Loving You - Chapter 22 (Patreon)

2 weeks without Damien. And it had rested me immensely. Jax and I would speak every day, but he would keep his distant a little as if he were observing me. Maybe he was afraid he'd catch the bug I had. Ever since that first day I've barely been able to keep anything down. Even when Damien and I spoke he seemed a little off. But I didn't dare ask him what was on his mind.

Today I sat by the window staring out into the ocean. I was so focused I hadn't even noticed Damien standing in the doorway.

"Oh! You're back!" I was a little shocked to see him because he never told me he was coming home. He was standing on the doorframe with a blank expression on his face. He walked across the room silently He sat down beside me, still with an emotionless expression on his face. No hello or Hi angel like he usually did when he got back from trips. He held something out to me. My eyes traveled down and my stomach dropped as I took in what he had in his hand. A pregnancy test.

I looked back up to his blue gaze, confusion evident on my face.

"Wha-why do I need that?" I distinctly remember I had asked Damien about that being a possibility and he told me that we'd be fine. He specified that we'd be fine.

Damien sighed deeply before moving his gaze back to mine.

"Just do it Nevaeh." I numbly grab the test and walk into the bathroom following the directions.

~

Damien's POV

Nevaeh walked into the bathroom. Her small frame being swallowed by the large shirt she was wearing. She was beautiful. Even more so now. When Jax called me about his suspicions I wanted nothing more than to come back immediately and see for myself, but I couldn't let my emotions get in the way of my obligations. The possibility that Nevaeh might be pregnant with my child gave me emotions that I'd never felt before. Fear, Joy, anger, I didn't know which one to feel. But after thinking things over one emotion was apparent. Happiness. I may have been a lost cause, but this kid, this part of me and Nevaeh wasn't.

Nevaeh exited the bathroom looking as if she'd seen a ghost. The test in her shaking hands.

"You-you said we'd be alright... you said... you made me think.." She collapsed but I reached to hold her up before she could hit the ground. The test dropping to the floor with a clatter. Her shoulders were shaking in my arms as she cried harder.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She jerked out of my grasp stumbling and fell to the ground, crawling away from me with a crazed expression. "Don't touch me. Please." She all but whispered to herself. I could do nothing but stand there in shock. I had no idea how to react to her. She jumped up suddenly and ran out of the room. I look down at the floor where the test lay facedown when she dropped it. I reach down and pick it up turning it over. My heart jumps in my chest. It's positive.

~

I lay in bed that night trying to sleep. But it refuses to come. My only escape refusing me use of its shelter. I'm pregnant. With Damiens child. A sob choked its way out of my throat at the thought. I wanted nothing more than to do something and just end my life, but I couldn't now because I had a responsibility to this poor baby. Why didn't I try to end my life before all of this got out of hand. I didn't know the first thing about being a mother. And I knew for sure Damien had no idea, look at the way he was raised.

I heard the door creak open and soft footsteps padded across the room. I closed my eyes and pretended to be sleep in hopes that Damien wouldn't bother me. I felt him pull the covers back and lay in bed beside me. After a moment or two of silence he shifted and lifter my shirt so that he could lay his head near my bare stomach.

I felt his hand press lightly to my stomach.

"Hey there, son or daughter. Whichever you are I'm so excited to meet you. Me and your mom have a crazy relationship, but I know we wont let that get in the way of being great parents to you." There's a pause and he takes a shaky breath.

"I've never had a family before. I know that what I had growing up was not it. I promise I wont be anything like my father was. I will love you and be kind and gentle to you, just like my mother. I know you'll be loved and cherished by me and your mom both. Because your mom is amazing. She's the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. I know she hates me right now. But I also know she'll love you." He starts to rub his hand back and forth in small circles over my stomach.

"Right now, you and your mom are the only things keeping me going. I cant wait to see you. I love you." He shifts again and I feel his warm lips on my stomach in a soft kiss. He then pulls me in his warm embrace and lays a hand over my stomach.

"I know you probably hate me. But I love you. So much. I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you, Nevaeh. I promise you I'll make it up to you somehow. I just want to see you happy again. Like you were when we were playing in the snow. I feel him shift and there's a kiss on the top of my head.

Damien's breathing eventually evens out and his arms slacken behind me. He's asleep. Everything he just said tore at my heart. I wanted to find it in myself to be nice to him, to even love him. But after everything he put me through I was too terrified to try it again. But my heart ached for Damien. He was lost and confused. His father made him this way. And there was nothing anyone could do to change that fact. It was there forever etched into the way Damien acted.

But I did realize that Damiens salvation may be in what happens the next 9 months and after that. I take a deep breath. This was unexpected and crazy, but a new feeling washed over me. I was going to be a mother. Someone was going to be born of me and look up to me and love me unconditionally. Even if it was with Damien, my newfound purpose was one that I would never forget. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Just maybe.~

For the first time in 15 years, nightmares didn't plague my dreams. I awoke to see the sun streaming in through the window. Nevaeh is still asleep in front of me, this would be the first time I've slept this late. I'm usually awake to take care of business but for some reason today I wanted to stay in with Nevaeh.

