[Modern Family] Ch: 43 & 44 [Judgment Day & Brace for Gloria] (Patreon)

AN: Didn't get much time to edit properly. But I think it's okay. Let me know if you find any mistakes.

==

[Inside the House]

After showering and changing into a clean T-shirt, Jason dropped into his computer chair and opened The Grid Lab.

Anything was better than imagining what Penny, Haley, and Alex were discussing.

The HTC Magic video had been live for a day now.

“Okay, let’s see if anybody actually cares about watching me destroying warranties.”

The video showed 327 views, twenty-eight ratings with an average just under five stars, and forty-three subscribers. For a brand-new channel, Jason considered that a solid start, especially since he hadn’t properly promoted it through The Grid yet.

Several comments had already appeared underneath.

TechGuy2008: dude this is actually really good. do the palm pre next pls

xXGameFreakXx: lol “camera is a potato” subscribed

AndroidFan09: finally someone showing the INSIDE of the phone instead of reading specs off the box

Nokia4Life: n97 will destroy android just wait

Fred8900: WAIT GRID HAS A TECH CHANNEL NOW??? subscribed 

Jason laughed when he recognized the username.

“Of course Fred found it.”

Another comment caught his attention.

MobileGeek: nice vid but u should test battery life next time. would be useful

Jason nodded thoughtfully and opened a text document.

“Battery test, call quality, speaker volume, browser speed,” he murmured while typing. “Yeah, that’s actually useful.”

He spent another twenty minutes replying to comments and taking notes for the Palm Pre episode. Watching strangers genuinely discuss the video helped settle the nervous energy that landscaping hadn’t completely burned away.

Then his phone started vibrating beside the keyboard.

Jason glanced at the screen.

Penny was calling.

His stomach immediately tightened again. He was super nervous.

“Well,” he muttered as he reached for the phone, “judgment day has arrived.”

Jason answered the phone and leaned back in his chair, trying to sound considerably calmer than he felt. His knees kept moving under the desk, and his throat was a little dry. Plus, stress... Nothing too serious.

“Hey, Penny. So, should I start packing my bags and leaving the country, or am I allowed to remain in California?”

Penny laughed on the other end, and the sound immediately loosened the knot in his stomach. “Relax, drama queen. The meeting actually went great.”

Jason straightened slightly. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Penny replied. “Although Alex decided meeting me wasn't enough, because she basically performed a full background investigation while we were sitting there. Can you believe it? She brought her laptop.”

Jason covered his mouth, already laughing. “What did she check?”

“Everything she could find without committing a felony,” Penny said. “My apartment address, acting credits, Cheesecake Factory job, school history, probably my blood type if she could've found it online. At one point, I honestly expected her to ask for fingerprints.”

Jason shook his head. “Well, she worries about me.”

Penny continued with obvious amusement. “And loves you too. That's the vibe I got. Anyway, after checking everything, she decided I'm probably not a criminal, con artist, gold digger, or secret government agent. So good news. I've cleared the first stage of the application process.”

He smiled toward the monitor. “Congratulations. Alex doesn't approve people easily.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” She replied. “Haley was completely different. I think we're gonna get along really well. She's funny, more outgoing than Alex, and somehow managed to interrogate me while also gossiping about your kissing abilities.”

Jason slowly closed his eyes. “Of course she did.”

She laughed again. “Don't worry, I didn't ask for details. Well, I didn't ask for many details.”

Jason rubbed his forehead. “That isn't comforting, you know.”

“It wasn't supposed to be,” Penny replied before her voice softened. “Anyway, I liked them. They're different from what I expected, but I think we can be good friends after a couple of girls' nights.”

"That's good," He replied. 

A brief pause followed before Penny spoke again.

“So, since I survived your girlfriends and nobody threw a drink at anybody, I think you owe me another date.”

Jason's eyebrows rose as a smile spread across his face. “You're asking me out?”

“Don't sound so surprised,” Penny replied. “Lunch next Friday. Just you and me.”

Jason leaned back comfortably. “Sounds good. What time?”

“Let's say one-thirty,” She said. “And remember, I'm asking you out this time.”

He grinned. “Which means you're paying?”

She immediately laughed. “Haha. Nice try, rich boy.”

