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Extra Ammo: Advice Column! (Patreon)

Published:
2026-03-20 18:13:52
Edited:
2026-03-20 18:14:00
Imported:
2026-03

Content

Many have asked for the Advice Column to return! So, here it is! Come to us with your problems and we’ll solve them for you, I promise.

Comments

Fifty-Dollar Patrons get to design Sweeney’s newest laugh

Hey boys, How do you get through choice paralysis, or otherwise feeling overwhelmed? Especially over big decisions. You’ve moved often and made lots of life, relationship, and career choices, so maybe the younger members of your audience could hear about your experiences navigating hard choices.

Every time Sweeny interrupts I cum

Fellas, I need help! If a train leaves Houston going 120mph to Jacksonville and another train leaves from New York to Miami at 160 mph, how can I have sex with Sweeny's tooth gap?

Barsoap, The Gay Bar Of Soap

Gentlemen. I have been historically dogshit in relationships with anxiety being a key player. Just for my own comfort, I was wondering if any of y’all ever thought someone was the one but then realized that it wasn’t that deep. Love yall and appreciate the laughs.

Fist so deep turn that bitch into a muppet

Greetings my N words, Any advice on how to make a long distance relationship work. I got a number from my cousins wedding and we’ve been hitting it off recently , she lives in Arizona and I live in NJ and wanted to see if you three have any advice keep up the good work

GOTY guy: Beat Zelda BotW, Next Up: Hades!

I’m a fat piece of shit and I want to no longer be a fat piece of shit. I don’t really care about building up muscle that much, getting a little stronger would be nice but mainly I’m just tryna get all this lard off of me. So naturally I figured I’d come to the most qualified men on the planet. What do?

BigUglyJordan

How do you go about establishing boundaries with people in your life? Im a total yes man trying to be more firm with my own wants

Fabulous Bill

Hello lads, I’m 37 and I’ve been struggling since my dad passed away a few years ago. I was in sound design school when it happened and ever since I’ve felt no desire or drive to do anything. Have either of you ever felt like this? Cheers and thanks for all the laughs. If you don’t see this I’ll take it as the universe telling me to get over it

Commander-in-Queef

Hey boys, I'm 28 and I'm worried that as I get older I'll be come a depressed, cynical, and spiteful prick. Besides having a fucked up sense of humor that lets you laugh at the world, what else do you think it takes to avoid that and age gracefully?

Try Anything

Hi Snarks! What is your opinion with aging parents, and staying by their side for mutual financial benefits. Because renting a place is a financial sink and buying a house is for the privleged.

Sweeny’s Todd

Hey Snark Attack, I’m currently a college student studying Zoology and I’m looking in between two career paths that I could pursue with my degree when I graduate in a few years. I could work hands on with animals in a zoo which wouldn’t pay well and is an entry level that doesn’t necessarily require a degree to work in, or I could look into doing lab work and shifting more towards animal behavior. I still have a lot of time to consider these and other options but was curious on what you guys think is a good call. 🫡

Dude

Hey yall, hope all is well. I’m trying to open myself up to new relationships/ the touch of a woman after taking a break for 2 years. But I find myself more nervous than ever/ having trouble putting thoughts into words. I was wondering if any of you guys went through this and what you did to push through?

Patreon sucks, I can’t make funny names

Hi guys, last month I got out of a 5 year long relationship (I’m 25) and it’s a hard transition for things to feel normal or right. I’m doing everything that you’re supposed to do to make the pain go away (keeping myself busy and hanging out with friends) but it feels very fruitless without her. We still talk and hangout as friends but it just hurts, what do you suggest I do other than wait for things to “feel better”

Possum

Hello there Snarky dudes. Context before my question: I am a dog groomer currently working as a kennel attendant at a veterinary hospital. I allegedly have a job sealed for as a full time dog groomer, but when I road past the place I did my interview it was literally gone and the owner has ghosted me fr. Anyway. What the fuck? And should I search for other opportunities or stick with my part time gig in case I’m still hired there? I guess I’m just ranting mostly

Perfectly Straight Rainbow

Hey simple one, How do I stop being so horny for sexy bitches all the time? It’s fucking GAYYYY

Jello

Good day gents. Simple one for y'all no pressure. How do I continue to have hope for the future when it seems like every person in power is religiously obligated to end the world? Lol Thanks this show gives me something to look forward to.

Nagito Gooner

Hey snarkists, I'm about half way through my first year at uni (college for you yanks I think) and I don't really have any friends. My teammates for my group projects are nice but we aren't really compatible, the rest of the class don't seem receptive (a few seemingly don't like me) and there aren't any clubs that align with my interests. I'm not doing that badly cause I have a good group of online friends but any advice for making new ones?

Skin market

Yeah so I can’t seem to turn into a super saiyan no matter how much I try, do you guys have any tips and tricks on how to enter the super saiyan bargain sale to get the transformation for myself? Thanks.