I look at her now sleeping form. She looked so beautiful. Her face wasn't in a frown like it usually is and she actually looked a little happy in her sleep. I looked down to her stomach at the now growing life inside of her. I will never be able to fathom how my father treated me the way he did. This feeling that I'm getting towards our new baby is unlike anything and I couldn't imagine inflicting any harm on it whatsoever.

Nevaeh groaned and shifted in her sleep. I get up and walk to the bathroom. After a quick shower I get dressed and head to my office.

I'm working on a new model when Jax enters.

"So I was right then?" He's standing in the doorway smiling lightly at me.

"Looks that way." Jax walks over to me in large strides and slaps me on the back. "Congratulations man!" His big grin making me smile back.

"Thanks man." It's quiet for a moment and he sits down in the chair in front of my desk. "Damien." I look up from my work to see Jax has a serious look on his face. "I know you're going to be a great father. You're going to do right by this kid I just know it." A swelling comes in my chest. Jax and I never got sentimental with each other. But hearing those words from someone that never bullshited me made me feel really good.

I stood up from behind my desk and walked over to Jax giving him a hug. This was new for the both of us. We hadnt hugged each other since we were 12 and I found out who his father was. Everything that was happening to me was new as new could get. I had never had feelings for anyone, I had never been sentimental, I had never looked out for anyone but myself. But now, everything was about to change.

~

Dr. Whitehead stood over both Nevaeh and I speaking about the details of her pregnancy.

"Judging from the tests and blood samples I'd say she's about 8 weeks along. Now I can prescribe some prenatals to make sure that the baby is getting enough nutrient, and she can still move about freely."

Nevaeh was sitting beside me, her small hand in mine. The look o her face focused on what the doctor was saying. I couldn't help but admire her courage, besides her one outburst she had been very accepting of this new development.

"I'll send you both a list of things to keep in her diet and what not to eat, and I'll be back in a few weeks if you want to know the gender."

"We do." I spoke before Nevaeh could respond. The doctor smiled at me knowingly. He had been in my families services for years and is the only person I'd ever trust with my wounds. He saved my life quite a few times.

He turned to pack up his things and left us alone in the room together. I look at Nevaeh who was sitting there silently staring at the floor.

"Nevaeh." I whispered. She jumped slightly at the sound of my voice. "I'm sorry for startling you. What do you want to do today? We have the whole day to spend together." She turned to look at me, her bright green eyes shining back at me. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. I smiled at her trying to ease her frazzled mind.

"I'll just go take care of some business, have a nice day baby." I lean in to kiss her cheek and walk out of the room to do some planning.

~

Nevaeh's POV

I haven't seen Damien since he told me he had business this morning. I'd been alone all day doing nothing but reading a book by the window. I'm deep into my story as Damien comes back in the room after a whole day of being gone. He glares at me his face not showing any emotion which terrifies me to no end.

"Come with me." My heart jumps as Damien leads me down the hallway. I'm scared he's going to take me back to that awful room, but I don't dare speak up. I sigh in relief as he leads me out the back door. What I see in front of me makes me gasp in surprise. There's a giant white screen, and decoration lights streamed over the whole backyard. In the middle is a comfy looking sofa right in front of the screen and on the table there is an assortment of candy and popcorn. I look at Damien and he's smiling at me, his dimple showing. He takes my hand and leads me to the couch.

"Wait right here." He then disappears. I look around at the display he set up in awe. Damien had always showered me with expensive gifts, luxurious dinners, but never has he given me anything that I truly wanted. Something from the heart that's creative. Just like this. I hear footsteps behind me and look to see Damien coming towards me with a box.

He sits down beside me and hands me the gift motioning for me to open it. I tear at the edges and open it to see a light blue teddy bear. I laugh to myself and look to him questioningly but he has a serious expression on his face.

"Nevaeh, I know this is all new. And I know that everything I've done up to this point has been awful, maybe even unforgivable. But I want you to know that I'll do whatever it takes to keep you, and this baby happy. And that's a promise. You may not feel the same about me, but I love you, Nevaeh. I truly do." He puts his hand over mine, the warmth seeping in from his warm body. "I will love you as long as I live." He caresses my cheek and his deep blue irises flicker down to my lips. He leans in closely and my breathing turns heavy as I realize what he's about to do. I want to stop him but I can't. Everything in my body is screaming for him. I close my eyes and feel his warm lips on mine. Sparks shoot through my body and he depens the kiss, lightly tracing my lip with his tongue. I open my mouth to let him in. He groans and kisses me harder. Before I realize what's going on Damien is sitting away from me, staring at me, his lips are slightly swollen.

"I came here to watch a movie and spend time with you. As much as I'd love to, I wont force you to be with me." He smiles at me showing his straight white teeth making my heart skip a beat. He reaches for some popcorn and presses play on the movie. He then leans in close to me pulling me under his arm and we sit like that watching the movie and enjoying each others company.