[Castle] Ch: 39 [Confessions & Welcome back] (Patreon)

Kate held Travis’s hand carefully, mindful of the IV line and the bruises shadowing his knuckles. Seeing him so still felt wrong. His hands were usually busy with a coffee cup, a motorcycle handlebar, a case file, or some stupid gesture that made her want to roll her eyes and smile at the same time.

For a few moments, Kate only watched him breathe, trying to fit this silent figure beneath the blankets with the man who saved her life without caring about his. 

“You know,” she began softly, “you’re supposed to be unconscious right now, which means this is probably the only chance I’ll get to say something without you interrupting me with one of your terrible jokes.”

Her thumb brushed over the back of his hand as she looked down at their fingers.

“I remember what you said in that maintenance room... Telling me to stay awake, even though you were hurt worse than I was. You were bleeding, half the tunnel was coming down around us, and you still found enough energy to remind me about Nebula 9.”

A faint smile touched her mouth before it faded again.

“The future dates talk was sweet in a completely reckless way. Then you brought up some ridiculous threesome or foursome plan like that was supposed to convince me not to pass out.”

She shook her head gently, careful not to pull at the pain in her stomach.

“I still haven’t decided whether that was your version of romance or a concussion talking. Either way, it worked better than it had any right to.”

Kate looked toward his face, and the warmth in her voice slowly gave way to something more honest.

“I wanted to live, Travis. I was scared..." She pressed her lips and nodded. "I was really scared, and I didn’t want that tunnel to be the last memories we shared.”

Her fingers tightened around his hand.

“There were things I still wanted. I wanted to see my dad again, go back to the precinct, and listen to Castle turn another bad theory into a speech. I wanted Ryan complaining about paperwork, Esposito pretending he doesn’t care when he obviously does, and I wanted the chance to beat you in that gym one day.”

The words caught in her throat for a moment, but she kept going.

“And I wanted more time with you.”

Kate sat quietly after that, letting the truth stay in the room without trying to soften it. She reached up with her free hand and moved a loose strand of hair away from his forehead.

“You kept me going when I was ready to let everything fade. You made me remember there was a world outside that tunnel, and there were things worth fighting to come back for.”

Her voice trembled despite the effort she put into keeping it calm.

“So thank you for coming after me. Thank you for protecting me when you had every reason to save yourself first. I’m still angry at you for being that reckless, and I’m probably going to remind you about it for the rest of your life.”

A quiet laugh escaped her before she looked down again.

“But I’m also grateful you were there with me.”

The monitor continued its steady rhythm, filling the silence while Kate waited for his fingers to move or his eyes to open. Nothing changed, and the ache in her chest had nothing to do with the injuries beneath her gown.

“By the way, we'll miss the Nebula 9 premiere,” she said after a moment. “That part is honestly tragic.”

Her lips curved slightly as she imagined him arguing back.

“When the DVD comes out, I’ll buy it, and we can watch it at my apartment like before. We’ll get popcorn, sodas, and no drinking competition because I learned my lesson about challenging you after wine.”

She paused, then added with a small smile, “Actually, I’ll make the popcorn. You’re staying far away from the stove until every doctor in this hospital agrees you can stand without trying to prove something stupid.”

Kate leaned closer, lowering her voice until it belonged only to him.

“You’ve got a long recovery ahead of you, Detective Wilson. You’re going to complain about every part of it, argue with the nurses, and convince Captain Montgomery to consider early retirement.”

Her hand closed around his again.

“But you’re going to wake up. You’re going to get better. Then we’re going to have that second date, even if it happens months late... I'll wait for you... No matter how long it takes, because I love you."

Kate watched him for another moment, her eyes wet but steady.

“So wake up for me, Travis. You still owe me a movie, a sparring rematch, and one chance to finally put you flat on that gym mat.”

A nurse appeared quietly in the doorway, her expression gentle as she checked the clock.

“Detective Beckett, your visit is almost over,” she said softly.

Kate nodded, but she didn’t release Travis’s hand right away.

“Give me one more minute, please,” she asked, still watching him closely.

After a brief pause, the nurse gave a small nod and stepped back into the hallway.

Kate leaned closer to him one last time.

“I’ll be here tomorrow,” she whispered. “I’ll be here every day until you wake up and complain about the hospital food.”

...

...