Jason shook his head. “I knew that rule was suspicious.”

“Friday at one-thirty,” Penny repeated. “I'll text you the place.”

Jason smiled. “It's our official date.”

“Yeah,” Penny said, sounding pleased with herself. “It is.”

The call ended a moment later.

Jason lowered the phone and stared at it before releasing a long breath.

“Well,” he murmured with a grin, “I survived judgment day.”

...

...

[That Night] [Dunphy House]

Claire stood at the sink with her sleeves pushed up, scrubbing a casserole dish harder than necessary while Phil stood beside the open dishwasher. He held a stack of plates against his chest. Neither of them had said much for the last few minutes, though Claire had clearly been thinking about the same thing the entire time.

"I just... I don't understand the logistics, Phil," Claire finally said, giving up on the casserole dish and dropping the sponge into the sink. She reached for her half-empty glass of red wine and took a sip. "How does it even work? Do they have a schedule? Is there a shared Google Calendar I don't know about?"

Phil carefully slid one of the plates into the dishwasher. "Well, honey, the modern relationship is like a delicate ecosystem. Or maybe a really complicated group project where everyone actually does the work."

Claire turned toward him, her eyes widening with a mixture of disbelief and growing panic. "They're sharing a boyfriend, Phil. Our daughters are going out with the same guy. The same two girls who once didn't speak for a week because one of them borrowed a dress."

[Commentary]

Later, Claire sat stiffly on the living room sofa with her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Phil sat beside her looking considerably more relaxed, which somehow made the entire situation even harder for her to understand.

"Our daughters are dating the same boy," Claire said, staring straight ahead as she carefully emphasized every word. "At the same time."

Phil considered that for a moment before nodding thoughtfully. "It's kind of like a timeshare, except there's a lot less paperwork and, from what I gathered while looking out the window, a much nicer property. The kid has great hair."

Claire slowly turned her head and gave him a withering look before facing forward again. "It's terrifying, Phil. Every mother's worst nightmare is having her daughters fight over a boy. You prepare yourself for that. You buy ice cream, you get ready to wipe away tears, and eventually somebody gets called a slut."

Her expression tightened as she thought about the alternative they had somehow ended up with. "But this whole complete lack of fighting is somehow worse. It feels... unnatural."

"It's peaceful," Phil said, lifting one finger as though he were presenting evidence in court. "Just look at the facts, Claire. They haven't screamed at each other in a month. Last week, Alex actually complimented Haley's shoes, and it wasn't secretly setting up an insult about her GPA. I almost cried when I heard it."

Claire leaned back against the sofa, although none of the tension left her shoulders. "I feel like I'm waiting for a bomb to go off. They're sharing clothes now, Phil. Willingly sharing clothes with each other. That goes against every law of nature I've witnessed in this house."

Phil smiled as he settled more comfortably beside her. "I think it's beautiful. It's the ultimate exercise in teamwork, kind of like a three-legged race where romance got involved somewhere along the way."

Claire turned toward him again and stared in silence, one eye beginning to twitch slightly as Phil continued looking perfectly pleased with his explanation.

[Commentary End]

..

...

[Pritchett House] [Master Bedroom] [Night]

Sonia stood inside the enormous walk-in closet holding two designer trench coats in front of herself. To anyone else, they were almost identical shades of beige.

To Sonia, they represented two completely different messages.

She held the first coat against her body and studied herself in the mirror, then immediately switched to the second.

“Jay, look at me. Seriously, look at me.”

Jay sat in a chair near the bed wearing his plaid bathrobe, a newspaper resting across his lap as he worked through the crossword puzzle. He reluctantly lowered his pencil and looked toward the closet.

Sonia raised the coats higher. “If there’s a heavy marine layer when we get to the airport tomorrow, which one makes me look more effortlessly wealthy? Desert Sand or Toasted Almond?”

Jay stared at both coats.

His eyes moved from one to the other, then back again.

“Sonia, they’re beige.”

“They are completely different.”

“They’re beige.”

Sonia gave him a sharp look.

Jay sighed and lowered the newspaper onto his lap. “It’s LAX, honey. Half the people there are gonna be wearing sweatpants and Ugg boots. You could show up wearing a garbage bag and still look better than ninety percent of the terminal.”

