Pet: Torment - Chapter Twenty-Nine (Patreon)

Iris

For the past few hours, I’ve been content to stare at the trees beyond the bedroom I’ve occupied since Remus’s memory was taken from his mother. The sun has set, and this side of Xyrannis has been plunged into darkness. My attention remains on the faint glow at the edge of the sky.

The rings.

From here, they look like streaks over the sky that are bright enough to stand out from the stars. The longer I focus on them, the more the despair within me deepens. They are a physical reminder of what being on this planet means. It means we are at the mercy of another, unknowingly held prisoner because she is terrified of someone who is a bigger threat than both her and Remus. Each passing in and out only adds to the monitoring she does to keep everything under her control. She has meticulously planned for any and all contingencies. And we were at her mercy before we could even recognize it.

Passing through the rings the first time must have notified her that Remus’s essence was in me. And Remus is powerful enough that she couldn’t just come in headfirst to kill me. She had to be patient and sure. She needed to catch him off guard.

I shudder as I think of the emotions that ran through me in that moment—the emotions that belonged to him. They haunt me at night. They were so visceral and raw. And it only grows more devastating when I recall the betrayal he felt.

Seeing him now, so empty and emotionless, thanks to her, is both terrifying and enraging. He proved this afternoon that he has no recollection of me in the slightest. Speaking with him is out of the question, and Xion’s warning to me now feels even deadlier.

I ignore the light knock that sounds on the door, my eyes remaining focused on the rings.

“Iris,” Ezra calls to me hesitantly.

This is the first time he’s bothered speaking to me on his own. Ever since that first day at Xion’s, he has avoided me. I hear his footsteps, however, as he enters the room, coming into my line of vision to sit on the floor next to the bed.

His eyes follow mine to the rings in the sky as he leans against the bed.

“He’s gone. He just wanted to speak to us about Iriel,” Ezra says.

I ignore him, though. I don’t know why he’s telling me this. I am powerless to do anything as long as Remus is involved. If I set foot in his line of vision, he’ll crush me as he's proven both times without fail.

Ezra takes a deep breath, dropping his head.

“I’m sorry, Iris. I know it must feel hopeless right now. Remus would be…devastated if he knew the things he’s put you through,” he says.

I release a bitter chuckle. “Devastated enough to destroy your home?”

Ezra slowly turns to look at me, but I speak again before he can deny it.

“Sky told me about what happened to that shattered planet. I know you’re both scared of what he’ll do in retaliation,” I say.

I’m confused when anger doesn’t appear on Ezra’s features. But he looks away from me, his attention focusing back on the rings.

“You saw for yourself how powerful he is. If he knew that our mother manipulated him into almost killing you, I don’t think he’d let it slide. You’ve only ever seen the patient side of him—”

“Did you forget how we met in the first place? I know how vindictive Remus can be,” I say.

I pull in a shuddering breath. “I’m not the same naive human I was when we first met, either. I understand what’s at stake. I see that even the Remus I met in the blight had years between him and the initial invasion. If not for you and Xion, he’d have killed me by now.” I release a bitter chuckle. “The only reason he didn’t kill me in the blight is because he was bored… and wanted to make me suffer.”

I note that Ezra clenches his fist. For whatever reason, this situation is affecting him more than I thought it would. It’s strange seeing these beings whom I always saw as perfect from the outside be tested within by someone they thought they could trust. All it took was one of their own to take down the Divine Three.

“This doesn’t mean we won’t keep looking for solutions. Remus told us to protect you. And we will. We just…need to figure out how to get his memory back,” Ezra says.

“Do you even think you can?” I ask.

There’s no evidence that she didn’t just destroy everything. Getting Remus’s memory back could be false hope that we are clinging to. It could be that we are so desperate for it to be a possibility that we are ignoring the facts.

“Of course we can,” he says. And he sounds so sure of himself that I don’t push him.

“Is that all?” I ask.

Ezra lowers his head.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay… from earlier,” he says.

I slowly sit up, my confusion increasing. He is still having difficulty looking at me.

“Since when do you care? You’ve gone from teasing me and watching me drown in joy to walking on eggshells around me. You’re here because you want to make sure I understand why earlier was stupid and that you and Xion are actually out of your depth. But you’re asking if I’m okay? I am not okay, Ezra. I am a human among gods who can’t even figure their own shit out. I am caught in the crosshairs of this and I am the only one who seems to be affected by it. So no, I’m not okay… I just want Remus back,” I finish on the verge of tears.

It’s frustrating. I can’t even fight for him. And what’s even more frustrating is that I don’t feel as liberated as I thought I would, being free of the bond—of Remus. I remember vividly the night he revealed the truth about it to me. There was no regret, only determination, specifically, in his refusal to live without me. It’s because he chose to pursue those feelings that we are in this mess.

“He told me he loved me,” I whisper.

Ezra tenses and faces me. His features are twisted in pity as he watches me.

“It was right before he left. We were fighting because he told me the truth about the bond. He told me he refused to live without me and that he loved me… that I didn’t need to understand why. I just needed to accept it,” I say, laughing at the memory.

At the time, I was so angry that the words didn’t quite register. And after, my anger still lingered so that I hated myself for the reaction I was having to them. But now, the moment has been stolen from us as if it never existed, and I can’t go back. I can’t tell him that I might be feeling the same way.

“Do you feel the same?” Ezra asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

I shrug, unable to hold his gaze.

“I haven’t lived long enough to even know what it is. My parents hated each other, and my brother sold me out to the rebel army.” My body reacts the same way it did when I thought about those words. “But I think I didn’t hate him,” I finish.

Silence drifts between us as Ezra tries to find the right words. But he can’t.

“Where is he now?” I ask, hoping to change the subject.

“He’s in the capital. He and Xion had to take care of something,” he says.

“Does it have anything to do with your mother?” I ask.

Ezra shakes his head.

“We have to avoid her for as long as possible. If she knew you were still alive, she’d come for you. For now, I think she’s trying to cover the trail you left, and that gives us enough time to test your ring theory,” Ezra says.

My confusion mounts.

“Test?” I ask.

“Just leave that part to us. If we can prove the rings are what’s keeping everything in place, maybe removing them or even weakening them will help,” he says.

“And what will you do if the person she’s running from finds you? Finds this?” I ask.

“It won’t matter. Our mother doesn’t live here. There’s no trace of her here. She exists in a dimension apart from this one. And after what they did to her centuries ago, she has never returned,” he says. “And whoever is out there is after her. Not Xyrannis.”

I shake my head.

“You really don’t know anything about your mother’s past? About her?” I ask in disbelief.

Ezra shakes his head.

“There was never a need,” he says.

“Seems like she’s manipulated you too on some level,” I scoff.

Ezra is silent, however, leaning back against the edge of the bed as he studies the rings.

“Maybe.”