GhostyBoi

Hey boys. Recently I had to stop talking to a very long time friend (knew this guy since high school in 2013) because he became super distant and, despite working at the same job as me, I could never convince him to go out to do something, play a game, etc. My problem now is that im 26 and he was one of my last true friends. Got any advice on what to do? I dont really mind being friendless so much but at the same time it means I have like 1000 memes with noone to send them to. Thanks n-words

Perfectly Straight Rainbow

You’re better off killing yourself. Nah jk go look for a job in a grocery store or warehouse at the very least. I used to work McDonald’s too it’s draining

Mr. Pig

Greetings gentlemen, When it comes to content creation, what are some underrated or overlooked elements that you think are important for success. Please be as inside baseball as you can. Thanks.

There’s an active serial killer in my area help

Greetings gentlemen. I’ve just recently picked up the bass and I’m also thinking about getting a guitar. What are some exercises beginners can use to get better at the fundamentals so I can play more songs and maybe start performing with a band

Withered Sweeney

Hey Shart Tank! I’ve got a ton of things that I want to do but I can’t seem to get a start on anything, and when I do start I never finish. How can I give myself that push to begin a project? Sweeney might be able to have some insight into this because I’m trying to get started as a GM for Cyberpunk: RED so I can have something for my friends to get into. My problem is that I know what I want but I just can’t seem to get a start on it. Any help? Thanks.

i cast 'double the amount of piss in your bladder'

As another fat piece of shit that went from 260 to 200 over the last year, the secret that Big Fat™ doest want tou to know is... eat less. You gotta find your motivation and method though. I personally eat about 1600 calories on weekdays and eat basically whatever on weekends (within reason). Its really hard to lose weight with exercise only and no diet change. I actually haven't really exercised as much as i should, but the diet it so important it hasn't mattered so far. Best of luck.

Benjamin Button Yahu

What to do with hair growing all over a penis shaft? I Keep getting hair stuck between my teeth

Staind is why Mass better than NY

Hey boys, I asked this question a while back on the main show and didn’t really explain it well and I looked like a chud so I’m here to reclaim my dignity I was dating a girl (first time for both of us, freshman year of college), and we got very close very quick. She told me personal shit and i told her about how my family is very affectionate/handsy and it made me feel weird for a long time as a kid. At one point, we have an argument about an instagram reel where she essentially says “yeah, men are rapists, not all of them, but generally.” This fucked with my head, because i dont think anyone tried to make me uncomfortable, but they still did. if i am a man, there might be something im doing thats making other people uncomfortable if her statement is true. I shook it off, but i asked her not to say stuff like that around me and explained to her why. She stopped talking to me for a couple days before asking to go on a date where we could smooth things over. At the end of this date, which went just okay, she says “I don’t know why men feel the need to touch people all the time.” And says she has absolutely no idea why I was so upset about that. That was pretty much the end of things I asked for a break, she went up to her family’s place for a few days, then came back and said either I had to go to therapy or we would break up (I didn’t go to the rapy because I’m not gay like Derek) This happened back in January and my question now is as follows: do you think she was trying to hurt my feelings with the second thing she said or could she actually be that fucking stupid. P.S. how do I get back on the horse

CumDropsKeepFallingOnMyHead

Sup fellers, As of writing my girlfriend of 4 years and I are taking a break due to me being emotionally retarded and being unable to support her emotionally even though I feel like I've improved a whole bunch through antidepressants and therapy . I'm going back home to be with my family and friends which I think should be beneficial for my mental health. I'm curious what your thoughts are on couples taking breaks , what should be expected, and if I should have hopes of being back together with her which I'd like. This is also my first relationship so no clue what to do. Appreciate y'all.

i cast 'double the amount of piss in your bladder'

Hey guys, I have this issue where my favorite podcast keeps saying they will do things like watch movies, do call ins, have guests, or play gears horde mode with me but they never actually do. How can I fix this? Hugs and kisses! 😘

sounding myself with a JBL speaker🐶

Hey wide short and short(but black) how do I get some bitches? For context,I’m 26 and I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart for a long year and a half and we’re getting divorced. Trouble is that was the only woman I’ve ever been with in anyway outside two genuine crushes, we have two kids (3 and 4) together and have been together for almost a decade now.

Backshot Kyle

Derick my sweet boy, I'm planning to propose to my gf of 4 years this summer and she's a white woman; Like Elf white and I'm Latino, what can I expect getting into a interracial marriage with a white woman? Much appreciate it!

GEARSxWARRIOR

Niggas, how do I get more money? Like not selling drugs or my ass but, anything yall did when yall were younger to make money a quick way?

being eaten by a polite, apologetic polar bear

Dude I do maintenance, I go in at 4am and it fucking sucks, I might just take anything else. Sincerely the only thing keeping me there is my coworkers being super funny and fun to work with.

