[Modern Family] Ch: 52 [The Enchanted Bunny Interruption] (Patreon)

“Mystic Warlords of Ka’a,” Howard announced, stepping up beside Leonard and holding the deck box like he was presenting the crown jewels.

Penny stared at him. “You guys seriously came over here to invite me to play that?”

“It’s a very sophisticated strategy game, Penny,” Leonard explained earnestly. “There’s actually a really intricate combat hierarchy based on different creature types...”

“It’s super simple,” Howard chimed in. “Warlords beat trolls, trolls beat elves, elves beat water sprites, and pretty much everything beats the Enchanted Bunny.”

"Unless you have The Carrot of Power," Leonard explained, looking really excited.

“Yeah, sweetie, you lost me at creature types,” Penny deadpanned.

Howard turned toward Jason, who was standing beside Penny, and grinned. “Anyway, look who we have here! The sixty-thousand-dollar comic book guy himself. Jason Miller, right?”

Jason laughed. “Yep. Good memory.”

“Are you kidding? You walked into Stuart's store, bought an Amazing Fantasy number fifteen like you were picking up groceries, and then asked Penny out right in front of us. That's not exactly something you forget.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Thanks for reminding everybody, Howard.”

“Hey, I'm just saying it was a memorable afternoon,” Howard replied before looking back at Jason. “Although I gotta admit, finding out you were The Grid was an even bigger surprise.”

Jason looked surprised. “You know my channel?”

“Watch it? Buddy, I've been following your YouTube and Justin.tv channels for weeks!”

Leonard nodded. “He actually made us watch one of your videos during dinner.”

Jason looked between them with growing amusement. “Okay, now I'm curious. How'd you find me?”

Howard leaned against the doorframe, looking pleased to explain. “Well, after a guy casually strolls into Stuart’s comic book shop and drops sixty grand on a near-mint Amazing Fantasy number fifteen. It leaves an impression. Normal people don't do that. Billionaire playboys with secret subterranean lairs do that. So, naturally, I ran a little recon.”

Penny folded her arms, giving him a flat look. “You mean you internet-stalked my date.”

“I have a Master’s degree from MIT, Penny. We call it open-source intelligence gathering,” Howard replied with a wave of his hand. “Anyway, I ran your name, hit a dead end, and then days later somebody posted a clip of your X-Men Origins: Wolverine stream on the GmAx forums. Recognized the face right away.”

Jason immediately started laughing. “Oh, God. That stream.”

“Exactly!” Howard exclaimed, pointing at him. “I'm watching the clip, laughing my ass off, and then your webcam comes into view. And I'm thinking, wait a minute, that's the guy who spent sixty grand on a Spider-Man comic!”

Leonard nodded eagerly, stepping a little closer. “Actually, the Wolverine video was really validating. I thought my graphics card was dying, but then I watched you dig into the configuration files and realized the developers hard-coded the frame-rate cap at thirty frames per second. Who does that on a PC port?”

“Right?” Jason replied, grinning. “Between that and the broken V-Sync, the whole stream basically turned into a live IT troubleshooting session halfway through.”

Howard nodded enthusiastically. “And that's why people watch! You're actually explaining what's wrong instead of just screaming that the game sucks."

Jason smiled. “Well, glad you enjoyed watching me slowly lose my sanity.”

“Oh, I did. I've been catching your streams whenever I can. I watched that Worst Games of 2008 video too, and for the record, I left a very detailed comment explaining why Iron Man deserved an even worse ranking.”

“You and about fifty other people,” Jason replied.

“And I caught your Chronicles of Riddick stream last weekend,” Howard continued. “You spent twenty minutes lurking in the air ducts of a cargo bay when you had a perfectly functional gun.”

Jason shrugged. “Where's the fun in that? Besides, the stealth was probably the best part of that game.”

“Thank you! See? The professional gets it,” Howard said, lightly smacking Leonard on the chest with the back of his hand. “That's what I'm always telling you about taking the tactical approach.”

Leonard gave him an unimpressed look. “Howard, you throw a tantrum if a website takes five seconds to load."

Penny looked back and forth between the three of them before turning to Jason, looking mildly baffled. “Wait. So you’re actually famous? Like, nerd-famous?”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Jason chuckled. “Though it is nice knowing somebody in the real world watches my stuff besides Fred.”

“Who's Fred?” Penny asked.

“One of my very first subscribers. Fred8900. I don't think the guy sleeps because he comments within thirty seconds of practically every upload.”

Howard nodded approvingly. “Oh, yeah. That guy’s everywhere. Speaking of uploads, I saw you launched the second channel, The Grid Lab, right? That teardown you did on the HTC Magic was a thing of beauty.”

Jason's smile widened. “Thanks. I figured it’d be fun to branch out into consumer hardware. The iPhone 3GS came out today, so that's going on the operating table pretty soon.”

Leonard’s eyes lit up. “Wait, you’re voiding the warranty on a brand-new iPhone just to look at the circuitry?”

“Pretty much,” Jason said. “Unboxings, stress tests, seeing how Apple crammed the new processor in there. I’m still figuring out the camera angles for the micro-components, but it’s been a blast.”

Howard suddenly straightened up, his eyes gleaming as an idea hit him.

“Hey, you know what we should do? A crossover event. A live multiplayer stream with The Grid.”

