Imperfection - Chapter Ten (Patreon)

Olwen

I’ve never felt an emotional attachment before. In my mind, my family is my blood and therefore they are important. But in an emotional way, I’ve never felt that overwhelming desire that they’ve spoken of over the years. If anything, I’ve grown to detest emotional attachments. They are unnecessary and complex. And they would hinder me in every form of my life, especially where I am now.

I don’t know if it’s emotional, but I feel myself growing an attachment to Tiberius. His presence makes the constant of my mind still. His words take me to places I’ve never experienced before. And his eyes hold so much pain for me, that I’ve begun to wonder how he sees me, and why it’s changed from disgust to pity. I lower myself in the tub, letting the wash over me until I am completely submerged. Only the slow beat of my heart penetrates my senses as I remain underwater.

“Do you think so little of yourself that you won’t even fight back? You won’t even fight for yourself?”

I can’t begin to decipher what those words mean. What is it to fight back? It would only cause unnecessary troubles and delay plans from being implemented. What is there to fight for? I am doing what I was born to do, so why let the words of men who couldn’t care less about their own self-image bother me? The sadness that dripped from Tiberius’s tone when asking me that question bothers me.

My chest begins to burn, alerting me of my lack of oxygen and I quickly rise up, breaking through the surface of the water. The bathroom is still warm with steam floating through the air as I lean against the tub, my eyes shifting to the door. Tiberius should have retired for the night hours ago but I have not been able to sleep. My mind once again drifts to the expression I saw on his face as he threatened Alexander. There was no smug superiority in his expression, only a fierce desire to protect me.

I release a breath in an attempt to release the stress building.

It is his job to protect me. It is what role was given to him in our society, that is all. He was the top of his class for a reason and was assigned to me because he is the best to get it done. Clearly, he takes his job seriously, even when I reprimand him for boldly threatening someone like Alexander.

A small chuckle escapes me.

It’s no wonder my father is a whimsical man. If he has to deal with this kind of thing in the government, I can see why he wears humor and kindness as a shield. It’s disarming to others. But I am not my father, as I am incapable of even the slightest hint of humor. And I am not my brother either. I am also incapable of polite conversation. The prince himself pointed it out when speaking to me.

I am an anomaly in this world that everyone fears because of the way I make them feel just by being in their presence. Everyone but Tiberius, that is. Irritation forms in me as I get out of the tub. Even if I am forming an attachment to Tiberius, I must be weary of my response to it. Should anyone see me being anything more than cordial with him, it wouldn’t end well. He may be a top candidate from the knight’s class, but he is still an outsider. As far as our society is concerned, the best thing he can do is die for me.

Once I’m finished with my bath, I make my way back to the living room, where I left my workstation for the night. Seeing as everyone is asleep, I don’t bother throwing on anything other than a robe, leaving my hair to air dry. The customs of Etherium require that I always have my hair neat and pulled away from my face when in society.

I quickly make my way down the steps, my heart leaping into my throat when I see a looming figure near my workspace. The light front of the fireplace illuminates him so that I can only make out the silhouette of his form. A squeak leaves my lips and I lose my footing on the steps, stumbling over the last few until I collapse in a heap at the bottom of the steps.

I cry out in pain just as the figure approaches me with intent. My eyes widen and I once again scramble, trying to find my voice.

“T-Tiberius!” I scream just as the silhouette steps into the light.

“Yes?” I open my eyes to see Tiberius standing over me. He’s dressed in black sweatpants and a loose-fitting tee that still hugs his muscular chest slightly as he reaches for me, concern lacing his features.

“Are you alright?” he asks.

Embarrassment mingled with anger flares up within me and I slap his hand away, grabbing ahold of the railing to pull myself up.

“What are you doing in here?” I snap. I look around the room in a panic.

“I thought I told you to go to sleep,” I add with a narrowed gaze.

Tiberius smiles with a raised brow as I adjust myself, pulling my robe over my exposed shoulder.

“I was making your tea for the night,” he says just as the electronic beep signals the ready water. I watch him intensely, my irritation growing when only amusement is reflected back at me. I can’t tell if he’s lying or not. I shove past him, making my way to the couch to get comfortable as I organize the work I left out. None of it is out of place in the slightest.

Tiberius doesn’t seem aware that I am looking for a lie as he moves past me to continue making tea. I assume he’s taken the job over from Augustus because of how often he does it for me.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” I ask as he places the warm cup in front of me.

“I never sleep while you’re still awake,” he says. I scoff, rolling my eyes. I take note that he’s making his way to a corner to stand, just as he always does.

“Just sit. I can’t take you lurking in the shadows of the walls again,” I say quickly.

I hear his soft laugh, reminding me of just how much he makes me feel somewhat normal. Minutes ago I sat in the tub lamenting of how much I lack in humor that my father was gifted with. But Tiberius finds humor in my words without me knowing what he finds funny.

Tiberius sits on the cushions across from me, silent as I attempt to immerse myself in work. But the longer I stare at the screen, the more my mind is screaming at me of the situation I am in. I am barely clothed beneath this robe, and my curls are all over the place as I let the air do the job that I usually take the time to do. It’s the most disheveled I’ve ever been in front of anyone. And the most vulnerable.

“Are you sure you’re alright, you landed pretty hard. I can go get an aid kit if you’re feeling pain,” he says.

“Only my pride is hurt, thank you,” I quickly counter.

