Evil Sorcerer System 1 (New Story Pitch) (Patreon)

Hey guys, I'm still working on the outline for the next Amazon Apocalypse book, so I'm not quite done with the epilogue.

I figured I might use some time to show you some ideas I've been playing with. If you scroll through this patreon you'll find older stuff like these shorts. So if you like this one, try those! Long Live the Emperor is probably the longest and most complete with some 20-chapters.

They're basically me taking a really rough stab at a story idea I had and seeing if I like it. And also important, making sure you guys are interested in reading it.

Feel free to comment your thoughts below.

Also, as a note, if the story feels rushed, that's also intentional. I want to cover ground fast so both readers and I can get a feel for where the story is going quickly.

+++

"I don't know anything, I swear! I know I've told you this a million times, but I'm not even from this world. A few months ago, I woke up in this body. I'm innocent!" I protested.

The guards had expressions carved from stone. Both wore the shimmering scale mail I'd come to associate with soldiers from this world.

"It's too late for desperate lies, prisoner. You have been found guilty of practicing despicable soul-absorption arts. Your sentence is death by exposure," said one of the two guards.

Then he shoved me into the metal cage, which clicked shut around me. Once it was sealed, the cage was slowly lowered beyond the city wall.

It came to rest among several others like it. Next to me, a hollow-eyed emaciated man stared into the horizon. He was so thin his arms and legs looked barely bigger than my fingers. Around him, his cage seemed positively roomy, unlike mine which was barely big enough to breathe in.

But even he was better off than the man on the other side of me, who'd been here longer still. Birds picked at his open wounds. As I watched, a big, black raven-looking thing got ahold of his eye and gulped it down. The man's fingers twitched, but that was all the energy his weakened body could muster.

That would be me soon enough. Locked in this floating iron cage, there was nothing to do but wait for death.

Well, almost nothing. Ever since I opened my eyes in this world, something had been shining in the corner of my eye.

Welcome, user number 67, to the Evil Sorcerer System!

Earn Evil Sorcerer points and redeem them for rewards in the shop. To get started, you have been provided with today's recommended quests.

Quest 1: Absorb and refine a soul using black magic. Reward: 100 evil points per soul.

Quest 2: Kill the guards who imprisoned you. Reward: 250 evil points.

Quest 3: Kidnap a princess. Reward 1,000,000 evil points.

Items Shop:

Grimoire of Soul Refinement (1000 evil points)

Soul Absorption Spell (200 evil points)

Sorcerer's Staff (25 evil points)

Mental Clarity Potion (20 evil points)

Teleportation Token (50 evil points)

Invisibility Scroll (80 evil points)

Fireball Spell (200 evil points)

Aphrodisiac Spell (300 evil points)

Complete Alternate Identity (1000 evil points)

More items are available through the search feature.

Note: As a new user, you have been granted a one-time gift of 500 points.

I flipped through the items list and was truly, desperately hoping that this whole System thing wasn't a hallucination.

The list went on for some time, and there were thousands of items listed. Maybe millions. Using the System interface felt sort of like playing an old-school text game, though instead of a computer I was using my mind.

The first thing that came to mind was that Teleportation Token. Surely that was my way out of here. But then I went back to a quest and looked at the first one on the list. Then I glanced at the poor bastards on either side of me. Both of them looked like they were ready to die.

As someone born on Earth and living in the twenty-first century, I was averse to killing. But for these two? Death would be a mercy.

Besides, they were probably heinous criminals. Unless, of course they were just unlucky guys like me who happened to get stuck in the wrong body for some unknown reason. But I could think more on that later.

The first thing I purchased was the Soul Absorption Spell.

The moment I made the purchase, strange memories filled my head. It was like living a dream where I'd been an acolyte in some dark temple. In between beatings from the elder sorcerers, I was allowed to study some ancient grimoire. Within that grimoire was the spell Basic Soul Absorption. I had spent hundreds of hours learning that spell, and eventually practiced it on rats, mice, and finally on one of the other boys in my living quarters. When I killed him and stole his soul, I remembered feeling incredibly excited.

I blinked as the dream faded and I was back in my tiny prison dangling over the city wall. But when I awakened, I remembered the spell as though I had learned it. My eyes shone with new understanding, and I felt increasingly certain both this new life and this System were more than a bad dream.

I turned to the near-corpse on my left.

"Soul Absorption..." I whispered, and the life left the dying man's remaining eye. His trembling fingers went still, and I breathed in a hazy mist of something. Images flickered through my mind, and it felt almost like watching an entire lifetime pass me by. But it was gone in a heartbeat and the images that passed by were too blurry to see clearly.

I immediately felt... something. It was like my own thoughts were a tiny bit clearer, and some unknown reservoir of energy within me had grown more vast. Most importantly though, I had a notification.

Quest Completed! +100 evil points.

To my eager excitement, the quest was still there, and there was another dying man on my other side.

I cast the spell again, absorbing his soul as I had the first. The images were a little clearer this time, and I caught a few clear glimpses of a childhood spent stealing loaves of bread from the baker.

Quest Completed! +100 evil points.