Sonia’s expression softened slightly.

Jay immediately lifted the crossword again. “Now, can I please get back to this? I’m stuck on a six-letter word for 'eternal torment.'”

Sonia hung both coats back inside the closet without answering his question.

“Gloria is single, Jay.”

Jay slowly lowered the newspaper again.

Sonia stepped out of the closet with growing concern. “Do you understand what that means?”

“I’m guessing you’re about to tell me.”

“She doesn’t have a husband asking why she needs forty-five minutes to choose earrings. She doesn’t have a child using silk scarves as capes for toy knights or have school schedules or somebody leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor.”

Jay frowned. “That last one is Manny.”

“I know.”

Jay nodded. “Just checking.”

Sonia placed both hands against her hips. “Gloria has nothing but free time and a gym membership.”

Jay stared at her.

“That’s what we’re worried about?”

Sonia looked offended that he even needed to ask.

...

<Sonia's Commentary>

Sonia sat alone on the living room couch, carefully adjusting one of her diamond earrings while maintaining the expression of someone preparing for psychological warfare.

“Gloria and I have always had a complicated relationship.”

She paused before leaning slightly forward.

“When we were teenagers, she told the boy I liked that I had a third kidney that made me look bloated. She just makes things up!"

Sonia settled back against the couch and crossed one leg over the other.

“Now she is coming here completely unattached, floating through life like some beautiful, dangerous cloud with perfect hair. She thinks because I chose family and stability, I became soft.”

Sonia lowered her voice.

“I have not become soft.”

She lifted one finger.

“My blender has three horsepower.”

Another finger followed.

“Jay is a respected businessman and a pillar of this community.”

Then another.

“I have a wonderful son, a beautiful house, excellent skin, and tomorrow Gloria will see exactly what a real woman looks like.”

Sonia nodded firmly.

“And I am wearing Toasted Almond.”

<Sonia's Commentary End>

...

[Kitchen]

Nearly an hour later, Manny stood at the kitchen island wearing his silk monogrammed robe while soft jazz played from a nearby CD player.

A crystal decanter rested in front of him.

He carefully polished the glass with a lint-free cloth, turning it beneath the kitchen lights and checking for fingerprints before returning his attention toward the bucket of ice beside him.

A bottle of expensive champagne sat inside.

Jay walked into the kitchen with Sonia following behind him.

He stopped when he saw the arrangement.

“Manny, why is there a bottle of expensive champagne sitting in ice at eleven o’clock at night?”

Manny continued polishing the decanter. “It’s part of Aunt Gloria’s welcoming package.”

Jay looked toward Sonia.

She shrugged.

Jay turned back toward Manny. “Her what?”

Manny finally placed the cloth down. “Aunt Gloria has been living in a small apartment in Bogotá. According to a luxury travel magazine I read, sudden transitions between drastically different standards of living can produce psychological discomfort.”

Jay stared at him.

Manny gestured elegantly toward the champagne.

“High ceilings, central air conditioning, heated pools, proper guest accommodations. It could be overwhelming. Champagne helps ease the transition.”

Jay looked at the bottle.

“Champagne stabilizes people now?”

“It stabilizes the humors.”

Jay rubbed his forehead. “The only humor around here that needs stabilizing belongs to your mother.”

Sonia immediately looked toward him.

Jay pointed toward Manny before she could respond. “And why are you even awake? You barely remember Gloria.”

Manny’s expression became distant as he leaned lightly against the island.

“I remember enough.”

Jay sighed.

Manny continued with genuine emotion. “Aunt Gloria understands passion. Last year, I sent her my poem about the lonely seagull standing alone on the pier while watching its companion disappear beyond the horizon.”

Jay nodded. “I remember that one.”

“You told me it was nice and then asked me to go outside and get my hands dirty with the neighbor boys."

“I thought you needed sunlight.”

Manny looked wounded by the memory.

“Aunt Gloria called me on a Tuesday night from a nightclub in Cartagena.”

Jay glanced toward Sonia.

Manny continued. “There was salsa music playing in the background, people shouting, glasses breaking, and I’m fairly certain somebody was singing from on top of a table.”