My tailbone is a little sore, but it’s nothing to worry anyone over. I’ll live through it. Silence overcomes us once again, and I am finally able to focus on the work in front of me, ignoring Tiberius’s presence.

I’ve become obsessed with Ethos’s well-being. The news of civil unrest is traveling fast. And I’ve picked up a few coded messages over dead lines that outsiders use that hint at something more sinister being at play. It speaks of infiltrations not only in Ethos but within our domes as well. I remember reading about countries doing this kind of thing during warfare. They would send their own into unsuspecting countries, crippling it from the inside. The king may refuse to see what is unfolding before his eyes, but I won’t be caught off guard.

I’ve already begun mapping out not only contingency plans but the creation of electronic signals that can wipe out transmissions and wipe the Ethos server if necessary. I only need to speak with my brother to see how things truly are with Ethos. If I play my cards right, I’ll be able to visit Ethos in the near future and see for myself what needs to be done.

I shift my attention to Tiberius. His attention is focused on the windows surrounding us instead of my work. He rarely seems interested in what I do, his obsession with keeping me safe is hardly that of someone who is infiltrating our system. The infiltrations have to come from the lower classes; people who were given the bare minimum of entering our society. I place my work down pulling Tiberius’s attention as I reach for the cup of tea. The light taste of lavender touches my tongue as I sip on it, instantly calming my mind. I eye Tiberius, holding the cup out.

“You are very intent on making me sleep,” I say. He raises a brow, eyeing me curiously.

“You do know you are sleep-deprived, right?” he asks.

I shake my head, taking another sip.

“I get enough sleep,” I say. Tiberius shifts forward in his seat, his expression turning serious.

"Miss Sheridan, do you really not know how you get to bed every night?" he asks. His eyes are accentuated by the warm flicker of the fire as he watches me and I'm suddenly aware of how warm it is.

I don't respond. I've never thought of how I fall asleep in one place and wake up in bed. I just assumed it was me getting up and moving myself. But his tone suggests otherwise.

"Why do you worry about me so much? I've given you no reason or indication that I need that from you. Yet you do extra for me. Why is that?" I ask.

"I can't tell you that. You would only be insulted," he says.

I release a laugh, leaning back in my seat. Tiberius smiles after watching me do the action before looking away.

"What now?" I ask.

"I didn't think you were capable of this," he says gesturing to me.

"Capable of what?" I ask.

He shrugs, his eyes roaming over me like they did that day, taking in every part of me.

"Relaxing."

His smile is soft as he watches my reaction. My smile slowly falls as the extent of his words hit me, but I quickly recover, hiding my emotions.

“By the way, I’m sorry about things getting out of hand the other day. I know my actions will fall on you over the course of the week. And I never meant to put you in that kind of position. I only wanted to protect you from the constant bombardment that the others seem intent on giving you.”

I’m silent for a moment as I think about his words. A soft sigh leaves my lips and I place the cup onto the table.

“I don’t think you were entirely intent on protecting me. I think you were projecting some other feelings onto Alexander.”

Surprise appears on Tiberius’s face and he doesn’t try and cover it up.

“Why would you think that?” he asks.

“I watched you,” I say simply.

“You were angry for me. Isn’t that why you’re pushing me to stand up for myself?”

Tiberius shakes his head.

“You got all of that from watching me?”

“When your guard was down, yes.”

Tiberius is once again shocked by my words but continues to play into what I’m saying.

“My guard?” he echoes.

I nod. I’ve already attempted to prod him about his intentional demeanor but he always feigns ignorance, just as he’s doing now. Tiberius thinks about his response. He’s thinking of what to say and how to calculate it so that I cannot get anything more from it.

“I only meant to protect you, Miss Sheridan.”

Just as I suspect, I get nothing from his response. I want to press him for more information, but just as I’m about to, the electronic beep echoes over the living room. Someone’s at my door. Tiberius is up before I am, his reaction startling me. His muscles are tensed as he looks in the direction of the front door.

“Would you calm down? No one is going to attack us in the palace,” I snap standing.

“Let me-”

“No. You’ve done quite enough tonight,” I say stepping past him. I quickly make my way to the door pulling it open.

My eyes widen.

“Orion?” I say his name softly, my eyes already picking up on everything that is wrong with him. Orion is my brother’s closest friend. I’ve had most of my life to study him and understand him enough that as I look at him now, I know something is wrong. And it’s not just his 2 AM visit to my apartments.

“What are you-”

“I’m sorry to stop by so late. Our flight didn’t quite go as planned and Benjamin made it very clear that he didn’t want you to worry,” he says. He even smiles for good measure, holding an envelope out to me. Everything about him is wrong. He’s frightened, anxious, and intimidated. His words to the untrained eye sound sincere. But I sense the underlying tone easily.

“The communication is weird in Ethos and we’ve been having problems but he wrote this and wanted me to give it to you. He always said how much you appreciated the lost art of handwritten letters,” he says laughing.

I gently take the letter from Orion eyeing the unbroken seal of our family crest.

“Thank you… I just made some tea won’t you rest for a minute-”

“I can’t. The king is expecting me. I just had to get that to you before I spent the next few days in meetings. I know there won’t be any time for it in the future.”

His eyes search mine, pleading with me to understand his hidden desperation. I smile, pulling him in for a hug.

“I understand,” I say before pulling away.

“It was lovely seeing you.”