JulesAdventures

How do you deal with the inevitable march of death? A while ago I was struggling with that hard probably because I didn't think I would live this long (I'm 27) but it kinda subsided Still freaks me out from time to time tho. That or idk some youtube/ editing advice

The Act Man? More like The Rape Man

Hello snark gentlemen I'm about to turn 25 this month and I've been struggling to find a job, the reason for me taking this long is because I've lost both of my parents, my mother in 2021 and my father in 2023. I guess what I'm asking advice for is what job would work best in the long term, I've been semi interested in working for UPS or USPS as a Delivery driver or Mail Carrier, because both company's have great benifits and good hourly pay. But it's also pretty stressful during the summer and during the holidays. Let me know what other jobs could I look for that could be beneficial in the long run.

Realizing Dr. Herbert West is a twink

Howdy there, fellers. Last Thursday, some scurrilous individual absconded with my Xbox and Steam Deck (OLED!), the latter of which I had only just gotten in November. When I find the loveless scum what did it, should I make it slow, or really slow?

Derrick has somethin in common w/ act man now

Derrick has mentioned his extreme dislike of vomiting before and im wondering if he would consider it a phobia because i definitely have that. Its a very debilitating phobia so id like to know if he has any advice on handling episodes of nausea. And for chris and king, do you guys have any serious phobias and have you got any tips or tricks to help a brother out as well? Thanks for the penis

NurseBob

This is my boat!!! Please help 🙏

The new 9-11

Heya boyos! I currently have a bit of credit card debt from having lost my job. It is a grueling grind to pay it off. How do you guys keep up the motivation to get out of debt?

No Penis No Cry

Recently found out my 18-year-old brother is brain rotted via Nick Fwentez and Alex Jones. I'm ten years older and the only "woke" person in my family. I don't believe my family are literal biggots, just confused and under the conservative spell. That said, fucking I hate holidays so God damn much. Anyway, how would you handle being a positive influence in my situation? I don't want to cut them off because that tends to just make people hurt and stubbornly double down on their bullshit.

One Bisexual to Rule Them All

Hello New York, New York, and Wrong, I’m hoping you guys can help me with an issue I’ve been having with my parents. For context, both of them are three-time Trump voters, and when I talked to my dad about the Epstein Files, he accused me of wanting the president to be a pedophile-rapist because it would justify my hatred towards the diaper-pooper-in-chief. He also got angry that I called the Iran War a forever war because, in his words, “you can’t call it a forever war unless it goes on longer than a year.” I don’t wanna cut them off entirely because they’re not insanely hateful people, they’re just easily manipulated and heavily uninformed. How do I convince my parents to stop voting for monsters and leave the cult of personality they are clearly trapped in? Hope you have a good one.

Turning Point US GAY

Howdy y'all, To preface; I believe I am very lucky and these are "champagne problems." I finished college with a bachelor's in accounting, and have been working a relatively cushy banking job since. I am pretty financially secure, and I am a very lucky man. However, growing up with felon parents on foodstamps, I played it safe, and didn't follow my passions when looking for a career. Now I'm in a job that, while I'm good at it, at best, I can tolerate it, but most days I hate it. Am I boned? Or am I just being kinda gay about it

MaxSilhouette

Hey guys, it hurts when I cum. WHAT DO I DO!!!

Chris be like-Make videos or gay sex hmmmmm

You can try insulting what he watches in a casual nonchalant way. Say shit like, "The Epstein lover?" or maybe, "The gay mexican?" when mentioning Nick. Or maybe talk about how Alex Jones spent all of his career talking about Pedophile elites but supports them because he like them. Again be nonchalant/casual about it. Don't get visibly angry/upset. Maybe even accuse/joke about your brother of being Pro-Epstein. Obviously he'll say no but then mention he watches people that like Epstein and his friends, so why shouldn't you come to that conclusion. Again, do not get visibly upset, if you do, they'll feel like they've "won" the argument. These people don't think, they only feel. You gotta remember you're dealing with Peasant brain, it's going to be a massive uphill battle

Sween looking like the Conguitos mascot

Hello different shades of morally corrupt My friends think I am evil. How do I make them more evil so then they think im normal? Love you guys ❤️

splish splash I was gaping his ass

Greetings snork tenkers Presumably due to various events in my past I have completely lost the ability to form any connections with new people. I went through 4 years of university without making any new friends, or holding any relationships. I still can't get into a relationship because anytime I go on a few dates with someone I still can't bring myself to care about them. I'm not a sociopath and I still care about societal issues and helping people and whatnot but interpersonal relationships feel impossible to maintain. Even the few close friends I have from childhood I find hard to care about because of intrusive "they probably actually don't give a shit about be" thoughts. Am I cooked?