Just like that, I had recovered all the points I'd spent on the Soul Absorption Spell. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be getting any more. All the other bodies on the wall were already sun-bleached skeletons. I would have to wait for the guards to lower somebody else down.

I sat in my cage for a few more hours scrolling through the items list again and again. I probably looked like a madman to the people below lining up to enter the city. More than once, I spotted some kid pointing their finger up at the grinning man in the cage chuckling to himself throughout what was supposed to be an agonizing execution.

Two more prisoners were lowered that day, and I absorbed both of them as I had the first. But when night fell, my arms and legs were starting to cramp from being stuck in the same position all day. It was time to get out of here.

I bought the Teleportation Token, which looked like a small chit in my hand. I couldn't turn to look at it, but turned it over a few times hoping for a button. In doing so, I accidentally snapped it in half. I nearly panicked at that until a wave of blue light enveloped me and I disappeared.

When I rematerialized, I was in the city that had just executed me. I had reappeared in a dark alley somewhere, wearing nothing but the ragged loincloth I had been put in for my execution.

I stretched and had a few seconds to appreciate my newfound freedom when someone stabbed me from behind and snatched my ragged loincloth, which was the only thing I owned.

Naked and bleeding, I turned while clutching the wound to find a man with a single tooth holding a bloody shiv as he stumbled and ran off.

Cursing, I fell to my knees. A wound like this could kill me in a medieval world without sanitation. That shiv hadn't exactly been clean.

I flipped through my shop menu and eventually found something that would help.

Purchase Basic Self Heal for 300 evil points?

I purchased the spell, which filled my mind with images of being a cleric in some holy order. By the time the memories had played through, I was sitting with my back to the building and a pool of blood around my ankles.

Thankfully, I knew just how to fix that. I pressed my hand against the wound and focused. Healing energies came out of my hand and into the wound, and gentle golden light knitted torn flesh back together. A few flakes of rust came out with blackened, corrupted blood.

By the time I was done I felt sore and tired, but no longer on the verge of bleeding to death. I also felt a sense of fatigue, sort of the opposite of what I'd felt like when I'd absorbed those two souls earlier.

Naked and tired, I climbed to my feet and stumbled through the alley. I made it about a hundred feet when I saw the same toothless man sleeping amidst a pile of trash with my loincloth as his pillow and his bloody shiv in his hands.

I pointed my finger at him and cast Soul Absorption. White mist filled the air and eventually my lungs, just as before. The vagabond's hands loosened around his shiv, and I snatched my loincloth back from his corpse. I immediately felt better, like the energy I'd spent on healing myself had been replenished.

Quest Completed! +100 points.

I tied my loincloth back in place and took his shiv, shoddy though it was. Once done, I tried to leave the alley only to get nasty looks from the locals.

Instantly, I could see why. I looked as unkempt as the man who'd just stabbed me for a loincloth. I was dirty, unclothed, and obviously broke. This wasn't exactly a well-to-do area of the city, but people were at least wearing more than loincloths. I needed to fix this somehow.

I returned to the alley and scrolled through my menus before finding something.

Purchase Basic Commoner Attire? 100 evil points.

I selected yes and made the purchase. The ragged loincloth I was wearing was soon replaced by a tunic and trousers, complete with a small pouch that jingled slightly as I walked. There were a handful of copper coins sitting there. Now we were talking.

I left the alley again, this time without the nasty looks. I walked up and down the street to get a feel for the city and soon realized I didn't have the slightest idea where to go from here.

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find an inn?" I asked a random bystander at a stand. He looked like a farmer, and his stand was full of turnips which completed the image. He was probably a local farmer in the city to sell his wares.

"Oh, I'm new to the city myself. Ask a guard," the farmer suggested.

I nodded in thanks and looked around the market area. There, I found several guards.

"Excuse me, do any of you gentlemen know where I could find an inn?" I asked the group of guards.

They looked at me with bored expressions, but only for a moment. When they locked eyes with me their gazes shifted into something like alarm.

One of them elbowed the other and nodded toward me, to the agreement of his comrades. I caught the gesture and immediately got a bad feeling.

"On second thought, I can find one on my own. Thank you all--"

"That's the evil sorcerer from the other day! Get him!" one of the guards shouted, and all three of them rushed me at once.

Two of them grabbed me and restrained me while the other pressed the point of his spear into my throat.

"There's been a misunderstanding, I'm not the evil sorcerer!" I shouted as I flipped through my shop menus for something that could save me. I ended up buying another teleportation token.

My hands were forced behind my back, but that didn't stop the teleportation token from appearing in my hand. I snapped it as soon as I could and activated it and was swept off to another corner of the city.

Once I was safe, I breathed a sigh of relief. That had been close.

I would need to be careful about talking to the guards until I figured something out.

Nearby, a horn bellowed over the city. Looking into the distance, I was pretty sure it was one of the guards who'd nearly gotten me.

That wasn't good. Now they knew I was loose and that I could teleport away from them. I might not be able to escape so easily a second time.

If they were searching for me, I needed somewhere quiet to wait things out. I could purchase the Complete Alternate Identity package I saw in the shop menu, and probably would buy it soon. But it would cut into my point reserves and who knew how well it would hold up.

