Revelation - Chapter 13 (Patreon)

Iris

Remus is sitting across the room writing. I try and look at what it is he’s even writing, but the language doesn’t even look like letters at this point. He’s very focused on what he’s doing. His gaze is shifting back and forth from the map on the table in front of him to his paper. His hair is pulled out of his face, and he’s wearing a loose shirt. He’s not dressed in regal attire for once, but even so, he doesn’t look relaxed. He’s intensely focused.

I look away from him out to the ocean. The tide slowly pulls in, kissing the shore before it rolls back out leaving a pink tint on the sand that the sun shines on. This place is so different from Earth. Even from Leviathar. My heart sinks a little as I think of both. I turn and look at Remus. How he was able to kill off so many people and live life as if he did nothing wrong, I will never understand.

I’m not sure how to approach Remus at this point. He isn’t at a point emotionally where I can come at him from at any moment saying anything I want. He’s unstable. He proved as much yesterday with his mood change at just the mention of his mother.

“Remus?” I say his name, just gauging his reaction, but he doesn’t look at me once he responds.

“Yes, Iris?” He keeps writing and his eyes stay glued to the paper he’s working on. I clear my throat unsure of how to proceed.

“What are you working on?” I ask. He pauses in his writing and blinks looking up at me. His face is blank of emotion. His gaze is bright and piercing my soul. He furrows his brow slightly

“Is there a reason to your sudden curiosity about me, Iris?” He asks. My eyes widen and I shake my head. Of course, he would notice my sudden interest in him. I went from never speaking to him and telling him I hated him to actually being curious about him. His gaze narrows as he takes me in.

“It’s nothing you should concern yourself with, Iris.” He says simply. I nod my head timidly, looking back to the map. I slowly stand, swallowing my fear. Remus’ eyes follow me curiously. I make my way to the map on the table. Once I’m over it, I slowly place my fingers over the material feeling the texture. It’s a strange sandy texture, but I can feel the smooth waxiness of the paint that was used to make this map. I trace over the ridges showing mountains, and the water signifying the oceans. This place is bigger than the Earth. Or so it seems on the map. It has way more continents. There are foreign symbols over the lands, but I see one that I recognize. The same one that is embedded in Remus’ chest, and until his mother's intervention was on my skin.

“So this is your home?” I ask. I keep my gaze on the map, afraid that if I look at Remus I’ll lose my nerve.

“Yes.” He says simply.

“Does it have a name?” I ask. He’s silent for a moment.

“I believe your people call it, heaven.” My eyes widen and I immediately turn to look at Remus. A small gasp escapes my lips as I turn right into him. He’s directly behind me with a grin on his lips. My mouth drops slightly as realization comes over me. He’s joking.

He steps past me, placing his fingers over the black symbols at the top of the page.

“Xuelia” He says as he brings his fingers over the words. His gaze is focused on the map, but mine is focused on his face. He senses my gaze and his eyes shift over to me. I immediately blush, looking at the map. I notice out of the corner of my eyes that he smiles before looking back to the map. His fingers slowly move over different parts of the map as he explains it to me.

“This is the royals province, where my family resides as well as nobles. This is the mountain region, these are the plains, and this is the sea of nui.” He says. I blink trying to focus on the map, but his close proximity is making me nervous. And not in a good way.

“Have you… been to all of these places, then?” I ask. He nods his head.

“When I was a child.” He says simply. I look at the black splotches on the map.

“What are those?” I ask pointing. He doesn’t respond for a moment.

“Dead Zones.” He says. I look at him in confusion.

“Dead zones? On a planet like this?” I ask. He looks at me, then back to the map smiling to himself.

“Yes.” He says. He walks away from the map, meaning he’s done sharing. I look at it one last time before turning back to Remus. He’s back to work.

So I turn away from him, walking outside and towards the ocean.

The tide slowly pushes up the sand, only to flow back into the ocean. Always reaching for something, but never really reaching whatever it is that it’s searching for. The sand is warm underneath me and very fine. My eyes are closed and I can feel the heat of the sun kissing my skin ever so softly. It’s much different from the sun on Earth. It’s perfect. Not stinging my skin, but touching it just enough to keep me warm.