Fdr (fat dick rogers)

Sup boys. Got kind of a weird one for you. Recently there have been an influx of Patreon members talking about their jobs and it got me thinking about what I do and the sheer insignificance of it. I’m a manager at a historic movie theatre and it’s utter bullshit. I’m basically baby sitting teenagers and geriatrics for 8-10 hours a day. Meanwhile all of my friends are behavioral therapists, museum assistants, and legit salesmen with actual careers. I’m currently 23 years old and know I have plenty of time to figure shit out but I feel like I’ve been stagnating for the past 2-3 years with barely any progress. Have yall ever felt this way? Thanks for the hyucks, fucks Also Derrick listen to Infest the Rats Nest

Marcus Penix

Specifically for Chris and the Sweenster I think. Since you two have moved across the country while being broke maybe you can help me out. How much pre planning goes into doing that? Did you have an apartment picked out already? Did people have jobs lined up? I'm in illinois and don't have much going for me here aside from a shit minimum wage job and most of (but not all) my siblings live here. I'm not asking you to tell me where to move, just looking for pointers. Additional info An aunt of mine recently passed away and she left me a decent sized chunk of change which is what kinda made start thinking this way. That's all. Thanks dorks. Stay WET

Gaydolf Niggler

Greetings and Salutations Monicas, I have a serious problem: my video game backlog has become a source of profound existential dread. Over the years, I’ve hoarded hundreds of games during seasonal sales, convinced I was investing in my future happiness. But now, whenever I actually have a free evening to unwind, the pressure to choose the "perfect" game completely paralyzes me. I stare at my digital library for twenty minutes, get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of unplayed adventures, and end up just watching sitcom reruns on my phone while feeling profoundly guilty. How do I overcome this ridiculous decision paralysis and actually enjoy my hobbies, or do I just need to accept my fate as a digital hoarder?

Absolute Doofenshmirtz

Contemplating leaving the usa for better work, healthcare etc. is it a good idea or is it worth waiting to see if things get better?

sounding myself with a JBL speaker🐶

Additional context if curiosity touches you inappropriately, it’s a mutual thing shit got aggressive before the unofficial separation on both ends but she did cheat throw knives at me and choked me in my sleep (before we got married) in defense of her I wasn’t perfect and like 7 months in I was a lazy pot head delivering pizzas and that lazy streak continued for a few years and I am a smart ass who can’t help but get that last jab in which has been followed immediately with knives, hands, fists and other appliances.

SoggyAardvark

Hey there, Snark-tards. I’m an aspiring author, and I very much enjoy writing. But between my college classes and my day job, I actually have very little time to devote to it. Most days of the week, I can’t get to it at all, and on some days that I do have time, I am too tired. Writing is more energy intensive than one might think. Any advice on how best to manage this work/passion balance would be greatly appreciated.

Stripping copper to cop strippers

Hello frijoleros and Dirty Diana. My wife has chronic pain most days and this has driven a stake into our sex lives. We used to go at it like rabbits but now we'd be lucky to do the deed once every week or two. My sex drive has remained high and I will be honest I cant help but think that its something to do with me even though shes claimed its not. What should I do? Therapy, finding a way to lower my libido, or suck starting a shotgun? (I jest, I would never go to a shrink)

NurseBob

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you may benefit from grief therapy. If you don't have insurance, you could always look into local hospice organizations. Sometimes there are free groups/resources for families. Take care 💜

A slur? I always call my autistic brother that!

What’s up gents! How do y’all deal with regret being in your 30s? I find as I get older that mine can eat away at me to the point where I can get into pretty bad depressive episodes. It mostly stems from a previous relationship that I was in for almost 10 years that was incredibly unhealthy and took up almost the entirety if my 20s. I realize that that is only a fraction of my life in the grand scheme of things, but that doesn’t really make me feel any better because ultimately, I still allowed myself to experience that. Or maybe I’m just being a little gay boy who is gay!

General Flippy

Hey fellas I recently graduated college, and I hate my field (web design). It’s all turned into AI. I’m trying to find other paths, but while I look I’m just sort of jobless living with my Mom. I’m finding it hard to stave off depression, especially with everything happening in the world right now. I think this is a temporary situation, and that things will improve but what advice you have to make the day to day better in the mean time?

