The Ice Queen "The Real Monster" - Ch. 9 (Patreon)

Neytiri

The halls feel empty. It reminds me of the night in Cassian’s castle when it rained. It was empty and I was frightened to be in a new place alone. And now history has repeated itself. With Caius gone, I feel more out of my element than ever. His presence has been a comfort to me, especially after he swore himself to me. And he’s been by my side since I woke up. 

But now I’ve been left alone with Cassian on the estate. My earlier motivation to face him and our past has been all but dashed as I think of the expression I saw on his face as Caius left. Dragonborn are territorial and known for their tempers. It feels like Cassian and Caius have been on common ground all this time because they had a common goal. But now that I have awakened, their loyalties have been divided once more, Cassian’s tamped-down rage at betrayal slowly rearing its head.

I silently walk through the first floor of the estate taking in my surroundings. There’s a living room with a beautiful view of the back of the estate. Cassian told me to limit my time outdoors seeing as we’re trying to solve the mystery of what is happening with my power. And the condition of remaining on Brineau is that I cooperate with what he asks of me. It’s an exchange of trust for both of us but it still makes me uneasy. It feels like I am sacrificing more on my end and Cassian has full control.

I turn away from the window as the sound of footsteps sound from the hall. I hide my shock when Cassian rounds the corner, papers in hand. He’s dressed in modern clothing that Caius has referred to as Casual wear, his hair pulled away from his face in a low ponytail. His gaze drifts to where I stand as he passes by, his footsteps faltering when he takes me in. His dark gaze is terrifying as he studies me and I bow slightly hoping to deter the intimidation.

“Good morning,” I murmur.

Cassian studies me for a moment, closing the binder in his hands, his direction of steps changing to where I stand. He angles his head slightly as he approaches.

“Are you so formal when greeting Caius in the mornings?” he asks standing over me. I raise my gaze looking in his eyes. The Dragonborn’s eyes are naturally intimidating to look at, so I try and remind myself of Cassian’s words to me when I awoke. He is no longer a threat and his actions so far have proven that.

“No,” I whisper. Cassian smiles softly, reaching toward my face. He notices my reaction, pulling away at the last second.

“Don’t be with me.”

He studies me for a moment longer before looking beyond me to the scenery that covers the estate.

“I pass by this room every day and I’ve never bothered to look at what’s beyond it,” he says stepping past me. I watch him silently as he takes in the scenery for himself, willing myself to approach. From this proximity, I can feel the heat radiating from his skin. But I don’t let it add to my unease.

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

I watch Cassian in confusion but nod my head anyway. I crave to be outdoors in this weather, and I won’t torture myself because it’s Cassian who asked. Cassian smiles at my response, holding his hand out to me. My gaze drifts from his face to his hands. These are the hands that wiped out my people and at one time comforted me. They are also the hands that took what we all thought was my life at the time. And now, they are the hands that have saved my people from extinction.

I take in a deep breath, placing my hand in his. The warmth from his palm dims slightly as he takes my hand, leading me outdoors. The air feels wonderful. It’s crisp and freezing. The snow stopped falling hours ago, so only a gray sky remains overhead. The sound of our feet crunching in the snow fills the air as we make our way through the snow-covered courtyard.

My gaze shifts to Cassian, and I can tell by his demeanor he is uncomfortable.

“Caius tells me your lessons are going well,” he says breaking the silence.

I nod.

“You were right, learning comes fairly easy for me,” I say.

“So what do you think of the new world?” he asks.

I shrug.

“I don’t think I like it. It looks like humans followed in our footsteps when writing their history. And it feels like we’ve failed as Ancients.”

Cassian chuckles next to me.

“We failed as Ancients long ago. Now, we can only adapt to the world.”

I peek up at Cassian as we walk. His expression is soft as he stares straight ahead.

“Do you ever miss how things were?” I ask.

Cassian shakes his head.

“No. Things for me weren’t in a good place for most of my life. I would say it was perfect for about ten years of my youth.”

“That’s a very specific number,” I say. Cassian stops walking, looking up at the sky.

“That is how old my sister was when she became a casualty of war.”

A silence overcomes us as the meaning of his words sinks in. Cassian suffered for years after his family’s death. And he seems to have suffered from mine as well.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur.

“Don’t be. It was long ago and you have more than paid for your people’s deceptions.”

