Solipsism: Chapter 1 (Patreon)

Thirty seconds, I think I’d pissed myself. It was hard to tell, the warmth and wetness that usually came from that- so I’d heard- was obliterated by the feeling of hundred mile-per-hour winds scraping across every piece of fabric on my body. I screamed, but didn’t even hear the sound of my own voice. Lungs were no match for gravity and air.

I had to think. Analyze my situation, be calm. I was dead already, right? So what did it matter if I hit the ground and burst? I needed to take a step back and-

Holy shit I was going to fucking die, I screamed again and started thrashing around even as I fell. I wasn’t calm, I couldn’t be calm, I was alive and kicking and in twenty five more seconds I’d be a gooey puddle in a crater. I was alive. I was dead. I was…

I was closer. Shut up, stop panicking, think. Terminal velocity is acceleration vs area, right? So if I increased my area…

I splayed my arms, grunting as I felt them instantly snap back against the force of the air I was plowing through. My shoulders and back were suddenly sharp with pain, but I held the limbs in place. Was I slowing down? I couldn’t tell. The ground certainly seemed to be eager as ever to meet me. 

What else could I do?

My clothing was simple, loose, baggy stuff I’d just slapped onto my body and not even changed out of for a few weeks. Maybe the fabric would snag at the air, maybe that would add onto what my arms were doing. Maybe…Maybe I’d land in water?

God, I was going to die. There was nothing a few hundred extra square centimetres of area could do to stop this, falling was falling and my body had already gone well past a survivable speed. Ten seconds, less. I closed my eyes, winced, braced myself.

Then, suddenly, I felt myself slowing down. 

Seconds until impact, but the seconds were stretching, lengthening. My heart must’ve beat fifty times before I finally smashed down into cold soil. It wasn’t as stiff as I might’ve expected, surrendering easily enough before the impact. Of course that much resistance was still enough to leave blood frothing from my nose and stars dancing in my eyes, but if nothing else it didn’t crush me like something you’d compare the victim of an atmospheric bellyflop to. 

After a few moments, I’d gathered myself. Enough to look up at least. I was in a forest- in a clearing. The ground around me was bare, and yet farther out I saw grass growing thickly. Frowning, I realised there was a strange sort of sigil engraved into the dirt, stretching outwards and centred on…

On the exact spot I’d landed. My pondering ended there, as a question hit me like the planet had just moments ago.

“It’s you, right?”

I turned around, more or less jumped out of my skin. Normally I wasn’t a particularly nervous person, but recent events had left me a little bit wired, and diluted my bloodstream with pure adrenaline at a ratio of two to one. It was all I could do not to scream as I turned to see a young woman maybe my age looking at me with a mix of concern and hope.

“I don’t know who…” I was about to say who I was, but I obviously did. “I don’t know who you think I am.” I said instead, slowly getting to my feet, noting all the aches in my body and counting my blessings that none had the sharp edge of broken bones. The woman didn’t seem to be paying attention to anything except my face.

“The ritual, it worked, right? You’re…You came from another world, you’re here to help us, right?”

Desperation, that was what I was seeing now. Pure, radioactive desperation. Intense enough that her face seemed to be glowing. It shook me. I didn’t speak to other people much- hadn’t had a face-to-face conversation in almost a year. 

Still, I couldn’t imagine this sort of emotion was an everyday occurrence. 

“Yes.” I said, before I could think about it. What was I doing? This wasn’t real. Putting aside that terror, that basic, instinctive need to not die, this was still nothing more than the hallucination of dying brain matter. What was even the point of engaging with it?

Well, the point was fun. I felt a smile growing across my face as I said it. I was some saviour from another world? Fine, why not? If I was dead already then what did I have to lose by throwing my life into the good fight? Nothing much. The moment I got over that habit of pissing myself when my hallucinations turned scary I’d be golden. 

Besides, there seemed to be some kind of continuity here. The veiled lady had mentioned saving worlds, and she’d mentioned mysterious powers. Well here I was.

“Excellent.” The woman gasped, seeming to deflate as a tension I’d not noticed before drained out of her. She really was pretty. Big eyes, dark hair, nice skin. She dressed weird, though, with some old-timey fabric that seemed more wrapped around her than anything. I tried to place the clothing, but couldn’t. Odd that, what was the point of imagining the entire world around you if you’d still be confronted with things you didn’t know?

“...Right?”

I blinked, stared at her, then realised I’d zoned out while she was saying something. Okay, Gordon. Play it cool, no need to give the game away. Heroes are stoic right?

“Your tits are amazing.”

Oops. 

Fortunately, she didn’t seem nearly as surprised as I’d have expected. Which was to say, she didn’t punch me. She wasn’t pleased though, rolling her eyes and tightening her jaw with irritation.