Swavant

Hello The Pondering Retard, Thunder Thighs, and The Laugh That Wakes The Dead I recently developed a crush on my coworker while also being in a relationship. Note: There are 0 signs the crush will ever be requited and I would sooner off myself than cheat on my boyfriend, who I have talked about in front of this coworker multiple times. My request for advice is how do I move on from thinking about him as much as my boyfriend when he has shown 0 signs of being interested even slightly in me? I feel like just repeating it in my head isn't enough and I need someone else to abruptly tell me I'm being gay and stupid and gay and dumb and gay. The fact that he is in my field and is smarter than me (I'm in cyber) and is a handsome bachelor was enough for me to mentally swoon. We also started working together more recently, which didn't help because I would try to avoid looking for ways to work with him when I also wanted to see what he thought about something other people, sometimes me included, couldn't crack. It is fun seeing what he comes up with in a way I have never experienced with anyone else. I also know that I will never be in this guy's friend group ever because we like drastically different things/lead drastically differing lives (i like defensive cyber, he loves offensive cyber, he has a house and talks with others about lawnkeeping and whatnot and has no pets, i live in an apartment with my 10yr old dog, he has a costco membership, ...i dont lol). The only thing we may overlap on is that his roommate plays/leads DnD/Warhammer sessions, but even then he doesn't sound like he actually partakes. The main driver for this crush is having someone in the exact same field, the exact same level, and smarter or just as smart as myself so that I don't have to explain too much and I could even learn from them, too. But he is way out of my league and I do not plan on cheating, physically, emotionally, or otherwise. Please sling every epithet you can at me for being very retarded. Love you boyos, yall got me through 12hr night shifts and now 12hr day shifts. I owe yall way more than a measly $5.

13 reasons for Colin to leave Chris alone

I need some advice about a podcast I pay to subscribe to. I really like the content, but they NEVER keep a schedule longer than like 2 months. Patreon posts slowly show up later and later, multiple episodes are posted on the same day. Sometimes I have less than 24 hours of "early access" before the episode is posted to YouTube. Then, they continue to promise new ideas for the patreon exclusive episodes, but never actually do anything with those ideas. It just gets frustrating after a while. How would you react to a creator you like doing things like this? Would you continue to subscribe to the Patreon? (In case you haven't figured it out, I'm talking about this show. Yes, I know Chris had problems back home. But we all know these are long standing issues)

Ne plus ultra

Hello C, T, & D, Feel free to choose which ever you find more enticing to answer: Derek, what resources do you usually use to finding bandmates to play with? I've been wanting to sing with a band for a while and have been struggling to find people and I'm open to anything except screamo stuff since my voice is strong enough for that --OR-- Since college, I've only ran into people who's sole interest in and introduction to gaming are casually playing ESports games like CSGO or LoL and it's hard to talk to these people due to how narrow their interest is, but it's the ONLY people I seem to run into nowadays. How do you interact with people that have a narrow interest of something you like and no interest in expanding beyond that? The question may be a bit inaccurate, but it's hard to put into words. If this is insufficient, I'll try rewording this one a bit better. --OR-- What are 3 pieces of advice you would tell your 20 year old self? Note: it doesn't actually need to be 3. I just said that add some more brevity with selecting a few. Feel free to say more or less.

No Penis No Cry

Much appreciation for the detailed response, brother. I FEEEL like this might just be him reaching for something edgy so he can define himself apart from my normie conservative dad, but idk. He's even somehow into Asmengold. I'm mostly just shocked, befuddled, and depressed about it all.

PapaGzeus

Do yall have any advice for finding a balance between trying to not let things bother you and knowing when to put your foot down to say "enough is enough"? Or in other words, how do you know when to let things slide and when to die on a particular hill?

Eletra (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-14 07:00 How does one procure bitches?
2026-03-21 05:50

venom? more like- I like Menom

Lowkey the bar is hilariously low. Just be anything other than a wierd incel. Like ive got second dates soley on the bases of having a skin care routine and going to therapy. Bitches love an emotionally intelligent king who takes care of themselves.

Tom Sweiner, Feral Blackman, and Stingray Cum

My neighbors are wilding. They have 10 lamps in the front yard with letters that said "Don't look at my house" then "I love lamp" and now it says "I looked at lamp." Should I be afraid?

The Girl Who Loves Deer

What’s the most pissed off or upset you’ve been with a cohost? Derrick doesn’t get to answer

Fresh & Chimp

Hello to my three beautiful bouncing baby boys. With the midterm election quickly approaching, I'm struggling to decide who to vote for. Can you give me some pros and cons of voting Republican and voting Democrat? Thanks, I knew I could count on you guys. Stay frosty and stay gay!

Jon johnson

Hello you three Moderately Outstanding Ostracized Kifal Scrots. I'm making a slow cooker meal with beef, tomatoes, onions, peppers and seasoning but I'm looking at this wonderus can of kidney beans. The advice I'm looking for is simple does this marvelous can belong in the mix?