“That sounds like Gloria,” Sonia muttered.

Manny placed one hand against his chest. “She cried for ten minutes.”

Jay stared at him.

“Over the seagull?”

Manny nodded solemnly. “She feels things deeply, Jay.”

Jay rubbed his face again. “So do I, Manny. Right now, I’m feeling exhaustion.”

Sonia suddenly walked toward the island and dropped a clipboard onto the counter. “Exactly. Gloria is emotional and she has eagle eyes. She notices everything.”

Jay looked at the clipboard.

There were several pages attached.

Sonia pointed toward the first one. “Jay, did you fix the squeak in the guest room door?”

Jay blinked. “What?”

“The squeak.”

“It’s a door. Sometimes doors squeak.”

Sonia looked horrified. “If Gloria hears it, she’ll think the foundation is rotting.”

Jay stared at his wife for several seconds before finally losing patience.

“Sonia, stop.”

She froze.

Jay walked over and gently placed both hands on her shoulders.

“Look at me.”

Sonia reluctantly met his eyes.

Jay spoke slowly. “Your sister is flying economy from Colombia, and she’s coming here to stay in a house with a heated pool, a fully stocked bar, more bathrooms than anybody needs, and a refrigerator that tells me when we’re low on milk.”

Sonia’s expression softened slightly.

Jay continued. “You’ve got a great kid, even if he apparently believes champagne regulates bodily fluids.”

Manny corrected him from behind the island. “Humors.”

Jay ignored him.

“You’ve got a great home. You’ve got a great life, and you’ve got a husband who thinks you’re the smartest, most beautiful woman in the world.”

Sonia blinked. Some of the frantic energy finally left her shoulders.

Jay gave them a gentle squeeze.

“So stop acting like Gloria is the IRS coming over to audit your happiness.”

For several seconds, Sonia simply looked at him. Then a genuine smile slowly appeared on her face.  “You really think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world?”

Jay smiled and kissed her forehead. 

"Yes, I do."

"Even more beautiful than the beautiful clouds?"

“You’re the whole damn sky, honey.”

Sonia’s smile widened.

Jay released her and pointed toward the staircase. “Now go upstairs and get some sleep. We have to be awake in six hours.”

Sonia nodded peacefully. “You’re right.”

Jay looked relieved.

“I am completely at peace.”

“Good.”

Sonia turned and started toward the stairs.

Jay exhaled. 

She made it halfway across the kitchen before stopping. “Jay?” She called.

His shoulders immediately sank.

“Yes, Sonia?”

She looked him up and down. “If you wear those white New Balance sneakers to the airport tomorrow, I’m telling Gloria you have a prosthetic leg.”

Jay threw both hands into the air.

“What is wrong with my sneakers?!”

Sonia smiled brightly and continued upstairs.

Manny looked toward Jay’s feet.

“She has a point.”

Jay slowly turned toward him.

Manny picked up the polishing cloth again.

“I’ll focus on the decanter.”

...

<Jay's Commentary>

Jay sat alone with both hands resting against his knees. He looked considerably more tired than he had earlier that evening.

“I’ve met Gloria three times.”

He raised one finger.

“The first time was when I started dating Sonia.”

A second finger followed.

“Second was our wedding.”

Then a third.

“Third time was another wedding down in Colombia.”

Jay paused while the memory returned.

“She drank about half a bottle of tequila, danced on a table for twenty minutes, got into an argument with the band because they wouldn’t play the song she wanted, and somehow ended the night driving a stolen golf cart.”

Jay leaned slightly forward.

“She got pulled over. And then she talked her way out of the ticket.”

He remained silent for a moment.

“I still don’t know how.”

Jay rubbed both hands over his face before releasing a tired breath.

“Look, I love my wife.” He nodded firmly. “I love my house. I love Manny... Most days.”

Another pause followed.

“But tomorrow morning, I’m taking the long way to the airport. If I’m lucky, maybe there’ll be a minor three-car pileup. Nobody gets hurt, everybody walks away fine, and I get another two hours of peace and quiet.”

He thought about it.

“Maybe three hours if somebody needs a tow truck.”

Jay nodded to himself.

“That would be nice.”

<Jay's Commentary End>