Pet: Torment - Chapter Eighteen (Patreon)

Remus 

I am not well. I don’t know if it’s from bonding with Iris and experiencing new emotions or my lack of feeding, but I am not well. My entire life has been dedicated to self-control. I prided myself on being able to control every aspect of my being. But lately, my control has waned, and I can no longer put off seeing the one person who can explain the reasoning behind it.

My mother.

I shift my attention to Iris, quietly watching her as she moves around the small town in awe. Her eyes are wide as she takes in the everyday Leviathan on this side of Xyrannis. She’s completely forgotten her anger towards me as her curiosity takes over, and I can’t help but smile as I study her. It’s refreshing to observe someone who is seeing something for the first time. Her excitement stems from small things like flowers or animals she hasn’t seen before—whereas these things have become blind to my eye.

She has no idea how much she has influenced me simply by being curious. And more recently, thanks to her questions about my life and childhood, I’ve been forced to look at something other than the future and realize I don’t know my past. My life is a blur. I always thought it was because I’ve lived for so long, but since my return this time around to Xyrannis, bits and pieces of my memory have come back to me that make me uneasy.

There are things I don’t recall ever doing, but reliving the moments in my mind feels so real. And it has begun influencing my control. More often, I’ve been getting headaches that end with whatever object is nearest to me being splintered. Even my feeding is beyond my control. Taking a small amount is no longer an option, forcing me to not bother with it at all.

I wanted to wait until Iriel’s trial was over to leave Xyrannis, but with everything else, my control on the bond is slipping as well. And Iris’s emotions have been bleeding into my own, making remaining focused an impossible task. The only time I feel any sense of control, of my usual self, is in Iris’s presence.

Or rather, my desire for her outweighs my stressors.

So instead of attending the last few days of Iriel’s trial, I’ve decided to spend it with Iris before departing. We only just left the oasis I brought her to earlier to come into the neighboring town. I figured she would enjoy this town. It is far from the capital, and not as populated or busy. The Leviathan here live a slow and quiet life. I doubt they are even aware of the trial happening right now.

I’m pulled from my thoughts as Iris bends in the middle of the street to take in a flower patch growing.

She’s always been this way—curious.

Her hair falls to her upper back and has a slight wave to it as it dries from our bout in the river earlier. I chuckle to myself as I recall the way she struggled to swim. Her knowledge only extended to her younger self before we invaded. So most of our time in the river was spent teaching her to tread water. I shift my attention to her hair, where my pin sits.

She doesn’t know just how precious that hairpin is to me. It’s made from a mineral I discovered on fialta. I infused it with a small piece of my essence when I was released from my mother’s hold and discovered the extent of my power. To me, it signifies my freedom and my growth. But it brings me joy to see her wear it. She doesn’t realize how different she is now. In the past, she would have thrown it out without a second thought because of her anger. But now, she wears it and allows me the small request of enjoying one another’s company.

“Would you like something sweet?” I ask, moving past her.

I hear her following me as we move deeper into the town. I know she doesn’t trust my intentions at the moment. Only a few days ago did I reveal the truth about her situation in a fit of anger, followed by us fighting with one another shortly before I professed my feelings for her both verbally and through the bond.

But I don’t have time to remain angry or indulge her. I don’t know what will happen once I leave, or how long I will be gone. For now, I just want to enjoy her presence, regardless of her resentment for me.

 I smile as I hear the quick footsteps of Iris catching up to me. She remains silent as she walks next to me, continuing to take in the small town.

“This town is called Mallora. It is one of the places with the fewest of changes since my mother's reign. The Leviathan here tend to keep to themselves,” I say, explaining what I know she is too proud to ask about.

She shifts her attention to me for a second before speaking.

“Is that why you’re dressed in disguise?” she asks, gesturing to my hair. I revealed this ability to her on Earth, and haven’t used it since. I still remember the shock on her expression as she realized how much more there was to learn about me. But I don’t like coming to these small towns as myself. It overwhelms the locals.

I laugh, nodding.

“The Leviathan here don’t need to be alerted of my presence. It’s normal for me to be seen in the more densely populated cities. But here, it’s unnecessary,” I say.

Now Iris laughs, grumbling to herself but I hear her. “How noble of you.”

We finally reach the stall I’ve been heading for and I let Iris step in front of me to take in the sweet treats. They are similar to what is known on Earth as shaved ice. Except the flavors consist of naturally sweetened syrups from flowers and fruits native to Xyrannis.

The Leviathan working the stall sees us through the glass, coming out with a beaming smile as she speaks to us in the language.

“Komen, su trapta chave?” she asks.

I shift my attention to Iris, letting her try and decipher the language for herself. She’s been adamant on continuing her education without me. I don’t know if it’s because of her desire to occupy her mind or sate her curiosity. But I enjoy seeing the excitement on her face when she realizes she can understand bits and pieces. 

After a moment, she looks at me.

“Chave?” she asks. Of course she wouldn’t know what it means.

I smile, quickly responding to the woman, choosing a flavor I think Iris will like. And as she moves to make them, I explain.

“Chave is like a snow cone. Except it isn’t drenched in sugar water and the ice is imported,” I say.

