, along with planetary scans and combat trajectories — was currently broadcasting a very familiar program on a very familiar extranet channel.

V-Force? Zedd raised an eyebrow high, arms crossed over his cobalt coat as he stopped at the doorway. Really? 

A couple of off-duty flight crew members leaned over a railing, engrossed in the highly-colorful superhuman violence, active-duty Alliance. …wow, that idea worked way better than I thought. Truly, it had.

The whole GUARDIAN program was always meant to be more propaganda than it was actually an ‘army’ of anything. No, the real plan for an army was the Legion and — considering the backlog involved with modifying, mass-producing, and training Dev’s meatheads — that just didn’t pan out as much as he wanted it to.

Sure, he had a secondary plan for that with the Blueguard —and of course the Medicae — but those were workarounds.

The GUARDIAN program was a moneymaker now on its own, and ADAM at the helm of it was already gearing up to launch the first Victors film. Fully fictional, unlike the extranet shows, the plan and plot behind it was originally so fucking stupid that Zedd had side-eyed the script.

But given current events… Leave it to an AI director to make the enemy of the first film AI controlled by humans. 

When they beat Saren, the amount of money VI would save on ads and promos…

Zedd shook his head and snorted as he raised his gaze to watch his secondary superhero team — run by Beacon — was beating the absolute unholy dogshit out of a Batarian slaver ring, everything as deliberately gritty as it was equally stylized.

The camera work projected above was all real-time, shaky visual tracking along with the ‘special effects’ to evoke a vibe that seemed highly edited and stood out like a livestream. And the best part of it all? The team was being exactly as effective, and as brutal, as they were genetically and mechanically designed to be.

"I'm just saying," Joker gestured with one hand at the holo-screen, attention on a rapidly-edited clip where a figure in a silver-white padded bodysuit suplexed a slaver through a wall. "Love Vectr and Crimsn but not a fan of them leaving for V-Force. Whole thing just ruined, man. They belonged on the main squad."

"They’re younger." 

Zedd announced his presence, stepping up to the cockpit as Lil V floated off and around, the chrome little ball scanning the blinking lights of the pilot’s primary nav-console.“On top of that, they fit the... vibe of V-Force more.”Joker spun his chair around, looking entirely unrepentant about being caught watching vids on duty. “And Bastion and Spider don’t.”Zedd bit back a sigh, aware that was a good point. “We couldn’t transfer everyone over. Teams of seven are the general rule here, man.” The pilot raised an eyebrow. “...sure, Victors. Whatever you say.”“Besides…” Zedd leaned up against an empty chair. “We’re talking about a whole different demographic, Moreau."

"Joker.” The correction came with a nod.“Joker.” Zedd nodded back. “Look, yeah, sure, I get the demographic shift, but The Victors was peak in season one. We’re talking clean ops, good narrative, great casting.” Joker let out a loud sigh. “V-Force is just... it's messy. These kids… I love watching them, but they’re chaotic."

"Well, it’s supposed to be. They’re supposed to be, Joker." Zedd leaned harder on the co-pilot’s seat. "It's the whole point of the street-level vibe and director’s vision. Less polish, more psychological friction, you know?"

"Whatever his vision is, your effects budget must be astronomical," Joker pointed a pale finger at the holo as Beacon dropped from the sky, a giant purple beam searing from his eyes that blew every window in the compound and cratered the main base. "I get that money is no object but how do you make that look so real? The barrier distortion looks insane."

Zedd kept his face straight, forcing a deadpan look. "It’s all fully practical."

Joker’s bark of a laugh had Lil V bob up, pinhole eye turned the pilot’s way. "Oh, I’m real sure it is. Some real dedicated stunt guys and a really big fan, right? Yeah, no, love that."

"Something like that." 

Zedd allowed a small smile to slip, enough to keep Joker laughing. He really didn’t need to lie about any of this, really. People simply assumed that the shows were all just fake, and for good reason. There was only so much most people could believe in, especially when it was presented as a well-edited show. Even for people who religiously followed the VI extranet channel, it wasn’t surprising that they were hopelessly oblivious to the reality of a black-ops squad of superhumans monetized into some amazing media.

