Imperfection - Chapter Fifteen (Patreon)

Olwen

I should push him away. I know I should. But I can’t. My body responds in a way it never has before as he deepens the kiss. His lips are warm against mine, and when I press my palm against his chest, it only increases the pleasure as the warmth from his skin heats my own. His free hand slips to my lower back, pulling me flush against his body as he continues to kiss me. My mind is silent, all logic nonexistent. The calm he brings spreads over me, making my body feel pleasantly warm, especially when his tongue gently dips in my mouth, stroking my own. Warmth settles between my legs in an intense ache, a moan finding its way past my lips.

But it isn’t me who pulls out of the kiss. It’s Tiberius. He slowly pulls back; the deep mingle of gold and honey reflecting back at me in his hooded gaze. Our breathing is slightly strained as we study each other. I see desire in his expression and a fight to gain control. I gently press against his chest, stepping back. It forces my body to register how chilly the air is without the warmth of his form covering me. We both stare at each other, unaware of how to react to what we just did.

What we did is not only Taboo, it is punishable. I could be stripped of my position and Tiberius removed from Etherium. Intermingling is strictly forbidden. It would ruin the centuries of breeding that established Etherium as the powerhouse that it is. It would give genetics that have been carefully curated to the wild and unpredictable genetics of the outside. Mentally I know all of this, but the more I think of his words accompanied by the feeling of his lips on mine, the rules seem foggy.

Tiberius is the first to speak.

“I didn’t mean to—”

I quickly move past him to the door when he grabs my wrist.

“Olwen, wait-”

“I should return to the lecture,” I murmur, pulling my hand from his grip, but I don’t move. My hand remains frozen on the door. I’m afraid to look at him. I’m fearful of what I might see if I do.

“Why did you do that?” I whisper. I finally look at him, my eyes flitting over his form as I try and find an explanation for his kiss, but he’s as he always is. Rigid in his posture, his body giving nothing away. I feel flustered that my emotions are spiraling out of control, and I have no real grasp on the situation. I should report him and have him removed from Etherium. I would usually have no qualms about making that kind of decision but as I study him, I realize more that it isn’t a matter of logic. It’s emotion. And I just don’t want to.

“Answer me!” I snap.

“It was a mistake. Please forgive me. I know I shouldn’t have acted on my feelings, but I can’t seem to do anything right when it comes to you.”

My eyes widen.

“But you hate me. I’m arrogant and emotionless. I am an Etherian,” I say, trying to make sense of his words versus his actions. Tiberius chuckles, pulling my attention. He tilts his head back slightly, looking at the top of the building before looking at me.

“You’re right. But those are the things that make you… you. And I like that.”

“You can’t. It’s forbidden. You could lose your life over this—”

“I don’t care. I’m sick of letting people with more power than me dictate my life. This is the one thing that I’ve been able to choose for myself. Trust me, I’ve thought long and hard about it. But I always come up with the same answer.”

He closes the spaces between us, his hand closing over mine as he pulls it away from the handle. He presses my hand against his chest, his eyes meeting mine.

“Tell me you don’t feel the same.”

I rip my hand from his grasp, pulling the door open as panic settles in.

“I don’t know how I feel. I’m just vulnerable emotionally because of my brother. And you’re the only one who has seen—”

“You can’t logic your way out of this. You kissed me back. I know you feel something for me. Why are you afraid to admit that?” he asks.

“Because it’s forbidden! It’s wrong!”

Tiberius takes a step toward me, but I hold my hand up to stop him.

“Don’t. Just go home. You’re relieved of your duty.”

“Olwen—”

“I have to go.”

* * * * *

I don’t go back to the lecture. I return to the palace without Tiberius. I need space from him. I try to think of something else; focus on anything else. But the memory of Tiberius’s lips on mine plays constantly in my head. And his words make me feel a way no one else has ever made me feel. I can’t imagine why he would do something so bold. I also can’t comprehend how he could truly feel that way about someone he loathes. He hates everything that I am. I’ve seen it on more than one occasion. But I’ve also seen him get angry on my behalf. I’ve seen him stay up late to ensure that I get to sleep and bring me meals to ensure I eat. I told myself it was only his job, but even he reiterated it was a kindness.