[Next Morning] [Intensive Care Unit]

Morning light reached Travis’s hospital room slowly, slipping through the half-closed blinds and leaving pale stripes across the floor. The monitors beside his bed kept a steady rhythm, soft enough that the room almost felt peaceful until someone looked closely at the bandages, the bruising along his face, and the machines doing part of the work his body could not manage alone.

Lanie stood outside the glass for a moment before stepping inside. She had checked on him more times than she wanted to admit over the last few days, usually finding some excuse about medication charts, recovery assessments, or updated lab results. This time, she had no chart in her hand and no professional excuse waiting behind her teeth.

A nurse glanced toward her from the station outside the room. “His vitals have stayed stable through the night,” she said quietly. “You can sit with him for a few minutes, Doctor Parish.”

Lanie nodded and walked toward the bed.

Travis looked wrong beneath the blankets. He was usually moving, talking, teasing someone, or carrying himself like the world had never produced a problem he could not solve through stubbornness and jokes. Seeing him unconscious made the room feel too still, as though somebody had taken the life out of him and left only the outline behind.

She pulled the chair closer and sat beside him.

“You know,” Lanie said, letting out a quiet breath, “that was really reckless. Even for you, Travis, that was a spectacularly stupid way to prove you care about somebody.”

Her eyes moved over his face, softening despite the frustration in her voice.

“But I’m glad you and Kate are still here,” she continued. “She woke up yesterday, and she asked about you before she asked about anything else. That woman cares about you more than she knows how to say.”

Lanie rested her hands together in her lap, then looked at the monitor beside his bed.

“Now all you’ve got to do is wake up,” she said. “You can complain about the food, flirt with the nurses, and tell every doctor in this hospital that you’re ready to leave before you can walk without help.”

A small laugh slipped out, though it faded when she saw that he did not react.

“You’d probably tell me you could run a marathon with a broken leg and one lung,” she murmured. “Then you’d ask whether I wanted to bet money on it, because apparently you enjoy making terrible decisions for fun.”

She reached for his hand carefully, avoiding the IV line and the bruises along his knuckles. His fingers felt warm beneath hers, and that small detail made something inside her chest tighten.

“When the doctor said you were critical, I didn’t know what to do,” Lanie admitted. “I kept waiting for someone to tell me they were wrong. I kept thinking you’d wake up, say something stupid, and make everyone in that waiting room angry because you refused to take anything seriously.”

Her thumb moved slowly across the back of his hand.

“There were so many things I never told you. I kept thinking I had time, and then I saw you in that hospital hallway after the tunnel collapsed. You were covered in blood, barely conscious, and still trying to ask whether Kate had made it out.”

Lanie lowered her gaze.

“The thought of losing you was...” She couldn't finish it.

The words stayed between them for several seconds.

She had spent months avoiding those words in one form or another, changing the subject whenever Travis asked what they were doing, what they wanted, or whether there could be something more than stolen nights and casual promises.

“I loved what we had at first,” she said quietly. “It was easy. You made me laugh, we went on dates, and neither of us had to pretend the future meant anything serious. I told myself that was enough because it felt safe."

Her mouth tightened into a faint, unhappy smile.

“Then you started wanting more, and every time you brought it up, I found a reason to avoid the conversation. I called it being practical. I said I didn’t want to complicate things. The truth was that I was scared of what came after people started making promises.”

Lanie leaned back slightly, her eyes drifting toward the window.

“My first relationship happened when I was still in high school. His name was Derek, and at first, he seemed perfect. He was funny, charming, and older than me by just enough that I thought it made him exciting. He made me feel important when I was still trying to figure out who I wanted to be.”

Her expression changed as the memory settled over her.

“Then the rules started. He wanted to know where I was, who I talked to, why I wore certain clothes, and why I spent time with anyone who was not him. Every argument ended the same way. He’d apologize, say he was stressed, and tell me he acted that way because he loved me too much.”

Her fingers tightened around Travis’s hand.

“The first time he hurt me, I told myself it was an accident. After that, I kept making excuses because admitting the truth felt worse than living inside it. He started giving me pills whenever I couldn’t sleep or stop shaking. He said they would help me calm down, and I believed him because I wanted relief more than I wanted answers.”

She swallowed hard before continuing.

