Sabbatical Guilt & The Body in a Cruise Ship Drink Fridge (Patreon)

She's back, baby!  And crankier than ever!

Does putting out this new video (for the second month in a row!) mean my sabbatical is truly over? Someone (me, in this case) can't be working full time and be on sabbatical, right? Depends on your definition of sabbatical. About three months ago––if you've been following this journey the whole time, hi, hello friend–– I started to work again and I've been working pretty full-time since then.

BUT IS IT STILL A SABBATICAL?  It feels like it is, because I'm deep-focusing on writing and research centered work. This style of work feels totally different than the wack-a-mole frantic pace of life before sabbatical. Do I feel guilty about this change?  YES I DO. 

This is what no one tells you recovering from longterm over-work. ("Over-work" is not the correct term, because that implies you're getting a ton of work done. You're usually not getting a ton of work done, you're scrambling around multi-tasking and not particularly succeeding at any one thing. ) But when you stop scrambling around and finally focus, you feel SO GUILTY about it. 

Part of this is the public performance of work. For a variety of reasons, we want people to understand (and give us credit for) how hard we're working. Even though I want to openly value and model rest and boundaries for myself and others, it's hard to give up the credit for working. 

For example: people saying "we realize you need this break, take as long as you need."  Which is such a kind, genuine thing to say! Yet deep in my body, there is a part of me like "what do you mean 'we understand you're on a break?' I'm working! Don't you see I'm still working!  Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't happening." Sooooo- we're still improvin' on that, folks. Just being #vulnerable #honest on this because I think some of you will relate. 

As for this month's video– originally it was going to be a patron-only video. I wrote about both these stories because I was genuinely passionate about them. But then I decided that even though it's not the biggest or flashiest video concept, I thought everyone might enjoy it. 

A question=> For me personally, with the people I support on Patreon, Substack, etc, if made to choose between a patron-only offering and a main channel/public offering, I'm going to choose the public offering. Not that I don't like things just for me (some people make very high-level Patreon-only content), but the reason I'm supporting is my love for what I originally found and loved of theirs– the public offerings.

That doesn't mean I won't be offering patron-only things, there are actually a few very cool exclusives coming up. But honest answer (this is a safe space) if made to chose between my effort going towards main channel or patron-only, what would you chose? If years of doing this has taught me anything it's that my raw instincts on what people want can be completely wrong! People are a rich tapestry!

See you sweet thangs next month, 

Caitlin, who is walking again!  Not super successfully yet, but walking!

PS- WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT 9AM EASTERN TOMORROW (Friday)? If you're a masochist (or just obsessed with the future of the funeral industry and how we're trapped in laws and regulations from 100 years ago) I'm giving a keynote at this symposium at Wake Forest Law School tomorrow.  Sign up here for free until 8pm tonight and start your day with a 40-minute long Caitlin-rant on embalmer licensing: https://web.cvent.com/event/0b96cc33-ac12-4169-9b77-9d50e0b7dd6e/summary