I chuckle to myself.

Kindness. What use do I have for such a useless emotion? What use have I ever had for it? It wasn’t until Tiberius showed up in my life that I realized what it looked like. I’ve never felt so confused about t how to handle a situation before. I know what I should do, but even now, I can’t do anything past pacing around the living room.

“Miss Sheridan?” I tense when Augustus appears in the hall with a concerned look. He briefly looks around me in search of Tiberius.

“Is everything alright?” he asks.

“Everything is fine. You may retire for the night,” I murmur, brushing past him. I feel his eyes on me, but like all servants, he won’t push past what I’ve said. He isn’t like Tiberius, who does as he pleases without a care for the consequences. He is a mindless human brought and trained to remain that way.

I quickly make my way to the steps when I hear the electronic beep of the front door, followed by Tiberius’s voice.

“Where is she?” he asks. I hear Augustus’s meek response seconds before Tiberius rounds the corner, a flustered expression on his face.

“Are you crazy? You don’t just leave a venue without me. I don’t care how upset you are,” he says. His muscles are tense, and his face is flushed with anger. He was panicking.

“That’s no longer your concern-”

“Like hell it is! It’s not my concern when you formally get rid of me. Until then, you are stuck with me, and you don’t ever leave anywhere unattended, do you understand?”

I quickly cross the room, my eyes narrowed as I point at his chest.

“You don’t tell me what to do—ah!” Tiberius’s hand roughly grips my arm. His expression darkens as he flips me around, shoving my arm into my back as he cuts my feet out from under me. Once I’m immobile on the ground, he presses his knee into my back, restraining me completely.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I shout. I try and keep the panic out of my voice but fail miserably. He’s stronger than me and has trained in ways I’ve only read about. If he wanted, he could kill me in this moment. And I don’t know what it is he wants.

“I want you to focus on that fear you feel in your chest. The helplessness that comes with the pain of your limbs being twisted out of place as someone stronger and heavier than you pins you down and puts you at their mercy.” I tense as he leans closer to me, his lips hovering over my ear.

“I can do whatever I want, and no amount of intelligence will stop that. No one in this house can save you. No one here has trained long or hard enough to get me off of you.”

Tears sting my eyes from the helplessness I feel. And it isn’t until he hears my sob that he releases me. But I don’t get up. I remain in my place, slowly sitting up on the floor. I keep my eyes down, unable to look at him.

“Someone who would harm you wouldn’t care about your comfort. They would do worse than what I just did. I just need you to understand that you can’t just do as you please because you own me. I’m here for a reason, and that reason is to protect you. Even if it’s from yourself.”

Silence stretches over the room as Tiberius watches me, and I slowly come down from the panic that I feel. He’s obsessed with my protection as if he knows something about Etherium that I don’t. As if someone would harm me just because he isn’t around.

“But you can, right?” I snap. I use my anger to fuel my words, finally looking at Tiberius. “You can do as you please. To hell with the rules.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

I jump up from my place on the floor. 

“No, I don’t! I know nothing when it comes to you. I can’t read you, I can’t control you, I can’t even predict your moves. And I don’t know why you do the things that you do. You’re just impossible,” I say. As if wanting to add to my frustrations, Tiberius laughs.

“Fine. I’ll make it easy for you. I resign effective immediately. I’ll finish my post tonight and remain by your side until the physical transition.”

Instead of relief, it feels like my feet have been ripped out from under me. I once again feel helpless in a way that I didn’t know was possible for me. Tiberius studies me for a moment. But I can’t tell what he’s thinking. I don’t know if he’s bluffing or serious.

“That’s not…” I trail off, not knowing what to say.

“What? Does that bother you? Does it not compute with your logical mind?” he asks. But he wears a smirk as he closes the distance between us. His steps aren’t threatening, and he stands over me. We’re in the same position we were in at the lecture, except this time, we are utterly alone in my apartment.

“Why do you care so much about the rules? Has it never occurred to you that you might get some pleasure from breaking them?” he asks. He brings his hand up, once again cupping my cheek as he breaks not only the rules of Etherium but the walls I so carefully placed around myself all these years.

“Come on, Olwen. Do something unexpected.”