Jason raised an eyebrow. “What did you have in mind?”

“World of Warcraft,” Howard said immediately, gesturing between himself and Leonard. “Me, Leonard, Sheldon, and Raj have a very high-level party. You roll in with us, we raid a dungeon, and you broadcast our glory to the masses.”

Leonard seemed genuinely interested despite the awkwardness of standing outside Penny's apartment while she was on a date with somebody else. “That could actually be really cool,” he admitted. “We’ve been running together on the same server for years. If you’ve got a level-eighty character, we could definitely use another DPS for Ulduar.”

“Or we play Halo 3,” Howard suggested. “Wednesday is Halo Night anyway. We set up a custom lobby, split into squads, and let your chat watch four men of science demonstrate the pinnacle of urban combat.”

Leonard snorted, turning to him. “Last Wednesday you spent twenty minutes camping behind a rock with a sniper rifle while Sheldon stood in the middle of Valhalla reading us the Geneva Conventions.”

“Because none of you appreciate the delicate art of overwatch!” Howard shot back.

Jason laughed, already considering the possibilities. A multiplayer stream with four enthusiastic gamers sounded entertaining, especially with Sheldon's personality added to the equation. He had enough recording equipment to capture console gameplay, and organizing a World of Warcraft session would be even simpler.

"Honestly, I'm down for either," Jason said. "I've got the capture equipment to stream my gameplay, and we can get everyone on voice chat. If you guys record your own footage, I could even put together a multi-perspective highlights video afterward. We’d just need to figure out a schedule and make sure everyone’s okay having their voices on the internet.”

“Well, getting Sheldon to adhere to a rigid schedule won’t be the issue,” Leonard said dryly. “Preventing him from drafting a forty-page broadcasting contract might take some work, though.”

Howard grinned. “So what do you say, Miller? The Grid meets the Pasadena Boys. If the ratings are good, we can talk syndication.”

Jason looked at Penny before looking back at the duo. “Sounds like a plan, guys, but we’ll have to hash out the details later. Penny and I are kind of in the middle of a date.”

Penny slipped her arm around Jason's waist, giving the guys a pointed smile.

"Sorry, boys. I booked him first."

Howard glanced toward Leonard. "Well, there goes game night."

...

Once the two left, Penny closed the door and turned around.

"Sorry about that," Jason said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I got carried away talking about games and nerd stuff. Kinda ignored you for a few minutes there."

Penny laughed as she walked toward him. "Sweetie, I've lived across the hall from those guys for two years. Believe me, that was nothing. I've listened to Sheldon explain the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars for forty-five minutes because I made the mistake of calling them the same thing."

Jason winced sympathetically. "Ouch. That's practically a declaration of war."

"You have no idea," Penny replied, settling onto the couch. "But seriously, you looked like you were having fun. I've never seen Howard that excited about meeting someone who wasn't a supermodel or a girl wearing a Wonder Woman costume."

Jason sat beside her, picking up his wineglass. "Well, I do love gaming. And playing with those guys could be pretty entertaining."

"Oh, you have no idea," Penny said, laughing. "Just wait until Sheldon starts explaining the rules. You'll be begging me to rescue you."

"I think I can handle him."

Penny gave him a skeptical look. "That's what everybody thinks at first."

Jason smiled and took a sip of wine. "So, where were we before the Pasadena gaming committee interrupted us?"

Penny pretended to think while shifting closer, tapping her lips. "Well, let's see. You were flexing your crazy expensive house, I was picturing myself by the pool in a very tiny bikini, and then... Boom! Enchanted bunny and a magic carrot. Which, by the way, totally killed the vibe when I was..." She held her thumb and forefinger a fraction of an inch apart, squinting one eye as she showed Jason the tiny gap. "...this close to jumping you."

"Well, that's unfortunate. Although I might know a way to get you back into the mood," Jason said while maintaining his confident look. 'Holy shit! Don't sound desperate, J. Keep your cool.'

Penny arched an eyebrow, her lips curving into an amused smirk. "Oh, really? And what exactly do you have up your sleeve, Mr. Miller?"

Jason placed his wineglass on the coffee table and leaned back comfortably. "Tell me something. When was the last time somebody gave you a proper massage? I'm talking about the kind that makes you melt into the couch and leaves you so relaxed you don't even want to move a single muscle. And before you say anything, the massage seat in my Audi doesn't count."

Penny tilted her head, pretending to mull it over before flashing him a playful smile. "Hmm, okay, first of all, rude, because that car seat is amazing. And second, I can't remember. Still, there is one tiny problem with your genius plan."

"What's that?"

She leaned in closer, resting her palm lightly against his chest as she looked up at him through her lashes. "If I'm lying here totally melted and not moving a single muscle... how exactly are we supposed to make out?"

Jason smiled. "Well, I can always bend down and kiss you. Doesn't seem particularly complicated."

Penny let out a soft, breathless laugh, shaking her head. "Wow. You've really got all the angles covered, huh?"

"I'm a problem solver, Penny. It's one of my many attractive qualities."

"Yeah, right alongside your breathtaking modesty," she teased.

"That too," Jason agreed, nodding seriously. "So, what do you say? Interested in finding out whether I'm as good at massages as I am at kissing?"