“Please pay attention, Hero.” She continued, voice strained now. I felt my smile widening. This one was a lot more polite than real women. She knew how to take a compliment, at least.

“I am.” I assured her, flashing my most charming smile. I’d never been a charmer, but if you couldn’t make someone swoon in your own head then where could you?

Not in a forest, apparently. I’d seen mountains swoon more than she did. 

“We’re in danger.” The woman pressed. “My family- our village. All of us. The Gods demanded a sacrifice, and…” She swallowed, eyes flashing with something too fast for me to identify. “And we refused. Now they’ve sent their creatures to punish us. I know I shouldn’t ask this of you- it’s a sin to even think it- but please, please stop them!”

I grinned broadly, putting my hand down atop her head.

“But of course I’ll help!” I beamed, turning and marching out of the clearing to do just that. I thought, as I moved, about flight. If I could smack into the ground from cloud level without dying, why not fly entirely? Just do what I’d already done- apply force to myself in the air- except without already moving downwards.

Didn’t work. I frowned at that, but before I could try something else the woman’s voice rang out again. 

“You’re going the wrong way.” I turned without saying anything, heading in the direction she was now pointing and concentrating on using whatever powers were permitted to me in this fugue state all the while.

I couldn’t fly, and I couldn’t jump really high. I couldn’t move objects with my mind, nor could I make clothes vanish with a glance- I tried that one a lot- in fact, it didn’t seem I had any sort of impressive power at all. I considered punching a tree to see what my strength was like, but after failing to lift a boulder the size of my torso I decided that would end painfully.

The woman seemed to grow more disheartened with each passing moment, but it was only after my attempted lift that she finally spoke.

“What are you doing?” She sounded concerned. Fair enough, I’d be concerned, too, if I were a hallucination who thought its imagined death was a real thing threatening to approach a real person. 

“I’m trying to see what cool powers I have.” I replied. “But, apparently, they’re deciding to be elusive.”

She paused a long moment before speaking again.

“You…Don’t know what your own powers are?”

“Well, normally they’re nothing.” I explained. “But seeing as this entire world is a figment of my imagination, there must be some way I can take advantage of that. Perhaps if I find a mirror and repeatedly tell myself I’m dreaming, I’ve heard that helps…”

Silence followed, and I turned to see her staring at me. 

“What are you talking about?!” She whispered, question softened and sharpened by her own confusion. I considered explaining more, but it didn’t seem like there was much point. She only had however long my brain took to finish melting.

“It doesn’t matter, how long until we’re at your village?”

The woman stared at me good and long before replying, and I didn’t particularly care to try and figure out what she was thinking. 

“A few more minutes.” She replied, voice sounding weaker now. Was she losing faith in me? I might have been hurt, were she a real person. 

I considered comforting her, then remembered that however real she felt she was still ultimately just a product of my mind. After that I considered grabbing her chest- I’d never actually touched a woman’s breast before- but before I could act on that she came to a stop, breath catching in her throat. 

“We’re here.” She croaked. I followed her gaze, and felt my blood run cold. There was a village there, alright. One with a remarkable amount of detail for a settlement conjured up by my mind. Was it…No, death, clearly, brought either a clarity of imagination or a blunting of perceptions to convey the illusion.

There looked like there were maybe fifty buildings in the place, most of them stone as far as I could tell. Stone? No, clay. Mud bricks and the works, all squat and squared. A good few, now, had been demolished, and the things responsible were clear even at the hundred yards I stood watching from. 

Big things, at least if the smaller figures swarming away from them were humans. Each one looked about nine feet tall and five feet broad, with fat bellies and grotesque proportions. Most wielded clubs, long and thick enough that they had to be sections of tree trunks, and I felt my guts spasm at the sight of mud walls exploding to dust and shrapnel where the makeshift weapons impacted.

“Cyclopes.” The woman beside me whispered, her voice tight and furious. I glanced over, stared at her, stared at the cyclops, stared at my hands. They were shaking suddenly. What the fuck was I doing? 

“Listen-” I began, about to explain that there’d been some terrible misunderstanding when I heard the snap of something powerful and fast beside me. I looked over, and realised the woman was aiming a bow outwards. My blood ran cold, and my head jerked around to watch as the arrow twisted through the air and disappeared near one of the creatures.

For one moment, I dared to hope that she’d missed. Or, perhaps, that it had somehow not noticed itself being pricked by the projectile. Then the giant figure turned, a roar cut out, and all of them started lumbering over towards us. 

“Now’s the time to show me whether or not that confidence of yours is earned, hero.” The woman hissed, drawing another arrow and letting it loose again. “Four cyclopes is a challenge fit for most of the Godsblood.”

I had no idea what a Godsblood was, and my only thought as I stood there frozen with terror was the vague wish that one would turn up to challenge the cyclopes in my place.