I love femboy fridays

Hey gents. I for one think this whole male loneliness epidemic is blown way out of proportion and can be solved with a mother fucka looking at life from outside their perspective. However i do think there is a power imbalance in dating. Yea obviously females need to make sure they dont run into the majin uub version of Jeffery Epstein but i think more then just a few two worded responses would be appreciated. What is your advice for a young retarded college grad to bitch-max in this day and age

Kaleb

Question for sween how can i better handle being secretly gay

Counting Or Not Counting Kingdad Violence

Hey wellas I'm at a bit of an impasse in life. My job is downsizing and unfortunately I'm one of those getting cut. I'm not sure what my next step should be. I have my GED but got injured working blue collar so my options are quite limited in terms of my next job. Any advice for where I should go? I'm interested in content creation but I feel like it would be better to try community college and get some sort of IT degree. I don't know I'm sort of lost right now and being in the Midwest means I have a lot of choices but don't know what I should look into

Clark

Literally just talk to them and treat them like they’re normal human beings, the bar is in hell.

GreyGhost got Promoted to Manager

Quick one for mostly Derrick and Sween, since Chris can’t get bitches. I got married recently boys! any advice besides cheat on her with tons of men?

Chekov’s Cumrag

Hey overgrown sperm cells, I’m in what some would consider “a pickle.” Yesterday I managed to cum without touching myself after just over an hour of profound concentration and meditation (some would call this ‘gooning’). It’s the fourth time I’ve managed to do it so far. I’ve lived with hypersexualty for my whole post-pubescent life, it’s a rare mental illness and I’m in an industry where seeking mental help is equivalent to career suicide. Anyways how do I fix this? Thanks.

Huge RIP to RJ Mitte (Walt Jr actor)

Vividly imagine him doing the most disgusting things you can think of until you are no longer attracted to him. Imagine him in the break room squatting on a table, shitting onto a paper plate. Now imagine that he rolls the paper plate up like a taco with shit inside it, then he picks it up and lets it slide into his open mouth like a disgusting horrible shitty pelican. Now imagine he sees you doing that and he starts throwing his shit at you and shouting slurs and insults about you and your family and your friends and your dog. Also you are stupid and gay and dumb and gay and gay and gay and gay. Hope that helps, good luck fr :)

The Bro Krogan Expierence

Hey again fellas, kind of a shot in the dark but I figure with Chris mentioning his dad was in the military, and how much yall move around in general maybe y'all can give me some perspective I don't have right now. I'm nearly 30 with a decade of missed opportunity behind me, I grew up with one of my parents in active duty military for most of my life. If it wasn't orders it was moving from one house on base to another one off base so my parents could try and save a little money. Had some real high points in my life in different areas, but we would always end up moving away before I could make a lot of long term connections, Felt particularly at home during my high school years because it was the only school I stayed at for a consecutive 4 years in a row just to find out my parents got orders to leave the state again right after my graduation. I tried to save up scratch to move in with some friends but I couldn't make enough, so I left with them at the end of that year. I did what I could when we moved but depression kicked in hard, and I struggled for the first year to get a job in a town full of people I didn't know, and eventually it was just easier to give up and wait for my dad to finish his deployment. We did settle down , but this was at the tail end of 2019, then the whole fucking world fell apart and since about 2021 I have been trying through a few different jobs and now two failed degree plans. Compared to most people my age I have very little real world experience and its hard not to feel like a fucking cretin working or in school. I'm a high functioning autist wit diet issues (AFRID) and that in itself makes it hard to connect with people because food is such a huge part of many people's lives I don't talk to most of my friends anymore either out of exhaustion or insecurity stemming from how stagnant I feel compared to everyone around me and often times its just easier to smoke a lot of weed and forget about my problems for awhile. I do try to give my self a little bit of grace with my circumstances, but lately that has been very difficult to shake those feelings when I feel so fundamentally disconnected from the world. I just don't know what to do sometimes. All of my friends are scattered across the US in different states, and medication is out of the question thanks to me losing my eligibility for medicaid. I have a good path ahead of me, and I know that if I keep at it things will get better, but damn is that hard to believe. Thank you my para social homies, my homos.

making a piss tribute of sween

MY PET CAPUCHIN MONKEY IS RIPPING MY FIVE YEAR OLD SON TO SHREDS SHOULD I SHOOT BOTH OF THEM OR LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE?

Anibuddies: An Anime Podcast

I'm dating a white woman but keep finding myself drawn to African and Latina queens. What should I do?

Moriarty's Colon

I'm schizophrenic but deaf. What do I do if I can still hear the voices?

Charlie Kirk cum tribunal

I’m not defending anything but writing a weird passive aggressive comment that you know is just gonna get ignored is kind just kinda awkward even if a little funny

kingstons#1dad

Cheat on her with tons of transgender men

kingstons#1dad

if you vote Democrat you'll get what's going on in Virginia on a national scale. Two examples being the Absolutely absurd Rise in all kinds of taxes, and completely insane gun laws that the Democrat politicians will make themselves immune too.

kingstons#1dad

That's the old one telling you to release him

kingstons#1dad

Yeah these people get a little too defensive of these guys. Reminds me of the cult of hasan

Fent-Fold Bilbo Baggins

Hey, fellas, I was wondering what kind of insight you guys might have on preparing to wed. My girlfriend and I have been looking for a ring together and are steadily making our way into the process of being engaged and putting together a wedding. We're trying to figure out how to properly budget for the event far in advance. We've been looking to all sorts of sources for information and advice on what to expect. With that in mind, I figure it couldn't hurt to even ask the three funny men from my earbuds. On an unrelated note, thanks for all the laughs over the years. Been following Chris since I was in middle school and now I'm nearly 27, sorry to tell ya, man.