Their discussion drifted, the rapid-fire media critique bleeding out as the Normandy’s drive core filled the growing silence. Zedd found himself sitting beside the pilot as Joker patted the edge of his console, eyes staring almost lovingly at the glowing instrumentation. "She's a beauty, isn't she?" 

“Definitely good work, Joker.” No lie there, not that Zedd needed to. As much as he liked to criticize, the frigate was the best of conventional human and Turian design.

"You know how I got this chair?” He hummed low. “I stole her."

"You…” Zedd blinked at the older man, eyes narrowed for a moment at the wide grin on the beaded man’s face. “You stole a top-secret multi-billion credit stealth frigate?"

"Yep!” Joker popped the ‘p’ on it, grin spreading wider. “Guards didn’t take a second look at a cripple making his way in, especially not someone who’d been there before. I just locked the nav-computer from the sinside, and took her for a joyride.” “...uh-huh?”“No lie here, I flew this girl so perfectly, ran the margins so tight, they realized nobody else could handle her the same.” 

“...So they gave you the ship instead of a court-martial."

“Yep!”

Zedd threw his head back and laughed, a genuine sound that startled Lil V into bobbing a good two feet higher, blue eye flashing. "Some of the most out-there cowboy bullshit I ever heard in my life, man."

“Yeah, well…” Joker chuckled along, leaning back into his chair. "You gotta prove your worth when you're working with a handicap. Nobody wants to hand the keys to the fastest ship in the fleet to the guy whose bones snap if he sneezes too hard."

Zedd looked at the pilot as his laugh trailed off, well-aware of the pilot’s ailment. “You know… I knew someone with a similar disorder. Genetic, too." Zedd dropped the drawl, head tilted a little as he thought back to the same Major Victory Joker had just been hyped over. "A friend. Back before VITALIS was fully stabilized. Completely fixed his condition."

Joker stared over at him.

The pale light of the nav-displays reflected back in his eyes as they went wide for all of a single second. That was all he let show before the pilot's mask slammed back into place, a smirk twisting the man’s lips. "Yeah?” He snorted out loud. “Sounds like magic, Victors.” “Call me Zedd. And it’s not magic, just some real out there science.”“You got it, Zedd.” Joker shook his head slow. “But even if you could wave a wand and give me titanium tibias by tomorrow, I wouldn't take it."

Zedd frowned, taking off his aviators to look Joker in the eye. "And why the hell not?"

"Because the Alliance is a machine, my friend, and machines hate rogue variables." Joker turned his chair back toward the viewport, staring out into the streaks of distant stars that denoted faster-than-light travel. "I already pushed too far with my stunt with the Normandy. I get a mod like that, and I’m breaking Alliance law. That’s a dishonorable discharge at best and probably years in an Alliance prison. Besides, more than that, man…” Joker let out a laugh that sounded more sad than humorous. “Flying this ship... it's all I've got."

Zedd stared at the back of Joker's chair. “So…”“So.”

"Let me get this straight…" Zedd palmed Lil V, the drone beeping as he tossed it from hand to hand. "They’ll let you fly a top-secret, experimental warship that you literally stole in a treasonous act of grand theft aerospace, but you think they won’t let you mod your body into basic working order?"

Joker clicked his tongue against his teeth. "Pretty much."

Zedd blinked again as he opened his hand, letting Lil V bob back up with another ‘bip’. “...yeah.”

He sighed out loud. "You’re probably right."

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

5k Words (100 FP)

ROLL: Special Attention (400 FP) [Gundam - Advanced Generation] {Time}:When you're fighting a war, you know what you need-you need guardians, you need shields; you need a well-armed force. You can't fight a war with a thousand scratches, and so you can modify designs to increase individual performance and quality-the biggest boon is that this only negligibly increases production times or costs, at the benefit of having much higher quality Mobile Suits. And you can apply this to other designs as well, with time.Forge Points: 200