Instead, I wanted to get out of the city, and for that the Invisibility Scroll would likely be better.

Invisibility Scroll purchased. -80 evil points.

I got the sense I'd have fifteen minutes of invisibility once I used the scroll. I waited until I was at the edge of an alley and activated it. From there, I followed the streets toward the city gates.

I held my breath as I passed by city guards, but I was truly invisible, and their eyes washed right over me as I walked past the gates.

I nearly whooped for joy once I was outside the gates. I was finally a free man!

***

An hour of walking later, I realized I was a free man with nothing but the clothes on my back and no survival skill to speak of. I didn't even have a destination. I was just wandering the road outside a city that I couldn't return to for fear of being branded an evil sorcerer and immediately executed.

In other words, I was completely screwed. I wasn't even sure I would be able to find somewhere to sleep tonight. My stomach was also starting to growl.

Ahead of me, I saw a campfire. Perhaps I could ask a local and use some of my copper coins to purchase some food and a place near their campfire. Talking to them would also give me the chance to learn more about this world I'd found myself in.

"Greetings, strangers! Might I trouble you for some food or a place to sleep? I'm willing to pay." I spoke loudly to announce my presence.

Then I stepped into the light of the campfire and realized I'd probably made a mistake. When I first saw them from afar, I thought these guys were traveling farmers headed to the city to sell their wares.

But from the ragged, makeshift armor they wore and the crude wooden cudgels at their side, I realized I'd stumbled on what was likely a group of bandits. The dead horse and body they were stripping for his boots were also a clue.

"Sure, friend. Why don't you hand over everything in that coin purse of yours?" asked one of the larger bandits.

My hand twitched toward another teleportation token — then I counted the three bandits again and realized this was three hundred points sitting there. If I absorbed their souls, I might be able to afford camping supplies from the System.

I cast Basic Soul Absorption, which sent the leader of the bandits to his knees.

"Gah! What the hell?" the bandit grimaced as he fought against the spell. And to my surprise, was able to resist it. The white mist I was used to spilling out of a body instead clung to his skin and went right back into him. My Basic Soul Absorption spell was only strong enough to kill weakened or unaware targets.

Thinking quickly, I made another purchase. The Fireball spell.

Purchased Fireball spell. -200 points.

"He's a damn sorcerer! Quick lads, get him!" shouted the downed bandit as he struggled to get back to his feet.

The other two rushed me. Thankfully, the memories of studying in some tower came and went quickly, and before they reached me the fireball spell was already at my fingertips.

I cast it and flame blossomed to life in my palm, then shot forward and struck both bandits at once. Both screamed as their crude leather armor caught fire.

The original bandit rose with his cudgel, but I cast fireball again and hit him too. By then all three were screaming.

With them wounded and dying, Basic Soul Absorption finally worked. And it was a good thing it did, because I was starting to get lightheaded from casting Fireball twice in a row.

Quest completed x3. +300 evil points.

There was some rustling in the nearby tents as two more bandits revealed themselves. They must have been elsewhere in the camp. I cast Fireball on each of them, and both burned as easily as the other three. Once they fell, I drew their souls in the way I had the others.

Quest completed x2. +200 evil points.

Just like that, the bandits were wiped out and I was alone in what remained of their camp. Only then did it hit me what I'd just done. I'd just murdered five people. Five people who wanted to murder me for a fistful of copper coins, but it was still five lives extinguished by my hand.

I spent a few minutes shaking my head before I pulled myself together. I had a campfire, food, a tent, and sleeping arrangements. This was everything I'd wanted, even if it had cost me my morality.

But those weren't the first lives I'd taken since coming to this world, and they certainly wouldn't be the last.

I sat down, ate what was left of the bandits' food, and lay down in a still-warm bedroll. Then, I started flipping through the shop menu again. It was time to come up with a plan.

Total points: 520

<Note>

So, general thoughts? The story is okay, I feel like it needs something else though. Like it's a dish missing a spice. Maybe the MC needs some additional backstory, or the System needs to be tweaked to feel more unique. Or maybe I just need to introduce the main plotline, since right now this is just the main character winding up in the world and exploring it.

Also, there are no hot babes in the story yet, which is a serious problem I need to address in another chapter or two. I suppose I could have the bandits have her as a prisoner or something.

There's no antagonist or main storyline yet, but that's common for stuff I'm discovery writing to get a feel for things. Once I understand the setting and the world a bit better I'll go back with an outline and rewrite a bunch of stuff, assuming I decide to work on this story seriously.

I also might need to tweak things to make the protagonist a little more sympathetic, since he's settling into his evil sorcerer role really quickly. I don't mind a villainous MC, but I still want readers to be able to cheer for him. My original plan was to have a morally gray character in a morally black world, but it doesn't seem to be turning out that way.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts. I think I have something else I can finish and share with you guys on Wednesday, and maybe eventually we'll put them head to head in a vote and see which one people want a second or third chapter of.

Again, I'm not committing to writing any of these books, just hashing out some ideas that you guys can help me test to see what is worth writing.