Mmmm… This is some serious gourmet piss

Hey guys, first time asking a question here. This is mainly for Derrick and perhaps Sween. As a fellow man with ungodly huge legs, I find myself crushing my balls in just about every scenario where I sit for prolonged periods of time. Whether it be driving or sitting on an office chair, my nuts tend to feel like they are going to burst at a moment’s notice. How do I avoid this issue and spare my testicles from more pain and humiliation?

13 reasons for Colin to leave Chris alone

Not as awkward and funny as you going out of your way to reply to a post that we both know wasn't written for you. Especially since Derrik has talked 9 kinds of shit about people that white knight podcasts and corporations on this show. It's okay to point out flaws in things you like buddy

Jon Ron Topher

Salutations. I had asked for some advice on the recent Dark Tank and felt like I was kind of unseen. I had asked if I should kill my Nicaraguan and Dominican professor who teaches my forensic anthropology class, and Sween seemed so stunned with joy at the idea that he couldn’t give me a proper answer, caving to Derrick’s suggestion of “skip?” And saying I shouldn’t kill her in the name of Puerto Rico. So I ask once again, should I do it, or just keep learning? She did give me great career advice and connections in the forensics field, but Puerto Rico seems to be louder in the back if my head.

Sylvia makes a car louder any% speedrun

Felicitations, Malefactors. HELP! I might be a succubus! Before transitioning (MtF) i was pretty quiet and reserved, but turns out after 6 months on estrogen and self care, I am in fact GRIEVOUSLY vain and unable to feel relationship jealousy in a "normal" way which can get me into trouble. Coupled with the fat girl cock ive been given and no desire to get bottom surgery, im doing pretty well with sex. I guess im asking you guys if I should be more cautious and reserved in my approach to relationships as to not potentially fuck up my life, or just take the remaining 2 ½ steps and nosedive into being a Futanari succubus? Thank you for all the laughs Yours transly, Siona

Sylvia makes a car louder any% speedrun

It is my chosen name, I am not seeking legal change, its too dangerous right now. I actually didnt do it because of Dune, its from a SoundCloud artist song called Siona L's Deciet by Robin blend, who is a trans woman.

Dominican Bruce Wayne “me no bat papi me no bat”

Hey Snarks, I am really starting to hate my job as I feel it’s ruining my quality of life, I work in a kitchen at a pretty well known chain restaurant (bird related) and for the past year or so it’s been so stressful. I feel like my work never has the proper staff to support dinner service which just compounds my stress. I’ve started to eat less, go out less and I’m fairly certain the stress is thinning my hairline and stopping me from sleeping from all the anxiety. I don’t know how long I can keep this up. I don’t know if I need therapy or just a good vacation. I’m 20 years old so any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you guys.

SomeVodkaBottle

I'm 19 and I just lost my first ever anything of 1 year. Like first kiss n shit. How do you get over something like that. Everyone's been telling me you don't get over your first how true is that?

BD Strahd (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-14 07:00 I absolutely need some advice on this. My friends hang out with a dude I genuinely can't fucking stand. He's been a part of the friend group for a long time now and I've never liked him. I do my best to avoid him because the guy's life is a disaster. He has multiple kids that he doesn't take care of, he can't go 5 seconds without knocking someone up or making a stupid purchase that puts him further into debt. He's the type of guy who always has a get rich quick scheme ready to go and drags everyone around him into it. I don't know why but all of my friends keep making excuses for him. I don't want to throw the whole friend group out because this one dude is a tornado of drama but god damn. Even avoiding him becomes a problem, if he's not invited to something it becomes a huge dramatic thing. The dude feels the need to insert himself in everything literally and figuratively. I've told my friends that I'm not interested in hanging out with this guy but now he's living with one of them so he's always around. I want to invite my friends to things or go hang out with them but I can't because this guy is like The human equivalent of herpes. I cannot seem to get rid of him. Do I just take a step back from this group of people and explain to them that I can't fuck with this dude the way they do?
2026-03-24 00:35

Invisible by Duran duran

Hey snarkers I reallllly need some advice? Could y'all ignore the premise of this episode and make up the we are tony soprenum as an extra ammo? Thanks

She Gag on my Lolly while I Dilly her dally

Had some friends ghost me on NYE cause they thought I was telling the girl in their marriage that I could treat her better than her husband. I’m currently going through my own divorce and have a child so I absolutely wasn’t saying that, even though it WOULD be true. What would be a funny way to be a homewrecker? I joked with a friend about making them both cheat on each other with me with the ultimate end goal of getting the house from their divorce. Any advice on conducting evil?