I don’t know how long I’ve been out here enjoying what this planet's nature has to offer. It’s nice though keeping my eyes closed and pretending that I’m on a beach on Earth. But even as I think the words my brain won’t let me believe it. Earth was nothing like this. This is… perfect. I slowly open my eyes, staring up at the sky.

I miss my home. I miss my people, no matter how rotten some of them could be. I miss my girls, and I miss fighting alongside them. I miss the hope I used to have for Earth. But with every question Remus answers, the reality of my situation sets in. There’s no way, no chance of saving the Earth. There’s no hope. I squeeze my eyes shut letting the tears fall. My eyes fly open, and a squeal leaves my lips when I feel fingers on my cheek. I look to my left and Remus is kneeled next to me on the sand, watching me with a curious gaze. He tilts his head in confusion looking at me.

“Why are you crying?” He asks. I immediately shake my head, wiping my tears. In the past, I may have stormed off, after snapping at him and calling him a monster. But now, I just avoid answering. I look back to the ocean.

“Do you feel nothing? For those people you killed.” I ask. I don’t look at him, because I’m afraid to. He sits next to me, looking out over the waters.

“I don’t.” He says. I look at him in horror but fight back the emotions threatening to come forth.

“…How?” I whisper. His gaze is focused ahead. He actually contemplates an answer.

“I don’t feel things like you do, Iris.” He says. He looks at me, and I see the emptiness in that gaze. He shakes his head.

“Not since my mother.” He says. He looks back over the water.

“Having emotions can cloud my judgment as a leader. It makes me susceptible to weakness, and that’s something my people cannot afford. Not at this point.” I stare at him, trying my best to make my horror at his response.

“What if it were your siblings among that destruction?” I ask.

“It wasn’t. And it will never be.” He says.

“But-“

“Iris, your what if’s won’t change the past. I did what I did and I do not regret that. Being the fragile being that you are, I understand why that upsets you. But in my eyes… the strong prevail.” He says. I close my mouth, not daring speak another word. So I just look back over the water. Remus looks at me, but I keep my gaze forward.

“Does my response bother you?” He asks. I nod my head.

“I don’t understand why someone like you should be allowed to hold so much power over everyone else lives,” I say truthfully.

“We didn’t ask to be born… and we certainly didn’t ask to be the weakest.” I think long and hard, contemplating my next words. I take a deep breath closing my eyes.

“The baby we had… are you saying it deserved to die?” I ask. I look down at the sand.

“It was weak… it wasn’t strong. It was innocent. It never asked to be born… but by your standards, it deserved death?” I ask. Tears well up in my eyes.

“Is that why you-“

“No.” He says. I blink in shock. Remus is touching me. His hands are on either side of my shoulders, and he’s staring into my gaze. His eyes wide and filled with pain. His brow furrows, and his hand comes up to touch my cheek.

“No… I would have never…” He trails off.

“Our child didn’t deserve that.” He says.

“I never meant to hurt you, or our unborn child.” Tears well up in his eyes as well. He doesn’t blink.

“I hurt you. Both of you. And I can never atone for that.” He says. I feel the sand underneath me trembling, and I realize Remus is unknowingly causing it to shift.

“You… were my family. And I destroyed that. I…and I almost…” He trails off. The sand is now visibly rising around us, and I feel a chill sweep over my arms. He glares at me, his tears spilling over, and he slowly drops his head. He doesn’t make a sound as his shoulders shake. I'm in complete and utter shock.

Remus is crying. The sand is becoming more violent, as does he.

“I didn’t know it was you… I didn’t know… But I was weak… and she was strong, and she prevailed over me. She won. She took my chance at happiness. She took my child, and she almost took you from me.” He says.

I slowly reach out, placing my hand over his back. He’s warm. A tingle spreads over my fingers from the heat he gives off.

“Remus…” I trail off not knowing what to say. So, I let my tears fall, and I let him release the grief he’s been holding inside of himself. As do I.

~