“For a while, I barely recognized myself. I was exhausted, scared, and convinced that leaving would make everything worse. A teacher noticed something was wrong, and my aunt kept pushing until I finally admitted enough for people to help me get away.”

Lanie looked back at Travis, her voice quieter now.

“It took a long time to stop feeling trapped whenever someone raised their voice near me. Even after I got out, part of me kept waiting for the next person to show me that kindness always came with a price.”

The monitor continued its steady beeping while she sat beside him, speaking into the quiet room as though the truth had waited too long already.

“After Derek, I promised myself I’d never let anyone get close enough to control me again,” Lanie said. “I spent years building walls and calling them independence because that sounded stronger than admitting I was terrified.”

Her eyes lowered again.

“Then I met Marcus in college. At first, he was everything Derek had never been. He listened to me. He brought me coffee during exams. He remembered little things about me that nobody else cared enough to notice. He made me think I had been wrong to give up on love.”

A pause stretched between her sentences as she carefully chose the next words.

“We got engaged after graduation. I thought I finally had something good, something normal... something that wouldn’t hurt me.”

Her grip trembled slightly around Travis’s hand.

“On the day we were supposed to get married, Marcus asked me to meet him on the roof of the hotel. He said he wanted a quiet minute before everyone arrived. I thought he was nervous about the ceremony.”

Lanie took a slow breath.

“He wasn’t nervous. Something had changed in him, and I still don’t know what caused it. He started accusing me of things that made no sense. He said I had ruined his life, even though I had no idea what he meant. Then he tried to kill me with a knife.”

Her eyes filled, though she kept looking at Travis.

“I fought back because I had learned what happened when I froze. During the struggle, he lost his footing near the edge and fell before I could pull him back.”

The room felt colder after that confession.

“The police ruled it self-defense, and there were CCTVs, so it was clear,” she continued after a moment. “Everyone told me I survived, and they were right. Still, surviving did not erase the memories. It did not explain why he changed. It did not stop me from waking up at night wondering whether I missed some sign that could have changed everything.”

Lanie looked at Travis’s face, her expression tired and unguarded.

“After Marcus, relationships stopped feeling like comfort. They felt like a locked room where I could lose myself again. Promises became dangerous. Love became the first step toward something I might not survive.”

Her thumb brushed lightly against his knuckles.

“So when you asked for something serious, I heard every bad memory at once. I heard Derek telling me nobody else would want me. I heard Marcus saying things that made no sense while I tried to understand why someone I loved wanted to hurt me.”

Her voice shook, but she did not turn away.

“I said no because I was scared... because keeping things casual meant I could leave before anything became real enough to destroy me. I took the part of you that felt safe, and I convinced myself I had no right to ask for anything else.”

She leaned closer, watching his face as though he might wake up at any second and interrupt her.

“But I wanted more. I wanted you to look at me like I was the only person in the room. I loved it when you came into the morgue with coffee and acted like you had a medical emergency because you missed me. I didn't have nightmares when I was with you. You made me feel safe... It meant a lot when you asked if we could try something real.”

Lanie’s breath caught.

“I love you, Travis. I still love you, and I hate that it took almost losing you for me to say it out loud.”

The confession settled into the room with nowhere left to hide.

She glanced toward the door, then looked back at him.

“Kate loves you too,” Lanie said quietly. “She looked terrified, but she also looked certain that you were coming back.”

A sad smile touched Lanie’s face.

“She deserves to have you wake up. You deserve someone who does not run every time you ask for more.”

Her eyes filled again, though she did not wipe the tears away.

“I’m not here to ruin that, and I’m not here to make you choose anything. I came because you deserved the truth before another day passed. I'll tell you the truth once again after you get better.”

She held his hand between both of hers.

“You were right to want something real," She nodded. "You were right to ask for more than a relationship that only existed whenever I decided it was convenient. I wasn’t ready then, and I don’t know whether I’m ready now. I only know that after almost losing you made me understand how much of myself I buried to avoid getting hurt again.”

Lanie gave a quiet, broken laugh.

“So wake up, Travis. Wake up and be angry with me if you want. Tell me I waited too long and that I’m an idiot for saying all of this while you can’t interrupt me.”

She looked down at him, tears slipping down her face.

“Just wake up so I can hear you say something stupid again.”