Iris shakes her head in disbelief as she looks back to the Leviathan woman making the treat. Her eyes widen as she hands us two delightful looking snow cones, and I take them from her before we move to a bench.

“You got one?” Iris asks as I hand her the cup made from the wood that grows here with shaved ice in it.

“Of course,” I say.

I note that she is watching me intensely as I bring the spoon to my mouth. I enjoy the chill and lightly sweetened flavor as it melts on my tongue, and as I look at Iris, she is watching me in utter disbelief.

“Is something wrong?” I ask.

She blinks, bringing herself back to the present as she looks back at her cup.

“No… I’ve never seen you eat before. I didn’t know you could,” she says.

I immediately laugh from her words mingled with the expression on her face. And as I do, I feel a sense of warmth wash over me, and I know it’s from her end of the bond.

“Of course I can. I have all the faculties for it, I just choose not to when the result is unnecessary,” I say.

“So you can… taste?” she asks, once again earning a chuckle from me.

“Yes, Iris. I can taste,” I say, looking at her.

I make sure to keep my expression neutral as I take in her features. Her cheeks have a warm glow to them as she watches me, her curiosity rising without her ever realizing it. I lean into her, enjoying her scent as I speak in her ear.

“As a matter of fact, one thing I enjoy tasting is a snow cone… almost as much as I enjoy tasting you,” I say. 

Her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red as she looks back at the shaved ice in her hands, quickly bringing the spoon to her lips, and I have to bite back the laugh threatening to spill from my lips once again. She doesn’t know how much I crave moments like this. They force me out of my usual mental state, giving me a glimpse into emotions I otherwise would not understand or even bother having. It pulls me from the usual routine, forcing me into a different situation that I revel in.

And I would do anything to hold onto this feeling forever. I only ever feel this way when she is around. And I’m much too selfish to let it go.

“Is where you’re going dangerous?” Iris suddenly asks, looking up at me.

I shake my head, debating how much I should reveal to her about where I am headed and why. I don’t want to alarm her, but I did promise her I would start treating her as my equal.

“Are you worried for me?” I ask, knowing she would rather change the subject than answer. But she doesn’t. She studies the snow cone in her hands, having an inner battle with herself.

“A little,” she says.

I don’t hide the shock that forms on my features. And for once, I don’t know what to say. And somehow, she finds humor in that, turning back to her snow cone smiling as she takes another bite.

* * * * *

Iris

Something terrible is coming. I can feel it. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know where it’s coming from, but everything feels so fragile right now, especially since Remus abruptly told me he was leaving when we’re not even on stable ground. I pull in a deep breath, as I look up into the night sky. Llora is visible again, the light reflecting off it illuminating the snow surrounding me in a soft glow.

Remus has been acting strange all day, starting with avoiding Iriel’s trial to spend the day with me. Remus has never been one to avoid his duties as Aureon. And the fact that he’s leaving in the midst of it makes me feel even more uneasy about his decision.

Something is off about him, but we don’t share enough trust between us to get to the root of it. Even today, he would rather change the subject than tell me why he’s leaving—or where. So much about him is different since arriving at Xyrannis, but it’s concerning at this point. He’s changing in ways I can’t explain, and the only time I see a glimpse of him I can relate to being human are moments like today.

“Let’s not think about each other's differences. Let us just enjoy each other’s company.”

His disguised plea to not argue any further rings in my mind. Even he is unsure about where he is going. But he won’t admit it. Both of us are speaking to one another in riddles, leaving us to decipher our true feelings through the bond.

I quietly stand from my place in the snow, making my way back inside. The house is quiet, but I know exactly where Remus is. So, as I shed my layers, I make my way to the living room. Sure enough, he’s sitting quietly as he reads a book, his eyes shifting over the page.

He’s a beautiful being. I’ve always acknowledged that. But seeing him with his attention elsewhere gives me more time to admire him. My eyes shift to his white strands. I’ve become so used to it as his defining feature that spending the day with him with his disguised look was unnerving.

I step into the living room, and Remus closes his book, lifting his gaze to meet mine. My heart speeds up as a small smile graces his lips as he takes me in. It’s an empowering feeling knowing that Remus only ever makes this expression for me.

He gives me his full attention as I come to stand over him.

“You’ve come to me…again,” he says, giving me a full smile.

I swallow the sudden lump in my throat as I force myself to see beyond my planet. I force myself to think about the direction of Remus’s anger. It is always because of my judgment. And for some reason, I feel the need to say this before he goes.

“It was unfair of me to judge you by human standards. Especially now that I’ve seen your nature… when you’ve never even had a personal desire of your own. I appreciate all you’ve done to help me overcome my losses, even though you don’t understand it. And I’m sorry I’ve never returned the favor. I’ll try harder to understand you more when you return. But I can't promise you'll get the result you want,” I say.

Remus’s smile turns gentle as he sits up in his seat, his hand reaching for my face. He gently pulls me on top of his lap, his erection pressing against me as his lips hover over mine.

“You’re wrong about one thing, Iris. I have had a personal desire… you.”

Then, he kisses me.