I find myself wondering if Cassian knows why they were attacked. Any time our blood oath is brought up I feel unimaginable guilt for walking right into the fate my brothers died trying to prevent. But Cassian has never mentioned it and I can’t help but wonder if he knew about it, or if it was only a threat to my people.

“What was she like?” I ask. I’ve never tried to get to know Cassian personally. In our past, he was an intimidating figure to me much more so than he is now. His questions were always laced with underlying meaning and the two of us never knew each other outside of our war and deceptions of one another.

Cassian turns to look at me, a look of shock on his features. Slowly, the wall he had melts away as he thinks of his sister.

“She was fun. She was uninhibited by the chains of this world. She was truly free. A shining example of what a Dragonborn should be.” Cassian smiles softly, his dimple forming as he looks at the snow.

“She was also an accident. My mother’s pregnancy with me was difficult and she was told that she would no longer be able to bear children. And that is why Aurora was born so far from me. But she was the best surprise any of us could have hoped for.”

“Her name was Aurora?” I ask.

Cassian looks at me, his gaze intense as he takes me in and he nods, a sad smile forming on his lips.

“I wish I could have seen her grow.”

Silence.

“I had two brothers,” I say pulling Cassian’s attention.

“Oh?”

“They were twins. A good omen in my culture. Kesuk and Siku. Kesuk was in line to be the next chief. They were always causing trouble. Well, before Kesuk got married.”

Cassian comes toward me, a strange expression on his face.

“You never told me this. Not even when you were a child,” he says eyeing me.

“I didn’t remember it. My brother tampered with my mind the same way you did before he died. I guess he understood that living without memory was much less suffering than reliving what happened,” I say.

Cassian gently takes ahold of my hand in his and I look at the contrasts between the both of us. We both lost a lot to a war that was out of our hands. Cassian’s rage seems more understandable the more I get to know his reasonings behind it. His hand shifts to my face, tracing his own symbol.

“I never knew that… I’m sorry I tampered with your mind. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. I guess your brother and I were alike in that regard,” he says studying me. I can’t help but smile at that. Cassian and my brother are similar when I think about it. My brother risked everything for what he believed was just to protect his family. And Cassian did the same, although his vengeance came after my brother’s killed his entire family, including his sister.

“How can you look at me and not want to kill me? How can you house my people as if we aren’t responsible for your pain?” I ask.

“Our people.”

I look at Cassian in confusion.

“Wha-”

“They’re our people now, Neytiri. Did you forget? Time may have passed but our oath still stands.”

I silently hold my hand to my face taking in the faded wound. That day plays vividly in my mind and though Cassian can smile about it now, it was not a happy occasion. I flinch as memories of that day assault me, my mind becoming clouded with strain. Cassian is by my side in an instant, his hands gently wrapping around my shoulders.

“Fight it, Neytiri. Don’t let your fears control you. I am not here to harm you. I am here to help you grow into the woman you are meant to be. The warrior you always were, and the ruler you never got to become.”

His words penetrate the fog and I try my best to fight it, but as I look into his eyes, fresh fear washes over me. The memory of our past strikes me of him coming toward me with evil intent, clad in armor with flames pouring from his skin. I feel his arms around my wrists, holding me tight.

“Look at me!” he growls. My eyes are wide as I look into his gaze.

“Let me in,” he urges. I feel him prying at my mind, and I try my best to hold back whatever is trying to escape me. But as we look into each other’s gaze, I see his expression shift into one of complete shock before a surge of power washes over me, striking Cassian.

His body is forced back, and he hits the ground in front of me. Just as suddenly as it came, the power I felt disappears. A silence overcomes the courtyard and Cassian doesn’t stir in front of me. I will my feet to move, collapsing by his side.

“Cassian!”

I gently shake him but he’s unconscious. His expression is soft and lax of emotion but I can hear the faint rhythm of his heartbeat as he breaths evenly beneath me. I look around for help, but we’re in the middle of the courtyard.

“Someone help!” I scream.

I place my hands on Cassian’s chest, my eyes widening when I feel the turmoil inside of him. His ribs are broken.

“Help us! Someone!”

Tears spill over my cheeks as I take him in, and I lay my head on his chest. From the moment I awoke, I saw myself as the victim in this situation, but that is no longer the case. Everyone that is near me is in danger. I am the bigger threat. Cassian didn’t attempt to fight me or defend himself from me, his need to earn my trust overshadowing his decision-making. And now, he is injured.

My sobs fill the air as the truth they’ve been shielding from me finally rears its head.

I am the monster now.