Long Schlong Silver

Hey Charles Snarkley. I always heard that your 20s are the most important years of your life. I am almost 30 and I still live with my parents, work a minimum wage job that I hate, and feel like my life is aimless. I feel like I am in my Quarter-life crisis daily and everytime I check social media, I just see my friends living a much more successful life. Visiting different countries, getting maried and having kids, and having successful jobs. Meanwhile I am working my back off for a minimum wage salary with no hopes of doing any of that. Any advice on how to turn my life around?

RIP Walt Jr - He's being bigoted in heaven now

I have a rolled up rug, about 5"3' in length and around 125lb. It smells real bad so I have it taped up in trash bags. How do I hide this ROLLED UP RUG so that no one will ever find it? Thanks

GreyGhost got Promoted to Manager

why would i do that? my wife already has a vagina and i find it disgusting and terrible. I want man butt and man penis

theknut

Do you guys just rawdog your glasses or do you get any of the fancy extra stuff like auto dim lenses? Pulled a Sweeney and didn't get glasses despite needing them for well over a decade. I finally got a pair when I managed to get a job with actual health insurance so I am still trying shit out. Any other tips for glasses if you got them would be appreciated.

Tacko2D

Ever since I started making the Snans Tank videos, I've been slaying mad PUSS. Any tips?

Chris

Is it fair to give up a child for adoption if they are retarded.

Moriarty's Colon

Hey guys, I've been a proud owner of a Ford F150 for a few months now but I'm still fucking women. Is there something wrong with my truck? Please help, I'm drowning in pussy!

“my favorite Cold Brew Piss”-sween’s current wife

Hi dudes, recently I found out from my mother that my cousins are planning a Japan trip later this year and my question is how do I tell them nicely that I would like to join them without them feeling pressured to accept. More context, I can fully afford to pay for my part of the trip, and I have already gone on a trip to Orlando with them last August.

Temple of the Phucked Dawgs

Hello Gentlemen, Me and my Fiancee are currently long distance. We are both from Georgia and she is going to school in Michigan to finish her PhD. Have any of yall ever dealt with long distance or maybe a unique relationship scenario in general. If so, any advice. This shit fucking sucks lol. P.S. Derrick's room is constantly spinning, the camera is just doing its best trying to keep up. Regards, Your straightest fan.

stupid idiot gay picture of a hotdog!!

social media is a highlight reel. so stop using it as comparison to real life- apply for managerial positions even if you don't like the idea of being somebody's boss as it allows upward growth. if your work is good, a decent employer will notice. that is sadly down to luck though.

stupid idiot gay picture of a hotdog!!

you can be committed and also a pervert at the same time. you'd be surprised how people will overlap with you. sex should be secondary to a meaningful connection with somebody who you like to be around.

Death rolling guys meat like a gator

Greetings fellas. Chris mentioned a few episodes ago Bo Burnhams “20,000 years of this 7 more to go.” comment and before that a discussion of fears, that kinda made me realize my biggest fear is the end of mankind and any meaning we could imprint onto the world. So let me ask, do you earnestly think theres hope? I want to believe there is and that no matter what comes our way we’ll thrive and make it to the stars, no longer bound to Earth and the sun. Further more I wonder if I should even continue listening, as you’ve discussed with politics place on the podcast, while you’ve given me many good laughs I wonder if these talks I listen to contribute to my lowering mental health. Thanks for considering this.

the carefree cum catcher

I shoved an eggplant up my ass and it got stuck and in the attempt to remove it with a pair of garden shears ive grievously injured myself. What would you guys advise me to do next? Please be quick as i am bleeding Profusely from my anus and fear i am not long for this world

You want which bread? Sign this naan disclosure

My ex kept burning my gifts, so I gave her chlorine-soaked logs for her birthday, and Now I’ve not heard from her or her family for a week. How often should you change your sheets and pillows? How often do you?

The Cholo Who Punched Derrick

Hey boys, so there's this AI video of Patrick making SpongeBob cum, and then making cheese out of it and serving it to everyone. I meant to send this to my friends' group chat, but ended up sending it to a fellow musician I just met yesterday, and I didn't realize I sent it until an hour later. How do I recover from this?!

it's too damn hot

hey fellas, bit of a serious yet corny question but i guess that's what this is for. what advice would you have for someone trying to get over an unrequited love? I'm having this issue as someone who has never fell in love previously (age 21 for context). considering two of you are married and the other has a lot of experience, i figured I'd ask for your help! this problem has been eating me up for almost a year, to the point where i cannot entertain the idea of pursuing people other than the person on the other end of said one-sided love