For a few moments, she stayed silent and listened to the steady monitor. Travis’s chest rose and fell beneath the blankets, each breath reminding her that he was still here, still fighting, even if he could not yet open his eyes.

“You saved Kate because that’s who you are,” Lanie whispered. “You see someone in danger, and you throw yourself into it before anyone can stop you. You take every hit yourself, then act surprised when people get angry because you scared them half to death.”

Her fingers tightened around his hand one final time.

“You have a second date waiting. You have friends who are pretending they aren’t terrified for you. You have a captain who will probably create an entire new policy because you scared him so badly.”

Her smile trembled as she looked at him.

“And you have me, even if I don’t know what that means yet.”

A nurse appeared quietly in the doorway and glanced toward the clock.

“Doctor Parish, I need to check his medication in a few minutes,” she said gently. “You should let him rest.”

Lanie nodded, though she did not stand right away.

“I’ll come back later,” she told Travis. “You’d better be awake by then, because I’m done talking while you get every advantage.”

She bent down and pressed a gentle kiss against his forehead before stepping away from the bed.

At the doorway, Lanie looked back once more.

Travis remained still beneath the soft hospital light, surrounded by machines and bandages, but his hand was still warm where she had held it.

Lanie walked out with tears in her eyes and the truth finally spoken aloud.

...

[Somewhere Between]

Travis couldn't hear anything, feel anything, or even tell whether he had a body anymore. He drifted through a gray world filled with smoke that never moved, stretching endlessly in every direction without a floor, sky, or hint of light. The silence pressed around him until it became its own kind of noise, heavy enough to make him want to shout just to prove he still existed.

He had felt this once before in his past life. Back then, he had thought death was supposed to feel final. Instead, he woke up in another world with another body, and a chance he still didn't fully understand.

Now he was back in that awful place again.

“Even my enhanced body can't escape an explosion, huh?” Travis thought, though his voice never reached the smoke around him. “I thought I was stronger than that.”

Kate appeared in his thoughts before he could stop her.

He remembered the explosion and how he tried to keep her awake.

“I hope Kate's okay,” he thought, trying to force himself toward anything beyond the endless gray. “She better be okay after all that.”

Nothing answered him.

Time meant nothing there. It could have been hours, days, or months, and Travis had no way to tell. He just kept drifting through the smoke until boredom became more irritating than fear.

“I wonder how long it'll take for my body to heal,” he thought after what felt like forever. “It should be faster because of the healing factor, unless that explosion turned me into a human floor mat.”

Even in the middle of nowhere, he still found a way to annoy himself.

“Well, we'll see.”

The gray world stayed quiet.

Then something warm brushed against the darkness.

At first, it felt distant, like sunlight reaching through a closed door. The warmth grew slowly, pulling him toward it until he could almost feel the weight of his own body again. Pain returned first, deep and dull beneath the numbness. Then came the steady beep of a monitor, distant voices, and the faint pressure of someone holding his hand.

Travis tried to open his eyes.

Nothing happened.

He tried again, pushing through the heaviness until the darkness started to crack around the edges. The warmth stayed close, and for the first time since the tunnel collapsed, he stopped drifting.

...

[Two Months Later]

Kate pushed open Travis's hospital room door with a coffee cup in one hand and a folder tucked beneath her arm. She had come straight from physical therapy, and the ache in her side still reminded her that recovery wasn't something she could rush. Even so, she had gotten better at hiding the pain whenever people looked too closely.

She expected to find Travis asleep in bed as usual.

Instead, she froze in the doorway.

Travis stood near the window with his back turned toward her, shirtless beneath the morning light. The marks from the tunnel crossed his shoulders and back in uneven lines, some faded and some still fresh enough to look angry against his skin. The sight hit Kate harder than she expected because it made everything real again.

“Travis,” she said, her voice catching before she could stop it.

He turned toward her slowly.

The bruises along his face had faded, though a thin scar rested near his temple and another crossed his shoulder. He looked leaner than before, and there was still exhaustion in his eyes, yet the second he saw her, his familiar grin appeared.

“Yo, Beckett,” Travis said. “Looks like you're alive and I missed our second date.”

Kate put her coffee cup and folder on the side table. Then, she walked up to him and kissed him right away. Travis kissed her back. They both felt relieved to see each other doing well.

The kiss lasted a minute or so before they pulled back. 

Kate pressed her head against his and whispered, "Welcome back."